May 17, 2010
Blog Carnival: Hope & Joy Edition
Tracie must have stayed up late, because she's already got our Hope & Joy Carnival up. Amazing! I'm glad we extended the deadline, because we got some more folks to join us at the last minute. It is now officially huge! There are over 30 posts in there. Wowie Kazowie! We've got a nice selection of posts under the Hope & Joy theme and some neat stuff to look at in our new Art Therapy category.
I can't thank you all enough for your continued support, contribution, promotion and enthusiasm of and for this awareness-raising carnival. I just love our survivor solidarity and community! :)
YET ANOTHER UPDATE, THURSDAY 5/20/10: Well, Blog Carnival dot com is back up and running now. I checked myself with my own submission and see that the form is now working as well. I just heard back from this month's host, and we've agreed to extend the deadline until midnight TONIGHT. Thank you all for you patience and perseverance. And thank you, Tracie, for being such a committed, patient and hard-working host--and for the first time hosting, too. Wow! :)
*****
Update: Wednesday, May 19, 2010: I do not know the cause, but apparently the website at Blog Carnival dot com is down. I can't get the widget on my sidebar to load, the submission form doesn't work, and I cannot get to the BC dot com home page. This has happened once before and they got everything up and running again fairly quickly. This time, it seems to be taking a bit longer. I don't know what the problem is or when it will be fixed. I'm sorry for the confusion and inconvenience. I will be in touch as information becomes available. Thank you for your patience.
On Friday, (That's this Friday, May 21) Tracie will be hosting our Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. She's just coming off of a weekend blog-a-thon, so I know she's tired. But, I think she's pumped, too! She's pumped with advocacy, awareness, doing good and changing the world. What perfect timing. I just know she'll be a great host.
She's chosen Hope & Joy for the theme for this month's edition. I told her that I thought this was timely, because I've really been experiencing some moments of pure, lighthearted joy this spring. If you're a survivor who's been through phases where those moments are quite few and far between like I have (and what survivor hasn't, really?), you know how much I appreciate these precious little moments.
What precious moments bring you joy and hope for a better tomorrow? In her announcement post for this carnival, Tracie said, "What is your hope, what do you hold onto when the healing path gets dark and it is hard to hang on much longer? What is your joy, what makes you smile and dance and laugh, even in the midst of pain? I fully believe that as survivors it is important to share our stories and our pains and our troubles. In this sharing we find a community, we find help and understanding, which is an important part of healing. We also need to share our hopes and joys, we need to give them freely to other survivors who may have lost sight of theirs."
The deadline is Wednesday, 5/19, midnight Pacific time (U.S.) for the Friday edition. In addition to the "Hope and Joy" theme, we still have our regular submission categories of Advocacy & Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing & Therapy, In The News, Poetry, and Survivor Stories. You can use this submission form here. Thanks, in advance for joining us and spreading the hope and joy! :)
Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, community, healing, hope, Poetry, recovery, therapy
March 29, 2010
Aware AND Alive: Finding Joy
Now that I'm back, I'm reading the posts in this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Mike at Child Abuse Survivor had such a wonderful idea. To help celebrate his Irish heritage and the Irish humor he so appreciates, Mike set up a theme for this edition of humor, joy and survivors finding happiness.
You know, child abuse is such a serious subject and we do need to be warriors fighting against it, raising awareness and working for prevention and recovery. But, we can also celebrate survivors finding joy, humor and a sense of wholeness and happiness. That's the whole reason I decided a long time ago to name my dot com site and my blog Survivors Can Thrive! Don't we all want to emerge from surviving and start thriving in our lives? Sometimes, while I'm down in the trenches of my own recovery, working on my healing, I forget that. Thanks for the reminder, Mike!
Yes, thanks indeed, Mike, for coming up with such an inspired theme. I am smiling reading these posts. I so appreciate our survivor solidarity where we can share our sorrows and our joys. Thanks to all for participating and thank you, in advance, for going to the carnival, reading and sharing your comments on the posts. You'll be glad you stopped by. Go get a smile! :)
Labels: appreciation, beauty, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, comfort, community, gratitude, healing, hope, inner child, journey, Poetry, thrive
March 02, 2010
Allowing Myself To Dream Again
Dream Job: Botanical Illustrator by MarjakaThriver(on break) on Polyvore.com
I am really enjoying it. My T really likes this for me as she says that it really helps me with my level of competency and self-esteem. I agree. It is also so freeing to dream again. For such a long time, I've felt like recovery, healing, therapy--those things were my full-time job. Now, I feel like some of my old talents and skills have returned and I'm enjoying practicing those things. My undergraduate degree is in commercial art. From the beginning--as an art major in college--I wanted to be an illustrator.
