September 10, 2010
It's Whiny Weeny Time
I hate to be a whiny weeny, but things are just so hard sometimes, ya know? I'm having some really rough body memories and reactions to the therapy I'm doing right now. I'm just so exhausted from it all and now my body is reacting to it, too. I won't go into the gory details, but I'm having some gastrointestinal ickyness and now I've got a bad cold.
I'm still reeling from the fact that my son got suspended from school the other day. He has to be suspended for a minimum of five days, which means I'm basically home schooling him at the moment. We go for a hearing next week. It's a long, crazy story.
Do you ever want to ask, "Why me, Universe, really? Could you pick on somebody else for a while?"
I'll put up a post about our next blog carnival. It will be next week, folks, so look at the widget on my sidebar and get those posts in, please. Other than keeping up with that, I'm going to be a bit under the radar some more for a while. Thanks for your patience, understanding, and continuing those very thoughtful and supportive comments, all. I do appreciate you greatly.
I'm still reeling from the fact that my son got suspended from school the other day. He has to be suspended for a minimum of five days, which means I'm basically home schooling him at the moment. We go for a hearing next week. It's a long, crazy story.
Do you ever want to ask, "Why me, Universe, really? Could you pick on somebody else for a while?"
I'll put up a post about our next blog carnival. It will be next week, folks, so look at the widget on my sidebar and get those posts in, please. Other than keeping up with that, I'm going to be a bit under the radar some more for a while. Thanks for your patience, understanding, and continuing those very thoughtful and supportive comments, all. I do appreciate you greatly.
Labels: aftermath, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, body connection, body memories, IBS, support, therapy
May 26, 2010
Living In The Body: The Trade-Offs Of Life
I don't like to be a downer or complainer. And I'm afraid of being a hypochondriac like my mother. So, I don't talk about physical ailments much. But, lately, I've really been struggling physically. I don't know if it's simply part of getting older, going through perimenopause, or just getting used to being in my body, now that I don't constantly dissociate every bodily feeling away. It's probably a combination of things.
There are the on-going struggles. Some of them I find answers and solutions for. Other things, I may never figure out. In my child abuse recovery therapy, I get many body memories. I've gotten rather used to them and they seem to always pass eventually. However, I believe that I probably have some old injuries that I received during childhood torture that never received any medical attention.
There are the little, nagging things. This spring, for instance, my allergies have been driving me crazy! There are the things that I don't really want to have a doctor tell me about, because I don't want some crazy surgery suggested. Like, for instance my mysterious problem I have with swallowing sometimes. I've chalked this up to some kind of allergy reaction/flemmy thing and I simply try to control it with antihistamines and expectorants.
Here's the trade-off part: The upside is that I'm much better now at comforting and nurturing my little inner child parts who get scared whenever there is any physical feeling of pain. I don't automatically turn to dissociation and ignore what my body is trying to tell me. I used to have an extremely high tolerance for pain. Take, for example, the fact that I had my son without any drugs or pain medication whatsoever...even though he was flipped and I had back labor! I used to ignore anything my body was trying to tell me.
I take much better care of myself than I used to. I don't work myself until I literally drop any more. I hardly ever drink coffee these days. I don't overindulge in alcohol and I no longer smoke. I get outside and move my body with regular exercise. I'm not on any prescription medications and I take some really great natural supplements.
...On the other hand...
Now that I'm more consistently in my body, there are a lot of things I notice that hurt! Over the last four years, I've fallen during biking and skiing accidents and broke ribs on both sides. I had some skin cancer removed from my face. I've dealt with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome in my right shoulder and arm and avoided surgery (thank goodness).
I've been struggling with this perimenopause over about eight years now. All of my female relatives, including my twin, have had hysterectomies, so I don't know how this is supposed to go. But, I feel embarrassed to say that it has not gone smoothly for me. I've gotten the hot flashes and night sweats somewhat under control, but my periods are now very troublesome. I won't go into the gory details, but I've really had to work on my anemia and I've had a lot of monthly pain and PMS symptoms. I try to deal with it naturally, but I have gotten consultations from two different medical doctors. One just told me to take lots of Ibuprofen and the other ran some blood tests and simply stated that my hormone levels were "within normal limits."
