May 16, 2011
Life Goes On...
Boy, am I missing blogging and the blogosphere! Here it is May, and I didn't think I would be giving blogging much thought at this point. May is usually one of my best months of the year, when I usually get a great respite from my therapy work, triggers and dissociative nightmares. In the merry month of May, I am usually gardening, walking & hiking, drawing flowers and enjoying the great outdoors. Well, this May the weather is crappy and we're still getting frost at night. Also, there seems to be no let up in the triggers and therapy department. As a matter of fact, I had planned on taking the entire month of May off from therapy, as I have a botanical illustration class on my regular therapy day this month. But, things came up, inner child parts got scared, and my therapist had an opening on a different day from a client who is in Australia for a month. Oh, goodie! Lucky me!
I have done a little bit of Spring cleaning and I just finished a botanical illustration piece that took me many hours to produce and I am happy with it. But, other than that, I'm still doing a lot of therapy, a lot of inner child comforting...and not much of anything that looks like summer is almost here. What I am going to do, while I'm sitting here on this chilly morning in my fluffy jammies, is get around to some of your blogs. I realize that I submitted something to last month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, but I haven't gotten over to read the other entries. And, I'm pretty sure I never finished coming to your blogs to say goodbye. I got kinda out of order from my blogroll and lost track of where I was. So, if I come to your blog with my goodbyes more than once, bare with me. Thinking of you all, missing you, and wishing you all the best.
Labels: appreciation, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, child parts, comfort, connection, inner child, therapy, triggers
March 18, 2011
Finally...The Final Blog Post
I had a few false starts with this "last official blog post" that I announced way back in October with this post here. The plan was to write my last post on the five-year anniversary of the blog, "Survivors Can Thrive!" This anniversary was November 14, 2010. But, life had other plans and I had a car accident on November 12, and then surgery for my injuries.
I thought about a few different things I would write for this post. Then, I had a little get together with a group of my friends that we sometimes call the "going deeper" group. It's a group of people that tend to have very little tolerance for idle chit chat and bullshit. We like to talk about "deep things." During our last get together, we drank wine and read each other our own obituaries that we had written for ourselves. Here is what mine said:
"The major accomplishment in the life of Marj McCabe was breaking the cycle of abuse. It was a cycle of child abuse--sometimes insidious, always heinous--that she was forced to inherit and had gone on for generations on both sides of her family of origin. Although this accomplishment took the excruciating work of therapy for much of her adult life, she never could have done it without the patience and love of her amazingly supportive husband. She never would have embarked on the perilous journey in the first place, had it not been for the immense love she felt for her own offspring. And while it never received the fanfare or recognition of other achievements having such great potential for positive impact on future generations, Marj could grasp its significance. And for her, it was enough."
Since writing that "obituary," I've thought a lot about just what is enough for me. One of the main reasons I started writing a blog is to find meaning for the abuse I suffered as a child. I'm not sure I've done that, but I have done a lot.
It was a very different world just five short years ago. Blogging was fairly new. When I first conducted a Google search with key words like"survivor," "thriver," "thrive," etc., I found very little out there. Most of the mentions about "survivor" were for the popular network television show of that name. Most of the results for "thrive" were for the insurance company who uses that word as a slogan in it's advertising campaigns. There was absolutely nothing when I looked up "thriver."
So, I got to take that name. I became Thriver. I used it on message boards and in forums, and I was the only one using that name when I first joined Twitter.
In the last five years, many more blogs and websites have started up about surviving and even thriving after child abuse, sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape, domestic violence, etc. Many books have been written on these important subjects. Many of us have been out there raising awareness and acting as advocates. There are some great advocates linked on Twitter, if you care to follow them as I do.
Now, when you google "survivor" or "survivors," you get results in the millions. The same is true for a search for "thrive." I'm happy to say that "survivors can thrive" brings back hundreds of thousands of result listings and even "thriver" will give you tens of thousands of results.
Another thing I've accomplished over the last five years was founding and growing The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. In June of this year, it will also be celebrating a five-year anniversary. I feel really good about that. Although I no longer maintain the carnival, it is going strong. You can follow it by clicking on the many links on the handy blog carnival widget you see on my sidebar.
So, what I'm doing now (in addition to the ongoing, ever-present therapy work) is taking classes and working on my certificate in botanical illustration. You can read about this dream of mine which is coming true in these posts here and here.
Yes, I'm finally following a dream of mine that I first had when I was an art major in college, 30 years ago. And, yes, I'm moving on with my life.
I guess it finally doesn't matter whether or not I find some "hidden meaning" for my abuse. I guess I've decided that finding meaning in my LIFE is enough. Going on with my life (after evil people tried to break me) is enough. Living a full life is enough. Enjoying a life of meaning and fulfillment is enough. All these things are more than enough for me. And I'm okay with that.
I thought about a few different things I would write for this post. Then, I had a little get together with a group of my friends that we sometimes call the "going deeper" group. It's a group of people that tend to have very little tolerance for idle chit chat and bullshit. We like to talk about "deep things." During our last get together, we drank wine and read each other our own obituaries that we had written for ourselves. Here is what mine said:
"The major accomplishment in the life of Marj McCabe was breaking the cycle of abuse. It was a cycle of child abuse--sometimes insidious, always heinous--that she was forced to inherit and had gone on for generations on both sides of her family of origin. Although this accomplishment took the excruciating work of therapy for much of her adult life, she never could have done it without the patience and love of her amazingly supportive husband. She never would have embarked on the perilous journey in the first place, had it not been for the immense love she felt for her own offspring. And while it never received the fanfare or recognition of other achievements having such great potential for positive impact on future generations, Marj could grasp its significance. And for her, it was enough."
Since writing that "obituary," I've thought a lot about just what is enough for me. One of the main reasons I started writing a blog is to find meaning for the abuse I suffered as a child. I'm not sure I've done that, but I have done a lot.
It was a very different world just five short years ago. Blogging was fairly new. When I first conducted a Google search with key words like"survivor," "thriver," "thrive," etc., I found very little out there. Most of the mentions about "survivor" were for the popular network television show of that name. Most of the results for "thrive" were for the insurance company who uses that word as a slogan in it's advertising campaigns. There was absolutely nothing when I looked up "thriver."
So, I got to take that name. I became Thriver. I used it on message boards and in forums, and I was the only one using that name when I first joined Twitter.
In the last five years, many more blogs and websites have started up about surviving and even thriving after child abuse, sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape, domestic violence, etc. Many books have been written on these important subjects. Many of us have been out there raising awareness and acting as advocates. There are some great advocates linked on Twitter, if you care to follow them as I do.
Now, when you google "survivor" or "survivors," you get results in the millions. The same is true for a search for "thrive." I'm happy to say that "survivors can thrive" brings back hundreds of thousands of result listings and even "thriver" will give you tens of thousands of results.
Another thing I've accomplished over the last five years was founding and growing The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. In June of this year, it will also be celebrating a five-year anniversary. I feel really good about that. Although I no longer maintain the carnival, it is going strong. You can follow it by clicking on the many links on the handy blog carnival widget you see on my sidebar.
So, what I'm doing now (in addition to the ongoing, ever-present therapy work) is taking classes and working on my certificate in botanical illustration. You can read about this dream of mine which is coming true in these posts here and here.
Yes, I'm finally following a dream of mine that I first had when I was an art major in college, 30 years ago. And, yes, I'm moving on with my life.
I guess it finally doesn't matter whether or not I find some "hidden meaning" for my abuse. I guess I've decided that finding meaning in my LIFE is enough. Going on with my life (after evil people tried to break me) is enough. Living a full life is enough. Enjoying a life of meaning and fulfillment is enough. All these things are more than enough for me. And I'm okay with that.
Labels: abuse, advocacy, anniversary, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, breaking the cycle, child abuse, domestic violence, family of origin, healing, journey, survivors, therapy, thrive, Twitter
November 16, 2010
STAND BY
UPDATE, WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 15: i found out yesterday that i will go in 4 surgery on dec 23. meeerrrrrryyy christmas ! oh well, getting rid of pain and a good nite sleep will be a great gift! thank u all 4 checking on me w/ your kindness, hugs and get-well wishes. *hugs back 2 all of u*
the 5-year anniversary/last official blog post has been delayed due to an unforeseen medical emergency. i have a broken collar bone and can't really type right now. i am using the one-handed, hunt-and-peck method here and it is soooo slow. i am okay and i will be back with an update as soon as i can.
get those posts in for the blog carnival, won't you please? i think the details and links are in my last post below, or you can use the bc widget there on my sidebar. thanks! talk soon.
the 5-year anniversary/last official blog post has been delayed due to an unforeseen medical emergency. i have a broken collar bone and can't really type right now. i am using the one-handed, hunt-and-peck method here and it is soooo slow. i am okay and i will be back with an update as soon as i can.
get those posts in for the blog carnival, won't you please? i think the details and links are in my last post below, or you can use the bc widget there on my sidebar. thanks! talk soon.
Labels: advocacy, anniversary, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, trauma
October 28, 2010
A Big Milestone & A Big Decision
Happy Autumn, again, everyone. This Fall, I have a big milestone coming up to celebrate. On Sunday, November 14, it will be the five-year anniversary of my Survivors Can Thrive! blog. You can view the original post from November 14, 2005 here. Hey, go over and leave a comment there, will you? I notice it has "0 comments." LOL! Thanks! ;)
But, I have also made a big decision. So, on that anniversary celebration day, I will also be sad. I've decided that, on that day, I will write my last official post for this blog.
I've been thinking about it for a while now, but I didn't want to make this decision final--much less announce it--until I had someone to take over for me as the blogger who maintains The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I've asked Tracie at the FromTracie blog to let me pass the blog carnival baton to her. She thought it over for a while and has now agreed! Yay, Tracie! I know you will do an excellent job running the carnival.
Splinty, (Splinteredones over at Twitter) who runs the SPLINTEREDONE'S BLOG, has committed to hosting the November edition of our carnival. I will make sure to help Tracie and Splinty organize, promote and run this carnival edition, whether it takes place before or after my November 14 anniversary/last-official-blog-post date. As I told Tracie in a recent e-mail, I will continue--especially for the first several months of transition time--to help her with any maintenance issues, promote the carnival over at Twitter (although I'll continue to reduce my presence there) and even submit some old posts I have in my SurvivorsCanThrive coffers to monthly editions.
