July 27, 2011
Bad Timing
Sometimes I have the worst timing. I put my blog on its "updated only once-in-a-while" status just as I was about to hit one of the most challenging times of my life. It's been a difficult few months, not having the support of my bloggy buddies and the survivor solidarity I have always felt here.
Oh well. I haven't had the energy to do all my survivor advocacy stuff I used to do in the blogosphere, either. So I guess it's just one of those trade-offs of life.
As many of you know, my son has special needs and raising him has brought me the most love I have ever experienced, yet tested and challenged me more than I think I can bear sometimes. Up until recently, my son has not had much of a social life, in real life anyway (outside of gaming online and Facebook). Now, this summer, he has started to hang around kids who have way too much freedom, are smoking, doing drugs, etc. He finally feels accepted and I have always longed for him to have that and I know how important it is. I just hope he can come to realize the value of feeling accepted by kids who show more responsibility, make better choices and have stronger values.
So, with the help of his therapist, we've had to come down pretty hard with structure and consequences around here. We now have to up this part of the parenting game even more, as he just came back with dirty results on a recent UA for pot. I wouldn't be so upset about it if he were in college or something...but he is only 14 years old!
I feel amazingly fatigued just sharing this much right now. I'll try to get back and share more later. Any positive vibes, thoughts and/or prayers that any of you can send out there right now would be greatly appreciated.
Oh well. I haven't had the energy to do all my survivor advocacy stuff I used to do in the blogosphere, either. So I guess it's just one of those trade-offs of life.
As many of you know, my son has special needs and raising him has brought me the most love I have ever experienced, yet tested and challenged me more than I think I can bear sometimes. Up until recently, my son has not had much of a social life, in real life anyway (outside of gaming online and Facebook). Now, this summer, he has started to hang around kids who have way too much freedom, are smoking, doing drugs, etc. He finally feels accepted and I have always longed for him to have that and I know how important it is. I just hope he can come to realize the value of feeling accepted by kids who show more responsibility, make better choices and have stronger values.
So, with the help of his therapist, we've had to come down pretty hard with structure and consequences around here. We now have to up this part of the parenting game even more, as he just came back with dirty results on a recent UA for pot. I wouldn't be so upset about it if he were in college or something...but he is only 14 years old!
I feel amazingly fatigued just sharing this much right now. I'll try to get back and share more later. Any positive vibes, thoughts and/or prayers that any of you can send out there right now would be greatly appreciated.
Labels: attachment, being human, breaking the cycle, community, overwhelm, support
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hey Marj, nice to see you! I'm so sorry you have to deal with another life hurdle. Dang, it never ends, does it. ::sigh::
You have been thru and dealt with sooo many things, I'm sure you'll tackle this one.
I feel your pain, been thru it myself.
Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. Hang in there sweetie. xoxo ~Tia
You have been thru and dealt with sooo many things, I'm sure you'll tackle this one.
I feel your pain, been thru it myself.
Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. Hang in there sweetie. xoxo ~Tia
I'm just floating around in the blogoshere this morning. I popped over to your blog from Dr. K. Young's blog. Just thought I'd offer a little support. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job trying to keep your son on a healthy and happy path through his teen years.
We all know being a teenager essentially sucks -except for those few golden "popular" kids. Just keep communicating with him. Let him know your expectations (no drugs), but also let him know what an awesome kid he is, remind him of how well he does some certain thing (even if it's just that his smile makes people happy), and praise him even for the smallest accomplishments.
You'll be the mom who instills positive thoughts inside your child's mind. Positive thoughts that will encourage, comfort and support him through these difficult years.
There will be lots of bumps in the road. He's growing up and trying to find his way into adulthood. Be confident in all the proactive steps you are taking, and be confident in him. He will make mistakes -lots of them, little ones and a few big ones. But his mistakes will not define him.
He can and will grow into a healthy, happy young man. Keep faith in your son's abilities and in your love, guidance, perseverance as his mom.
We all know being a teenager essentially sucks -except for those few golden "popular" kids. Just keep communicating with him. Let him know your expectations (no drugs), but also let him know what an awesome kid he is, remind him of how well he does some certain thing (even if it's just that his smile makes people happy), and praise him even for the smallest accomplishments.
You'll be the mom who instills positive thoughts inside your child's mind. Positive thoughts that will encourage, comfort and support him through these difficult years.
There will be lots of bumps in the road. He's growing up and trying to find his way into adulthood. Be confident in all the proactive steps you are taking, and be confident in him. He will make mistakes -lots of them, little ones and a few big ones. But his mistakes will not define him.
He can and will grow into a healthy, happy young man. Keep faith in your son's abilities and in your love, guidance, perseverance as his mom.
# posted by 
: July 29, 2011 9:06 AM
: July 29, 2011 9:06 AM
Wow! These are such supportive, helpful comments. Thank you both so much. Just what I needed! :)
Tia: So nice to "see" you! *hugs*
Tia: So nice to "see" you! *hugs*
Hey marj....it's great to see you here.....although your post is a tough one for any parent watching their child struggle and knowing they have to let him or her discover themselves...they way we ourselves are doing. Being there when he's ready is the best....and prayer....it works too. Stay strong and cool.....
Oh Marj. I'm so sorry you are in the midst of dealing with this.
Those teen years are hard, but I know you are a great mom, and y'all will get through this!!
I'm praying for all of you!
