June 19, 2010
Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse: Four-Year Anniversary Edition
Welcome to the Four-Year Anniversary Edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I can hardly believe that on June 19, 2006, I founded this carnival with the debut of our first-ever edition.
Trigger Warning: Understandably, the subject of child abuse can be disturbing. Please exercise appropriate self-care when reading the following posts. We all want to advocate and raise awareness, but remember to keep yourself safe!
I'll start this edition off with a post of my own that discusses Are We Leaving The Door Wide Open For Child Abuse?
It talks about some events from my son's school and our neighborhood that really got me thinking about protecting our children. I think it was one of the things that helped motivate me to start The Blog carnival Against Child Abuse.
Mike McBride, from Child Abuse Survivor, was in our very first carnival edition four years ago. Since then, he's been one of our most active monthly participants and hosts. Thanks for all you do, Mike! Here, he presents Anniversaries and says, "In honor of the 4th anniversary, I had a thought about looking back on your life on important anniversaries." Hey, great idea! Thanks, Mike!
Healing & Therapy
Dr. Kathleen Young, who will be hosting our carnival in July, has submitted Learning to Love Yourself After Trauma for June. She is a regular contributor to the Healing & Therapy category from her blog, Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. This is a wonderful, healing post. I think any survivor could benefit from it. Thanks, Dr. Young!
Patricia Singleton presents Acknowledging Your Grief And Releasing It posted at Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker, saying, "Since I have been doing some major grieving lately having to do with my incest issues, I am revisiting older articles like this that I wrote about grief." I have found that feeling the feelings is so key to healing from childhood abuse. And grief is an enormous feelings issue. Thanks for this offering, Patricia.
Splinteredones talks about a topic near and dear to my heart: looking at the transformation from survivor to thriver. The post is called Peeking Around The Corner from Splinteredones's Blog. I'm so glad you're taking a look, Splinteredones!
Rising Rainbow presents Half Empty.........or Half Full posted at My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder, saying, "It's amazing how much power can come from a change in perspective." So true! Thanks for that insight, RR. And thanks for joining us for the carnival again!
I am so sad that April_Optimist from the wonderful, healing blog, The Thriver's Toolbox, has decided to quit blogging. But, I respect and understand her decision. She was one of the first bloggers I came across in the blogosphere who was really showing us survivors how to thrive. April was also one of the first boggers to participate in the blog carnival and now she says good bye to us all in her post, Thank You All. In her remarks, April said, "I realize I wrote this as a farewell for my own blog but maybe it makes sense to submit it for the carnival too--because I think it's important to know one can reach this point. All the things I've come to know I hope every survivor comes to know--especially that he or she matters." Thank you April, for all your contributions, and for saying goodbye. I wish you well as you continue on your Thriver's journey.
I love all the posts we get for the Healing & Therapy category. It really shows me how important this issue is (duh, right?), and how much we are all working at healing, and how far along the healing path we are all actually progressing. I especially love this post, with this great title, Just For Today from the Hope For Trauma blog. It really touched my heart. When submitting this post, Hope For Trauma commented, "I have found many things along this journey of healing. However, it is the moments of everyday that make it all worth it. Sometimes just taking a moment is what the journey is all about. "
Another Healing & Therapy post from Splinteredones called, Sitting at songha as Ego attacks, tells the painful truth. But, it also tells a powerful story of hope. I really appreciate your writing Splinteredones!
Mike McBride, returns from Child Abuse Survivor, with a post called The Importance of Fun. Doesn't that have a wonderful ring to it? We can easily get caught up in the struggles of therapy and day-to-day survival. So, it's important to remember to stop and treat ourselves to some fun. Thanks for that message, Mike!
Poetry
Our first poem was inadvertently left out of the May carnival when it bounced to the host's junk mail folder. I'm sure glad she checked that folder and forwarded it on to me. While this post contains a poem from Amy at the Amy K. Sorrells blog, it really touched me when she provided the background that explained her struggle with, then release and acceptance of...JOY. The post is called, Joy: Lilacs In The Rain. Go give it a read. It's refreshing!
Here's another poem that was meant for last month, but I'm glad to showcase it here. It's a truly sweet and beautiful poem by Hope For Trauma, who runs the blog of the same name. The poem is called Clouds & Rain.
Rising Rainbow gives us The Innocence of Black from her blog, My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder. When submitting, RR commented, "What I feared most actually held the answer to what I needed to know the most."
Rising Rainbow gives us another poem, The Distant Watcher from My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder. This time she remarks, "The logic of a child blames her feelings for selling her out because it's too painful to keep the blame pointing where it belongs." So true, RR. This is a classic survivor issue and I'm glad you could work through it in your poetry.
Brown-eyed Amazon, from the blog of the same name, is new to our carnival. Welcome, Brown-Eyed Amazon! Here, she presents a very moving and well-written poem called, Masquerading Angel. Please go check out the poem and leave a comment welcoming BEA to our carnival. Thanks!
And finally for Poetry, Brown-Eyed Amazon returns with a truly heart-felt and touching poem called His Little Girl posted at Brown-eyed amazon.
Advocacy & Awareness
Tracie tells us in her post from her blog From Tracie, that I Tell My Kid NOT to Obey Adults. She remarks, "This is something that I just happened to have scheduled to post today. I hope it works for the carnival. I'm so excited about it being the 4 year anniversary. Thanks for all the hard work you have done over the last 4 years. You are amazing!" I think your post is perfect for the carnival, Tracie, and I think YOU are amazing for teaching your child that she has the right to choose whether or not anyone touches her for any reason. Kudos!
I just love the post submitted from Kate at Kate 1975's blog! It's called her Links Page/Resources For Survivors and it's a super cool resource list that has all kinds of helpful links we can use. It's got some great articles linked, covering healing topics like self-esteem, grounding and comfort skills. There are also some lesser-known topics covered, such as clutter issues, mother-daughter sexual abuse and therapist abuse. What a lot of work you have done, Kate! And what a valuable resource. Thanks for providing it.
Aftermath
From his blog, Thoughts Along The Road to Healing, Dan L Hays talks about the importance of knowing when to say goodbye in, Know When to Fold 'Em. I think this is an especially important life skill for child abuse survivors to learn, as many of our parents and members of our families of origin are toxic. Dan says, "This post is about letting go when it's time, and how different people handle it differently. But there might come a time when it's just necessary to say 'goodbye!'"