I will not be pulling down my blog or my Survivors Can Thrive! dot com site. I will leave them both up indefinitely. I want them to remain available on the Internet as a resource for anyone who might be able to use them. I will restrict my blog posting, however, to a once-in-a-while personal journal entry when I'd like to scratch out a therapy poem or otherwise hit the keys to do my journaling rather than put pen to paper the old-fashioned way. That is what "blog" stands for after all: web log, as in journal. I know a lot of folks who use their blog simply as an online journal, and I think I will now be okay with that for myself, rather than feeling any pressure to post weekly or on any kind of timeline at all.
The thing that I will be the most sad about--severely restricting my presence in the blogosphere--is not spending more time with my bloggy buddies and advocating for child abuse prevention and survivors. Over the last five years, the people I have met through blogging have become quite important to me, in addition to my ability to stop the silence, silence the shame, and break the cycle of child abuse.
But, in the midst of my sadness, I will also be celebrating. Not only will I be celebrating the work that I've done here at Survivors Can Thrive! and the wonderful survivors and survivor advocates I have met along the way, but I will also be celebrating my journey toward thriving and where it is now leading me. I think the journey to becoming a Thriver is somewhat similar to the goal of becoming more Christlike or being more like The Buddha. It is probably not something that many of us actually completely achieve in this lifetime, but it is something that we can make strides toward every day. This is where I am on my Survivor-to-Thriver path.
I will continue my therapy and working toward achieving Thriver status. But, now that I am finally feeling like I truly am thriving more every day, I will stop and take time to enjoy the things that make me feel like I'm thriving. Right now, a big one of those things is my work toward my certificate in botanical illustration. I am about a third of the way through the educational program at The Denver Botanic Gardens and I've got my work in a show for the first time ever. I'm hoping to continue to show my work in exhibits more down the road. And, eventually, (in addition to completing my portfolio and earning my certificate) I hope to start making some sales. *fingers crossed*
So, folks, the bottom line is that I don't know whether or not I will ever finish writing the book that I began, with the working title of "Survivors Can Thrive!" I want to see where this botanical illustration path will lead me. And, I'm feeling more comfortable right now with the decision to use my creative energy and time (that I would have put into finishing my book) for becoming a professional botanical illustrator. What this will, hopefully, mean (and I've had a lot of folks ask me what this will mean) is that I may, some day, have some of my illustrations published in a book similar to this Plant Select Guide. And/or, I may illustrate some seed packets for a company such as Botanical Interests, who uses illustrations instead of photographs for their plant seed products. Maybe some day I will even get represented by a gallery, have my own one-woman shows, and sell framed illustrations and prints made from my original works, just like one of my instructors who has this website. She is an awesome artist and so inspiring to me!
As you can probably tell, I'm very excited about this. And--even if I'm illustrating plants instead of blogging and otherwise writing--I will continue working every day toward thriving. It's the same journey, just down a different path now. Thank you all for your readership, support, bloggy and tweety friendship, and survivor solidarity, as well as your commitment, involvement and promotion of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse over these last five years. It's not even possible that I would have come this far on my Survivors Can Thrive! journey without all of you and I am truly grateful. During the next three weeks and before I write my last official blog post, I will come over to visit your blogs and thank you personally for everything you have done for and with me in bloggyland.
In the meantime, don't just survive...bloom, grow, THRIVE! ;)
But, I have also made a big decision. So, on that anniversary celebration day, I will also be sad. I've decided that, on that day, I will write my last official post for this blog.
I've been thinking about it for a while now, but I didn't want to make this decision final--much less announce it--until I had someone to take over for me as the blogger who maintains The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I've asked Tracie at the FromTracie blog to let me pass the blog carnival baton to her. She thought it over for a while and has now agreed! Yay, Tracie! I know you will do an excellent job running the carnival.
Splinty, (Splinteredones over at Twitter) who runs the SPLINTEREDONE'S BLOG, has committed to hosting the November edition of our carnival. I will make sure to help Tracie and Splinty organize, promote and run this carnival edition, whether it takes place before or after my November 14 anniversary/last-official-blog-post date. As I told Tracie in a recent e-mail, I will continue--especially for the first several months of transition time--to help her with any maintenance issues, promote the carnival over at Twitter (although I'll continue to reduce my presence there) and even submit some old posts I have in my SurvivorsCanThrive coffers to monthly editions.
I will not be pulling down my blog or my Survivors Can Thrive! dot com site. I will leave them both up indefinitely. I want them to remain available on the Internet as a resource for anyone who might be able to use them. I will restrict my blog posting, however, to a once-in-a-while personal journal entry when I'd like to scratch out a therapy poem or otherwise hit the keys to do my journaling rather than put pen to paper the old-fashioned way. That is what "blog" stands for after all: web log, as in journal. I know a lot of folks who use their blog simply as an online journal, and I think I will now be okay with that for myself, rather than feeling any pressure to post weekly or on any kind of timeline at all.
The thing that I will be the most sad about--severely restricting my presence in the blogosphere--is not spending more time with my bloggy buddies and advocating for child abuse prevention and survivors. Over the last five years, the people I have met through blogging have become quite important to me, in addition to my ability to stop the silence, silence the shame, and break the cycle of child abuse.
But, in the midst of my sadness, I will also be celebrating. Not only will I be celebrating the work that I've done here at Survivors Can Thrive! and the wonderful survivors and survivor advocates I have met along the way, but I will also be celebrating my journey toward thriving and where it is now leading me. I think the journey to becoming a Thriver is somewhat similar to the goal of becoming more Christlike or being more like The Buddha. It is probably not something that many of us actually completely achieve in this lifetime, but it is something that we can make strides toward every day. This is where I am on my Survivor-to-Thriver path.
I will continue my therapy and working toward achieving Thriver status. But, now that I am finally feeling like I truly am thriving more every day, I will stop and take time to enjoy the things that make me feel like I'm thriving. Right now, a big one of those things is my work toward my certificate in botanical illustration. I am about a third of the way through the educational program at The Denver Botanic Gardens and I've got my work in a show for the first time ever. I'm hoping to continue to show my work in exhibits more down the road. And, eventually, (in addition to completing my portfolio and earning my certificate) I hope to start making some sales. *fingers crossed*
So, folks, the bottom line is that I don't know whether or not I will ever finish writing the book that I began, with the working title of "Survivors Can Thrive!" I want to see where this botanical illustration path will lead me. And, I'm feeling more comfortable right now with the decision to use my creative energy and time (that I would have put into finishing my book) for becoming a professional botanical illustrator. What this will, hopefully, mean (and I've had a lot of folks ask me what this will mean) is that I may, some day, have some of my illustrations published in a book similar to this Plant Select Guide. And/or, I may illustrate some seed packets for a company such as Botanical Interests, who uses illustrations instead of photographs for their plant seed products. Maybe some day I will even get represented by a gallery, have my own one-woman shows, and sell framed illustrations and prints made from my original works, just like one of my instructors who has this website. She is an awesome artist and so inspiring to me!
As you can probably tell, I'm very excited about this. And--even if I'm illustrating plants instead of blogging and otherwise writing--I will continue working every day toward thriving. It's the same journey, just down a different path now. Thank you all for your readership, support, bloggy and tweety friendship, and survivor solidarity, as well as your commitment, involvement and promotion of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse over these last five years. It's not even possible that I would have come this far on my Survivors Can Thrive! journey without all of you and I am truly grateful. During the next three weeks and before I write my last official blog post, I will come over to visit your blogs and thank you personally for everything you have done for and with me in bloggyland.
In the meantime, don't just survive...bloom, grow, THRIVE! ;)
Labels: advocacy, anniversary, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, child abuse prevention, gratitude, healing, inspiration, self-help books, Survivors Can Thrive, therapy, thriver
October 20, 2010
October Blog Carnival
Update; Friday, October 22: Tracie has the October edition of the blog carnival up at her blog. She's done a great job of organizing the posts. Thanks, Tracie! And thanks to all who participate and support our carnival each month. Go on over and do some reading & commenting, won't you? I appreciate you raising your awareness and helping us out with your advocacy.
***
Tracie, from the blog From Tracie, has graciously offered to be our host again for the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. She will host the October edition on Friday, 10/22.
Submissions don't have to have any theme this month, but hurry! The deadline is midnight tonight (U.S. Pacific time)--that's Wednesday, 10/20. Don't forget our regular submission categories of Poetry, Survivor Stories, In The News, Advocacy & Awareness, Art Therapy, Aftermath and Healing & Therapy. You can use this handy submission form link here.
***
Tracie, from the blog From Tracie, has graciously offered to be our host again for the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. She will host the October edition on Friday, 10/22.
Submissions don't have to have any theme this month, but hurry! The deadline is midnight tonight (U.S. Pacific time)--that's Wednesday, 10/20. Don't forget our regular submission categories of Poetry, Survivor Stories, In The News, Advocacy & Awareness, Art Therapy, Aftermath and Healing & Therapy. You can use this handy submission form link here.
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, Poetry, therapy
September 13, 2010
Inner Child: My Favorite Survivor Topic
Update, Friday, September 17th: Dan has the Inner Child Edition of our blog carnival up at his blog, Thoughts Along The Road To Healing. It's a large edition, with about 30 entries. And Dan has done a wonderful job organizing it. Thanks, Dan! We have several articles on the topic of the Inner Child: Honoring our Inner Child, Grieving, and Comforting our Inner Child, to name a few. So, why not take a spin at the carnival this month and comfort your inner child? Please take some time to read the entries and leave supportive comments at the blogs of these brave and awareness-raising bloggers. Thanks for your support of our carnival!
This month, Dan L Hays will host The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. And he's chosen my favorite survivor topic as the theme for this month's edition: The Inner Child. I've always loved writing about my inner child here at my blog and I already have a few posts on the topic that I can send along for this edition.
About his theme, Dan said, "As I have moved along my journey to healing, the concept of the inner child has been extremely important. As I have shared about it, others have echoed that sentiment! We will honor our inner child, and share how they have been a part of our path to healing!
This month, Dan L Hays will host The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. And he's chosen my favorite survivor topic as the theme for this month's edition: The Inner Child. I've always loved writing about my inner child here at my blog and I already have a few posts on the topic that I can send along for this edition.
About his theme, Dan said, "As I have moved along my journey to healing, the concept of the inner child has been extremely important. As I have shared about it, others have echoed that sentiment! We will honor our inner child, and share how they have been a part of our path to healing!
Please submit anything related to inner child and child abuse. As always, you do not have to limit yourself to this month’s theme. All submissions are welcome."
Our other, regular, submission categories are: Aftermath, Advocacy & Awareness, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry and Survivor Stories. The deadline for this month's edition is midnight (Pacific time, U.S.) Wednesday, September 15. Dan will post the edition on Friday, September 17. So, get those submissions on your inner child and other topics in, folks! Thanks, as always, for your continued support of and participation in our carnival. You can use the handy widget you see there on my sidebar, or this submission form here.
