September 26, 2011
Falling Through Fall
What I want to do here is an update on how my son is doing. After he came up dirty on a UA for pot, we put our son on random UA testing. He goes in and pees in a cup every seven to ten days on a random basis. I thought that he was making wiser decisions and we were in a period of rebuilding trust. Unfortunately, on Friday I got the results back for another dirty UA, this time for synthetic THC.
Friday was a hell of a day. Not only did we get the dirty UA results, but my son got a $250 graphing/geometry calculator stolen out of his backpack, too. So, the boy's house where he was at is now off limits, and so is that entire geographic area, near the local mall, etc.
But, I want to use this opportunity--if anyone is still reading this blog at all--to tell you about the synthetic THC. It is bad news. If you are the parent of a young adult or teenager, I urge you to educate yourself on this nasty substance.
Here is Colorado, it is often called "Colorado Chronic." It also goes by the more common names of K2 and Spice. It is sold as incense and is still legal (even for minors!) in some states. It consists of some kind of "organic" material that is sprayed with JWH-018 or some other chemical form of synthetic cannabinoid. It is usually many times stronger that the THC found in marijuana. It causes rapid heart rate, anxiety and sometimes delusional states that have lead smokers to violence and suicide.
When states try to ban it, the chemists go in and tweak the formula, rendering it legal again. Many states are struggling with the loop holes that this street drug slips through. I have heard that there are also "bath salts" on the market that kids are smoking as well. The two main reasons why these drugs have become so popular, especially with young kids and people in the military (or other situations where they undergo drug tests regularly), are as follows: 1) The drug often does not show up on routine drug tests. 2) The drug is sold as incense or some other legal substance and is available even to minors.
Luckily, my son's therapist has found a drug counselor here in town who will send urine samples in to the Redwood Toxicology Laboratory in Santa Rosa, California, and they do, indeed, test for synthetic pot.
For all of you who have shown your concern and support, I thank you very much. I want you to know that my husband and I are very much involved in our son's therapy and in being aware of what is going on in his teen-aged life, providing structure, limits and consequences as appropriate to help him get back on track. God, I love that kid!
Labels: anniversary, awareness, breaking the cycle, child protection, special needs kids, therapy
July 27, 2011
Bad Timing
Oh well. I haven't had the energy to do all my survivor advocacy stuff I used to do in the blogosphere, either. So I guess it's just one of those trade-offs of life.
As many of you know, my son has special needs and raising him has brought me the most love I have ever experienced, yet tested and challenged me more than I think I can bear sometimes. Up until recently, my son has not had much of a social life, in real life anyway (outside of gaming online and Facebook). Now, this summer, he has started to hang around kids who have way too much freedom, are smoking, doing drugs, etc. He finally feels accepted and I have always longed for him to have that and I know how important it is. I just hope he can come to realize the value of feeling accepted by kids who show more responsibility, make better choices and have stronger values.
So, with the help of his therapist, we've had to come down pretty hard with structure and consequences around here. We now have to up this part of the parenting game even more, as he just came back with dirty results on a recent UA for pot. I wouldn't be so upset about it if he were in college or something...but he is only 14 years old!
I feel amazingly fatigued just sharing this much right now. I'll try to get back and share more later. Any positive vibes, thoughts and/or prayers that any of you can send out there right now would be greatly appreciated.
Labels: attachment, being human, breaking the cycle, community, overwhelm, support
March 18, 2011
Finally...The Final Blog Post
I thought about a few different things I would write for this post. Then, I had a little get together with a group of my friends that we sometimes call the "going deeper" group. It's a group of people that tend to have very little tolerance for idle chit chat and bullshit. We like to talk about "deep things." During our last get together, we drank wine and read each other our own obituaries that we had written for ourselves. Here is what mine said:
"The major accomplishment in the life of Marj McCabe was breaking the cycle of abuse. It was a cycle of child abuse--sometimes insidious, always heinous--that she was forced to inherit and had gone on for generations on both sides of her family of origin. Although this accomplishment took the excruciating work of therapy for much of her adult life, she never could have done it without the patience and love of her amazingly supportive husband. She never would have embarked on the perilous journey in the first place, had it not been for the immense love she felt for her own offspring. And while it never received the fanfare or recognition of other achievements having such great potential for positive impact on future generations, Marj could grasp its significance. And for her, it was enough."
Since writing that "obituary," I've thought a lot about just what is enough for me. One of the main reasons I started writing a blog is to find meaning for the abuse I suffered as a child. I'm not sure I've done that, but I have done a lot.
It was a very different world just five short years ago. Blogging was fairly new. When I first conducted a Google search with key words like"survivor," "thriver," "thrive," etc., I found very little out there. Most of the mentions about "survivor" were for the popular network television show of that name. Most of the results for "thrive" were for the insurance company who uses that word as a slogan in it's advertising campaigns. There was absolutely nothing when I looked up "thriver."
So, I got to take that name. I became Thriver. I used it on message boards and in forums, and I was the only one using that name when I first joined Twitter.