Speaking of Dan, he was the original host for this month. With travel plans getting in the way, he and I could not come up with a Friday this month that would work for both of us. But, then I found out that this month marked four years of our carnival and this was to be our anniversary edition, so I was pleased with the outcome that I would host June and Dan will host coming up in September. Dan wants to do an Inner Child themed edition, which I think is a great idea! As many of you know, this is one of my favorite survivor/thriver topics to talk about.
I hope Colleen, from, Surviving by Grace, won't mind if I run her post now, as it is an Inner Child themed post. It's called Learning to Play and I think it's just wonderful! I'm so glad you've discovered the importance of play, Colleen! And, don't worry; there are lots of inner child topics to post about. I promise I'll help you with some ideas come September, if you need any. ;)
I was tempted to put this next submission under the poetry category, because it does, indeed, contain a poem. But, it is about a huge survivor aftermath issue: guilt. Therefore, I left it under this category where the blogger had submitted it. It comes from Leslie, at Leslie's Illusions, and it's called Ashes of Abuse: Guilt. Leslie is new to our carnival. Welcome, Leslie! About her post, Leslie says, "Though I did not mention it in this post, I am a survivor of childhood abuse. I'm grateful for the blogging world that enables me to connect and share with other survivors." And we are grateful that you are sharing and joining us for the carnival. Thanks, Leslie!
Protect Your Joy from Protect Your Joy's blog, talks about the important issue of Self-Injury and her achievement of being self-injury free for 50 days. Kudos to you, Protect Your Joy! Thanks for sharing with us. The post is called, When I'm The Assailant.
Survivor Stories
Rick Belden presents broken bones and the father wound posted at poetry, dreams, and the body, saying, "Hi Marj, I see that you're hosting this month. Don't know if you've chosen a theme yet, but I thought this post I wrote back in November might be timely with Father's Day coming up." Although we didn't do a specific Father's Day theme this month, Rick's post is certainly timely. I've always appreciated Rick's moving poetry. For this post--while it does contain a powerful poem--I also appreciate Rick sharing some commentary and background. Thanks, Rick!
Our next post was submitted by Virginia who writes for at Tamara's House, which is a residential healing facility for female survivors of childhood sexual abuse, located in Saskatchewan, Canada. Awesome! Welcome to the carnival, Tamara's House! In this post, A Survivor's Triumph, a survivor they call "Rain" tells her story as a past resident of this healing facility. Thank you for sharing.
Finally, Tracie--who was our wonderful host for the carnival in May--has the courage to tell her own poignant survivor story in: From Tracie: Tracie's Story posted at From Tracie.
That concludes this anniversary edition. I don't think we have any theme lined up yet, but the host for next month is Dr. Kathleen Young, Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. Submit your blog article to the next edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse by using our carnival submission form. Thank you all for your wonderful support and participation. You are the ones who make this carnival a continued success! Now, go forth and click links, read, and leave supportive comments at these blogs, won't you? I know you will and I thank you!
Trigger Warning: Understandably, the subject of child abuse can be disturbing. Please exercise appropriate self-care when reading the following posts. We all want to advocate and raise awareness, but remember to keep yourself safe!
I'll start this edition off with a post of my own that discusses Are We Leaving The Door Wide Open For Child Abuse?
It talks about some events from my son's school and our neighborhood that really got me thinking about protecting our children. I think it was one of the things that helped motivate me to start The Blog carnival Against Child Abuse.
Mike McBride, from Child Abuse Survivor, was in our very first carnival edition four years ago. Since then, he's been one of our most active monthly participants and hosts. Thanks for all you do, Mike! Here, he presents Anniversaries and says, "In honor of the 4th anniversary, I had a thought about looking back on your life on important anniversaries." Hey, great idea! Thanks, Mike!
Healing & Therapy
I feel bad that this first Healing & Therapy post was lost temporarily in the junk mail black hole of last month's host. This is a blogger, who I know from Twitter, who was encouraged to submit by another one of our valued Tweeps. The blog is called Protect Your Joy who said this when submitting: "Hope (Hopefortrauma) encouraged me to submit a post or two to your carnival. I am, honestly, very nervous to submit. Thank you for this Blog Carnival, it is always a blessing to read & an inspiration to survivors such as myself. Take care!" I'm so glad you could join us, Protect Your Joy, and I hope you will again, even if we do have technical difficulties sometimes. ;) Here's the wonderful post that shows great honesty, but also amazing hope for healing. It's called The Black Sheep, The Sick Child.
Dr. Kathleen Young, who will be hosting our carnival in July, has submitted Learning to Love Yourself After Trauma for June. She is a regular contributor to the Healing & Therapy category from her blog, Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. This is a wonderful, healing post. I think any survivor could benefit from it. Thanks, Dr. Young!
Patricia Singleton presents Acknowledging Your Grief And Releasing It posted at Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker, saying, "Since I have been doing some major grieving lately having to do with my incest issues, I am revisiting older articles like this that I wrote about grief." I have found that feeling the feelings is so key to healing from childhood abuse. And grief is an enormous feelings issue. Thanks for this offering, Patricia.
Splinteredones talks about a topic near and dear to my heart: looking at the transformation from survivor to thriver. The post is called Peeking Around The Corner from Splinteredones's Blog. I'm so glad you're taking a look, Splinteredones!
Rising Rainbow presents Half Empty.........or Half Full posted at My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder, saying, "It's amazing how much power can come from a change in perspective." So true! Thanks for that insight, RR. And thanks for joining us for the carnival again!
I am so sad that April_Optimist from the wonderful, healing blog, The Thriver's Toolbox, has decided to quit blogging. But, I respect and understand her decision. She was one of the first bloggers I came across in the blogosphere who was really showing us survivors how to thrive. April was also one of the first boggers to participate in the blog carnival and now she says good bye to us all in her post, Thank You All. In her remarks, April said, "I realize I wrote this as a farewell for my own blog but maybe it makes sense to submit it for the carnival too--because I think it's important to know one can reach this point. All the things I've come to know I hope every survivor comes to know--especially that he or she matters." Thank you April, for all your contributions, and for saying goodbye. I wish you well as you continue on your Thriver's journey.