Now, my D.O. says I have tendinitis ("tennis elbow") from the repetitive actions of my hours at the drawing table working on my botanical illustration. The pain and weakness in my right arm would get so bad sometimes, that I would go to pick something up (maybe even something as small as a coffee cup) and I'd almost drop it! I'd have to steady the object quickly with my left hand. I'm taking lots of breaks from the desk and drawing table, and I'm doing stretches and taking a supplement that all seem to be helping somewhat with that.
The nagging pain that I haven't been able to get consistent relief on is in my back, between my shoulder blades. My D.O. and my massage therapist have helped me get only fleeting relief here. After a night where I slept very little-- because of extreme discomfort and bloating feeling...and feeling like the food I had eaten that day (this was Sunday) just didn't seem to be digesting or moving in the right direction--I did a little on-line research. I think I've come to the conclusion that I've got some gall bladder problems. I'm a good candidate for it: my grandfather had his gall bladder removed. My mother is morbidly obese and has diabetes. I'm not sure if she's had her gall bladder out or not, but it wouldn't surprise me.
I'm sure it's no big news to anyone who knows about my abusive and neglected childhood that I was not taught any healthy eating habits. I have a terrible sweet tooth. I can get off smoking, drinking and coffee easier than I can get off of my addiction to sugar, carbs and fattening foods. I have been using them--eating "comfort foods"--way too much ever since I started the therapy marathon for my dissociative disorder back in October.
I was complaining recently to my D.O. that, even with the weather improving and getting out and getting a lot more exercise lately, I haven't lost any weight. (I have about 20 pounds I'd like to get rid of.) He suggested that I go out first thing in the morning, before I've had any calories, and take a brisk walk for an hour. In this way, my body has no other choice but to burn fat for its fuel. Brilliant, right? I thought so and I've started doing this three-to-five times a week. I enjoy it and it feels great, but I haven't lost anything yet. This bloaty feeling continues to bother me and I was floored to see on several sites online that gall bladder symptoms can cause this pain between the shoulder blades! Uh oh!
I've got an appointment with my D.O. next week and I'll talk to him about my suspicions. I'd like to try to get it under control with diet (and exercise) and avoid surgery if at all possible. In my research, I noticed that a lot of foods that are recommended for a healthy gall bladder and a lot of foods you are supposed to avoid are similar to the colon cleanse and diet I did three years ago when I lost 18 pounds. I don't think it can hurt, and it certainly might help. At the very least, maybe I'll lose some of that weight and not feel so bloated all the time. If you read this here post and comments from three years ago, you'll see that I enjoyed some of those results then.
I discovered that there are some specific gall bladder cleanses/flushes I can try, too. But, I'm not going to launch into any of those before I talk to a doctor.
For now, I've been shopping for lots of organic items at the health food store and I've got a diet plan. I'm going to cut out all dairy except for low-fat cottage cheese. No more butter and no more ice cream! I'm going to limit bread to only whole-sprouted grain types. No more baked goods like cookies and cinnamon rolls!
I'm going to eat lots of leafy greens and vegetables (avoiding the tooty cabbage family) with organic olive oil, apple cider vinegar and lemon on my salads for dressing. I'm eating fruits like apples, pears and apricots, with yummy berries for a treat. I'm going to severely limit my intake of meat (I never eat much anyway) and emphasize cold-water fish like salmon and trout with lots of Omega 3's. For some reason, several of the sites I looked at suggested eliminating or limiting fowl. I usually eat a lot of chicken, but I'll try this for a while.
I've switched from my black tea in the morning to green tea. I'm drinking lots of fresh-pressed carrot, apple and grape juice, as well as soothing chamomile tea. And, of course, I'm drinking lots of water. I have to admit, over the last several months, I had kinda gotten out of the habit of drinking as much water as I usually try to.