But, I also knew I did not want to be a "starving artist." Therefore, I went to work in Chicago in advertising and corporate communications until all hell broke loose. I got married, got laid off, had a baby and started working on my recovery from child abuse.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm coming out of a long nightmare. It feels wonderful to be dreaming again. It feels even better to be working toward making my dream come true! What dreams do you have that you're working on to make reality?
Labels: healing, hope, journey, recovery, self-esteem, therapy
May 01, 2009
Poem in My Pocket; Hope in My Heart
I think I may have mentioned that I spend several hours a week babysitting an adorable toddler who is in the custody of my friends--her grandparents--after being neglected by her parents. Lately, we've been strolling to parks. The other day, we discovered dandelions together and I showed the little cutie pie how to blow the seeds off the "fluff puffs."
She's almost two and she's at that age where she's willing to try anything you ask her to try and say. I bought her grand-folks a book: Baby Signs. We've all been teaching the precious one signs and it just helped her verbal skills explode! It sure was cute to hear her say, "fluff puff!" and blow those seeds into the wind!
She and the current spring weather are really giving me joy, delight and hope lately. This little girl inspired me to write a haiku poem. I got to see the little angel an extra couple of hours yesterday, so her namesake poem was my choice for the poem in my pocket.
Here it is:
Rosy-Cheeked Cherub
rosy-cheeked cherub
reaches down to pick flower
wonder, beauty, life!
Copyright 2009, Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
Labels: beauty, breaking the cycle, connection, gratitude, haiku, hope, inspiration, nature's healing, poem, Poetry
January 27, 2009
Linky Lunacy!
Speaking of productive: Get ready, because this is post is going to be "linky lunacy!" Links ahead! As you may notice, I switched back to my old Blogger template format. I got all my widgets, awards and avatars back. It's funny, really. Just when I was feeling down and winter-weary, I got two awards that look to be quite similar. I didn't have any luck getting either of these awards graphics to post (here or on my sidebar/template), so go to the post where the bloggers who awarded them talk about the awards, okay?
This first one is from Teresa Lynne who writes Teardrops on Roses, which you can link to on my sidebar. She also writes a blog called The Write Way, which is where I received the award. It's called a "Triple Award." Wow! Cool! Thanks, Tery! The other one comes from Mile 191 at Come Into My Closet. This award is called the "Lemonade Award." Both of these awards are supposed to go to awardees who show great attitude and/or gratitude. I'm glad Tery and Mile 191 don't think I'm a whiney wiener all the time! Thanks!
I'll have to get up my nominees for this award later, otherwise this will be a really long post.
The second linky-related thing I want to mention is a couple of network "ning" groups I've joined recently. Ever heard of those? They are pretty cool. The first one was started by my friend, Mike McBride, over at Child Abuse Survivor. The group is The Child Abuse Survivors ning. Won't you come over and join us? There's room for survivors, supporters, blogging, forums, chats, photo posting, etc. It is so cool and it's a very supportive group. Check it out. You can go over and join up by clicking the widget I've got (back up, thank you very much) on my sidebar there.
Another network ning group I'm starting to get to know and enjoy is called Coach Creative Space. My friend, Denise, turned me on to it. So far, I've been doing some down-and-dirty poetry and posting it over there. They give lots of feedback and support--and I don't even consider myself a real poet!
Yesterday, we got a "prompt" to write a 15-word poem. I'd been thinking about all the "good, bad, and the ugly" of life lately and so I went to my dot com site, where I have a page called "Healing Moments" under the "My Story" area. I went back and read over a place where I was talking about life being the light and the dark, and all the gray in between. I decided to pull a 15-word poem out of it.
A Both/And Life
Head down closed
Sinking black pit
Light dark, here now
Life is all of it.
Thanks, Coach Creative Space peeps! You helped motivate me to do something productive and helped me work on seeing the "both/and" of life a little bit better!
You know what else helps me feel better again and again? All you bloggy buddies stopping by with words of encouragement and support. I have finally gotten started in updating my blog and my dot com site and I have a lot of new links on my sidebar. They're marked with a "*New*." Go check 'em out!