I love all the posts we get for the Healing & Therapy category. It really shows me how important this issue is (duh, right?), and how much we are all working at healing, and how far along the healing path we are all actually progressing. I especially love this post, with this great title, Just For Today from the Hope For Trauma blog. It really touched my heart. When submitting this post, Hope For Trauma commented, "I have found many things along this journey of healing. However, it is the moments of everyday that make it all worth it. Sometimes just taking a moment is what the journey is all about. "
Another Healing & Therapy post from Splinteredones called, Sitting at songha as Ego attacks, tells the painful truth. But, it also tells a powerful story of hope. I really appreciate your writing Splinteredones!
Mike McBride, returns from Child Abuse Survivor, with a post called The Importance of Fun. Doesn't that have a wonderful ring to it? We can easily get caught up in the struggles of therapy and day-to-day survival. So, it's important to remember to stop and treat ourselves to some fun. Thanks for that message, Mike!
Poetry
Our first poem was inadvertently left out of the May carnival when it bounced to the host's junk mail folder. I'm sure glad she checked that folder and forwarded it on to me. While this post contains a poem from Amy at the Amy K. Sorrells blog, it really touched me when she provided the background that explained her struggle with, then release and acceptance of...JOY. The post is called, Joy: Lilacs In The Rain. Go give it a read. It's refreshing!
Here's another poem that was meant for last month, but I'm glad to showcase it here. It's a truly sweet and beautiful poem by Hope For Trauma, who runs the blog of the same name. The poem is called Clouds & Rain.
Rising Rainbow gives us The Innocence of Black from her blog, My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder. When submitting, RR commented, "What I feared most actually held the answer to what I needed to know the most."
Rising Rainbow gives us another poem, The Distant Watcher from My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder. This time she remarks, "The logic of a child blames her feelings for selling her out because it's too painful to keep the blame pointing where it belongs." So true, RR. This is a classic survivor issue and I'm glad you could work through it in your poetry.
Brown-eyed Amazon, from the blog of the same name, is new to our carnival. Welcome, Brown-Eyed Amazon! Here, she presents a very moving and well-written poem called, Masquerading Angel. Please go check out the poem and leave a comment welcoming BEA to our carnival. Thanks!
And finally for Poetry, Brown-Eyed Amazon returns with a truly heart-felt and touching poem called His Little Girl posted at Brown-eyed amazon.
Advocacy & Awareness
Tracie tells us in her post from her blog From Tracie, that I Tell My Kid NOT to Obey Adults. She remarks, "This is something that I just happened to have scheduled to post today. I hope it works for the carnival. I'm so excited about it being the 4 year anniversary. Thanks for all the hard work you have done over the last 4 years. You are amazing!" I think your post is perfect for the carnival, Tracie, and I think YOU are amazing for teaching your child that she has the right to choose whether or not anyone touches her for any reason. Kudos!
I just love the post submitted from Kate at Kate 1975's blog! It's called her Links Page/Resources For Survivors and it's a super cool resource list that has all kinds of helpful links we can use. It's got some great articles linked, covering healing topics like self-esteem, grounding and comfort skills. There are also some lesser-known topics covered, such as clutter issues, mother-daughter sexual abuse and therapist abuse. What a lot of work you have done, Kate! And what a valuable resource. Thanks for providing it.
Aftermath
From his blog, Thoughts Along The Road to Healing, Dan L Hays talks about the importance of knowing when to say goodbye in, Know When to Fold 'Em. I think this is an especially important life skill for child abuse survivors to learn, as many of our parents and members of our families of origin are toxic. Dan says, "This post is about letting go when it's time, and how different people handle it differently. But there might come a time when it's just necessary to say 'goodbye!'"
Speaking of Dan, he was the original host for this month. With travel plans getting in the way, he and I could not come up with a Friday this month that would work for both of us. But, then I found out that this month marked four years of our carnival and this was to be our anniversary edition, so I was pleased with the outcome that I would host June and Dan will host coming up in September. Dan wants to do an Inner Child themed edition, which I think is a great idea! As many of you know, this is one of my favorite survivor/thriver topics to talk about.
I hope Colleen, from, Surviving by Grace, won't mind if I run her post now, as it is an Inner Child themed post. It's called Learning to Play and I think it's just wonderful! I'm so glad you've discovered the importance of play, Colleen! And, don't worry; there are lots of inner child topics to post about. I promise I'll help you with some ideas come September, if you need any. ;)
I was tempted to put this next submission under the poetry category, because it does, indeed, contain a poem. But, it is about a huge survivor aftermath issue: guilt. Therefore, I left it under this category where the blogger had submitted it. It comes from Leslie, at Leslie's Illusions, and it's called Ashes of Abuse: Guilt. Leslie is new to our carnival. Welcome, Leslie! About her post, Leslie says, "Though I did not mention it in this post, I am a survivor of childhood abuse. I'm grateful for the blogging world that enables me to connect and share with other survivors." And we are grateful that you are sharing and joining us for the carnival. Thanks, Leslie!
Protect Your Joy from Protect Your Joy's blog, talks about the important issue of Self-Injury and her achievement of being self-injury free for 50 days. Kudos to you, Protect Your Joy! Thanks for sharing with us. The post is called, When I'm The Assailant.
Survivor Stories
Rick Belden presents broken bones and the father wound posted at poetry, dreams, and the body, saying, "Hi Marj, I see that you're hosting this month. Don't know if you've chosen a theme yet, but I thought this post I wrote back in November might be timely with Father's Day coming up." Although we didn't do a specific Father's Day theme this month, Rick's post is certainly timely. I've always appreciated Rick's moving poetry. For this post--while it does contain a powerful poem--I also appreciate Rick sharing some commentary and background. Thanks, Rick!
Our next post was submitted by Virginia who writes for at Tamara's House, which is a residential healing facility for female survivors of childhood sexual abuse, located in Saskatchewan, Canada. Awesome! Welcome to the carnival, Tamara's House! In this post, A Survivor's Triumph, a survivor they call "Rain" tells her story as a past resident of this healing facility. Thank you for sharing.
Finally, Tracie--who was our wonderful host for the carnival in May--has the courage to tell her own poignant survivor story in: From Tracie: Tracie's Story posted at From Tracie.