Thankfully, I'm just at the right time of the year to really be successful at this. There are so many choices of fresh fruits and vegetables coming into the stores right now. And we're signed up to receive a box every week from a local, natural grower here in Colorado. Also, I will have my organic herb and vegetable garden plot, as usual, this summer. I'm going to try to emphasize the organic choices even more than I usually do. Something I read said that herbicides and pesticides really wreak havoc on the gall bladder. That just sounds like a good idea to me.
If you've listened to/read all of this so far, I thank you for your compassion and understanding. I really don't mean to be a complainer. Being all negative and judgmental doesn't serve me well. I really am grateful, overall. Other than the IBS that I continue to work to control, I don't suffer with a lot of common ailments and disorders that many of us survivors have to live with. I don't have lupus or fibromyalgia. I get migraines from time to time, but not often. Although I'm struggling with a perimenopause that is not worry-free, I still have all my female organs intact. I'm a little chunky, but I don't have any full-blown eating disorders.
I am counting my blessings. And I hope to have even more to count and report back to you before I leave for our summer vacation at the end of June. In the meantime, I've gotten behind on a lot of things. I hope to finish my final botanical illustration plate in my Colored Pencil II class this week. After that, I'll be taking two months off from my classes. My backyard landscape project has been almost at a standstill, but I'm determined to finish it on my three-year plan--which means this summer. I've got to hurry and get some plants in the ground before it gets too hot.
I will continue to keep the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse up and running on a monthly basis. But, I am behind on many interview and guest blog requests and things of that nature. I shouldn't keep promising when I think I'll be caught up on those, so I won't right now. I even got a cute award with a meme attached from my dear friend Katie recently, and I had hoped to pass that along. I'm not sure when I'll get to it. I'm just going to try to stick to this diet and exercise routine and get to feeling physically better. That's my first priority. I hope that all of you are well and working your way over to the thriving end of the Survivors-Can-Thrive spectrum. I have the utmost compassion for all of you, to, you know. And I'll try to get around to some of your blogs soon.
There are the on-going struggles. Some of them I find answers and solutions for. Other things, I may never figure out. In my child abuse recovery therapy, I get many body memories. I've gotten rather used to them and they seem to always pass eventually. However, I believe that I probably have some old injuries that I received during childhood torture that never received any medical attention.
There are the little, nagging things. This spring, for instance, my allergies have been driving me crazy! There are the things that I don't really want to have a doctor tell me about, because I don't want some crazy surgery suggested. Like, for instance my mysterious problem I have with swallowing sometimes. I've chalked this up to some kind of allergy reaction/flemmy thing and I simply try to control it with antihistamines and expectorants.
Here's the trade-off part: The upside is that I'm much better now at comforting and nurturing my little inner child parts who get scared whenever there is any physical feeling of pain. I don't automatically turn to dissociation and ignore what my body is trying to tell me. I used to have an extremely high tolerance for pain. Take, for example, the fact that I had my son without any drugs or pain medication whatsoever...even though he was flipped and I had back labor! I used to ignore anything my body was trying to tell me.
I take much better care of myself than I used to. I don't work myself until I literally drop any more. I hardly ever drink coffee these days. I don't overindulge in alcohol and I no longer smoke. I get outside and move my body with regular exercise. I'm not on any prescription medications and I take some really great natural supplements.
...On the other hand...
Now that I'm more consistently in my body, there are a lot of things I notice that hurt! Over the last four years, I've fallen during biking and skiing accidents and broke ribs on both sides. I had some skin cancer removed from my face. I've dealt with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome in my right shoulder and arm and avoided surgery (thank goodness).
I've been struggling with this perimenopause over about eight years now. All of my female relatives, including my twin, have had hysterectomies, so I don't know how this is supposed to go. But, I feel embarrassed to say that it has not gone smoothly for me. I've gotten the hot flashes and night sweats somewhat under control, but my periods are now very troublesome. I won't go into the gory details, but I've really had to work on my anemia and I've had a lot of monthly pain and PMS symptoms. I try to deal with it naturally, but I have gotten consultations from two different medical doctors. One just told me to take lots of Ibuprofen and the other ran some blood tests and simply stated that my hormone levels were "within normal limits."