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, healing, inner child, Poetry, therapy
September 10, 2010
It's Whiny Weeny Time
I hate to be a whiny weeny, but things are just so hard sometimes, ya know? I'm having some really rough body memories and reactions to the therapy I'm doing right now. I'm just so exhausted from it all and now my body is reacting to it, too. I won't go into the gory details, but I'm having some gastrointestinal ickyness and now I've got a bad cold.
I'm still reeling from the fact that my son got suspended from school the other day. He has to be suspended for a minimum of five days, which means I'm basically home schooling him at the moment. We go for a hearing next week. It's a long, crazy story.
Do you ever want to ask, "Why me, Universe, really? Could you pick on somebody else for a while?"
I'll put up a post about our next blog carnival. It will be next week, folks, so look at the widget on my sidebar and get those posts in, please. Other than keeping up with that, I'm going to be a bit under the radar some more for a while. Thanks for your patience, understanding, and continuing those very thoughtful and supportive comments, all. I do appreciate you greatly.
I'm still reeling from the fact that my son got suspended from school the other day. He has to be suspended for a minimum of five days, which means I'm basically home schooling him at the moment. We go for a hearing next week. It's a long, crazy story.
Do you ever want to ask, "Why me, Universe, really? Could you pick on somebody else for a while?"
I'll put up a post about our next blog carnival. It will be next week, folks, so look at the widget on my sidebar and get those posts in, please. Other than keeping up with that, I'm going to be a bit under the radar some more for a while. Thanks for your patience, understanding, and continuing those very thoughtful and supportive comments, all. I do appreciate you greatly.
Labels: aftermath, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, body connection, body memories, IBS, support, therapy
July 21, 2010
Freedom Is A Natural High
For this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, our host, Dr. Kathleen Young, wanted to do an Independence or Freedom theme in honor of Independence Day (July 4th) here in the U.S. My recent wilderness camping trip really got me thinking about when I feel the most free. It is definitely when I am out in nature.When I am looking at a glorious sunset, taking a wildflower hike or watching birds, I feel like everything can be right with the world. At these precious moments, I believe that I totally belong. I am not a freak or an alien, but part of the intricate web of life.
Maybe the nature fix is so good for me because I've grieved over the fact that the "parenting" I received as a child was anything but natural. It is not natural for a mother to have no protective instinct for her offspring. It is not natural when predators reduce their victims to something less than human; stripping them of their inborn right to humanity, respect and dignity.
This leads me to another thing that Dr. Young said when she called for submissions for this carnival: "My first thought was how fitting, given that today we celebrate Independence Day in the U.S. I then started thinking about the meaning of independence for survivors and our culture as a whole. For me, this naturally leads to thoughts about dependence, unmet dependency needs and interdependence." I believe that all God's creatures are interdependent because we are all connected. What we choose to do in our lives has global and universal consequences. Because we are all connected, we cannot pretend that our actions do not effect the lives of beloved, divine others.
I also firmly believe that people who are damaged and afraid--not willing to look at the wounds they need to heal--allow evil to enter in because they do not feel connected. They don't feel connected to God, to nature, to other human beings.
Maybe, for me, it was something as simple as my constant habit of tree climbing during my childhood summers that kept me open to my connection with nature. Whatever it was, I have always found nature healing and comforting. I'm so glad that my love of nature helped me to stay connected to the divine and, eventually, succeed at breaking the multi-generational cycle of abuse from my "family" of origin.
I now have a new family that I've created with my husband and son. And, I will always have my universal family; a belonging with all God's creation.I belong.
I am connected.
And I am free.
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, appreciation, beauty, being human, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, breaking the cycle, comfort, freedom, grounding, human dignity
July 19, 2010
Hey, There!
My husband and I had a wonderful, peaceful, rejuvenating time camping. It was a really special adventure in the gorgeous Colorado wilderness. I'm going to write a cool post about that and (hopefully) post some awesome photos that the hubby took.
But, today was a therapy day and I'm wiped. So, for now I'll just tell you that we have the July Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse coming up at Dr. Kathleen Young's blog. She's chosen an Independence theme for July's carnival.
About this edition she said, "My first thought was how fitting, given that today we celebrate Independence Day in the U.S. I then started thinking about the meaning of independence for survivors and our culture as a whole. For me, this naturally leads to thoughts about dependence, unmet dependency needs and interdependence. I plan to write more about all of that for my Carnival post later this month!
But, today was a therapy day and I'm wiped. So, for now I'll just tell you that we have the July Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse coming up at Dr. Kathleen Young's blog. She's chosen an Independence theme for July's carnival.
About this edition she said, "My first thought was how fitting, given that today we celebrate Independence Day in the U.S. I then started thinking about the meaning of independence for survivors and our culture as a whole. For me, this naturally leads to thoughts about dependence, unmet dependency needs and interdependence. I plan to write more about all of that for my Carnival post later this month!
Please submit anything related to independence, dependence or interdependence and child abuse. As always, you do not have to limit yourself to this month’s theme. All submissions are welcome."
Don't forget our regular submission categories of Advocacy & Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry, and Survivor Stories. The deadline for submissions is Wednesday, July 21 and the edition will post on Friday (7/23).
I'm going to tie in my nature/camping post with my independence post and I'll see y'all then.
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, community, healing, Poetry, therapy, vacation
June 19, 2010
Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse: Four-Year Anniversary Edition
Welcome to the Four-Year Anniversary Edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I can hardly believe that on June 19, 2006, I founded this carnival with the debut of our first-ever edition.
Trigger Warning: Understandably, the subject of child abuse can be disturbing. Please exercise appropriate self-care when reading the following posts. We all want to advocate and raise awareness, but remember to keep yourself safe!
I'll start this edition off with a post of my own that discusses Are We Leaving The Door Wide Open For Child Abuse?
It talks about some events from my son's school and our neighborhood that really got me thinking about protecting our children. I think it was one of the things that helped motivate me to start The Blog carnival Against Child Abuse.
Mike McBride, from Child Abuse Survivor, was in our very first carnival edition four years ago. Since then, he's been one of our most active monthly participants and hosts. Thanks for all you do, Mike! Here, he presents Anniversaries and says, "In honor of the 4th anniversary, I had a thought about looking back on your life on important anniversaries." Hey, great idea! Thanks, Mike!
Healing & Therapy
Dr. Kathleen Young, who will be hosting our carnival in July, has submitted Learning to Love Yourself After Trauma for June. She is a regular contributor to the Healing & Therapy category from her blog, Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. This is a wonderful, healing post. I think any survivor could benefit from it. Thanks, Dr. Young!
Patricia Singleton presents Acknowledging Your Grief And Releasing It posted at Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker, saying, "Since I have been doing some major grieving lately having to do with my incest issues, I am revisiting older articles like this that I wrote about grief." I have found that feeling the feelings is so key to healing from childhood abuse. And grief is an enormous feelings issue. Thanks for this offering, Patricia.
Splinteredones talks about a topic near and dear to my heart: looking at the transformation from survivor to thriver. The post is called Peeking Around The Corner from Splinteredones's Blog. I'm so glad you're taking a look, Splinteredones!
Rising Rainbow presents Half Empty.........or Half Full posted at My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder, saying, "It's amazing how much power can come from a change in perspective." So true! Thanks for that insight, RR. And thanks for joining us for the carnival again!
I am so sad that April_Optimist from the wonderful, healing blog, The Thriver's Toolbox, has decided to quit blogging. But, I respect and understand her decision. She was one of the first bloggers I came across in the blogosphere who was really showing us survivors how to thrive. April was also one of the first boggers to participate in the blog carnival and now she says good bye to us all in her post, Thank You All. In her remarks, April said, "I realize I wrote this as a farewell for my own blog but maybe it makes sense to submit it for the carnival too--because I think it's important to know one can reach this point. All the things I've come to know I hope every survivor comes to know--especially that he or she matters." Thank you April, for all your contributions, and for saying goodbye. I wish you well as you continue on your Thriver's journey.
I love all the posts we get for the Healing & Therapy category. It really shows me how important this issue is (duh, right?), and how much we are all working at healing, and how far along the healing path we are all actually progressing. I especially love this post, with this great title, Just For Today from the Hope For Trauma blog. It really touched my heart. When submitting this post, Hope For Trauma commented, "I have found many things along this journey of healing. However, it is the moments of everyday that make it all worth it. Sometimes just taking a moment is what the journey is all about. "
Another Healing & Therapy post from Splinteredones called, Sitting at songha as Ego attacks, tells the painful truth. But, it also tells a powerful story of hope. I really appreciate your writing Splinteredones!
Mike McBride, returns from Child Abuse Survivor, with a post called The Importance of Fun. Doesn't that have a wonderful ring to it? We can easily get caught up in the struggles of therapy and day-to-day survival. So, it's important to remember to stop and treat ourselves to some fun. Thanks for that message, Mike!
Poetry
Our first poem was inadvertently left out of the May carnival when it bounced to the host's junk mail folder. I'm sure glad she checked that folder and forwarded it on to me. While this post contains a poem from Amy at the Amy K. Sorrells blog, it really touched me when she provided the background that explained her struggle with, then release and acceptance of...JOY. The post is called, Joy: Lilacs In The Rain. Go give it a read. It's refreshing!
Here's another poem that was meant for last month, but I'm glad to showcase it here. It's a truly sweet and beautiful poem by Hope For Trauma, who runs the blog of the same name. The poem is called Clouds & Rain.
Rising Rainbow gives us The Innocence of Black from her blog, My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder. When submitting, RR commented, "What I feared most actually held the answer to what I needed to know the most."
Rising Rainbow gives us another poem, The Distant Watcher from My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder. This time she remarks, "The logic of a child blames her feelings for selling her out because it's too painful to keep the blame pointing where it belongs." So true, RR. This is a classic survivor issue and I'm glad you could work through it in your poetry.
Brown-eyed Amazon, from the blog of the same name, is new to our carnival. Welcome, Brown-Eyed Amazon! Here, she presents a very moving and well-written poem called, Masquerading Angel. Please go check out the poem and leave a comment welcoming BEA to our carnival. Thanks!
And finally for Poetry, Brown-Eyed Amazon returns with a truly heart-felt and touching poem called His Little Girl posted at Brown-eyed amazon.
Advocacy & Awareness
Tracie tells us in her post from her blog From Tracie, that I Tell My Kid NOT to Obey Adults. She remarks, "This is something that I just happened to have scheduled to post today. I hope it works for the carnival. I'm so excited about it being the 4 year anniversary. Thanks for all the hard work you have done over the last 4 years. You are amazing!" I think your post is perfect for the carnival, Tracie, and I think YOU are amazing for teaching your child that she has the right to choose whether or not anyone touches her for any reason. Kudos!