In the last five years, many more blogs and websites have started up about surviving and even thriving after child abuse, sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape, domestic violence, etc. Many books have been written on these important subjects. Many of us have been out there raising awareness and acting as advocates. There are some great advocates linked on Twitter, if you care to follow them as I do.
Now, when you google "survivor" or "survivors," you get results in the millions. The same is true for a search for "thrive." I'm happy to say that "survivors can thrive" brings back hundreds of thousands of result listings and even "thriver" will give you tens of thousands of results.
Another thing I've accomplished over the last five years was founding and growing The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. In June of this year, it will also be celebrating a five-year anniversary. I feel really good about that. Although I no longer maintain the carnival, it is going strong. You can follow it by clicking on the many links on the handy blog carnival widget you see on my sidebar.
So, what I'm doing now (in addition to the ongoing, ever-present therapy work) is taking classes and working on my certificate in botanical illustration. You can read about this dream of mine which is coming true in these posts here and here.
Yes, I'm finally following a dream of mine that I first had when I was an art major in college, 30 years ago. And, yes, I'm moving on with my life.
I guess it finally doesn't matter whether or not I find some "hidden meaning" for my abuse. I guess I've decided that finding meaning in my LIFE is enough. Going on with my life (after evil people tried to break me) is enough. Living a full life is enough. Enjoying a life of meaning and fulfillment is enough. All these things are more than enough for me. And I'm okay with that.
Labels: abuse, advocacy, anniversary, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, breaking the cycle, child abuse, domestic violence, family of origin, healing, journey, survivors, therapy, thrive, Twitter
January 04, 2011
Something In The Meantime
Saw this today through a link on Twitter. This one really made me cry. Powerful.
Labels: abuse, advocacy, breaking the cycle, child abuse, child labor, child protection, human trafficking, sexual slavery
July 21, 2010
Freedom Is A Natural High
For this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, our host, Dr. Kathleen Young, wanted to do an Independence or Freedom theme in honor of Independence Day (July 4th) here in the U.S. My recent wilderness camping trip really got me thinking about when I feel the most free. It is definitely when I am out in nature.When I am looking at a glorious sunset, taking a wildflower hike or watching birds, I feel like everything can be right with the world. At these precious moments, I believe that I totally belong. I am not a freak or an alien, but part of the intricate web of life.
Maybe the nature fix is so good for me because I've grieved over the fact that the "parenting" I received as a child was anything but natural. It is not natural for a mother to have no protective instinct for her offspring. It is not natural when predators reduce their victims to something less than human; stripping them of their inborn right to humanity, respect and dignity.
This leads me to another thing that Dr. Young said when she called for submissions for this carnival: "My first thought was how fitting, given that today we celebrate Independence Day in the U.S. I then started thinking about the meaning of independence for survivors and our culture as a whole. For me, this naturally leads to thoughts about dependence, unmet dependency needs and interdependence." I believe that all God's creatures are interdependent because we are all connected. What we choose to do in our lives has global and universal consequences. Because we are all connected, we cannot pretend that our actions do not effect the lives of beloved, divine others.
I also firmly believe that people who are damaged and afraid--not willing to look at the wounds they need to heal--allow evil to enter in because they do not feel connected. They don't feel connected to God, to nature, to other human beings.
Maybe, for me, it was something as simple as my constant habit of tree climbing during my childhood summers that kept me open to my connection with nature. Whatever it was, I have always found nature healing and comforting. I'm so glad that my love of nature helped me to stay connected to the divine and, eventually, succeed at breaking the multi-generational cycle of abuse from my "family" of origin.
I now have a new family that I've created with my husband and son. And, I will always have my universal family; a belonging with all God's creation.I belong.
I am connected.
And I am free.
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, appreciation, beauty, being human, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, breaking the cycle, comfort, freedom, grounding, human dignity
April 07, 2010
When It Rains It Pours
If nothing else, why not look at one of these videos. I found them both to be extremely powerful and moving. I want to thank Tracie for her tweet over at Twitter for the first video. Amazing!
Labels: abuse, advocacy, assault, awareness, breaking the cycle, child abuse prevention, human trafficking, sexual slavery, sexual violence, Twitter, YouTube
March 21, 2010
Shamrocks, Carnivals & Spring Breaks
I'm about to go out of town for a little road trip to celebrate my son's Spring Break. But, before I go, I wanted to make sure to let you all know about our next edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Mike, at Child Abuse Survivor, has graciously offered to host for us once again. I think he chose March as the month for him to host this year because he is Irish. And March is , of course, when we celebrate for, with and about our Irish friends with St. Patrick's Day. About this edition Mike said:
"I’ll be hosting the March edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse later this month, and given my own Irish heritage, and this being the month we celebrate the Irish with St. Patrick’s Day, I thought it would be appropriate to make the theme of this year one that speaks to the Irish part of me. Historically, Ireland has been a country of misery, and the Irish people have suffered oppression, famine, civil war, poverty... Yet, through it all, they maintain a sense of humor and know how to have a good time! I’ve always thought, as a survivor, that healing requires a little bit of that. In the midst of my worst days of trying to cope, I found that having those little moments of joy to look forward to, made it just a little bit easier. So, as part of this month’s carnival...I want to hear about how, as a survivor, you’ve managed to find the joy in life and have a good time! We’ll call it the “Life is Grand” category."