Now, my D.O. says I have tendinitis ("tennis elbow") from the repetitive actions of my hours at the drawing table working on my botanical illustration. The pain and weakness in my right arm would get so bad sometimes, that I would go to pick something up (maybe even something as small as a coffee cup) and I'd almost drop it! I'd have to steady the object quickly with my left hand. I'm taking lots of breaks from the desk and drawing table, and I'm doing stretches and taking a supplement that all seem to be helping somewhat with that.
The nagging pain that I haven't been able to get consistent relief on is in my back, between my shoulder blades. My D.O. and my massage therapist have helped me get only fleeting relief here. After a night where I slept very little-- because of extreme discomfort and bloating feeling...and feeling like the food I had eaten that day (this was Sunday) just didn't seem to be digesting or moving in the right direction--I did a little on-line research. I think I've come to the conclusion that I've got some gall bladder problems. I'm a good candidate for it: my grandfather had his gall bladder removed. My mother is morbidly obese and has diabetes. I'm not sure if she's had her gall bladder out or not, but it wouldn't surprise me.
I'm sure it's no big news to anyone who knows about my abusive and neglected childhood that I was not taught any healthy eating habits. I have a terrible sweet tooth. I can get off smoking, drinking and coffee easier than I can get off of my addiction to sugar, carbs and fattening foods. I have been using them--eating "comfort foods"--way too much ever since I started the therapy marathon for my dissociative disorder back in October.
I was complaining recently to my D.O. that, even with the weather improving and getting out and getting a lot more exercise lately, I haven't lost any weight. (I have about 20 pounds I'd like to get rid of.) He suggested that I go out first thing in the morning, before I've had any calories, and take a brisk walk for an hour. In this way, my body has no other choice but to burn fat for its fuel. Brilliant, right? I thought so and I've started doing this three-to-five times a week. I enjoy it and it feels great, but I haven't lost anything yet. This bloaty feeling continues to bother me and I was floored to see on several sites online that gall bladder symptoms can cause this pain between the shoulder blades! Uh oh!
I've got an appointment with my D.O. next week and I'll talk to him about my suspicions. I'd like to try to get it under control with diet (and exercise) and avoid surgery if at all possible. In my research, I noticed that a lot of foods that are recommended for a healthy gall bladder and a lot of foods you are supposed to avoid are similar to the colon cleanse and diet I did three years ago when I lost 18 pounds. I don't think it can hurt, and it certainly might help. At the very least, maybe I'll lose some of that weight and not feel so bloated all the time. If you read this here post and comments from three years ago, you'll see that I enjoyed some of those results then.
I discovered that there are some specific gall bladder cleanses/flushes I can try, too. But, I'm not going to launch into any of those before I talk to a doctor.
For now, I've been shopping for lots of organic items at the health food store and I've got a diet plan. I'm going to cut out all dairy except for low-fat cottage cheese. No more butter and no more ice cream! I'm going to limit bread to only whole-sprouted grain types. No more baked goods like cookies and cinnamon rolls!
I'm going to eat lots of leafy greens and vegetables (avoiding the tooty cabbage family) with organic olive oil, apple cider vinegar and lemon on my salads for dressing. I'm eating fruits like apples, pears and apricots, with yummy berries for a treat. I'm going to severely limit my intake of meat (I never eat much anyway) and emphasize cold-water fish like salmon and trout with lots of Omega 3's. For some reason, several of the sites I looked at suggested eliminating or limiting fowl. I usually eat a lot of chicken, but I'll try this for a while.
I've switched from my black tea in the morning to green tea. I'm drinking lots of fresh-pressed carrot, apple and grape juice, as well as soothing chamomile tea. And, of course, I'm drinking lots of water. I have to admit, over the last several months, I had kinda gotten out of the habit of drinking as much water as I usually try to.