I just love the post submitted from Kate at Kate 1975's blog! It's called her Links Page/Resources For Survivors and it's a super cool resource list that has all kinds of helpful links we can use. It's got some great articles linked, covering healing topics like self-esteem, grounding and comfort skills. There are also some lesser-known topics covered, such as clutter issues, mother-daughter sexual abuse and therapist abuse. What a lot of work you have done, Kate! And what a valuable resource. Thanks for providing it.
Aftermath
From his blog, Thoughts Along The Road to Healing, Dan L Hays talks about the importance of knowing when to say goodbye in, Know When to Fold 'Em. I think this is an especially important life skill for child abuse survivors to learn, as many of our parents and members of our families of origin are toxic. Dan says, "This post is about letting go when it's time, and how different people handle it differently. But there might come a time when it's just necessary to say 'goodbye!'"
Speaking of Dan, he was the original host for this month. With travel plans getting in the way, he and I could not come up with a Friday this month that would work for both of us. But, then I found out that this month marked four years of our carnival and this was to be our anniversary edition, so I was pleased with the outcome that I would host June and Dan will host coming up in September. Dan wants to do an Inner Child themed edition, which I think is a great idea! As many of you know, this is one of my favorite survivor/thriver topics to talk about.
I hope Colleen, from, Surviving by Grace, won't mind if I run her post now, as it is an Inner Child themed post. It's called Learning to Play and I think it's just wonderful! I'm so glad you've discovered the importance of play, Colleen! And, don't worry; there are lots of inner child topics to post about. I promise I'll help you with some ideas come September, if you need any. ;)
I was tempted to put this next submission under the poetry category, because it does, indeed, contain a poem. But, it is about a huge survivor aftermath issue: guilt. Therefore, I left it under this category where the blogger had submitted it. It comes from Leslie, at Leslie's Illusions, and it's called Ashes of Abuse: Guilt. Leslie is new to our carnival. Welcome, Leslie! About her post, Leslie says, "Though I did not mention it in this post, I am a survivor of childhood abuse. I'm grateful for the blogging world that enables me to connect and share with other survivors." And we are grateful that you are sharing and joining us for the carnival. Thanks, Leslie!
Protect Your Joy from Protect Your Joy's blog, talks about the important issue of Self-Injury and her achievement of being self-injury free for 50 days. Kudos to you, Protect Your Joy! Thanks for sharing with us. The post is called, When I'm The Assailant.
Survivor Stories
Rick Belden presents broken bones and the father wound posted at poetry, dreams, and the body, saying, "Hi Marj, I see that you're hosting this month. Don't know if you've chosen a theme yet, but I thought this post I wrote back in November might be timely with Father's Day coming up." Although we didn't do a specific Father's Day theme this month, Rick's post is certainly timely. I've always appreciated Rick's moving poetry. For this post--while it does contain a powerful poem--I also appreciate Rick sharing some commentary and background. Thanks, Rick!
Our next post was submitted by Virginia who writes for at Tamara's House, which is a residential healing facility for female survivors of childhood sexual abuse, located in Saskatchewan, Canada. Awesome! Welcome to the carnival, Tamara's House! In this post, A Survivor's Triumph, a survivor they call "Rain" tells her story as a past resident of this healing facility. Thank you for sharing.
Finally, Tracie--who was our wonderful host for the carnival in May--has the courage to tell her own poignant survivor story in: From Tracie: Tracie's Story posted at From Tracie.
That concludes this anniversary edition. I don't think we have any theme lined up yet, but the host for next month is Dr. Kathleen Young, Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. Submit your blog article to the next edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse by using our carnival submission form. Thank you all for your wonderful support and participation. You are the ones who make this carnival a continued success! Now, go forth and click links, read, and leave supportive comments at these blogs, won't you? I know you will and I thank you!
Trigger Warning: Understandably, the subject of child abuse can be disturbing. Please exercise appropriate self-care when reading the following posts. We all want to advocate and raise awareness, but remember to keep yourself safe!
I'll start this edition off with a post of my own that discusses Are We Leaving The Door Wide Open For Child Abuse?
It talks about some events from my son's school and our neighborhood that really got me thinking about protecting our children. I think it was one of the things that helped motivate me to start The Blog carnival Against Child Abuse.
Mike McBride, from Child Abuse Survivor, was in our very first carnival edition four years ago. Since then, he's been one of our most active monthly participants and hosts. Thanks for all you do, Mike! Here, he presents Anniversaries and says, "In honor of the 4th anniversary, I had a thought about looking back on your life on important anniversaries." Hey, great idea! Thanks, Mike!
Healing & Therapy
I feel bad that this first Healing & Therapy post was lost temporarily in the junk mail black hole of last month's host. This is a blogger, who I know from Twitter, who was encouraged to submit by another one of our valued Tweeps. The blog is called Protect Your Joy who said this when submitting: "Hope (Hopefortrauma) encouraged me to submit a post or two to your carnival. I am, honestly, very nervous to submit. Thank you for this Blog Carnival, it is always a blessing to read & an inspiration to survivors such as myself. Take care!" I'm so glad you could join us, Protect Your Joy, and I hope you will again, even if we do have technical difficulties sometimes. ;) Here's the wonderful post that shows great honesty, but also amazing hope for healing. It's called The Black Sheep, The Sick Child.
Dr. Kathleen Young, who will be hosting our carnival in July, has submitted Learning to Love Yourself After Trauma for June. She is a regular contributor to the Healing & Therapy category from her blog, Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. This is a wonderful, healing post. I think any survivor could benefit from it. Thanks, Dr. Young!
Patricia Singleton presents Acknowledging Your Grief And Releasing It posted at Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker, saying, "Since I have been doing some major grieving lately having to do with my incest issues, I am revisiting older articles like this that I wrote about grief." I have found that feeling the feelings is so key to healing from childhood abuse. And grief is an enormous feelings issue. Thanks for this offering, Patricia.
Splinteredones talks about a topic near and dear to my heart: looking at the transformation from survivor to thriver. The post is called Peeking Around The Corner from Splinteredones's Blog. I'm so glad you're taking a look, Splinteredones!
Rising Rainbow presents Half Empty.........or Half Full posted at My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder, saying, "It's amazing how much power can come from a change in perspective." So true! Thanks for that insight, RR. And thanks for joining us for the carnival again!
I am so sad that April_Optimist from the wonderful, healing blog, The Thriver's Toolbox, has decided to quit blogging. But, I respect and understand her decision. She was one of the first bloggers I came across in the blogosphere who was really showing us survivors how to thrive. April was also one of the first boggers to participate in the blog carnival and now she says good bye to us all in her post, Thank You All. In her remarks, April said, "I realize I wrote this as a farewell for my own blog but maybe it makes sense to submit it for the carnival too--because I think it's important to know one can reach this point. All the things I've come to know I hope every survivor comes to know--especially that he or she matters." Thank you April, for all your contributions, and for saying goodbye. I wish you well as you continue on your Thriver's journey.
I love all the posts we get for the Healing & Therapy category. It really shows me how important this issue is (duh, right?), and how much we are all working at healing, and how far along the healing path we are all actually progressing. I especially love this post, with this great title, Just For Today from the Hope For Trauma blog. It really touched my heart. When submitting this post, Hope For Trauma commented, "I have found many things along this journey of healing. However, it is the moments of everyday that make it all worth it. Sometimes just taking a moment is what the journey is all about. "
Another Healing & Therapy post from Splinteredones called, Sitting at songha as Ego attacks, tells the painful truth. But, it also tells a powerful story of hope. I really appreciate your writing Splinteredones!
Mike McBride, returns from Child Abuse Survivor, with a post called The Importance of Fun. Doesn't that have a wonderful ring to it? We can easily get caught up in the struggles of therapy and day-to-day survival. So, it's important to remember to stop and treat ourselves to some fun. Thanks for that message, Mike!
Poetry
Our first poem was inadvertently left out of the May carnival when it bounced to the host's junk mail folder. I'm sure glad she checked that folder and forwarded it on to me. While this post contains a poem from Amy at the Amy K. Sorrells blog, it really touched me when she provided the background that explained her struggle with, then release and acceptance of...JOY. The post is called, Joy: Lilacs In The Rain. Go give it a read. It's refreshing!
Here's another poem that was meant for last month, but I'm glad to showcase it here. It's a truly sweet and beautiful poem by Hope For Trauma, who runs the blog of the same name. The poem is called Clouds & Rain.
Rising Rainbow gives us The Innocence of Black from her blog, My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder. When submitting, RR commented, "What I feared most actually held the answer to what I needed to know the most."
Rising Rainbow gives us another poem, The Distant Watcher from My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder. This time she remarks, "The logic of a child blames her feelings for selling her out because it's too painful to keep the blame pointing where it belongs." So true, RR. This is a classic survivor issue and I'm glad you could work through it in your poetry.
Brown-eyed Amazon, from the blog of the same name, is new to our carnival. Welcome, Brown-Eyed Amazon! Here, she presents a very moving and well-written poem called, Masquerading Angel. Please go check out the poem and leave a comment welcoming BEA to our carnival. Thanks!
And finally for Poetry, Brown-Eyed Amazon returns with a truly heart-felt and touching poem called His Little Girl posted at Brown-eyed amazon.
Advocacy & Awareness
Tracie tells us in her post from her blog From Tracie, that I Tell My Kid NOT to Obey Adults. She remarks, "This is something that I just happened to have scheduled to post today. I hope it works for the carnival. I'm so excited about it being the 4 year anniversary. Thanks for all the hard work you have done over the last 4 years. You are amazing!" I think your post is perfect for the carnival, Tracie, and I think YOU are amazing for teaching your child that she has the right to choose whether or not anyone touches her for any reason. Kudos!
I just love the post submitted from Kate at Kate 1975's blog! It's called her Links Page/Resources For Survivors and it's a super cool resource list that has all kinds of helpful links we can use. It's got some great articles linked, covering healing topics like self-esteem, grounding and comfort skills. There are also some lesser-known topics covered, such as clutter issues, mother-daughter sexual abuse and therapist abuse. What a lot of work you have done, Kate! And what a valuable resource. Thanks for providing it.
Aftermath
From his blog, Thoughts Along The Road to Healing, Dan L Hays talks about the importance of knowing when to say goodbye in, Know When to Fold 'Em. I think this is an especially important life skill for child abuse survivors to learn, as many of our parents and members of our families of origin are toxic. Dan says, "This post is about letting go when it's time, and how different people handle it differently. But there might come a time when it's just necessary to say 'goodbye!'"