That concludes this anniversary edition. I don't think we have any theme lined up yet, but the host for next month is Dr. Kathleen Young, Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. Submit your blog article to the next edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse by using our carnival submission form. Thank you all for your wonderful support and participation. You are the ones who make this carnival a continued success! Now, go forth and click links, read, and leave supportive comments at these blogs, won't you? I know you will and I thank you!
Labels: advocacy, anniversary, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, childhood sexual abuse, dissociation, feelings, healing, Poetry, self-injury, therapy
April 24, 2009
Child Abuse Prevention Month: Some Good News
Well, Child Abuse Prevention Month is drawing to a close. I don't feel like I participated in as much advocacy and awareness-raising for this month as I would have liked to. I've been dealing with a lot of "feeling the feelings" and grieving from my own child abuse history. I want to thank everyone who sent cyber hugs and kept me in your thoughts and prayers this past week. I have to say, the outpouring of compassion I received here at my blog, through e-mail, and on Twitter and The Child Abuse Survivor ning network has been truly touching. This survivor community means a lot to me.
Through my therapy and healing journey, I've learned how to keep healthy grief from turning into despair. One of the ways we can do that is by answering the question: "What can I do?" Another way to avoid despair is to look at the good news and the victories in child protection.
Connect for Kids has a wonderful article reprinted on their website that highlights the Top Youth Activism Victories of 2008.
I found the highlights list inspiring. Here are some victory examples:
It's a relief and an inspiration to learn what others are doing to improve the lives of children. But, what can we do to prevent child abuse? Here are some tips from a couple of my favorite "ways to prevent abuse" lists.
From Prevent Child Abuse America:
Be informed. Get involved.
Through my therapy and healing journey, I've learned how to keep healthy grief from turning into despair. One of the ways we can do that is by answering the question: "What can I do?" Another way to avoid despair is to look at the good news and the victories in child protection.
Connect for Kids has a wonderful article reprinted on their website that highlights the Top Youth Activism Victories of 2008.
I found the highlights list inspiring. Here are some victory examples:
- A farm labor coalition that's working to end involuntary servitude (slavery) and improve wages and conditions for pickers
- An acknowledgment of disappearing, traditional blue-collar labor and creation of green collar jobs; equipping young workers with the skills to work in renewable energy industries
- Student-led solutions: Students keep their peers in school and combat high school dropout rates
It's a relief and an inspiration to learn what others are doing to improve the lives of children. But, what can we do to prevent child abuse? Here are some tips from a couple of my favorite "ways to prevent abuse" lists.
From Prevent Child Abuse America:
- Anything you do to support kids and parents can help reduce the stress that often leads to abuse and neglect.
- Be a friend to a parent you know. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. If a parent seems to be struggling, offer to baby-sit or run errands, or just lend a friendly ear. Show you understand.
- Be a friend to a child you know. Remember their names. Smile when you talk with them. Ask them about their day at school. Send them a card in the mail. Show you care.
- Talk to your neighbors about looking out for one another's children. Encourage a supportive spirit among parents in your apartment building or on your block. Show that you are involved.
- Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by another family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids.
- Volunteer your time and money for programs in your community that support children and families, like parent support groups or day care centers.
- Learn the facts
- Minimize opportunity
- Talk about it
- Stay alert
- Make a plan
- Act on suspicions
- Get involved
I'll leave you with a video from the Child Welfare Information Gateway, which has a lot of information on Child Abuse Prevention Month.
Be informed. Get involved.
Labels: advocacy, awareness, child abuse, child protection, childhood sexual abuse, community
April 19, 2009
Stop the Silence of Child Sexual Abuse
Today, starting at 8:00 a.m., Eastern Time, they ran. They ran in Washington D.C. as part of the Race and Rally to Stop The Silence of Child Sexual Abuse. It was the sixth annual event and they're raising more funds and more awareness every year.
Here's a video about the event:
Now, I'm no runner. And--as much as I'd love to see those cherry blossoms this time of year-- I just couldn't get out to D.C. to go to this rally in person (I hope to some day). But, I'm raising awareness here, at the Child Abuse Survivor ning network and on Twitter. And there's still more that you can do TODAY for this event as well.
First off, check out StopCSA's website to learn more about the cause: As Stop CSA says, It's everyone's problem. For instance, did you know?
Here are some more links, stats, and photos and ways to get involved at the StopCSA site:
Please Note: Rainbow from Haunted House and Child Person from the South have already put up blog posts to Stop the Silence. If you post about it, let me know and I'll link to your blog post, too!
Update: Here are a couple more brave bloggers who submitted posts to Stop the Silence: Mom Writes for a Cause and The Filipina Mom in Denmark. Thanks for your contributions!
If child sexual abuse is everyone's problem, then everyone can also be part of the solution!
Here's a video about the event:
Now, I'm no runner. And--as much as I'd love to see those cherry blossoms this time of year-- I just couldn't get out to D.C. to go to this rally in person (I hope to some day). But, I'm raising awareness here, at the Child Abuse Survivor ning network and on Twitter. And there's still more that you can do TODAY for this event as well.
First off, check out StopCSA's website to learn more about the cause: As Stop CSA says, It's everyone's problem. For instance, did you know?
- 73 percent of prostitutes were sexually abused before the age of 16;
- 83 percent of convicted killers (men and women) were physically and emotionally abused as children, and 32.2 percent were sexually abused;
- 60 percent of teenage mothers were sexually abused as children;
- 43 percent of runaways are sexually abused
Here are some more links, stats, and photos and ways to get involved at the StopCSA site:
- For stats and info on mental health-related problems, substance abuse issues and prevalence in the general population click the "The Cause: Child Sexual Abuse" page.
- If you are a survivor of CSA and you want to tell some of your story and share your photo on their web site, please check out StopCSA's "A Call to Action to Survivors" page.
- If you'd like to read an example of what one survivor had to share, go to the "A Survivor Speaks Out" page.
- If you'd like to view a beautiful slide show of survivors click here.
- Click here: to make a secure donation through Paypal.
- If you'd rather make a purchase with proceeds going to StopCSA, visit the online mall here.
Please Note: Rainbow from Haunted House and Child Person from the South have already put up blog posts to Stop the Silence. If you post about it, let me know and I'll link to your blog post, too!
Update: Here are a couple more brave bloggers who submitted posts to Stop the Silence: Mom Writes for a Cause and The Filipina Mom in Denmark. Thanks for your contributions!