Thankfully, I'm just at the right time of the year to really be successful at this. There are so many choices of fresh fruits and vegetables coming into the stores right now. And we're signed up to receive a box every week from a local, natural grower here in Colorado. Also, I will have my organic herb and vegetable garden plot, as usual, this summer. I'm going to try to emphasize the organic choices even more than I usually do. Something I read said that herbicides and pesticides really wreak havoc on the gall bladder. That just sounds like a good idea to me.
If you've listened to/read all of this so far, I thank you for your compassion and understanding. I really don't mean to be a complainer. Being all negative and judgmental doesn't serve me well. I really am grateful, overall. Other than the IBS that I continue to work to control, I don't suffer with a lot of common ailments and disorders that many of us survivors have to live with. I don't have lupus or fibromyalgia. I get migraines from time to time, but not often. Although I'm struggling with a perimenopause that is not worry-free, I still have all my female organs intact. I'm a little chunky, but I don't have any full-blown eating disorders.
I am counting my blessings. And I hope to have even more to count and report back to you before I leave for our summer vacation at the end of June. In the meantime, I've gotten behind on a lot of things. I hope to finish my final botanical illustration plate in my Colored Pencil II class this week. After that, I'll be taking two months off from my classes. My backyard landscape project has been almost at a standstill, but I'm determined to finish it on my three-year plan--which means this summer. I've got to hurry and get some plants in the ground before it gets too hot.
I will continue to keep the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse up and running on a monthly basis. But, I am behind on many interview and guest blog requests and things of that nature. I shouldn't keep promising when I think I'll be caught up on those, so I won't right now. I even got a cute award with a meme attached from my dear friend Katie recently, and I had hoped to pass that along. I'm not sure when I'll get to it. I'm just going to try to stick to this diet and exercise routine and get to feeling physically better. That's my first priority. I hope that all of you are well and working your way over to the thriving end of the Survivors-Can-Thrive spectrum. I have the utmost compassion for all of you, to, you know. And I'll try to get around to some of your blogs soon.
Labels: aftermath, body connection, body memories, colon cleansing, comfort, dissociation, healing, IBS, inner child, self-care, weight-loss
May 12, 2009
Heard of Fibromyalgia?
I'm interested in fibromyalgia because I keep running into survivors who have it. It seems to be right up there with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and migraines--which I suffer with--as survivor health issues that there are no cures for.
Today is National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, so I thought I'd talk about it here. The first person I ever met with fibromyalgia was a roommate I had during one of my hospital stints. She was in so much pain that I felt like I should never complain about my IBS or migraines again. Her pain was pervasive and she had had many tests before her diagnosis.
Many of us are aware that fibromyalgia involves widespread pain and fatigue. But there are some common myths around the condition. The Mayo Clinic website has a helpful article that busts nine common myths about fibromyalgia. I have summarized the first six below.
Today is National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, so I thought I'd talk about it here. The first person I ever met with fibromyalgia was a roommate I had during one of my hospital stints. She was in so much pain that I felt like I should never complain about my IBS or migraines again. Her pain was pervasive and she had had many tests before her diagnosis.
Many of us are aware that fibromyalgia involves widespread pain and fatigue. But there are some common myths around the condition. The Mayo Clinic website has a helpful article that busts nine common myths about fibromyalgia. I have summarized the first six below.
- Myth: Most doctors don't believe fybromyalgia is a real condition. Truth: Fibromyalgia is defined by a list of symptoms and most doctors believe these symptoms are real.
- Myth: Fibromyalgia damages your joints. Truth: While the pain of fibromyalgia may be severe, it does not damage your muscles, joints or bones.
- Myth: You look fine so there's nothing wrong with you. Truth: Friends, family and co-workers may hold this belief because they don't understand. Be willing to talk about it. Raise awareness.
- Myth: You got the fibromyalgia diagnosis because your doctor couldn't find anything wrong with you. Truth: Fibromyalgia is a specific diagnosis based on a specific set of criteria devleoped by The American College of Rheumatology. But, diagnosing fibromyalgia can take time because there's no single test that can confirm you have it.
