March 18, 2011
Finally...The Final Blog Post
I had a few false starts with this "last official blog post" that I announced way back in October with this post here. The plan was to write my last post on the five-year anniversary of the blog, "Survivors Can Thrive!" This anniversary was November 14, 2010. But, life had other plans and I had a car accident on November 12, and then surgery for my injuries.
I thought about a few different things I would write for this post. Then, I had a little get together with a group of my friends that we sometimes call the "going deeper" group. It's a group of people that tend to have very little tolerance for idle chit chat and bullshit. We like to talk about "deep things." During our last get together, we drank wine and read each other our own obituaries that we had written for ourselves. Here is what mine said:
"The major accomplishment in the life of Marj McCabe was breaking the cycle of abuse. It was a cycle of child abuse--sometimes insidious, always heinous--that she was forced to inherit and had gone on for generations on both sides of her family of origin. Although this accomplishment took the excruciating work of therapy for much of her adult life, she never could have done it without the patience and love of her amazingly supportive husband. She never would have embarked on the perilous journey in the first place, had it not been for the immense love she felt for her own offspring. And while it never received the fanfare or recognition of other achievements having such great potential for positive impact on future generations, Marj could grasp its significance. And for her, it was enough."
Since writing that "obituary," I've thought a lot about just what is enough for me. One of the main reasons I started writing a blog is to find meaning for the abuse I suffered as a child. I'm not sure I've done that, but I have done a lot.
It was a very different world just five short years ago. Blogging was fairly new. When I first conducted a Google search with key words like"survivor," "thriver," "thrive," etc., I found very little out there. Most of the mentions about "survivor" were for the popular network television show of that name. Most of the results for "thrive" were for the insurance company who uses that word as a slogan in it's advertising campaigns. There was absolutely nothing when I looked up "thriver."
So, I got to take that name. I became Thriver. I used it on message boards and in forums, and I was the only one using that name when I first joined Twitter.
In the last five years, many more blogs and websites have started up about surviving and even thriving after child abuse, sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape, domestic violence, etc. Many books have been written on these important subjects. Many of us have been out there raising awareness and acting as advocates. There are some great advocates linked on Twitter, if you care to follow them as I do.
Now, when you google "survivor" or "survivors," you get results in the millions. The same is true for a search for "thrive." I'm happy to say that "survivors can thrive" brings back hundreds of thousands of result listings and even "thriver" will give you tens of thousands of results.
Another thing I've accomplished over the last five years was founding and growing The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. In June of this year, it will also be celebrating a five-year anniversary. I feel really good about that. Although I no longer maintain the carnival, it is going strong. You can follow it by clicking on the many links on the handy blog carnival widget you see on my sidebar.
So, what I'm doing now (in addition to the ongoing, ever-present therapy work) is taking classes and working on my certificate in botanical illustration. You can read about this dream of mine which is coming true in these posts here and here.
Yes, I'm finally following a dream of mine that I first had when I was an art major in college, 30 years ago. And, yes, I'm moving on with my life.
I guess it finally doesn't matter whether or not I find some "hidden meaning" for my abuse. I guess I've decided that finding meaning in my LIFE is enough. Going on with my life (after evil people tried to break me) is enough. Living a full life is enough. Enjoying a life of meaning and fulfillment is enough. All these things are more than enough for me. And I'm okay with that.
I thought about a few different things I would write for this post. Then, I had a little get together with a group of my friends that we sometimes call the "going deeper" group. It's a group of people that tend to have very little tolerance for idle chit chat and bullshit. We like to talk about "deep things." During our last get together, we drank wine and read each other our own obituaries that we had written for ourselves. Here is what mine said:
"The major accomplishment in the life of Marj McCabe was breaking the cycle of abuse. It was a cycle of child abuse--sometimes insidious, always heinous--that she was forced to inherit and had gone on for generations on both sides of her family of origin. Although this accomplishment took the excruciating work of therapy for much of her adult life, she never could have done it without the patience and love of her amazingly supportive husband. She never would have embarked on the perilous journey in the first place, had it not been for the immense love she felt for her own offspring. And while it never received the fanfare or recognition of other achievements having such great potential for positive impact on future generations, Marj could grasp its significance. And for her, it was enough."
Since writing that "obituary," I've thought a lot about just what is enough for me. One of the main reasons I started writing a blog is to find meaning for the abuse I suffered as a child. I'm not sure I've done that, but I have done a lot.
It was a very different world just five short years ago. Blogging was fairly new. When I first conducted a Google search with key words like"survivor," "thriver," "thrive," etc., I found very little out there. Most of the mentions about "survivor" were for the popular network television show of that name. Most of the results for "thrive" were for the insurance company who uses that word as a slogan in it's advertising campaigns. There was absolutely nothing when I looked up "thriver."
So, I got to take that name. I became Thriver. I used it on message boards and in forums, and I was the only one using that name when I first joined Twitter.
In the last five years, many more blogs and websites have started up about surviving and even thriving after child abuse, sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape, domestic violence, etc. Many books have been written on these important subjects. Many of us have been out there raising awareness and acting as advocates. There are some great advocates linked on Twitter, if you care to follow them as I do.
Now, when you google "survivor" or "survivors," you get results in the millions. The same is true for a search for "thrive." I'm happy to say that "survivors can thrive" brings back hundreds of thousands of result listings and even "thriver" will give you tens of thousands of results.