Speaking of Dan, he was the original host for this month. With travel plans getting in the way, he and I could not come up with a Friday this month that would work for both of us. But, then I found out that this month marked four years of our carnival and this was to be our anniversary edition, so I was pleased with the outcome that I would host June and Dan will host coming up in September. Dan wants to do an Inner Child themed edition, which I think is a great idea! As many of you know, this is one of my favorite survivor/thriver topics to talk about.
I hope Colleen, from, Surviving by Grace, won't mind if I run her post now, as it is an Inner Child themed post. It's called Learning to Play and I think it's just wonderful! I'm so glad you've discovered the importance of play, Colleen! And, don't worry; there are lots of inner child topics to post about. I promise I'll help you with some ideas come September, if you need any. ;)
I was tempted to put this next submission under the poetry category, because it does, indeed, contain a poem. But, it is about a huge survivor aftermath issue: guilt. Therefore, I left it under this category where the blogger had submitted it. It comes from Leslie, at Leslie's Illusions, and it's called Ashes of Abuse: Guilt. Leslie is new to our carnival. Welcome, Leslie! About her post, Leslie says, "Though I did not mention it in this post, I am a survivor of childhood abuse. I'm grateful for the blogging world that enables me to connect and share with other survivors." And we are grateful that you are sharing and joining us for the carnival. Thanks, Leslie!
Protect Your Joy from Protect Your Joy's blog, talks about the important issue of Self-Injury and her achievement of being self-injury free for 50 days. Kudos to you, Protect Your Joy! Thanks for sharing with us. The post is called, When I'm The Assailant.
Survivor Stories
Rick Belden presents broken bones and the father wound posted at poetry, dreams, and the body, saying, "Hi Marj, I see that you're hosting this month. Don't know if you've chosen a theme yet, but I thought this post I wrote back in November might be timely with Father's Day coming up." Although we didn't do a specific Father's Day theme this month, Rick's post is certainly timely. I've always appreciated Rick's moving poetry. For this post--while it does contain a powerful poem--I also appreciate Rick sharing some commentary and background. Thanks, Rick!
Our next post was submitted by Virginia who writes for at Tamara's House, which is a residential healing facility for female survivors of childhood sexual abuse, located in Saskatchewan, Canada. Awesome! Welcome to the carnival, Tamara's House! In this post, A Survivor's Triumph, a survivor they call "Rain" tells her story as a past resident of this healing facility. Thank you for sharing.
Finally, Tracie--who was our wonderful host for the carnival in May--has the courage to tell her own poignant survivor story in: From Tracie: Tracie's Story posted at From Tracie.
That concludes this anniversary edition. I don't think we have any theme lined up yet, but the host for next month is Dr. Kathleen Young, Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. Submit your blog article to the next edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse by using our carnival submission form. Thank you all for your wonderful support and participation. You are the ones who make this carnival a continued success! Now, go forth and click links, read, and leave supportive comments at these blogs, won't you? I know you will and I thank you!
Labels: advocacy, anniversary, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, childhood sexual abuse, dissociation, feelings, healing, Poetry, self-injury, therapy
June 14, 2010
Mudslides, Self-Care & Carnivals
Another Update, June 16th: If you don't get your post in for the carnival quite on time, don't worry, it will still bounce to me and I'll get it in. I'm just so excited about the anniversary! ;)
Update Wednesday, June 16: I just realized as I was e-mailing the July carnival host with some details about next month's edition, that June marks the FOUR-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF OUR CARNIVAL! Can you believe it? I hardly could. I ran the very first edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse on June 19, 2006. Happy Anniversary to all of you who make this carnival possible and a continued success! Get those posts in! Maybe we can have 40 posts to help celebrate 4 years. Thanks, guys! :)
***
Hello, everyone. Well, I'm back from a family camping trip where just about everything that could go wrong, did. It was cold and rainy, so we decided to go sit in the local hot springs. They kicked us out of the pools because of lightening in the area. On our way back to the campground, our way was blocked because of a mudslide. Back, finally, at the campground, we couldn't get our lights to work because our batteries seemed to have lost their charge. (We've already replaced them once and we've owned this camper for less than a year.) After cooking and eating dinner in the dark, we decided to just head home (now that we knew the detour route and could get around the mudslide). On our way, our truck broke down and we had to have it towed.
I got a bit dissociative with all the disaster and chaos, but I managed to calm myself(ves) down and got back home without any major dissociative mishaps after a nice friend of ours drove the four hours to come retrieve us from where we were stranded without any rental car options.
Whew!
The good news is that I have been doing my no-calorie, morning walks four times a week and eating all the fresh, low-fat goodies I talked about in my last post. I've lost six pounds already and am feeling much better. My D.O. told me he thought I was on the right track with trying to manage my mild gall bladder symptoms with diet. That confirmation felt good. And, of course, the weight loss feels great, too!
Because of summer travel plans, I couldn't work out a June Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse date that worked for both me and the host I had lined up. So, I've decided I will just host the carnival here myself this week, before I leave to visit some friends next week. I think we'll just go with a no-theme version this time. But, don't forget our regular submission categories of: Advocacy & Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry, and Survivor Stories.
So, I've set the deadline for midnight (Pacific Time, U.S.) Wednesday, 6/16 and I'll post the carnival on Friday, 6/18. I've already gotten several post submissions in already--thanks, guys! I also have some submissions from last month that went into the host's junk mail folder. Luckily, she found them (better late than never) and forwarded them on to me. So, if you didn't see your post in last month's edition, it will probably run this week. Here' the submission form you can use. Hope you can join us!
Update Wednesday, June 16: I just realized as I was e-mailing the July carnival host with some details about next month's edition, that June marks the FOUR-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF OUR CARNIVAL! Can you believe it? I hardly could. I ran the very first edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse on June 19, 2006. Happy Anniversary to all of you who make this carnival possible and a continued success! Get those posts in! Maybe we can have 40 posts to help celebrate 4 years. Thanks, guys! :)
***
Hello, everyone. Well, I'm back from a family camping trip where just about everything that could go wrong, did. It was cold and rainy, so we decided to go sit in the local hot springs. They kicked us out of the pools because of lightening in the area. On our way back to the campground, our way was blocked because of a mudslide. Back, finally, at the campground, we couldn't get our lights to work because our batteries seemed to have lost their charge. (We've already replaced them once and we've owned this camper for less than a year.) After cooking and eating dinner in the dark, we decided to just head home (now that we knew the detour route and could get around the mudslide). On our way, our truck broke down and we had to have it towed.
I got a bit dissociative with all the disaster and chaos, but I managed to calm myself(ves) down and got back home without any major dissociative mishaps after a nice friend of ours drove the four hours to come retrieve us from where we were stranded without any rental car options.
Whew!
The good news is that I have been doing my no-calorie, morning walks four times a week and eating all the fresh, low-fat goodies I talked about in my last post. I've lost six pounds already and am feeling much better. My D.O. told me he thought I was on the right track with trying to manage my mild gall bladder symptoms with diet. That confirmation felt good. And, of course, the weight loss feels great, too!
Because of summer travel plans, I couldn't work out a June Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse date that worked for both me and the host I had lined up. So, I've decided I will just host the carnival here myself this week, before I leave to visit some friends next week. I think we'll just go with a no-theme version this time. But, don't forget our regular submission categories of: Advocacy & Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry, and Survivor Stories.
So, I've set the deadline for midnight (Pacific Time, U.S.) Wednesday, 6/16 and I'll post the carnival on Friday, 6/18. I've already gotten several post submissions in already--thanks, guys! I also have some submissions from last month that went into the host's junk mail folder. Luckily, she found them (better late than never) and forwarded them on to me. So, if you didn't see your post in last month's edition, it will probably run this week. Here' the submission form you can use. Hope you can join us!
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, dissociation, Poetry, road trip, self-care, vacation, weight-loss
May 17, 2010
Blog Carnival: Hope & Joy Edition
FRIDAY, MAY 21, 2010 & THE CARNIVAL EDITION IS UP!
Tracie must have stayed up late, because she's already got our Hope & Joy Carnival up. Amazing! I'm glad we extended the deadline, because we got some more folks to join us at the last minute. It is now officially huge! There are over 30 posts in there. Wowie Kazowie! We've got a nice selection of posts under the Hope & Joy theme and some neat stuff to look at in our new Art Therapy category.
I can't thank you all enough for your continued support, contribution, promotion and enthusiasm of and for this awareness-raising carnival. I just love our survivor solidarity and community! :)
YET ANOTHER UPDATE, THURSDAY 5/20/10: Well, Blog Carnival dot com is back up and running now. I checked myself with my own submission and see that the form is now working as well. I just heard back from this month's host, and we've agreed to extend the deadline until midnight TONIGHT. Thank you all for you patience and perseverance. And thank you, Tracie, for being such a committed, patient and hard-working host--and for the first time hosting, too. Wow! :)
*****
Update: Wednesday, May 19, 2010: I do not know the cause, but apparently the website at Blog Carnival dot com is down. I can't get the widget on my sidebar to load, the submission form doesn't work, and I cannot get to the BC dot com home page. This has happened once before and they got everything up and running again fairly quickly. This time, it seems to be taking a bit longer. I don't know what the problem is or when it will be fixed. I'm sorry for the confusion and inconvenience. I will be in touch as information becomes available. Thank you for your patience.
On Friday, (That's this Friday, May 21) Tracie will be hosting our Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. She's just coming off of a weekend blog-a-thon, so I know she's tired. But, I think she's pumped, too! She's pumped with advocacy, awareness, doing good and changing the world. What perfect timing. I just know she'll be a great host.
She's chosen Hope & Joy for the theme for this month's edition. I told her that I thought this was timely, because I've really been experiencing some moments of pure, lighthearted joy this spring. If you're a survivor who's been through phases where those moments are quite few and far between like I have (and what survivor hasn't, really?), you know how much I appreciate these precious little moments.
What precious moments bring you joy and hope for a better tomorrow? In her announcement post for this carnival, Tracie said, "What is your hope, what do you hold onto when the healing path gets dark and it is hard to hang on much longer? What is your joy, what makes you smile and dance and laugh, even in the midst of pain? I fully believe that as survivors it is important to share our stories and our pains and our troubles. In this sharing we find a community, we find help and understanding, which is an important part of healing. We also need to share our hopes and joys, we need to give them freely to other survivors who may have lost sight of theirs."