Of course, we will also have our regular submission categories of: Advocacy & Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry and Survivor Stories. But, this month, Mike wants to hear some blog post stories about overcoming with joy and a sense of humor. I like his idea. It's inspired, isn't it? So, be thinking about this months' theme, won't you? The deadline for this month's edition is Wednesday, March 24. Our carnival edition will post over at Mike's blog on Friday, March 26. You can use this submission form here to send in a post. Thank you all for your continued support and involvement in our blog carnival!
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, child abuse, community, healing, Poetry, therapy
December 23, 2009
Mini Carnival: Holiday Survival Tips for Survivors
Happy Holidays, all! Stay safe, stay sane!
To All My Poly Pals: by Marj aka Thriver on Polyvore.com
First, I direct you to a list found on Dr. Deb's blog, entitled, "Ten Tips to Keep You in Yuletide Cheer." Especially helpful for dissociative survivors or those with PTSD: "Avoid triggers that set old traumas into motion." Easier said than done, but definitely something to be aware of is her advice to stay in the present. I also like, "Use your senses to find beauty and peace in small moments around you." Especially if you find yourself around your perpetrator or someone toxic or abusive, remind yourself that the beauty and peace you discover with those senses of yours can never be taken away from you.
The next blogger I'm highlighting is new to me. The blog is called Healing Stream for Survivors. The insightful, useful post is called Holiday Tips for Incest Survivors. If you are still in a quandary about whether or not to show up at your family of origin gathering tomorrow or Friday, you may want to check out this post. It gives useful ideas for weighing the pros and cons of attending family of origin gatherings or passing on them. There is one word of caution here, however: Don't spend the holiday alone. I agree. Even if it's simply taking a book to read at a Chinese restaurant or going to see a movie--get out there. Crunch in the snow. Take a drive and look at the Christmas lights. Grab an eggnog latte.
Another blog that is new to me that I am loving is Grace Davis' State of Grace. Her post, An Adult Child Abuse Survivor's Guide to the Holidays makes the point that you don't have to go to any holiday gatherings of your family of origin, but gives many helpful tips for if you do go. As a dissociative, I particularly like her idea about sitting next to the window and looking out. For me, I find looking at falling snow, birds at a feeder, frosted trees, etc. quite grounding. You need to stay grounded so that you can keep yourself safe.
I found Grace Davis through Patricia's blog, Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker. State of Grace was a wonderful resource link Patricia provided in her post entitled, Help Getting Through the Holidays. When you visit Patricia's blog, stay and take a look around. Her two most recent posts are about feelings and the spirit of Christmas. Her post on December 2 talks about shutting down to get through the holidays. I always find something I can relate to at her blog.
Patricia was, actually, the spark that motivated this mini carnival for me. Thanks, Patricia! Her post that I just mentioned also points to Colleen's blog, Surviving by Grace. Her posts, How to Help a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse, and If You Want to Help a Survivor are not exactly holiday tips lists for survivors, but they have some wonderful ideas for how your healthy, non-toxic friends and relatives can be helpful to you during this stressful, often triggering, time. You might just want to copy off these posted ideas and have them in your pocket in the next couple of days as a reminder for you to be assertive and ask supportive loved ones for what you need.
My blogger friend, Clinically Clueless is anything but. She is making her own holiday-time changes and is passing them on to other survivors in her post, Holidays ~ A Time For Change. This is an amazingly helpful, powerful, yet short and succinct list that we can all adopt as we make healthy changes in our lives. I especially like her advice to "make your own family traditions." I started doing this when I was single and on my own and have really enjoyed adopting my own holiday family traditions with my husband and my son. Remember: just because Grandma did it doesn't mean you have to do it...particularly if it is stressful and/or triggering! We have choices now. Let's make them!
Finally, I leave you with Amy's blog Smelling God. Amy is an amazingly prolific Christian writer who has created her own four-part series of posts about getting through the holidays, aptly named "Surviving The Holidays." Part four of four is about finding and celebrating your new beginnings. Part three talks so importantly about breaking the cycle, protecting yourself, saying no and starting your own new traditions. Part two is my favorite and is really the tips list, starting off by saying, "you are enough!" and explaining how to let go of your abuser's brain washing. On the list itself, I really like her advice about copying kids at Christmas. Make a snow angel! She also gives us this gem: "Reclaim their joy and make it your own." Yes! Amy's part one of four explains how to overcome fear and dread, which may really be mounting for some of us as Christmas Day approaches.
My thanks goes out to these helpful bloggers for letting me highlight their holiday posts. Thanks for reading. Won't you stop by their blogs and tell them you appreciate them, too? As always, I appreciate all of you for letting me into your lives. I'm looking forward to continuing our bloggy buddy relationships and survivor solidarity in 2010. If any of you think you may want to host a monthly edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse in the New Year, please leave me a comment expressing your willingness to do so. Thanks, in advance!