Last but certainly not least--actually the most important to me right now--is The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. We have another new host for our next edition! Yay! It's Nancy over at Heal and Forgive. Thanks so much for stepping up to the plate, Nancy! She's got her first call for submissions over at this post of hers, here. Please go check out her blog and consider joining us for the next edition of the carnival. It will run on Friday, February 6, with the deadline for submissions set at Wednesday, February 4. Let's all get our submissions together and send them in!
Labels: award, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, comfort, don't give up, don't quit, gratitude, hope, network, ning, poem, Poetry
January 22, 2009
Wounded Vision
Maybe it's just PMS, I don't know. Well, anyway. Sometimes when I feel all frustrated and fed up like like this, I have to get it out in a poem. So here's one:
Wounded Vision
This world has not
Been kind to me
I've never fit in here
I'm wrong about that
So it seems
My vision's just not clear
And my neck is weak
It's not strong enough
To lift my face from the dirt
I can't look up
And see my dreams
My heart has been too hurt.
Copyright 2009, Marj McCabe, all rights reserved
There. Now. Maybe, now that I've gotten that out, I can get on with some other, bloggy logistics tomorrow. Thank you for letting me vent. And...thanks to everyone who gave me advice or at least commiserated with me on my blogging technical frustrations. You guys rock, as always!
Labels: body connection, body memories, broken, child abuse, don't give up, healing, hope, overwhelm, pain, poem, Poetry
October 06, 2008
On Giving Up and Getting Up
Well, let's see. Would I rather be pathetic, or full of platitudes?
What's a platitude, anyway? My dictionary says this: plat-i-tude, noun
trite or commonplace remark, esp. one solemnly delivered.
- see CLICHE.
- platitudinous see BANAL.
Doesn't sound too good, does it?
What I'm about to tell you may not sound too good, either...at least at first. I'm about to be painfully honest here. Please use caution; there are words about not wanting--and then, wanting--to live ahead. This could be triggering for some! Or, you may want to scroll down to the good message--"Don't Give Up" and "Don't Quit"-- at the end of this post.
There was some very recent planning on the part (no pun intended) of at least one or two of my parts (I know! They are part of me; I'm responsible). It involved a possible suicide plan or what I call one of the many "running away" plans.
Now, before you send the white coats after me, because I'm a "danger to myself or others," please hear me out. I had a therapist back in Illinois--years ago--who said that "thoughts of suicide" had really become just a habit for me. At first, I was quite defensive about her comment. But, then I understood. What she meant was that suicide had become a type of "fail-safe" option for me, when it seemed I had no options left in life.
Doesn't that kinda make sense--albeit, in a morbid sort of way? If one has no options left in life, then "LIFE" no longer seems like an option, right?
When I was down at Timberlawn in Dallas, doing the Colin A. Ross program in outpatient mode a couple of years ago, one of the things they kept harping away at was: "You always have options!" They were also quite fond of saying things like, "Use your discernment; you always have options." They really liked the words, "discernment" and "options." At the time, I bit my tongue and kept from saying, "Yeah, I may have options, but all of them suck!"
Ever felt that way? I betcha you have. Well, I sure have plenty of times, I'll admit. I've felt that way quite a bit over the past two months. I told you about my recent, really big-time dissociative episode, didn't I? Well, after I finally, slowly came down out of that dark cloud, I realized that I had pissed a lot of people off. (This is IRL--in real life, folks.) Some still aren't talking to me. I was feeling like I was never going to be forgiven. Sound familiar? Yep, it reminded me of the many ways my mother aka "egg donor"--as my twin likes to refer to her--used to heap spiritual/religious abuse on me as a kid.
The thing that was really pretty crazy about it (my life crazy? naaahhhh!) was that this was one of the more "acceptable" dissociative periods I've had. Like I said before, I managed to stay out of the hospital this time...and most of the time, the part that was out was a part I have that I nicknamed, "The Professional." She's really quite efficient and "manages" things quite well most of the time she's allowed some freedom.
Gee whiz! I can only imagine how much people would hate me now if one of my "less functional," or "more rude," or "more crazy-acting" parts had been out a lot recently. I'd really be crucified then, I guess.
But, there's the rub: I didn't go into the hospital this time and a lot of people saw me acting nuts. So, I've spent a lot of time lately feeling even worse about myself than usual. I feel like, God forbid, I inconvenienced people. God forbid, I made people feel uncomfortable. God forbid, I annoyed people. God forbid, I should ever be a burden to anyone. Whatever...you get the picture. Sooo, then I felt like I was very much: judged, condemned, and crucified.