The deadline is Wednesday, 5/19, midnight Pacific time (U.S.) for the Friday edition. In addition to the "Hope and Joy" theme, we still have our regular submission categories of Advocacy & Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry, and Survivor Stories. You can use this submission form here. Thanks, in advance for joining us and spreading the hope and joy! :)
Tracie must have stayed up late, because she's already got our Hope & Joy Carnival up. Amazing! I'm glad we extended the deadline, because we got some more folks to join us at the last minute. It is now officially huge! There are over 30 posts in there. Wowie Kazowie! We've got a nice selection of posts under the Hope & Joy theme and some neat stuff to look at in our new Art Therapy category.
I can't thank you all enough for your continued support, contribution, promotion and enthusiasm of and for this awareness-raising carnival. I just love our survivor solidarity and community! :)
YET ANOTHER UPDATE, THURSDAY 5/20/10: Well, Blog Carnival dot com is back up and running now. I checked myself with my own submission and see that the form is now working as well. I just heard back from this month's host, and we've agreed to extend the deadline until midnight TONIGHT. Thank you all for you patience and perseverance. And thank you, Tracie, for being such a committed, patient and hard-working host--and for the first time hosting, too. Wow! :)
*****
Update: Wednesday, May 19, 2010: I do not know the cause, but apparently the website at Blog Carnival dot com is down. I can't get the widget on my sidebar to load, the submission form doesn't work, and I cannot get to the BC dot com home page. This has happened once before and they got everything up and running again fairly quickly. This time, it seems to be taking a bit longer. I don't know what the problem is or when it will be fixed. I'm sorry for the confusion and inconvenience. I will be in touch as information becomes available. Thank you for your patience.
On Friday, (That's this Friday, May 21) Tracie will be hosting our Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. She's just coming off of a weekend blog-a-thon, so I know she's tired. But, I think she's pumped, too! She's pumped with advocacy, awareness, doing good and changing the world. What perfect timing. I just know she'll be a great host.
She's chosen Hope & Joy for the theme for this month's edition. I told her that I thought this was timely, because I've really been experiencing some moments of pure, lighthearted joy this spring. If you're a survivor who's been through phases where those moments are quite few and far between like I have (and what survivor hasn't, really?), you know how much I appreciate these precious little moments.
What precious moments bring you joy and hope for a better tomorrow? In her announcement post for this carnival, Tracie said, "What is your hope, what do you hold onto when the healing path gets dark and it is hard to hang on much longer? What is your joy, what makes you smile and dance and laugh, even in the midst of pain? I fully believe that as survivors it is important to share our stories and our pains and our troubles. In this sharing we find a community, we find help and understanding, which is an important part of healing. We also need to share our hopes and joys, we need to give them freely to other survivors who may have lost sight of theirs."
The deadline is Wednesday, 5/19, midnight Pacific time (U.S.) for the Friday edition. In addition to the "Hope and Joy" theme, we still have our regular submission categories of Advocacy & Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry, and Survivor Stories. You can use this submission form here. Thanks, in advance for joining us and spreading the hope and joy! :)
Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, community, healing, hope, Poetry, recovery, therapy
April 21, 2010
Along The Path Of Healing: Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse
UPDATE, FRIDAY, APRIL 23: Enola has the April "Along The Path of Healing" edition of the blog carnival up! It is great. There are about 20 posts in there and lots of inspiration about healing and becoming whole after abuse. Please go on over, check out the posts and leave comments. Thanks to all the brave bloggers who participated this month and thanks to Enola for once again hosting our carnival and coming up with a great theme!
Enola is hosting our blog carnival for us again. Hooray, Enola! She has thought of a wonderful theme for this month: Along The Path Of Healing. About this themed edition, Enola says, "I've noticed that through my progress in recovery from child abuse, I've tended to align myself with others that are similarly situated along the path of the healing process. This is not a bad thing, but sometimes it helps to read posts from others that are at different stages than you. Whether it reminds you how far you've come or gives you hope to continue plugging along, reading about others' healing journeys can be inspirational."
So, this month, we want to hear about your healing process. Just what does healing mean to you? What does being "healed" look like to you? Enter the blog carnival this month and let's talk about it, shall we? Here's the submission form: http://blogcarnival.com/bc/submit_355.html
Enola is hosting our blog carnival for us again. Hooray, Enola! She has thought of a wonderful theme for this month: Along The Path Of Healing. About this themed edition, Enola says, "I've noticed that through my progress in recovery from child abuse, I've tended to align myself with others that are similarly situated along the path of the healing process. This is not a bad thing, but sometimes it helps to read posts from others that are at different stages than you. Whether it reminds you how far you've come or gives you hope to continue plugging along, reading about others' healing journeys can be inspirational."
So, this month, we want to hear about your healing process. Just what does healing mean to you? What does being "healed" look like to you? Enter the blog carnival this month and let's talk about it, shall we? Here's the submission form: http://blogcarnival.com/bc/submit_355.html
Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, healing, therapy
March 29, 2010
Aware AND Alive: Finding Joy
Hey, folks. I'm back from Spring Break. We couldn't afford to fly anywhere this year and my husband wanted to save money by camping instead of staying in a hotel. I was afraid we were going to freeze our buns off! We had to drive all the way down to Sedona, AZ to find some sunshine and warmth, but it was worth the long road trip. We camped in Oak Creek Canyon where it was gorgeous. I've never slept so well on a camping trip. The sound of the creek was a wonderful lullaby!
Now that I'm back, I'm reading the posts in this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Mike at Child Abuse Survivor had such a wonderful idea. To help celebrate his Irish heritage and the Irish humor he so appreciates, Mike set up a theme for this edition of humor, joy and survivors finding happiness.
You know, child abuse is such a serious subject and we do need to be warriors fighting against it, raising awareness and working for prevention and recovery. But, we can also celebrate survivors finding joy, humor and a sense of wholeness and happiness. That's the whole reason I decided a long time ago to name my dot com site and my blog Survivors Can Thrive! Don't we all want to emerge from surviving and start thriving in our lives? Sometimes, while I'm down in the trenches of my own recovery, working on my healing, I forget that. Thanks for the reminder, Mike!
Yes, thanks indeed, Mike, for coming up with such an inspired theme. I am smiling reading these posts. I so appreciate our survivor solidarity where we can share our sorrows and our joys. Thanks to all for participating and thank you, in advance, for going to the carnival, reading and sharing your comments on the posts. You'll be glad you stopped by. Go get a smile! :)
Now that I'm back, I'm reading the posts in this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Mike at Child Abuse Survivor had such a wonderful idea. To help celebrate his Irish heritage and the Irish humor he so appreciates, Mike set up a theme for this edition of humor, joy and survivors finding happiness.
You know, child abuse is such a serious subject and we do need to be warriors fighting against it, raising awareness and working for prevention and recovery. But, we can also celebrate survivors finding joy, humor and a sense of wholeness and happiness. That's the whole reason I decided a long time ago to name my dot com site and my blog Survivors Can Thrive! Don't we all want to emerge from surviving and start thriving in our lives? Sometimes, while I'm down in the trenches of my own recovery, working on my healing, I forget that. Thanks for the reminder, Mike!
Yes, thanks indeed, Mike, for coming up with such an inspired theme. I am smiling reading these posts. I so appreciate our survivor solidarity where we can share our sorrows and our joys. Thanks to all for participating and thank you, in advance, for going to the carnival, reading and sharing your comments on the posts. You'll be glad you stopped by. Go get a smile! :)
Labels: appreciation, beauty, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, comfort, community, gratitude, healing, hope, inner child, journey, Poetry, thrive
March 21, 2010
Shamrocks, Carnivals & Spring Breaks
Happy spring, everybody! I don't know about you, but this has been a looooong winter for me. I am so happy to see the crocuses blooming!
I'm about to go out of town for a little road trip to celebrate my son's Spring Break. But, before I go, I wanted to make sure to let you all know about our next edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Mike, at Child Abuse Survivor, has graciously offered to host for us once again. I think he chose March as the month for him to host this year because he is Irish. And March is , of course, when we celebrate for, with and about our Irish friends with St. Patrick's Day. About this edition Mike said:
"I’ll be hosting the March edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse later this month, and given my own Irish heritage, and this being the month we celebrate the Irish with St. Patrick’s Day, I thought it would be appropriate to make the theme of this year one that speaks to the Irish part of me. Historically, Ireland has been a country of misery, and the Irish people have suffered oppression, famine, civil war, poverty... Yet, through it all, they maintain a sense of humor and know how to have a good time! I’ve always thought, as a survivor, that healing requires a little bit of that. In the midst of my worst days of trying to cope, I found that having those little moments of joy to look forward to, made it just a little bit easier. So, as part of this month’s carnival...I want to hear about how, as a survivor, you’ve managed to find the joy in life and have a good time! We’ll call it the “Life is Grand” category."
Of course, we will also have our regular submission categories of: Advocacy & Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry and Survivor Stories. But, this month, Mike wants to hear some blog post stories about overcoming with joy and a sense of humor. I like his idea. It's inspired, isn't it? So, be thinking about this months' theme, won't you? The deadline for this month's edition is Wednesday, March 24. Our carnival edition will post over at Mike's blog on Friday, March 26. You can use this submission form here to send in a post. Thank you all for your continued support and involvement in our blog carnival!
I'm about to go out of town for a little road trip to celebrate my son's Spring Break. But, before I go, I wanted to make sure to let you all know about our next edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Mike, at Child Abuse Survivor, has graciously offered to host for us once again. I think he chose March as the month for him to host this year because he is Irish. And March is , of course, when we celebrate for, with and about our Irish friends with St. Patrick's Day. About this edition Mike said:
"I’ll be hosting the March edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse later this month, and given my own Irish heritage, and this being the month we celebrate the Irish with St. Patrick’s Day, I thought it would be appropriate to make the theme of this year one that speaks to the Irish part of me. Historically, Ireland has been a country of misery, and the Irish people have suffered oppression, famine, civil war, poverty... Yet, through it all, they maintain a sense of humor and know how to have a good time! I’ve always thought, as a survivor, that healing requires a little bit of that. In the midst of my worst days of trying to cope, I found that having those little moments of joy to look forward to, made it just a little bit easier. So, as part of this month’s carnival...I want to hear about how, as a survivor, you’ve managed to find the joy in life and have a good time! We’ll call it the “Life is Grand” category."
Of course, we will also have our regular submission categories of: Advocacy & Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry and Survivor Stories. But, this month, Mike wants to hear some blog post stories about overcoming with joy and a sense of humor. I like his idea. It's inspired, isn't it? So, be thinking about this months' theme, won't you? The deadline for this month's edition is Wednesday, March 24. Our carnival edition will post over at Mike's blog on Friday, March 26. You can use this submission form here to send in a post. Thank you all for your continued support and involvement in our blog carnival!