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, comfort, community, dissociation, healing, holidays, safety, self-care
November 19, 2009
Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse: November, 2009
TRIGGER WARNING Child Abuse is an horrific reality in our world today. Understandably, reading articles about the abuse of children can be triggering. Please take appropriate care while perusing the carnival.
Since it is, indeed, World Day for the Prevention of Child Abuse, our carnival theme this month is prevention. Here are some posts that fall under the theme:
Darkness2Light was kind enough to let us use their post, Tuesday Talking Points, Nov. 17 posted at the Darkness2Light blog. It's a powerful, yet friendly and down-to-earth, video of Darkness2Light's founder explaining why she started the world's leading non-profit working to prevent child sexual abuse. With the submission came the remark, "Our aim is to END child sexual abuse! It's a lofty goal, but we have a way... Find out how we can PREVENT this tragedy."
KathyBroady LCSW offers her Tips for Protecting Your Children from Sexual Abuse posted at her blog, Protective Parenting. In her remarks she said, "Thank you, Thriver, for putting the effort into making this blog carnival about the prevention of sexual abuse. Educating people about how to protect their children is important!" Thank you, Kathy! Predators are determined to get to our children. We need to use wise strategies such as these to outsmart them and keep our kids safe.
Adam writes about How 5 Minutes Worth of Education Can Help You Better Understand How to Prevent Child Abuse at his blog, ZenTactics News Page, and says, "Learning how to prevent child abuse starts by educating yourself first. What are the signs to look for? How do you know if a child is being abused? Read this article." Yes, I also recommend reading this article. It contains some key facts and signs we all should know.
Nancy Gray links us to a survey at her post, NAPCAN: Prevent Child Abuse and Neglect from Child Person From the South, and explains, "This blog is simply an important invitation to participate in a survey on child abuse and neglect being conducted NAPCAN in Australia. The survey is not limited to citizens of Australia and includes many opportunities to share information that may contribute to increased awareness, knowledge, and prevention of child abuse and neglect. I encourage you to take a few moments to take advantage of this opportunity to make a difference for children everywhere." I took the survey and I'm glad I did. Won't you take it, too?
Art Therapy
Next, I want to highlight a brand new category for our carnival: art therapy. I have really experienced great benefit working with collage. Recently, I've enjoyed the almost-instant gratification of digital collage at Polyvore. So, I wanted to offer this opportunity for sharing survivor art and healing here.
Grace highlights her Polyvore collage at her post of the same name: Enter to the right ~ Exit to the left...for me there is no escape from her blog, Good Enough.
Finally, I present my own art therapy post which is also an awareness/prevention post. It's called I am Not a Burden, I am a Child. I posted this on my own blog here in response to some strong emotion that came up for me after reading a news article back in May about the rise in reports of child abuse.
If you decide to go to the Polyvore website and check it out for yourself, you may be a bit confused at first. The home page makes it look like a fashion site, and it is. But in addition to all the fashion images, there are thousands of other images (they call them"items") that you can save into your own personal file at your account and create any kind of healing collage (they call them "sets" over there) that you so desire. Give it a try! I'm glad I did!
Advocacy & Awareness
KathyBroady LCSW delivers a second post this month: Sex Offenders in the Northern Dallas Texas Area from her blog, Protective Parenting. Kathy points out, "An important element of prevention of sexual abuse is having an awareness of the predators in your neighborhood. This blog post provides an example of how to find your local registered sex offenders. Prevent child abuse by knowing exactly who to avoid!"
Colleen Spiro has a way of providing succinct, powerful advocacy posts at her blog, Surviving by Grace. In this post, she talks about The Ripple Effect and asks, "How many people have been helped because I was helped?"
AftermathIvory's post, Coping With Fall really caught my attention because, like me, she says that fall is her favorite season, yet it is also filled with triggers. She posts at Shades of Ivory, and says, "Healing from child abuse is immeasurably deep and ambiguous. Healing should be needed only when the abuse has not first been prevented."
Faith Hoffen presents HERE'S THE CONDENSED VERSION OF MY TRAUMA - THE CAUSES OF MY INJURIES AND ILLNESSES posted at Hope for Coping with Traumatic Stress, saying, "This is the condensed version of how the child abuse affected me physically up to the present day - including 8 surgeries and continuing pain...But, I still have hope for a better tomorrow."
Colleen Spiro joins us again with her post, Empty Spaces from her blog, Surviving by Grace. Here, she talks about the holiday season approaching and the grief that she feels regarding the estrangement from her family of origin. But, I think Colleen's "feeling of the feelings" shows healthy progress.
This next post, from Jumping in Puddles is very interesting as it describes, A Littles Life Inside a Big Body, at her blog, Life Spacings. JIP commented, "What it's like living inside a big body but stuck being a little because of abuse that created you in the first place." I want to thank the littles in JIP's system for their courage in sharing in this post.