I guess, when you already feel condemned and crucified--um, ya know, like DEAD--that old familiar feeling of wanting-to-be-dead isn't too far behind, eh?
And that brings me to something I want to qualify here: I don't usually feel out-and-out suicidal.
Instead of having any desire to actually kill myself, I often feel like I simply don't want to live...here...alive...on this planet. I've talked before about feeling like an alien here, haven't I? Or maybe that was on my short-lived blog, "Silence The Shame!"
Anyway, I was just going about my business, trying to process this type of shitty self-esteem stuff with my therapist, when the PTSD symptoms returned big time. The nightmares were especially horrific. These led, of course--oh, goody!--to more, new torture-related memories.
This leads me to another thing I want to qualify about not always wanting to live. The feeling, or "logic," often goes something like this: The Universe, Divine, God, Goddess...whatever...has made a mistake. For some insane reason, my soul or some other powers-that-be, decided my spirit could take on this life of horrors. "Bring it on, Universe! I can handle it!" That musta been what my pre-human soul said to someone in charge. "The ultimate in child torture? No prob. The most hideous of the heinous? Got it covered! The most terrifying of the terror? I'm all over it! Whatever this life throws at me, I'm there!"
Uh. Hello? Somebody stop the world! I wanna get off! Who was it who decided I could handle all this crazy-ass shit in this lifetime? I'm sure it wasn't me. I want a re-do! "Do-Over!" Unfortunately, nobody seems to hear me. So, I start thinking of checking out...giving up...getting out. At the very least, I just stare off into space or play Solitaire or Mahjong on my computer for hours and hours.
I get down and give up because, now, I've decided instead: "I can't take this life. I've changed my mind."
So, here's what I just figured out. I allow my part(s)--at least the ones who are really revving to the above, "stinkin'-thinkin" credo--to brainstorm ideas for "a plan." It's usually not a suicide/death plan at my own hand at all. It's usually something more like, "Maybe I'll just wander off into the wilderness and Mother Nature, or God, will just take me." I have no strength left. Maybe I can just fade away.
Well, this is really a big clue that it's one of my parts scheming. Like that would ever happen, right? Like death--just as life--would ever be that easy! Oh, contraire!
But, the new-to-me point is that I allow the plans to be made to a certain extent. But, I only allow such scheming/planning for a set amount of time. AND--very important--I don't allow any consideration of any such plan to be scheduled to be put into place for at least one week. I tell my parts something like: "Okay. Now if we all agree that there's no other choice but to put this plan into play after one week has passed, we'll reconvene and discuss this 'option' some more."
Almost immediately--when I allow myself this mental/emotional exercise--I begin to feel much better. After all, I now have a plan. I now see an option, no matter how "negative" an option, or how you want to look at it.
Well, less than one week has passed since I went through this whole process last. And guess what? I'm glad I waited. Sounds crazy (no matter which way you may look at it), but it's true. Instead of giving up today, I decided to get up off my butt. I actually had more energy when I awoke this morning than I've had for weeks.
And, then, here's what happened: I pulled out a pad of paper to make a grocery list, and guess what I saw? A version of the "Don't Quit" poem printed there. I got to looking around on the Internet and saw lots of stuff on various versions of this poem (attributed to so many authors, I wouldn't even know where to begin--so I won't). There's a YouTube video montage with the "Don't Quit" poem that I'll paste up below. The poem is printed as a prayer on the back of St. Jude Holy Cards you can find at this site here. There's even a website called The Don't Quit Poem dot com. Many sites claim the poem is simply "anonymous."
Now, on my paper pad, the "Don't Quit" poem is quite different from the above-mentioned poem sources. The notepad doesn't have any author credited at all. But, this poem version is a lot shorter than the other one I've mentioned, so I'll stick it right here:
Don't Quit
When your luck is down
and your world goes wrong,
when life's all uphill
and the road is long--
keep your spirits high
for through thick and thin
you must carry on
if you are to win.
Never mind if things
slow you down a bit;
you'll come out on top--
but you mustn't quit.
So here's the deal. For today, anyway, I commit not to quit. Now I don't want to simply offer hollow platitudes here, but I hope that at least some morsel of this may inspire, motivate, help, comfort or in any other small way just show empathy for you out there...and what you are going through. Because I know, for many of you, it could be really shitty. And, I know, for at least some of you, all your options look like they suck right now.