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, child abuse, community, healing, Poetry, therapy
February 22, 2010
New Host: 30 Posts!
Sorry for the delay in this announcement, folks. I spent the weekend with the stomach flu. Yuck! The two-year-old that I watch once a week has started going to daycare now. She picks everything up there and then passes it on to me. *sigh*
What I wanted to tell you about is how impressed I am with IK over at Issue Knitting. She's a first-time Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse host and she's done a fabulous job of organizing 30 submissions for our February edition. The theme is birthdays and it's IK's birthday, too! So, go on over and click on the links, do some reading, leave some supportive comments and say "Happy Birthday" to IK, won't you? Thanks for your support and survivor solidarity!
What I wanted to tell you about is how impressed I am with IK over at Issue Knitting. She's a first-time Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse host and she's done a fabulous job of organizing 30 submissions for our February edition. The theme is birthdays and it's IK's birthday, too! So, go on over and click on the links, do some reading, leave some supportive comments and say "Happy Birthday" to IK, won't you? Thanks for your support and survivor solidarity!
Labels: Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, community, DID, dissociation, healing, inner child, therapy
February 17, 2010
A Part Is Born
Well, I was going to write about eugenics and explore "what if I had never been born" for the birthday-themed Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse this month.
TRIGGER WARNING! Some examples of dissociative outbursts and child abuse ahead. Please stay safe.
But, I had what felt like a set-back the other day. I got really triggered and reacted violently. I spent almost a whole day disparaging myself and even had some self-harm return. I tried so hard to pull myself back, but felt so out of control. I pulled out every grounding trick in the book. I did grounding exercises I haven't even thought of in years. But, it still took me about 24 hours to feel like myself again.
I was really disappointed because I allowed some behaviors to come out that I thought I had contracted against with various parts. I've discovered--and begun to work with--two new parts in the last few weeks. Maybe this is yet another new part who has no such contract with me. I'm not sure.
This got me wondering. Just how is a part "born" anyway? Mine seem to have come about for a whole plethora of reasons. Some are like full-fledged personalities and have tried to run away and start their own lives or have pushed me aside and tried to live life their own way with me out of the way, so to speak.
Some parts have very well-defined roles. Many of these roles are quite dysfunctional for my life now, so I've had to define and assign new roles to some parts. Other parts are what my T refers to as "partial splits," without much of a fleshed-out personality of their own at all. These splits seem to have come about for very specific, time-limited functions designed to keep me alive in my childhood's life-threatening situations.
For example, the first part I ever heard of by name--this was three years ago--was Nina. I was told she "comes out when we're in the shower." If you've ever read the account on my dot com site called, "A Fear Of Plastic Shower Curtains," You can understand why my helpless child self might have wanted to create a part just to take over when I need to take a shower. I haven't worked specifically with Nina via any kind of dialogue, but I have done EMDR on the shower torture incidents and I've done a lot of comforting and self-care work in therapy around this daily hygiene challenge.
In the very first chapter of The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook, Deborah Bray Haddock explains, "In systems where extreme splitting occurs, clients report a host of personality fragments created to do specific tasks, such as cooking, cleaning the house or going to school. Once the task is performed, the fragment becomes inactive."
In the book, The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization, the authors talk about "a fragment that has only a minimal set of response patterns to stimuli, life history, and range of emotion/affect but has knowledge for a short period of time." They go on to say that the actions of some of these fragments are very specialized. "Some...have a very specific purpose during traumatization."
In my case, I have another split or fragment, that I don't have a name for, who came about for the sole purpose of helping me hold my breath for a long time when my father would try to drown me in the bath water. I don't know much about these partial splits or fragments, but it makes sense to me that they would not be very developed if their survival purpose was quite distinct and unique to specific situations that I don't repeatedly come across throughout the day as I go about the business of life.
Then, I have some parts who I have named--or labeled--to match their functions. These functions are more broad than the two I've just mentioned, but still don't lead these labeled parts to control the body for any great length of time. There's Sentry, who I first started getting cooperation with in March of 2007. He was a great help to me when some creep followed me on the streets of Chicago once. Sentry is not afraid to get in any one's face in order to protect me. Unfortunately, he was getting up in peoples faces in inappropriate ways that didn't match present-day situations. So, I had to contract with him to stay located in an internal lighthouse and only "come to the rescue" if some stranger approaches me in a dark parking lot, or something like that.
I have another part I call Serena. But, she's not so much serene as she is still. That is, literally, her role: She keeps the body still so that there can be no self-harm or suicide attempts. I haven't felt her around much lately, but I sure coulda used her the other day when I slapped myself in the face seven or eight times. Luckily, I was able to stop myself rather quickly and vowed to engage in no further self-injury, even without any obvious help from Serena.
Whether my part splits are currently helpful in my day-to-day life, or the actions of these fragments are now dysfunctional for me as an adult living in a safe environment, I'm glad I'm learning about them. For a while, I was convinced that unless I found a part who had a high degree of autonomy and emancipation, I wasn't dealing with dissociated pieces of myself. This is one of the reasons why the "Man, I must be crazy" attitude persisted with me for such a long time.
If you are a dissociative child abuse survivor who is uncovering less complex personality fragments and doubting your diagnosis (or your sanity), I encourage you to read the two books I've mentioned in this post. There's a reason why even your smallest, simplest parts were "born" and you very well may be alive today because of them. So, even if I don't have a name for one of these partial personality fragments, I still make it a point to thank them. They helped keep me safe, they helped me stay sane.
TRIGGER WARNING! Some examples of dissociative outbursts and child abuse ahead. Please stay safe.
But, I had what felt like a set-back the other day. I got really triggered and reacted violently. I spent almost a whole day disparaging myself and even had some self-harm return. I tried so hard to pull myself back, but felt so out of control. I pulled out every grounding trick in the book. I did grounding exercises I haven't even thought of in years. But, it still took me about 24 hours to feel like myself again.
I was really disappointed because I allowed some behaviors to come out that I thought I had contracted against with various parts. I've discovered--and begun to work with--two new parts in the last few weeks. Maybe this is yet another new part who has no such contract with me. I'm not sure.
This got me wondering. Just how is a part "born" anyway? Mine seem to have come about for a whole plethora of reasons. Some are like full-fledged personalities and have tried to run away and start their own lives or have pushed me aside and tried to live life their own way with me out of the way, so to speak.
Some parts have very well-defined roles. Many of these roles are quite dysfunctional for my life now, so I've had to define and assign new roles to some parts. Other parts are what my T refers to as "partial splits," without much of a fleshed-out personality of their own at all. These splits seem to have come about for very specific, time-limited functions designed to keep me alive in my childhood's life-threatening situations.
For example, the first part I ever heard of by name--this was three years ago--was Nina. I was told she "comes out when we're in the shower." If you've ever read the account on my dot com site called, "A Fear Of Plastic Shower Curtains," You can understand why my helpless child self might have wanted to create a part just to take over when I need to take a shower. I haven't worked specifically with Nina via any kind of dialogue, but I have done EMDR on the shower torture incidents and I've done a lot of comforting and self-care work in therapy around this daily hygiene challenge.
In the very first chapter of The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook, Deborah Bray Haddock explains, "In systems where extreme splitting occurs, clients report a host of personality fragments created to do specific tasks, such as cooking, cleaning the house or going to school. Once the task is performed, the fragment becomes inactive."
In the book, The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization, the authors talk about "a fragment that has only a minimal set of response patterns to stimuli, life history, and range of emotion/affect but has knowledge for a short period of time." They go on to say that the actions of some of these fragments are very specialized. "Some...have a very specific purpose during traumatization."
In my case, I have another split or fragment, that I don't have a name for, who came about for the sole purpose of helping me hold my breath for a long time when my father would try to drown me in the bath water. I don't know much about these partial splits or fragments, but it makes sense to me that they would not be very developed if their survival purpose was quite distinct and unique to specific situations that I don't repeatedly come across throughout the day as I go about the business of life.
Then, I have some parts who I have named--or labeled--to match their functions. These functions are more broad than the two I've just mentioned, but still don't lead these labeled parts to control the body for any great length of time. There's Sentry, who I first started getting cooperation with in March of 2007. He was a great help to me when some creep followed me on the streets of Chicago once. Sentry is not afraid to get in any one's face in order to protect me. Unfortunately, he was getting up in peoples faces in inappropriate ways that didn't match present-day situations. So, I had to contract with him to stay located in an internal lighthouse and only "come to the rescue" if some stranger approaches me in a dark parking lot, or something like that.
I have another part I call Serena. But, she's not so much serene as she is still. That is, literally, her role: She keeps the body still so that there can be no self-harm or suicide attempts. I haven't felt her around much lately, but I sure coulda used her the other day when I slapped myself in the face seven or eight times. Luckily, I was able to stop myself rather quickly and vowed to engage in no further self-injury, even without any obvious help from Serena.
Whether my part splits are currently helpful in my day-to-day life, or the actions of these fragments are now dysfunctional for me as an adult living in a safe environment, I'm glad I'm learning about them. For a while, I was convinced that unless I found a part who had a high degree of autonomy and emancipation, I wasn't dealing with dissociated pieces of myself. This is one of the reasons why the "Man, I must be crazy" attitude persisted with me for such a long time.
If you are a dissociative child abuse survivor who is uncovering less complex personality fragments and doubting your diagnosis (or your sanity), I encourage you to read the two books I've mentioned in this post. There's a reason why even your smallest, simplest parts were "born" and you very well may be alive today because of them. So, even if I don't have a name for one of these partial personality fragments, I still make it a point to thank them. They helped keep me safe, they helped me stay sane.
Labels: aftermath, alters, birthdays, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, child abuse, dissociation, mapping, memory work, parts, self-care, torture, trauma, triggers
February 10, 2010
New Hosts Make The Carnival Go 'Round!
I want to introduce you to a new host for our Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. She will be hosting for February at Issue Knitting. We call her IK and she's not only hosting this month, she also celebrates her birthday this time of year. For this reason, we will be using a birthday theme for this carnival edition.
Here's what IK says: "As this month is the month of my birthday, I am suggesting birthdays as a theme. Birthdays are a reminder of our entrance into this world. Thus, birthdays may have an effect on abuse or the healing from such abuse. For me, birthdays have a bittersweet impression because of this. Additional tension and conflict during birthdays, resentment and guilt doled out, and a gratitude for being alive are all associated to birthdays for me. By no means is one required to submit something birthday-related. All are welcome!"
As usual, we still have our regular categories for submission as well: Survivor Stories, Poetry, Art Therapy, In The News, Healing & Therapy, Advocacy & Awareness and Aftermath.