Healing & Therapy
I met Dr. Kathleen Young several months ago through Twitter. She's been a wonderful, consistent supporter of our carnival ever since. Here, she presents, Connection Heals, from her blog, Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. I sure do appreciate my connection with her!
Adam is back with, What Causes Depression - Why You Must Examine The Past If You're a Child Abuse Survivor posted at ZenTactics News Page, saying, "I wrote this article based on personal experience. I shared it with another survivor and it rang true for them as well. I hope you like it." Yes, Adam, I like this smart article very much. In fact, I wish I had read it years ago. It took me (an my various doctors and therapists) literally years to figure out that I am not chronically depressed. My depression is situational and usually arises while avoiding horrific childhood memories that are trying to surface.
Dan L Hays presents Talk of Tigers/The Tiger Unveiled posted at Thoughts Along The Road to Healing, saying, " It is how I started to become aware of the rage problem I had, and how I was forced to confront it. It will be the topic of a future book, 'The Tiger Unveiled.'" Good luck with the future book, Dan!
Kellen gives us a therapist's perspective in, Mindfulness, Childhood Trauma and Denial posted at the Kellevision blog. With this submission was the remark, "Relearning mindfulness in order to heal from childhood sexual abuse." I like the advice here about survivors getting back in touch with their bodies. I know I was "out" of my body for a long time and being back in touch with it has been healing for me.
Patricia Singleton gives us a light and easy post, Calm from her blog, Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker. Patricia says, "Part of my journey means enjoying the breaks when they come along. All of life doesn't have to be hard." I'm so happy for you that you are experiencing this calm phase of refreshment, Patricia!
mile 191 gives us her thoughts on parenting from an assignment she did in a marriage and family course: Assignment from Hell: Her REGRET. It's from her blog, come into my closet, and she says, "For this article I chose the Healing category because I sense that I am HEALING finally, as I move out of my childhood and into parenting my own children in a more healthy environment and atmosphere. I feel that while I make mistakes that my children are very blessed. I am breaking the cycle...I am preventing child abuse by being the best Mother that I can be. From the mistakes of my own parents I am growing to become the kind of loving and tender parent that I always wanted. I know that I make mistakes and sometimes healing while being a parent is harder than the abuse itself...Being a parent and healing from a tragic childhood is one of the hardest things that any person could possibly take on." I so agree, Mile. But, we are doing it! Yeah!
IK shares about inner child self-soothing, attention and acceptance in, The Child Within from Issue Knitting. Thanks so much for joining us for this carnival, IK!
April_Optimist is always so positive in her posts, even when speaking about the "tough stuff." In Battening Down the Hatches posted at her blog, The Thriver's Toolbox, she gives us some great ideas for comforting, safety and self-care. As she says, "If we are abused, there will be times the past surfaces and we need to deal with it. This is a post about how to do so safely."
Hall monitor presents Teacher accused of forming 'secret society' to have sex with teen girls, posted at Detention Slip saying, "This teacher duped high school girls into sex. We need to stop people like this from entering our schools!" This article, unfortunately, didn't surprise me at all. My own pedophile father was a high school teacher. God only knows what tricks he employed to molest girls there. Raise awareness!
Tamir Birk from Informed Vote presents Nova Scotia Bishop Lahey’s Alleged Child Abuse. This article talks about the incomplete media coverage when it comes to Catholic priest pedophiles who also happen to be of very high rank and influence.
Poetry
Rick Belden was our first blogger to submit for the November carnival. Thanks, Rick! In his poem, child, posted at his blog, poetry, dreams, and the body, Rick presents us with the spiritual child, gifted child, curious, trusting and innocent child. This is moving; please read this poem. As Rick says, "My submission for the November carnival was written twenty years ago and then packed away in a box in my closet where it remained, forgotten, until I rediscovered it earlier this year." I'm so glad you found it and shared it with us!
Nancy Gray is back, this time with a poem: Kicking the Dog - A Poem from another one of her blogs, Scarecrow Child. When submitting, Nancy said, "Child abuse and neglect leave many scars as well as festering wounds on survivors. Art provides an opportunity to heal from some of the damage and its after effects...The Scarecrow Child Blog contains many of my attempts to work through my own trauma through various art forms."
Dan L Hays has a second submission. It's a poem called, Heartbeat from his blog, Thoughts Along The Road to Healing. When submitting, Dan remarked, "A poem about an abuse incident from my teenage years, the effects on my adult life, and the spiritual solution to overcoming it."
Buffalopine agreed to let me use her post, Dream Giver: The Healing, from her blog, Buffalopine's Blog, because it is truly beautiful and poetic. It is long, but it really reads like a poem. Thanks for sharing this with us, Buffalopine!
BeyondBeliefs presents Thomas T. Panto's - My Dear Perfection posted at Journey Of Life, saying, "This is what Living Things know about Life."
I was afraid that Mary had decided to no longer post to her blog, so I was so pleasantly surprised when I saw that she had created a new survivor poem for us! It's called To My Mother, and it's another very poignant and powerful poem written by Mary at her blog, Nippercat's Home.