If child sexual abuse is everyone's problem, then everyone can also be part of the solution!
Labels: abuse, advocacy, awareness, Bloggers Unite, breaking the cycle, childhood sexual abuse, network, rape, sexual abuse survivors, sexual violence, Twitter
March 01, 2009
SIAD--Self-Injury Awareness Day
Today is March 1st and it's Self-Injury Awareness Day (SIAD).
Trigger Warning: Please be careful when reading this post. Self-injury topics can be very triggering and/or re-traumatizing for self-harmers, abuse survivors or not.
I notice that I haven't written about self-injury for a while. I used to be active in some self-injury forums, and I haven't visited them for a while either.
I have to be honest: I thought I had self-injury licked. I felt so good about the accomplishment when I wrote about my past personal experiences with self-injury on the "Strange Trip" page of the "My Story" section of my website, Survivors Can Thrive! I went for a couple of years, at least, without harming myself. This was during the period of time when I was getting a lot of trauma processing done with a therapist who's an expert in traumatic stress. Then the dissociative sh*t hit the fan, I got a new therapist, I discovered "splintering" from my dissociative disorder, and...I noticed self-injury creeping back into my life.
Since I have never cut, I think it took me a long time to be honest with myself that I was still a self-injurer. But, self-injury can take many forms. For me, it is usually scratching. I thought I knew why I did it and wrote about that on my dot com site and also on a March 1 post back in 2006 here.
But, since I've been more aware of my dissociative "episodes," I notice that there seem to be some times when I self injure as a way of self-punishment of some sort. In addition to the scratching, I sometimes bang myself in the head with the heal of my hand. This is usually accompanied by some verbally self-abusive statements such as, "I am so stupid!" or "I'm an idiot!" It makes me so angry now--thinking about it--that I identified with my abusive father and repeat the same insults that he used to rain down on me as a child. They are almost word-for-word, for crying out loud! Aaaacckkkk!
I feel very ashamed after I indulge in any self-injury behaviors. I still feel shame admitting these things now. It feels like a failing, when I've been so determined to break the cycle of abuse. I've been successful at doing this with my own precious child, but I don't consistently offer the same unconditional love to myself.
Well, as I find myself saying, again and again, awareness is the key to change. So, let's all do our part to raise awareness about self-injury, today and beyond. Here are a few links to other bloggers who are also raising awareness on this SIAD day:
Also, you can find some self-injury support, forums and other resources on my "Survivor Issues" page of my dot com site, which I just updated at the beginning of January. If you are dealing with self-injury, please know that you are not alone. So, please, don't try to go it alone. There is help and there is support. I'm glad that SIAD--Self-Injury Awareness Day--helped me gain awareness on a survivor issue that I need to work on some more with my therapist. And I'm grateful to be reminded again that I am not alone in this struggle.
Trigger Warning: Please be careful when reading this post. Self-injury topics can be very triggering and/or re-traumatizing for self-harmers, abuse survivors or not.
I notice that I haven't written about self-injury for a while. I used to be active in some self-injury forums, and I haven't visited them for a while either.
I have to be honest: I thought I had self-injury licked. I felt so good about the accomplishment when I wrote about my past personal experiences with self-injury on the "Strange Trip" page of the "My Story" section of my website, Survivors Can Thrive! I went for a couple of years, at least, without harming myself. This was during the period of time when I was getting a lot of trauma processing done with a therapist who's an expert in traumatic stress. Then the dissociative sh*t hit the fan, I got a new therapist, I discovered "splintering" from my dissociative disorder, and...I noticed self-injury creeping back into my life.
Since I have never cut, I think it took me a long time to be honest with myself that I was still a self-injurer. But, self-injury can take many forms. For me, it is usually scratching. I thought I knew why I did it and wrote about that on my dot com site and also on a March 1 post back in 2006 here.
But, since I've been more aware of my dissociative "episodes," I notice that there seem to be some times when I self injure as a way of self-punishment of some sort. In addition to the scratching, I sometimes bang myself in the head with the heal of my hand. This is usually accompanied by some verbally self-abusive statements such as, "I am so stupid!" or "I'm an idiot!" It makes me so angry now--thinking about it--that I identified with my abusive father and repeat the same insults that he used to rain down on me as a child. They are almost word-for-word, for crying out loud! Aaaacckkkk!
I feel very ashamed after I indulge in any self-injury behaviors. I still feel shame admitting these things now. It feels like a failing, when I've been so determined to break the cycle of abuse. I've been successful at doing this with my own precious child, but I don't consistently offer the same unconditional love to myself.
Well, as I find myself saying, again and again, awareness is the key to change. So, let's all do our part to raise awareness about self-injury, today and beyond. Here are a few links to other bloggers who are also raising awareness on this SIAD day:
Also, you can find some self-injury support, forums and other resources on my "Survivor Issues" page of my dot com site, which I just updated at the beginning of January. If you are dealing with self-injury, please know that you are not alone. So, please, don't try to go it alone. There is help and there is support. I'm glad that SIAD--Self-Injury Awareness Day--helped me gain awareness on a survivor issue that I need to work on some more with my therapist. And I'm grateful to be reminded again that I am not alone in this struggle.
Labels: aftermath, breaking the cycle, chid abuse, childhood sexual abuse, dissociation, links, part activity, self-injury, self-love, triggers
April 03, 2008
Blog Against Sexual Violence: The Link to Child Sexual Abuse
My body knew it before my mind could accept it. Long before I retrieved repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse, my body knew all about it. My body knew I was a victim. My rapist knew it, too.
Today is Blog Against Sexual Violence Day. I'm under the weather, but I did not want to miss posting on this important, awareness-raising day. I usually spend most of my time raising awareness about child abuse, and more specifically, child sexual abuse. I'm the founder of, and continue to maintain, The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, which travels around the blogosphere and will be stopping at Beautiful Dreamer's blog this month. (Why don't you join us?)
I firmly believe that preventing child sexual abuse goes hand-in-hand in preventing all forms of sexual violence, and vice versa. I feel these forms of abuse and violence are intertwined in a most grotesque way.
I certainly am convinced that my childhood sexual abuse set me up for the acquaintance rape I experienced in college. This is part of my story. Please be careful when reading, as it may be disturbing and/or triggering.