But, I gotta tell ya, I really started thinking about this birthday theme. I think it must have been synchronicity; I go for months on end without attending church and then this past weekend, I not only went to a church retreat for women, but I also did a reading on Sunday morning. The topic Sunday was eugenics. The reason I was appropriate to do a reading is because I was one of the people attending church the day they asked for volunteers who had a parent who was diagnosed with a mental illness before they had children. This topic really got me thinking about what it would be like if I had never been born. So, I'll be writing a post about this and submitting it for the carnival.
Won't you please submit something, too? It doesn't have to be anything related to the theme, nor does it have to be a newly-created post. Just find something and send it in, won't you? I really want us all to support our new hosts. If I was limited to participating bloggers who have so generously hosted multiple times, we'd all have quite a bit of work to commit to each year, with twelve carnival editions to publish. New hosts are the lifeblood of this carnival. They do, indeed, make our Carnival Against Child Abuse go 'round!
The deadline for this month's carnival is Wednesday, February 17 and IK will have the edition up on Friday, 2/19. You can link to the submission form here.
Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, community
February 03, 2010
I'm So Vain, I Probably Think This Blog Is About Me
Here's a question you probably wouldn't expect lil' ol' cyber klutz me to ask: Have you ever looked up your blog's page rank or link popularity? I have to admit, in the early days of my blog I did this quite regularly. You see, I don't have a tracker on my blog. The closest thing I have is the map you see on the sidebar down there; I think it's fun to see where in the world people are coming from to view my blog. But, if you don't leave a comment here, I don't know you've come by other than the red dot that forms on that map, indicating your general location.
Often times, I find that people are linking to me and they've never left a comment on my blog before. So, in the early days, I would look up my links, then I'd give a reciprocal link back and build up my blogroll. This was back in the days when you could get a lot more, up-to-date, specific information about your blog links over at Technorati and before Marketleap started charging fees for their services. I have to admit, I was pretty excited, back in 2006, when my blog was in the top 50,000 blogs for a brief period of time!
I also have to admit that my blogroll got so long, that I really didn't pay it much attention for a while. Couple the huge blogroll with the fall-into-winter therapy marathon that just ended, and I think it's fair to say that my blog (and my dot com site) were a bit neglected for a while.
Well, I decided to go over to Survivors Can Thrive! and do some updating on my dot com site, and I also decided to update some things on the template of this blog. At the same time, just for the heck of it, I decided to look at my page rank for the first time in a long while. I'm not gonna lie to you: I was pretty disappointed to see how far my blog's rank has fallen. I'm a bit worried--to be honest--that it's threatening to fall off the bloggy radar altogether.
I know how fast things change in the cyber world. Folks just stop blogging all the time. Folks change their blogs and start up new ones. I know there are some blogger folks who I've linked to for quite a while who don't have links on their blogs--no blogroll. I knew that I wasn't getting any link popularity from those folks who weren't linking to me (duh! I'm not that much of a cyber klutz). But, what I didn't know until recently is that, when I link to a blog that does not link back to me, it actually "drains" my blog rank, so to speak. Here's an article that explains it. It's pretty complicated, but there were a few things I got that really stood out and that was one of them.
In case you're interested, here are a couple more links that you can use to research your page rank and link popularity for your own blog.
I still don't think I'm going to put a site counter on my blog--that would just make me too crazy. But, maybe I am just vain enough that I don't want to see my blog completely fall off the bloggy radar. So, I have taken some links off my sidebar to blogs who aren't linking to me. If you find that one of these is your blog, please don't take it personally. I will still follow your blog with Google Friend Connect, if you have that feature. I will follow you over at Twitter if you ask me to, invite you to The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, visit your blog and comment there. If you are listed over at BlogCatalog, or Technorati, I will certainly fave you or add you as a friend. Just ask.
Oh, and another thing: I have a lot of links in the Resources section of my dot com site, as well. My dot com site is another story. I do have a tracker over there that comes with the paid-for, monthly web host service. (I try to stay away from it as much as I can, but look at it occasionally.)
In the link department, I've got some biggies listed there. I've got book titles linked to Amazon, and I've got websites like the Sidran and EMDR institutes, ChildHelp USA and so on. These big agencies have never linked to me, so I guess that's why my dot com site has never ranked high. I'm not so concerned about that; I just want it to be available to anyone who wants to use it as a resource. And if you have anything that you think would be helpful to link as a resource under my pages of Books, Survivor Support, Advocacy & Abuse Prevention, Treatment & Research, or Survivor Issues, let me know and I'll look into adding you there.
But, here at my blog is where I run The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse every month. So many of us have been involved in this important awareness-raising carnival since 2006 and I want it to stay as visible as possible. So, please don't chalk it up to vanity that I'm looking at my page rank and making some adjustments. And, please do let me know if you get a link up to me and I'll be happy to reciprocate, as usual. And one last thing: If you see that you don't have a link on my sidebar and you don't know why, don't be shy; ask me about it. I may have had a dissociative or plain ol' spacey moment and it might just be an oversight.
Often times, I find that people are linking to me and they've never left a comment on my blog before. So, in the early days, I would look up my links, then I'd give a reciprocal link back and build up my blogroll. This was back in the days when you could get a lot more, up-to-date, specific information about your blog links over at Technorati and before Marketleap started charging fees for their services. I have to admit, I was pretty excited, back in 2006, when my blog was in the top 50,000 blogs for a brief period of time!
I also have to admit that my blogroll got so long, that I really didn't pay it much attention for a while. Couple the huge blogroll with the fall-into-winter therapy marathon that just ended, and I think it's fair to say that my blog (and my dot com site) were a bit neglected for a while.
Well, I decided to go over to Survivors Can Thrive! and do some updating on my dot com site, and I also decided to update some things on the template of this blog. At the same time, just for the heck of it, I decided to look at my page rank for the first time in a long while. I'm not gonna lie to you: I was pretty disappointed to see how far my blog's rank has fallen. I'm a bit worried--to be honest--that it's threatening to fall off the bloggy radar altogether.
I know how fast things change in the cyber world. Folks just stop blogging all the time. Folks change their blogs and start up new ones. I know there are some blogger folks who I've linked to for quite a while who don't have links on their blogs--no blogroll. I knew that I wasn't getting any link popularity from those folks who weren't linking to me (duh! I'm not that much of a cyber klutz). But, what I didn't know until recently is that, when I link to a blog that does not link back to me, it actually "drains" my blog rank, so to speak. Here's an article that explains it. It's pretty complicated, but there were a few things I got that really stood out and that was one of them.
In case you're interested, here are a couple more links that you can use to research your page rank and link popularity for your own blog.
I still don't think I'm going to put a site counter on my blog--that would just make me too crazy. But, maybe I am just vain enough that I don't want to see my blog completely fall off the bloggy radar. So, I have taken some links off my sidebar to blogs who aren't linking to me. If you find that one of these is your blog, please don't take it personally. I will still follow your blog with Google Friend Connect, if you have that feature. I will follow you over at Twitter if you ask me to, invite you to The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, visit your blog and comment there. If you are listed over at BlogCatalog, or Technorati, I will certainly fave you or add you as a friend. Just ask.
Oh, and another thing: I have a lot of links in the Resources section of my dot com site, as well. My dot com site is another story. I do have a tracker over there that comes with the paid-for, monthly web host service. (I try to stay away from it as much as I can, but look at it occasionally.)
In the link department, I've got some biggies listed there. I've got book titles linked to Amazon, and I've got websites like the Sidran and EMDR institutes, ChildHelp USA and so on. These big agencies have never linked to me, so I guess that's why my dot com site has never ranked high. I'm not so concerned about that; I just want it to be available to anyone who wants to use it as a resource. And if you have anything that you think would be helpful to link as a resource under my pages of Books, Survivor Support, Advocacy & Abuse Prevention, Treatment & Research, or Survivor Issues, let me know and I'll look into adding you there.
But, here at my blog is where I run The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse every month. So many of us have been involved in this important awareness-raising carnival since 2006 and I want it to stay as visible as possible. So, please don't chalk it up to vanity that I'm looking at my page rank and making some adjustments. And, please do let me know if you get a link up to me and I'll be happy to reciprocate, as usual. And one last thing: If you see that you don't have a link on my sidebar and you don't know why, don't be shy; ask me about it. I may have had a dissociative or plain ol' spacey moment and it might just be an oversight.
Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, child abuse prevention, community, links
January 12, 2010
Some 2010 Business
Update 1/20/10: Great news!
Our wonderful friend, Paul, at Mindparts is coming through for us to host the January edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Hooray! The edition will be posted on Friday, 1/29 and submissions must be turned in by the deadline of Wednesday, 1/27. Click on that BC widget to the left there on my sidebar to go straight to the submission form.
It looks like I also have enough interest with hosts to cover monthly editions for about six or seven other months for 2010. I could still use some hosts for most of the summer and fall months, so be thinking about it won't you? Thanks!
***
Still sick here, but not nearly as bad. Thanks for the well wishes, all.
Before I forget, I want to conduct some business. We have GOT to get some hosts lined up for 2010 monthly editions of our Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. At the present moment, I don't have anybody. Any interest out there? If you've participated by submitting blog posts to our carnival in the past, I'd really like to encourage you to host. It's really quite simple and I help you through it every step of the way.
If you think you could help us out with hosting, please leave a comment and let me know what month preference, if any, that you have. Thanks for considering, everyone. I know our blog carnival has become a very important mode of sharing, survivor solidarity, advocacy and awareness- raising. Let's keep it going strong for another year!
Our wonderful friend, Paul, at Mindparts is coming through for us to host the January edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Hooray! The edition will be posted on Friday, 1/29 and submissions must be turned in by the deadline of Wednesday, 1/27. Click on that BC widget to the left there on my sidebar to go straight to the submission form.
It looks like I also have enough interest with hosts to cover monthly editions for about six or seven other months for 2010. I could still use some hosts for most of the summer and fall months, so be thinking about it won't you? Thanks!
***
Still sick here, but not nearly as bad. Thanks for the well wishes, all.
Before I forget, I want to conduct some business. We have GOT to get some hosts lined up for 2010 monthly editions of our Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. At the present moment, I don't have anybody. Any interest out there? If you've participated by submitting blog posts to our carnival in the past, I'd really like to encourage you to host. It's really quite simple and I help you through it every step of the way.
If you think you could help us out with hosting, please leave a comment and let me know what month preference, if any, that you have. Thanks for considering, everyone. I know our blog carnival has become a very important mode of sharing, survivor solidarity, advocacy and awareness- raising. Let's keep it going strong for another year!
Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse prevention