Survivor Stories
Innocencestolen wrote part of her story, My Story, specifically for our blog carnival. Thanks, Innocencestolen! She posts at her blog, aptly named, Innocencestolen's Blog. Thanks for joining us!
Laurie Smith contacted me through Mike's Child Abuse Survivor Network. I'm happy to include her post, Chapter - 5 "In This Corner, Heavy Weight Champion....." from her blog, Not So Fond Memories,Growing up in an Abusive Home. Laurie remarks, "It is my hope that this blog will help to promote child abuse awareness. My blog is my story and I hope that as the chapters unfold, the readers of my blog will see that there is hope, there is light and healing can begin. I am living proof...Thank you to everyone who has ever had it in their heart to intervene and to help an abused child." Thank you for your courage in sharing, Laurie!
castorgirl is back to end our carnival with a post called, Friendship and safety posted at her blog, Scattered pieces. Castorgirl says, "This is a 'thank you' to online friends who accept and understand what it is like to be a survivor." Thank you for this lovely sentiment and for joining us for this carnival edition!
That's it for this edition. I know it is a lot to read with 35 posts. But, I'll keep it up here for a while. You don't have to read all the entries in one sitting, but I know how much all the contributors appreciate a supportive comment at their blog posts. So, get around to as many as you can, won't you? I'd like to thank everyone who submitted their courageous, thoughtful, insightful and helpful blog posts this month. As always, I am so proud of our survivor and supporter community! Thanks for visiting.
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, child abuse prevention, collage, healing, Poetry, survivor art, therapy
November 16, 2009
Take a Ride, Help a Child!
*****
Thursday (11/19) is World Day for the Prevention of Child Abuse. It's an annual, global awareness campaign, launched in 2000. Won't you help a child--help break the cycle--by raising awareness about child abuse at our Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse? I'm hosting an edition here at my blog on Thursday--"World Day."
Tuesday, 11/17 Update: Thanks for the heads up on the Blog Carnival submission form link not working. I think it's working now. Thanks for your interest and support of our carnival. If you tried to submit before and couldn't, please try again! Appreciate your patience! ;)
Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, breaking the cycle, child abuse prevention, collage, community, survivor art, therapy
November 05, 2009
Therapy Marathon
In addition, this time focused on my healing gave me the push I needed to admit I needed something to help me sleep. I was starting to feel very run down from lack of sleep and poor sleep with nightmares, etc. So I went into the doctor and got a prescription for Trazadone. It's helping me a lot! I hope I won't have to be on it long, but I'm glad it's there for support when I need to be at least a notch above zombie level.
Now that I'm back, things are mixed, as life always is. Today I'm home with a sick kid (again!). But, I missed my son after being away for a five days and I'm glad to spend more time with him. When he's sick is about the only time that he really lets me snuggle him and love on him anymore. He acts like he's already 15 or something! LOL ;)
The biggest thing I'm excited about at this very moment is the fact that I rebooted my computer and ran some scans on it and then got Firefox working on it again. Hooray! It's the first time I've been able to use Firefox on my computer for about a month! So, I'm able to do this new blog post easily, and maybe I'll get around to some other blogs today.
I'm feeling a little anxious about my birthday this weekend. But, I've been very assertive and have asked for exactly what I want for my birthday. We're going to a brunch on Sunday, as a family, assuming we're all healthy. Then, in the evening, my husband got us the tickets I wanted for a live comedy show. Laughter is, after all, the best medicine sometimes.
My son provides some comic relief for me quite often. He's such a little card! I'm continuing some extra therapy right now. After a tough session yesterday afternoon, I picked him up from school with tears still in my eyes. It wasn't long, however, before he had me in stitches with some silly story he was telling in his animated way. I love him so much! I'm so glad that I was able to have a child and we've been able to keep him safe...and he knows how much he's loved.
As for my inner children, I'm continuing to do double therapy weeks until further notice. I'm on the verge of uncovering some issues that need to be processed from the two-year black hole I have always had in my childhood memories. I can remember so much from Kindergarten--and then again from third grade, but I virtually remember nothing about first grade and completely nothing about second grade. I can't even say I remember my teacher, what the classroom looked like or anything. Let alone what happened with me personally. So, I'm standing on a scary precipice. But, I just keep climbing. All you survivors out there: Let's just keep climbing!
Labels: birthdays, breaking the cycle, healing, inner child, medication, Poetry, self-care, self-love, therapy
October 23, 2009
A Little Business To Attend To
****
Starting Sunday night, I'm going to spend six days away from my noisy, always-begging-for-some-form-of-attention, house. I'm going to rest, process and write, as well as comfort and pamper myself a little bit.
Don't worry, I'll still be on top of things for next week's October edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. This month's host is Lynda at In The Best Interest: Child Advocacy Law. Now, you don't have to know anything about child advocacy law to enter this carnival. We will still have our regular submission categories of: Aftermath, Advocacy & Awareness, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry and Survivor Stories. In addition, Lynda has set a theme of advocacy (perfect fit, right?) for this edition. To be exact, Lynda says, "The theme is: Beginner's Guide to Saving a Child. We are seeking submissions on volunteer opportunities, ways to help work to end child abuse and organizations that focus their efforts on this important work." I've already submitted my post called, Take A Stand, Raise Your Hand. I'm actually getting my own post in before the day of the deadline for a change. Yay!