- Myth: Fibromyalgia only causes pain. Truth: People with fibromyalgia also often experience fatigue and difficulty sleeping, headaches, sensitivity to light, dizziness, memory problems, and numbness and tingling in the arms and legs. IBS, bladder control problems and mood disorders often accompany fibromyalgia.
- Myth: It's no use going to the doctor because no treatments for the condition exist. Truth: There's no standard treatment for it, but the FDA has now approved one drug for treating fibromyalgia and there are many options for controlling the pain, including medications, lifestyle changes, and alternative treatments.
Labels: abuse, advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Bloggers Unite, body connection, IBS, survivors
June 29, 2007
Body Cleansing & Cyber House Cleaning
I want to share something exciting with all of you: I've lost six pounds in the last eight days! Whoo hoo! My neighbor sells this 10-day colon cleanse and diet program and I'm nearing the end of the jump-start, 10-day program.
I was diagnosed with IBS over 15 years ago. My symptoms have been really flairing up lately. Sometimes my psychotherapy seems to get it to calm down, but lately this hasn't been the case. I was complaining to another neighbor that I was tired of feeling bloated all the time, and then this other neighbor piped up about what she's selling.
When I started the program, I knew I had at least 20 pounds I needed to lose. But, when you start this diet, they want you to measure yourself as well. I hadn't taken my measurements in years. Was I in for a shock! Yikes! You know the old "ideal," sexy measurements of 36-24-36? Well, mine had gone to 39-32-41! I used to consider myself pretty well-proportioned, but it seemed in my post-baby, perimenopause years that I'd lost my waist. Then, these measurements confirmed it.
So, I'm going to measure myself again on day 11 and see if there's been any change. I'm happy witht the weight loss and hope it will kinda jump-start my metabolism. Mine's been as slow as a slug lately and all the increased exercise I'd been doing since the start of the summer hadn't budged the scales more than about a pound. But, what I'm really hoping for is a healthier colon (gross, I know, but oh so important) and way less IBS trouble.
I was diagnosed with IBS over 15 years ago. My symptoms have been really flairing up lately. Sometimes my psychotherapy seems to get it to calm down, but lately this hasn't been the case. I was complaining to another neighbor that I was tired of feeling bloated all the time, and then this other neighbor piped up about what she's selling.
When I started the program, I knew I had at least 20 pounds I needed to lose. But, when you start this diet, they want you to measure yourself as well. I hadn't taken my measurements in years. Was I in for a shock! Yikes! You know the old "ideal," sexy measurements of 36-24-36? Well, mine had gone to 39-32-41! I used to consider myself pretty well-proportioned, but it seemed in my post-baby, perimenopause years that I'd lost my waist. Then, these measurements confirmed it.
So, I'm going to measure myself again on day 11 and see if there's been any change. I'm happy witht the weight loss and hope it will kinda jump-start my metabolism. Mine's been as slow as a slug lately and all the increased exercise I'd been doing since the start of the summer hadn't budged the scales more than about a pound. But, what I'm really hoping for is a healthier colon (gross, I know, but oh so important) and way less IBS trouble.
Apparently, an added bonus is that I'm feeling better emotionally as well. I mentioned this to my T. Maybe I'm getting all the built-up sh*t out, literally and figuratively! ;)
So, what else is going on? I feell bad that I got tagged with a couple of memes and didn't get around to them recently, but I was happy to get the first anniversary of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse organized and up. It was a great success and I have to thank all of you for making it so! THANK YOU! Now, I'm trying to come up with a little button that can be used for my Top Carnival Participant Award I mentioned. I've looked at Image Chef and Photobucket and can't find anything appropriate.
--> Does anybody know where else I could look to get some free art for this award button? I'd appreciate some leads.
Also, even more importantly:
--> We really, really need somebody to host the July edition of the carnival.
I thought I had someone signed up for July months ago, but now it doesn't look like it's going to go. My preference would be for a first-time host, just to keep everything on an even keel. However, I'm open to anyone who's willing. We can't let this important awareness-raising, advocacy event slide!
Labels: blog carnivals, colon cleansing, IBS, therapy, Top Carnival Participant Award, weight-loss