Did any of you have a "big brother" in college? I'm not talking about The Big Brothers Big Sisters Youth Mentoring Program. This was something that was a collaboration between my college sorority and a campus fraternity. When I was a sorority pledge, I got "set up" with this fraternity guy who was supposed to be a supportive "big brother" figure.
I got to know my "big brother" fairly well. I trusted him and considered him a friend.
We attended his fraternity's spring formal one year “just as friends.” When my “friend” wanted to have sex after the dance, I broke down in tears and explained that I couldn't participate because I was still so heart-broken over a recent breakup. I did not have the assertiveness back then to say no, just because I didn't want to have sex. I felt compelled to come up with some excuse and make the guy feel sorry for me. I guess, because he knew my old boyfriend, he pretended to be understanding at the time.
Later, it was a different story. There was a party at the fraternity house of my “friend.” At one point, we went into his room. We’d been in there many times and I was not afraid or suspecting of anything.
We were sitting on his bed talking when suddenly he was on top of me. I said no, cried and tried to turn away. But, he pinned my arms down. I have always felt guilty because I did not scream out or struggle very hard. I think my CSA groomed me to stay quiet and realize that struggling was futile. Some days after the party, when I told my sister about the incident, she was the one who pointed out that my arms had been pinned down and I had, indeed, been raped.
I believe that this collegiate predator could easily see that I had "victim" stamped all over me. I also am sure that, even if my mind wasn't conscious of it, my body knew quite well that fight or flight was not possible--freezing was the only way to survive. (My incest experience included rape, also with my arms pinned.) I don't have any conscious memory of this part of the ordeal, but I'm sure--as dissociative as I now know myself to be--I moved as if in a trance when it was over. I'm certain that I silently pulled my pants back up, pulled myself back together as best I could, and simply walked out his door. I never spoke to this young man again.
I'm sure that he was sure I would never report the rape.
I now know that this period of my life was not nearly as damaging and tortuous as my childhood. Yet it was quite traumatic for me. During this time I became pregnant. I came very close to telling my old boyfriend of my condition. I had him on the phone once but couldn’t reveal my secret. I did not know who the father of the child was. I didn’t tell my ex because I still loved him (even if he didn't love me) and I didn’t want to trap him with a child who may not have been his. I decided to get an abortion instead. This added to my trauma.
Indeed, I never did report the rape. I didn’t speak of it again for another decade.
I think I then made the subconscious decision to stick like glue to any man who would finally admit to loving me. That man became my first husband. He was only physically abusive toward me once. It was when we were separated, before our divorce. In a fit of anger, he grabbed me by the arm and threw me to the floor.
During our brief marriage, my mate did many odd things that made me uncomfortable. What drove me crazy was his habit of following me around our small apartment. He often spied on me while I was in the shower. One time, I was coming out of the bathroom after a shower wearing only a towel. I was ambushed by my ex who jumped out at me and snatched my towel away. He pushed me onto the bed and snapped a Polaroid picture of me sprawled there naked with a deer-in-the-headlights expression on my face.
During my young adult years following college, my self-esteem was critically low. Yet, by the time of my divorce, something started to shift in my mind. A tiny spark of self-confidence told me I had rights and deserved better. I never used the term “abuse,” however. Although I was taking steps to that effect, I never thought or stated, “Nobody will ever abuse me again.”
One of those essential steps was quitting my first big job that I thought was leading to a successful career. I had been working at an advertising agency where one of the higher-ups sexually harassed me time and again. I did not sleep my way to the top, but worked hard and got promoted there three times. Despite the promotions and the agency paying my way toward a Master’s degree, I decided to leave.
Maybe I just got fed up; within a year, I quit my job in the sexual harassment environment and got divorced. I never did finish my Master’s, but I never allowed anyone to ever abuse me again, either.
My greatest wish is for all children to grow up with a healthy sense of self-esteem and appropriate boundaries. No one should have to wait until their 20's 30's or 40's--after rape, abortion, sexual harassment and/or an abusive spouse--to decide they don't deserve sexual abuse. No one should feel they must silently endure rape, sexual harassment, or sexual abuse of any kind from anyone--not a boss, a "friend" or a spouse--no one!
Let us never let up on our determination to spread awareness about all forms of sexual violence. Let us never give up on our goal of advocacy for survivors and abuse prevention. Let us all keep up the good fight! Onward, brave warriors all!
Today is Blog Against Sexual Violence Day. I'm under the weather, but I did not want to miss posting on this important, awareness-raising day. I usually spend most of my time raising awareness about child abuse, and more specifically, child sexual abuse. I'm the founder of, and continue to maintain, The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, which travels around the blogosphere and will be stopping at Beautiful Dreamer's blog this month. (Why don't you join us?)
I firmly believe that preventing child sexual abuse goes hand-in-hand in preventing all forms of sexual violence, and vice versa. I feel these forms of abuse and violence are intertwined in a most grotesque way.
I certainly am convinced that my childhood sexual abuse set me up for the acquaintance rape I experienced in college. This is part of my story. Please be careful when reading, as it may be disturbing and/or triggering.
Did any of you have a "big brother" in college? I'm not talking about The Big Brothers Big Sisters Youth Mentoring Program. This was something that was a collaboration between my college sorority and a campus fraternity. When I was a sorority pledge, I got "set up" with this fraternity guy who was supposed to be a supportive "big brother" figure.
I got to know my "big brother" fairly well. I trusted him and considered him a friend.
We attended his fraternity's spring formal one year “just as friends.” When my “friend” wanted to have sex after the dance, I broke down in tears and explained that I couldn't participate because I was still so heart-broken over a recent breakup. I did not have the assertiveness back then to say no, just because I didn't want to have sex. I felt compelled to come up with some excuse and make the guy feel sorry for me. I guess, because he knew my old boyfriend, he pretended to be understanding at the time.
Later, it was a different story. There was a party at the fraternity house of my “friend.” At one point, we went into his room. We’d been in there many times and I was not afraid or suspecting of anything.
We were sitting on his bed talking when suddenly he was on top of me. I said no, cried and tried to turn away. But, he pinned my arms down. I have always felt guilty because I did not scream out or struggle very hard. I think my CSA groomed me to stay quiet and realize that struggling was futile. Some days after the party, when I told my sister about the incident, she was the one who pointed out that my arms had been pinned down and I had, indeed, been raped.