Speaking of which, the deadline is Wednesday, October 28th for the Friday 10/30 edition. (That's midnight Eastern time in the U.S.). You can submit your own post using this form here. Please make sure to tell your friends and get your own posts in while I'm gone, okay? Thanks, everyone, for your continued support and contributions to this carnival. Together, we can make a difference and raise awareness about child abuse!
Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, community, Poetry, survivors, The Show of Hands art project
September 23, 2009
Can You Fathom A Family?
***
Whenever I speak of my "family" of origin, that's what I do: I put the word family in quotation marks. I don't consider myself as a person who had a family growing up.
Whenever there was some strife or "upset" at a holiday gathering or the "family" dinner table (which inevitably there almost always was), my mother liked to lament, "Can't we just be a family?" So surprised you have the nerve to even ask that question, dear old mom. But it's a good one. I don't know. Can we be a family? What makes for a family anyway?
What Is a Family? by Marj aka Thriver on Polyvore.com
Let's see. Do you make a family by getting Grandma to buy frilly, fancy clothes for your children and then parading them around to the homes of relatives to sit still and proper, with their mouths shut and their hands folded in their laps? Hhmmmm...I think that's called "keeping up appearances." No, that doesn't quite seem to be enough to cut it to me.
Maybe you make a strong family by neglecting to get proper medical treatment for your children when they are deathly ill or have been severely injured. Nope. Don't think that's it, either. How 'bout calling your child "bad, dirty and evil" after you allow their father to have sex with them? Nah! Don't think so. Prostituting your daughters out to other men? That definitely doesn't work. I know! Claiming a child as a dependent on your taxes after they've been working to earn their own money since they were 11 years old and completely on their own (so they can't file their own income tax)! No, that doesn't define a family either.
Do I sound angry? I hope so! You may have noticed--if you've been reading my blog for a while--that I was able to sneak in a new detail there that is quite heinous. It's something I've been working my butt off on in therapy lately. I'm quite motivated to resolve this hideous, new area of retrieved memories so that maybe, some day, I can relax during the fall months and not freak out in dissociative dysfunction every year. Yeah, I deserve to feel my feelings of anger. I never deserved to be treated this way as a helpless, innocent child.
Do I sound sad? Probably so. I am doing a lot of necessary grieving. I certainly grieve over the childhood and the family I never had.
But, I am also happy and rather proud that I have the chance--and I am taking it--to break the multi-generational cycle of abuse. I can end the legacy I was born into. I've been able to create my own family with my husband and my beloved son.
I am not like my own parents who, at best, saw children as a bother and a burden. I can remember it like it was, literally, yesterday: The day I brought my tiny bundle of joy home from the hospital was one of the happiest days of my life. I don't remember being any more elated on any day before or since that time. It was a time of pure joy that I was able to claim because of my commitment to break the cycle of child abuse.
Has it been easy--trying to fathom a family and forming one--with no positive role models of my own to follow? No, it hasn't been easy. I would be lying to you if I said it was. All three of the members of this family are in therapy. I don't think there's any other way, when the person in the mother role has a severe dissociative disorder.
But, we are facing our issues and challenges, not just keeping up appearances. We love each other and we strive every day to show it and to keep our family communication open. My son will be 13 on his next birthday. But, he still asks me for hugs. The insightful bugger even said to me, just the other day: "You've made great progress on your disability. I'm proud of you, Mom." My heart swells. Yes, we are a family. I get to say that because of the commitment I made even before my child was conceived. We get to claim that because of the love we share, the words we use, and the action we take to be a family.
Labels: aftermath, anger, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, breaking the cycle, child abuse, dissociation, family of origin, grieving, memory work, therapy
June 19, 2009
Silver Anniversary Blog Carnival
The June carnival edition is up right now over at Cornnut's blog, Picture of Experience. We have a lot of new participants this month and we got seven entries for the theme of Fathers, Father's Day and Parents.
Please link on over and visit the carnival, read the posts and leave comments where you're able. Also, if you could link to the carnival from your blog or Tweet, etc. about it, that would be great. Your support is always appreciated greatly!
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, anniversary, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, child abuse, support, survivors, Twitter
June 05, 2009
Abuse Survivors Learning to Thrive
No, the headline for this post is NOT one of my slogans for my blog and website, Survivors Can Thrive! But, I sure do love it because it is such a great fit for the message I aspire to in my real life and the awareness-raising blog world in which I circulate.
This is actually a slogan and subhead you will find on the home page of a message board and forum for survivors called isurvive. This forum currently has 829 registered members who have created over 88 thousand posts.
The topics in these posts are excellent and pertinent for survivors and their supporters: artwork and poetry; breaking the cycle; male survivors; sexual abuse; ritual abuse; dependence and much more. The forum is, of course, moderated and has a good safety policy. It looks like a very safe and supportive place.