Another thing I've accomplished over the last five years was founding and growing The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. In June of this year, it will also be celebrating a five-year anniversary. I feel really good about that. Although I no longer maintain the carnival, it is going strong. You can follow it by clicking on the many links on the handy blog carnival widget you see on my sidebar.
So, what I'm doing now (in addition to the ongoing, ever-present therapy work) is taking classes and working on my certificate in botanical illustration. You can read about this dream of mine which is coming true in these posts here and here.
Yes, I'm finally following a dream of mine that I first had when I was an art major in college, 30 years ago. And, yes, I'm moving on with my life.
I guess it finally doesn't matter whether or not I find some "hidden meaning" for my abuse. I guess I've decided that finding meaning in my LIFE is enough. Going on with my life (after evil people tried to break me) is enough. Living a full life is enough. Enjoying a life of meaning and fulfillment is enough. All these things are more than enough for me. And I'm okay with that.
Labels: abuse, advocacy, anniversary, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, breaking the cycle, child abuse, domestic violence, family of origin, healing, journey, survivors, therapy, thrive, Twitter
Comments:
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Thank you, Kate & Kahless, for coming over to this post so quickly with your loving comments. *hugs*
I will miss your blog posts. You are the one who taught me what being a thriver means. Before coming here the first time, I didn't know about thriving after surviving childhood abuse. I was beginning to become a thriver but didn't know what it was called much less if it was possible. I knew that I was really to go beyond surviorhood status but wasn't sure exactly what that mean. Thank you for all that you have done to teach others about thriving. You will be missed.
I am truly touched by your comment, Patricia. Thank you for being you! Many hugs & warm wishes! xoxoxoxo
I am wishing you love, happiness and thriving healing thoughts as you retire and move on. I, too, am thinking that this will be my final year blogging. I have learned so much from you and will miss your posts.
beautiful...and perfect..I've learned through blogging my pain....thriving is possible. Stay strong out there and safe. hugs to you.....
Thank you for stopping by today to say goodby.I have come here to do the same. I will miss you and the support that you gave me.Big Time Hug!
I wanted to come and personally thank you...I came across your blog when trying to find some sort of "connection" with other abuse survivors - and I did.
So thank you...for allowing me those connections & solidarity I've found "here".
I'm sorry in my tardiness in getting here - the past several months my life has taken some new twists and turns that have left me little time to blog or visit other blogs.
May the angels protect you always ~ Grace
So thank you...for allowing me those connections & solidarity I've found "here".
I'm sorry in my tardiness in getting here - the past several months my life has taken some new twists and turns that have left me little time to blog or visit other blogs.
May the angels protect you always ~ Grace
Grace: I really appreciate your thoughtful comments. And I'm sending angel protection vibes your way, too. Peace, love and many blessings to you.
Marj!
I'm glad with this post but I'll miss you.
Start another blog to talk about what you like.
I did that. It is very good.
Love,
Ana
I'm glad with this post but I'll miss you.
Start another blog to talk about what you like.
I did that. It is very good.
Love,
Ana
Mike: Oh! I just realized I didn't publish your comment earlier. Please don't take it personally...I am so behind on my e-mail here. Thanks for your sweet comment, you're so welcome and thanks for the hug! xoxoxo
Ana: Hey there! It's so nice to "see" you. I like your idea. I may do that, or just post some pix of my drawings once in a while here on this old blog...I'm not sure. I'll come over to your "things I like" blog. Great idea! :) *hugs*
Ana: Hey there! It's so nice to "see" you. I like your idea. I may do that, or just post some pix of my drawings once in a while here on this old blog...I'm not sure. I'll come over to your "things I like" blog. Great idea! :) *hugs*
congrats. sorry to hear about your accident. oh, how much i have missed. i will miss you, do i understand you will not be writing. i am foggy....and thinking of you and healing as a survivor has pulled me through many dark days. here's to you continuing to thrive. love, mile
Wow, Mile! You have been missed as well. So nice to "see" you. Thank you for your lovely comment. It is quite touching to me. Lots of love and blessings to you, dear. ((((((((((((Mile))))))))))
We will never forget the courage you often gave us, its a courage that often helped us journey through. thankyou
JIP: I can say the same thank you to you. Thank you! It's been such a privilege knowing you. Thanks for being my bloggy buddy!
I love this post and the reason why you started your blog. It seems like your at the point where you "just know" and I am so glad that you are following your dream. I wish you all the best. Take care :)
How I love this, how you touch and fill my heart. I love the obit. you wrote, it is true isn't it.
Once I was given a blessing, a healing blessing, in it I was told that I would not understand completely the impact of what I was doing until the day my Heavenly Father could show me the intricate weaving of the tapestry of my life and how it affected others. I know this is true for you also.
We are enough, always enough.
I will always cherish you Marj.
I hope we can stay in touch.
xoxo,
Vicki
Once I was given a blessing, a healing blessing, in it I was told that I would not understand completely the impact of what I was doing until the day my Heavenly Father could show me the intricate weaving of the tapestry of my life and how it affected others. I know this is true for you also.
We are enough, always enough.
I will always cherish you Marj.
I hope we can stay in touch.
xoxo,
Vicki
Vicki: Thanks for your sweet words. I believe what you say is true. I will try to stay in touch. Thanks for stopping by and getting back in touch with ME. Take care & bless you!
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