But, at least for today, decide not to give up yet. Just for today, decide not to quit. That's what I did. At least for today. Who knows? Now, I'm not going to tell you, that if you just don't quit, you'll win the lottery tomorrow...or you'll meet your new best friend...or you'll find true love. But, if you just wait, there may be something good left in you that you will discover. If you just wait, there may be something sweet for you to yet taste in life. If you just wait, your child may do something so adorable, you decide you're glad you didn't miss it. If you just wait, you may be struck by some awesome beauty in the natural world around you.
If you just don't quit today...if you just wait...you never know...
Labels: child abuse, don't give up, don't quit, hope, inspiration, motivation, nightmares, poem, Poetry, PTSD, self-esteem, self-worth, suicide prevention, survivor, therapy, thriver, torture
March 12, 2008
Begin Again Each Day: Be The Light!
This is my story. I'm posting it for the March edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. With Spring just around the corner, we now share our stories of new beginnings. This story emphasizes the fact that, no matter what challenges I face with my own offspring, each day I commit to start anew. Each day is another opportunity to be a light in the darkness and give the gift of unconditional love to my beloved child.
I'm also learning to give this gift to myself. And each time I do, a little more light comes forth!
The Little Marji Story
Little Marji was a beautiful, shining soul. She was not conceived in love, nor did she come into a loving home. Yet, she came from love and this gave her soul light. You could see it shining from her big, bright eyes. You could feel it with each dimpled smile.
For a while, Marji intuitively held on to the knowledge that she came from love, and this made her feel connected and warm. It fueled the light behind her eyes and her beautiful smile. But, she was very observant as well. And she couldn’t understand why, with so much love and light stored in everyone’s soul, the people who were supposed to care for her didn’t seem to want to spread their light around, or even let it show. This made Marji very confused and sad.
Fortunately, Marji’s soul did not come into this life alone. She had her twin sister, DiDi, as a constant soul mate. These two little souls, who were joined in love in the womb, loved to sing and laugh and hug and hold hands—sharing their light and their love in a warm, happy way. Sometimes they were discouraged, and even punished for doing this.
Soon discouragement was the very least of it. Terror, hate and pain ruled the household. It got very dark and Marji got very scared. She would hide her body, as well as her light, and hope to disappear from the frightening place where she was forced to live.
Still, she and DiDi would share their light with each other whenever they could. They held hands for support and comfort and even snuck in a laugh or a song when they could get away with it. When they were caught, they were shamed for being selfish. Marji soon got the message: Didn’t she know that those around her, who could no longer feel their light, were envious, hurt and angry when they saw others selfishly enjoying their own light? She should be ashamed.
And so, she was.
It got to the point where Marji felt like a trapped animal or robotic slave. The maternal side of her family shamed her for showing her light, and the paternal side tried to capture it and kill it. She came to feel in real danger of having her beautiful, shining soul murdered.
When she wasn’t hiding, she was very busy. Busy trying to figure out how to stay alive and busy trying to convince her family that they all, like Marji and DiDi, could share their light and be happy together.
It took Marji years to realize that by doing good deeds and being a “good girl,” she couldn’t give her light away or sell her soul for the peace, security and happiness she craved. Eventually, Marji figured out that a willing exchange of loving light was not possible with her family. She also came to the knowledge that she wasn’t being true to herself by seeking the approval she would never receive. She could not force her light on people who did not want it. This was the realization that Marji grieved over most: All along, her family did not want her light; they just didn’t want her to have it either.
Years went by, and Marji’s beautiful, shining soul got almost smothered completely by layers and layers of grief and shame and fear and sadness. Marji didn’t know who she was because her light got so dim and she felt she did not have the strength to reach past all the layers to touch her own beautiful soul.
So out of touch and dark was she that Marji began to be convinced that she was ugly and undeserving of love. She knew that there was light remaining somewhere in the universe, but Marji did not think that she was meant for it. She got out of practice sharing with her sister what little light she had left. They were both so encased in their individual, protective shells they had built up in order to survive.
Once in a while, Marji would remember the fact that she had come from love and she would fantasize about going back there or having someone come and rescue her, returning her there. But, with hope dying a little more every day, she didn’t allow herself this dream very often.
Unfortunately, Marji continued to look for approval and light from other people, after all hope was gone for ever receiving it. She took a man’s promise of love as a sign of this hope. It took her on a painful detour.
One day, the feeling of pain and betrayal got so bad, Marji wanted to end her life. If no one on this earth was going to give her some light, and if no one was ever coming to save her and return her to the place of original love, she would take matters into her own hands. Maybe she’d get lucky and death would return her. At the very least, the present pain—which had grown to feel unbearable—would finally end.