Before I really got into blogging, the first thing I was involved in was posting on a couple of online forums very similar to isurvive. In fact, this was the first "forum" (pun intended) where I really felt like I could share my feelings and write from the heart, before I got the courage to do it here at my own blog. I found a lot of support and a true feeling that I am not alone--even on a truly international scale.
Because I am so involved in blogging, The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, Twitter and The Child Abuse ning network (see my sidebar for widgets and links to these), I no longer visit the survivor message boards. The volume there is difficult for me to keep up with at this time. Whew, I can barely keep up with Twitter and all its updates are limited to 140 characters!
But, I really want to encourage you to look into isurvive. Right now, they provide a wonderful service and they are struggling financially. I'm blogging about them today as a way to help them raise much-needed funds. A commenter at my blog--My Monster--turned me on to this cause through this post.
I also heard about it from Faith Allen at Blooming Lotus. I follow Faith through the sources I'm involved in that I mentioned above. In this post here, Faith says, "Over the last six years, I have met, supported, and by supported by hundreds, if not thousands, of child abuse survivors at Isurvive. My life is so much richer for having been touched by these very giving people – all people who were once wounded beyond imagination and now have the courage to reach out and help heal others."
Faith also asks that we include the following information: Note to readers — If Isurvive has touched your life, please consider writing about Isurvive on your own blog. If Isurvive gets enough blog entries, the charity could receive a cash award to help further its efforts.
This blog post is part of Zemanta’s “Blogging For a Cause” campaign to raise awareness and funds for worthy causes that bloggers care about.
If you'd like to get involved, please hurry! Tomorrow--June 6th--is the last day for this Blogging for a Cause campaign. Let's help a forum that helps survivors, shall we? I'm glad I did!
Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, breaking the cycle, community, network, ning, Poetry, survivor art, survivors, Twitter
May 01, 2009
Poem in My Pocket; Hope in My Heart
I think I may have mentioned that I spend several hours a week babysitting an adorable toddler who is in the custody of my friends--her grandparents--after being neglected by her parents. Lately, we've been strolling to parks. The other day, we discovered dandelions together and I showed the little cutie pie how to blow the seeds off the "fluff puffs."
She's almost two and she's at that age where she's willing to try anything you ask her to try and say. I bought her grand-folks a book: Baby Signs. We've all been teaching the precious one signs and it just helped her verbal skills explode! It sure was cute to hear her say, "fluff puff!" and blow those seeds into the wind!
She and the current spring weather are really giving me joy, delight and hope lately. This little girl inspired me to write a haiku poem. I got to see the little angel an extra couple of hours yesterday, so her namesake poem was my choice for the poem in my pocket.
Here it is:
Rosy-Cheeked Cherub
rosy-cheeked cherub
reaches down to pick flower
wonder, beauty, life!
Copyright 2009, Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
Labels: beauty, breaking the cycle, connection, gratitude, haiku, hope, inspiration, nature's healing, poem, Poetry
April 19, 2009
Stop the Silence of Child Sexual Abuse
Here's a video about the event:
Now, I'm no runner. And--as much as I'd love to see those cherry blossoms this time of year-- I just couldn't get out to D.C. to go to this rally in person (I hope to some day). But, I'm raising awareness here, at the Child Abuse Survivor ning network and on Twitter. And there's still more that you can do TODAY for this event as well.
First off, check out StopCSA's website to learn more about the cause: As Stop CSA says, It's everyone's problem. For instance, did you know?
- 73 percent of prostitutes were sexually abused before the age of 16;
- 83 percent of convicted killers (men and women) were physically and emotionally abused as children, and 32.2 percent were sexually abused;
- 60 percent of teenage mothers were sexually abused as children;
- 43 percent of runaways are sexually abused
Here are some more links, stats, and photos and ways to get involved at the StopCSA site:
- For stats and info on mental health-related problems, substance abuse issues and prevalence in the general population click the "The Cause: Child Sexual Abuse" page.
- If you are a survivor of CSA and you want to tell some of your story and share your photo on their web site, please check out StopCSA's "A Call to Action to Survivors" page.
- If you'd like to read an example of what one survivor had to share, go to the "A Survivor Speaks Out" page.
- If you'd like to view a beautiful slide show of survivors click here.
- Click here: to make a secure donation through Paypal.
- If you'd rather make a purchase with proceeds going to StopCSA, visit the online mall here.
Please Note: Rainbow from Haunted House and Child Person from the South have already put up blog posts to Stop the Silence. If you post about it, let me know and I'll link to your blog post, too!
Update: Here are a couple more brave bloggers who submitted posts to Stop the Silence: Mom Writes for a Cause and The Filipina Mom in Denmark. Thanks for your contributions!
If child sexual abuse is everyone's problem, then everyone can also be part of the solution!
Labels: abuse, advocacy, awareness, Bloggers Unite, breaking the cycle, childhood sexual abuse, network, rape, sexual abuse survivors, sexual violence, Twitter