Those teen years are hard, but I know you are a great mom, and y'all will get through this!!
I'm praying for all of you!
Missed you Marj!
Sorry to hear the last few months have been so challenging. Teenagers are rough on a good day, impossible on a bad.
I don't have kids myself, but I teach teenagers so I know sometimes you can only take one day at a time.
Glad to see you posting again!
Sorry to hear the last few months have been so challenging. Teenagers are rough on a good day, impossible on a bad.
I don't have kids myself, but I teach teenagers so I know sometimes you can only take one day at a time.
Glad to see you posting again!
Oh my, rough, rough. Another arrow of outrageous fortune fired your way. Fourteen is such a tough age anyway, and then throw in the special needs complexity. I wish I could be more supportive, but at least can say what I've seen of you on the net makes it clear you have the guts it takes to pull through. I'm sure your son will become a fine man someday.
Adventures in Anxiety Land
Adventures in Anxiety Land
Tracie, Lily, & Blue Morpho: So wonderful to "see" you three! Thanks for stopping by and remembering me. Yes, right now, we're taking it an hour at a time! But, he is going into high school in the next couple of weeks and, so far, he still says he wants to get good grades and try to go to college, so maybe that will calm things down for him. Keep sending up those vibes and prayers. THANKS!
Hello Marj,
I've already created a website to help people overcome sexual abuse through the tools I've been using to overcome the effects that I've experienced on myself.
If you keep on having the desire to live the amazing life you deserve and you are able to create nothing can stop you :)
For me to acknowledge this desire and to make little steps every day to go for my dreams are the key.
And also ask for help each time I need to.
Lots of love,
Ahimsa
I've already created a website to help people overcome sexual abuse through the tools I've been using to overcome the effects that I've experienced on myself.
If you keep on having the desire to live the amazing life you deserve and you are able to create nothing can stop you :)
For me to acknowledge this desire and to make little steps every day to go for my dreams are the key.
And also ask for help each time I need to.
Lots of love,
Ahimsa
Oh man, so sorry to hear! {and I'm so sorry I didn't notice your latest post until now :(} Wishing you the very best, and sending you lots of prayers & hugs!!!
I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. I don't want to alarm you, actually I do....because I wish someone woulds have alarmed me. My son started out drinking beer and smoking pot with the "cool crowd of kids" when he was 15. By 17 he was addicted to heroin. Since then his life and my life have revolved around his addiction and almost four years later, things are worse, not better. There is a heroin epidemic all across the USA right now and its the most dangerous drug out there. Please keep testing y our son, please watch out for his friends. Please do all the things I didn't do because i thought my son would "know better". He was addicted after one use, that's how powerful it is. I write a blog about it if you want to know more.
http://parentofheroinaddict.blogspot.com/
Please give us an update on your life....
http://parentofheroinaddict.blogspot.com/
Please give us an update on your life....
Hi I am sorry to hear that you have so much more struggle. I will light a candle for you and keep you in my prayers. Lisa
# posted by : August 25, 2011 4:09 AM
: August 25, 2011 4:09 AM
Sorry to leave an unrelated comment, but I couldn’t find any contact info for you. I’m wondering if you’d be interested in having a guest post on your site. Please drop me an e-mail at alliegamble81@gmail.com. Thanks!
Hi, I'm sorry to leave (another) unrelated comment, but I contacted you a while ago to ask if you would be interested in having a guest poster. My name's Allie Gamble, and I'd love to pitch some ideas to you. Please drop me an e-mail at alliegamble81@gmail.com. Thanks!
marj,
i have thought of you so many times and now i know those were promptings and proddings which i did not follow.
know that you are in my heart and that i think of you. i will listen and follow my inner voice, please forgive me. i want to be there for you, please let me know how.
my son is 22 this Sunday and it is just this past year through a new friend that God brought to our lives that we realize he had aspbergers all along. my new friend has a son the exact age and we are just amazed at what a difference understanding our son has made for us, it is truly a miracle. my heart is with you.
xoxo
i have thought of you so many times and now i know those were promptings and proddings which i did not follow.
know that you are in my heart and that i think of you. i will listen and follow my inner voice, please forgive me. i want to be there for you, please let me know how.
my son is 22 this Sunday and it is just this past year through a new friend that God brought to our lives that we realize he had aspbergers all along. my new friend has a son the exact age and we are just amazed at what a difference understanding our son has made for us, it is truly a miracle. my heart is with you.
xoxo
Sorry to be so MIA lately. Thank you so much for remembering me and leaving comments. I will try to get back and leave individual responses to comments and write a brief update later today or tomorrow.
I hadn't been to my website's e-mail inbox for a long time and I had 160 messages to wade through there. Today is a therapy day, so I may have to catch up tomorrow or over the weekend.
Thanks again and healing blessings to all!
I hadn't been to my website's e-mail inbox for a long time and I had 160 messages to wade through there. Today is a therapy day, so I may have to catch up tomorrow or over the weekend.
Thanks again and healing blessings to all!
Best of luck for your Future,,,,
This is such a wonderful timing which you have face,,,,,,, learn from it for your success.......
This is such a wonderful timing which you have face,,,,,,, learn from it for your success.......
my name is Cheryl and I am the author of twenty-eight journeys. Below is my blog
http://twenty-eightjourneys.blogspot.com/2011/12/thank-you-note-from-author.html
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