Maybe this shook her up enough to break a tiny crack in Marji’s layers of ugly, yet protective armor. For, Marji got in touch with her soul enough to hear this illuminating piece of wisdom: Obviously, her tactics had not been successful. Maybe, instead of looking to others for the warmth and light of their love, she should look inside herself.
What?
Marji did not like to look at herself. It seemed so ugly. She felt so lonely and sad and dark. Wasn’t her light gone? Wasn’t her soul dead? Well, if this new, revealing message got through, maybe that conclusion was wrong.
Marji was very unsure and afraid of this risk. But, nothing was left to lose. Maybe she should try. She searched for help from others who agreed this idea might work. Soon, she observed that little pieces of her self were occasionally allowed to slip out through the tiny crack that had formed.
She still wasn’t sure just who she was, but Marji summoned up the courage to venture out and began to meet people who seemed to like what they saw sneaking out from inside her. When she forced herself to stop trying to please others and gain their approval—and actually took care of herself for a while—Marji found that great stuff would absolutely radiate from this tiny opening to her soul.
When Marji met the man who was to become her husband, he described her as vivacious. What a pleasant surprise! Marji thought, “Me, vivacious? Incredible!” She was still scared, but she was so excited by the potential in this development that she started to search for healthy ways to break more holes in her shell.
At first, she was discouraged. For, to come up with a strategy for breaking into (and out of) her shell, she had to look at its dark ugliness. She had to examine the process that worked to form her shell in the first place. Once Marji started looking, it seemed she couldn’t stop. And what she saw there was not only ugly, it was terrifying! The process she found herself committed to was the hardest work Marji had ever had to summon the strength to do. The task seemed impossible. There were so many layers under that outside layer of ugly. Underneath, there was pain, sadness, guilt and shame, hatred, rage and lots of fear.
Fortunately, encased in these horrible layers were other layers as well. Layers of hope and courage kept resurfacing over the years, only to be covered up and then unearthed again. Wise, insightful, healing professionals showed Marji how to recognize the potential in these helpful layers. Marji was also shown how to appreciate the “good” and the “bad” inherent in the uncovering process.
The birth of Marji’s son was a telling example of how the “good” and the “bad” get mixed up together to help move the process along. Marji and her husband were absolutely elated when their son arrived. He came from love, was conceived in love and came into a loving home.
Yet, with all the progress Marji had made toward healing before her pregnancy, she was still full of trepidation about how to keep her child safe and properly cared for. The soul who was Marji’s son had a difficult time adjusting to being a baby. His discomfort led him to be very loud and demanding. Marji found many of her old buttons being pushed and was challenged with motherhood daily. At the same time, she was nearly overwhelmed with the amount of love which poured from her heart every day when she looked into her child’s own bright, shining eyes. The child showed Marji what areas she still needed to work on and motivated her to keep working toward her goal, even when it was tough.
Soon, it was not only her son’s own beautiful light which moved Marji to feel deeply. It was more than the love that she felt for her son and her husband that made her warm and alive. Now, she started to notice little things—like the beauty of a piece of music—could move her to tears. These tears felt fresh and different to Marji. These were not the old tears of loneliness and grief, these were new tears that were light and connected and free!
Yes, finally Marji was free!
Now, when she felt most connected to the light and love of her new family, she didn’t feel at all trapped. She felt free! Her beautiful light freely poured out to join with that of her son and husband. All of them were purely enveloped in light and love. Marji’s soul rejoiced in finally realizing—remembering—that this was the love that she had come from. And, once again, Marji was home!
The deadline for the March edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is midnight tonight, Wednesday, March 12 for our Friday, March 14 edition over at Enola's blog. Hurry and get those submissions in, folks!
Labels: Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, child abuse, healing, hope, love
January 30, 2008
The Naked Trees Still Know To Live
Hope’s Song
I love to watch the birds
They fly and flit with constant chatter
It helps me clear these words
In my mind, fear’s negative clatter
It gives me hope to hear
Strong-held faith in nature’s song
Wipe away my painful tears
I see life it carries on
With the gently falling snow
The naked trees still know to live
It reminds me that I grow
Only when I can forgive.
Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
As you might ascertain from my previous post on shame, I'm still working on forgiving myself. That's one of my biggest healing goals.
I think we all need to forgive ourselves, at one time or another, for being human. The good news is that, as humans, there is always a place for us in this world.
Labels: being human, hope, nature's healing, poem, Poetry, self-forgiveness, shame