I believe that this collegiate predator could easily see that I had "victim" stamped all over me. I also am sure that, even if my mind wasn't conscious of it, my body knew quite well that fight or flight was not possible--freezing was the only way to survive. (My incest experience included rape, also with my arms pinned.) I don't have any conscious memory of this part of the ordeal, but I'm sure--as dissociative as I now know myself to be--I moved as if in a trance when it was over. I'm certain that I silently pulled my pants back up, pulled myself back together as best I could, and simply walked out his door. I never spoke to this young man again.
I'm sure that he was sure I would never report the rape.
I now know that this period of my life was not nearly as damaging and tortuous as my childhood. Yet it was quite traumatic for me. During this time I became pregnant. I came very close to telling my old boyfriend of my condition. I had him on the phone once but couldn’t reveal my secret. I did not know who the father of the child was. I didn’t tell my ex because I still loved him (even if he didn't love me) and I didn’t want to trap him with a child who may not have been his. I decided to get an abortion instead. This added to my trauma.
Indeed, I never did report the rape. I didn’t speak of it again for another decade.
I think I then made the subconscious decision to stick like glue to any man who would finally admit to loving me. That man became my first husband. He was only physically abusive toward me once. It was when we were separated, before our divorce. In a fit of anger, he grabbed me by the arm and threw me to the floor.
During our brief marriage, my mate did many odd things that made me uncomfortable. What drove me crazy was his habit of following me around our small apartment. He often spied on me while I was in the shower. One time, I was coming out of the bathroom after a shower wearing only a towel. I was ambushed by my ex who jumped out at me and snatched my towel away. He pushed me onto the bed and snapped a Polaroid picture of me sprawled there naked with a deer-in-the-headlights expression on my face.
During my young adult years following college, my self-esteem was critically low. Yet, by the time of my divorce, something started to shift in my mind. A tiny spark of self-confidence told me I had rights and deserved better. I never used the term “abuse,” however. Although I was taking steps to that effect, I never thought or stated, “Nobody will ever abuse me again.”
One of those essential steps was quitting my first big job that I thought was leading to a successful career. I had been working at an advertising agency where one of the higher-ups sexually harassed me time and again. I did not sleep my way to the top, but worked hard and got promoted there three times. Despite the promotions and the agency paying my way toward a Master’s degree, I decided to leave.
Maybe I just got fed up; within a year, I quit my job in the sexual harassment environment and got divorced. I never did finish my Master’s, but I never allowed anyone to ever abuse me again, either.
My greatest wish is for all children to grow up with a healthy sense of self-esteem and appropriate boundaries. No one should have to wait until their 20's 30's or 40's--after rape, abortion, sexual harassment and/or an abusive spouse--to decide they don't deserve sexual abuse. No one should feel they must silently endure rape, sexual harassment, or sexual abuse of any kind from anyone--not a boss, a "friend" or a spouse--no one!
Let us never let up on our determination to spread awareness about all forms of sexual violence. Let us never give up on our goal of advocacy for survivors and abuse prevention. Let us all keep up the good fight! Onward, brave warriors all!
Labels: acquaintance rape, Blog Against Sexual Violence, child abuse prevention, childhood sexual abuse, freeze response, rape, sexual harassment, spousal sexual abuse, victims
June 19, 2006
The Debut Of Our Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse--Here Are All The Links
The response I received to my request for submissions to the first-ever Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse was much stronger than I ever could have hoped for or anticipated. Thanks to all 26 participants who had the courage to get involved in order to raise awareness on this critical issue. Please visit these brave bloggers using the links below and leave comments with your support.
Survivor Stories
I'll get the ball rolling with the post of my own survivor story. I am a survivor of child sexual, verbal, physical and spiritual abuse. Please use caution when reading any of these carnival posts. Child abuse is a volatile subject. Destroying the innocent trust of a child is a heinous act. Any and all of these accounts are potentially disturbing. Here is the post that contains part of my survivor story from Survivors Can Thrive!
Mysti was raped at the age of 16. She talks about how she built a wall of protection around herself after that pivotal event. Mysti's story is at her blog called "Season For Angels."
The blogger, Wanda's Wings, posts "before" and "after" photographs of herself. She notes that she could not find one photo of herself where she is smiling during the time of her abuse. Her post is called, "Changed Forever."
Poetry
Fallen Angels of the blog, "Safe Place Dissociative Dialogue," has written a poem. In the poem, the question is asked that may be a common question among survivors who dissociate. The question is, "What happened to me to make me unreal?" The title of the poem is also a question and is called, "Who Am I?"
Jumping In Puddles, of the "Life Spacings" blog also writes poetry that is related to dissociation. The poem that's been posted talks about seeing "pieces of me." The poem is called, "When I Look In The Mirror."
Whitedove is a prolific poet. You will find many poems on her blog. She has submitted one that talks about the day "it all started." Her poem is called, "Touched."
Patty writes a blog called, "Daughter Protecting Daughters." A poem she wrote talks about the marks of molestation and the triggers that follow. The poem is entitled, "My Marks From Your Fornication." When submitting this poem for the carnival, Patty remarked, "Victims of sexual abuse get LIFE with NO justice and molesters get a life with new victims every day, if we don't break the silence!"
In The News
Scarlett Demon posted a news article on her blog, "Carpe Noctem," that made her cry. It was a BBC News article on the statistics about how school children are given no information on sexual abuse with their lessons.
I don't know how I received the next submission or who referred the submitter, but I appreciate the link. It is to an article estimating that 40,000 women and children would be at risk of exploitation through sex trafficking in Germany to support the demand for sex during the World Cup. The article appears in the Atlantic Review.
Healing & Therapy
Al Johnson writes about child abuse and recovery poetry in his blog, "Wrong Words." He posts about a therapy exercise where he writes the un-mailed letter to his abuser. In the letter he speaks of his fear of his father. Al remarked, "My therapist suggested I write a letter to my father, telling him how I felt about his abuse of me. The letter is to help me better get in touch with appropriate feelings about the abuse and the abuser. The letter will not be sent to my father. The exercise is for my sake." Here is Al's "My Letter To My Father."
Survivor, of "Survivor of Rape and Incest," also wrote a therapeutic letter to her father. Her letter is about getting the anger out and realizing that the abuse was not her fault. Here is Survivor's "Letter to My Father."
I thought is was telling that, of our seven posts in the Healing & Therapy category, three bloggers decided to include letters to their abusers. The Conflicted Redhead, of the blog with the same name, was raped at the age of 13. After writing a letter to her rapists, she says, "I have no more secrets that can hurt me." Here is her post entitled, "Write a Letter to Your Rapist."
Austin of Sundrip Journals, who writes the blog, "The People Behind My Eyes," submitted a post that highlights survivor rights and says in the remarks, "I have the right to survive. I have the right to thrive." I couldn't agree more, Austin! Here is the post on "Survivor Rights."
April Optimist writes a blog called "The Thriver's Toolbox" (I love that name!). Her post talks about healing through being aware of our strengths and moments in our lives that are filled with smiles and laughter. Her remarks state, "I'm submitting this blog because I believe that laughter and moments when we smile and being aware of our strengths are all an important part of the healing process." Her post is called, "We Can Choose."
Charlie Callahan's blog, "Used Kitty Litter," will make you laugh and it will make you cry. He writes about the healing effects of a child abuse survivor realizing, "I am good." He says, "The pain doesn't stop until we start to un-believe the lie." It's all in his post, "Childhood Regained."
Hope Forus, of the blog Hope4Survivors, posts the first of a seven-part series on "Identifying Triggers and Phobias."
Aftermath
This category is about what happens to a child (or an adult) after the abuse that occurs during childhood. One common "aftermath" effect is eating disorders. Peggikaye, "Dreaming Again" of the "Pearls And Dreams" blog, has dealt with an eating disorder. When getting help for this, Peggikaye was told that she fit the "profile" for childhood molestation, but it was something that she had discounted. In her remarks she notes that this is, "My first public telling as me." Her post is, "Giving Words To Healing."
Carolyn Lehman, speaker and author of Strong At The Heart: How It Feels To Heal From Sexual Abuse, notes the "aftermath" of disclosure. Survivors can think that people (even other survivors) will think less of them when they disclose about their abuse. It's a cycle of shame and self-blame. Carolyn remarks, "You can never anticipate the aftermath of speaking out. I selected this blog entry because in the comment section there is a moving letter from a mother, describing her daughter's disclosure of childhood rape on the way home from a book event. The discussion with the therapist continues in comments on another post "what came of black oak" which you can find under "events" or "black oak" in the categories bar on the right of the blog. " Make sure you read the comments on Carolyn's blog, because that's where all the "Aftermath" dialogue is taking place on her post, "Black Oak Books."
Mike, of Child Abuse Survivor (dot net) tells us, "Your childhood was decided for you, adulthood doesn't have to be." He makes this statement in his post, "Who Are You?"
WW of "PTSD Today" has given us an article that discusses the research done on childhood abuse and the child's brain. She remarks, "This is an excellent article on the physical changes in the brain that can happen as a result of abuse." The post title is, "Childhood Abuse Changes The Brain."
I have Marcella Chester to thank for turning me on to blog carnivals. I encourage you all to visit the carnival she is hosting: Carnival Against Sexual Violence. On her blog, Abyss2Hope, she's posted about child offenders in, "What's To Blame When Children Sexually Offend?"
Advocacy & Awareness
The website owner for "As Waters Passing By" has a blog of the same name. Her post talks about her experiences while participating in the survivor audio documentary, Voices of Strength.
Dr. Deborah Serani is a psychologist who specialized in trauma and depression. She is also a wonderful child advocate and raises much-needed awareness on the effects of child abuse. This particular blog post from January lists child abuse statistics and safety tips. In her remarks she said, "This post talks about what every parent needs to know about child sexual abuse."
On a similar note, Athena, of "Athena's Mind," urges us to realize that informed kids are less likely to become child sexual abuse victims. It's in her post, "Talk To Your Children About Sex."
Sonnie_Dee of the blog, "Sonnie's Daze," talks about "Disclosing Abuse."
Last but certainly not least, is Moof of "Moof's Tale." She firmly believes that awareness brings healing. This is from her remarks: "Sexual abuse from several different perspectives: 1) Coming forward and speaking out in order to begin the healing 2) Surviving beyond the healing - living down the label of 'victim' 3) The importance of forgiveness in moving forward with healing ." Her insights are here at her post, "The Many Faces of Sexual Abuse."
Survivor Stories
I'll get the ball rolling with the post of my own survivor story. I am a survivor of child sexual, verbal, physical and spiritual abuse. Please use caution when reading any of these carnival posts. Child abuse is a volatile subject. Destroying the innocent trust of a child is a heinous act. Any and all of these accounts are potentially disturbing. Here is the post that contains part of my survivor story from Survivors Can Thrive!
Mysti was raped at the age of 16. She talks about how she built a wall of protection around herself after that pivotal event. Mysti's story is at her blog called "Season For Angels."
The blogger, Wanda's Wings, posts "before" and "after" photographs of herself. She notes that she could not find one photo of herself where she is smiling during the time of her abuse. Her post is called, "Changed Forever."
Poetry
Fallen Angels of the blog, "Safe Place Dissociative Dialogue," has written a poem. In the poem, the question is asked that may be a common question among survivors who dissociate. The question is, "What happened to me to make me unreal?" The title of the poem is also a question and is called, "Who Am I?"
Jumping In Puddles, of the "Life Spacings" blog also writes poetry that is related to dissociation. The poem that's been posted talks about seeing "pieces of me." The poem is called, "When I Look In The Mirror."
Whitedove is a prolific poet. You will find many poems on her blog. She has submitted one that talks about the day "it all started." Her poem is called, "Touched."
Patty writes a blog called, "Daughter Protecting Daughters." A poem she wrote talks about the marks of molestation and the triggers that follow. The poem is entitled, "My Marks From Your Fornication." When submitting this poem for the carnival, Patty remarked, "Victims of sexual abuse get LIFE with NO justice and molesters get a life with new victims every day, if we don't break the silence!"
In The News
Scarlett Demon posted a news article on her blog, "Carpe Noctem," that made her cry. It was a BBC News article on the statistics about how school children are given no information on sexual abuse with their lessons.
I don't know how I received the next submission or who referred the submitter, but I appreciate the link. It is to an article estimating that 40,000 women and children would be at risk of exploitation through sex trafficking in Germany to support the demand for sex during the World Cup. The article appears in the Atlantic Review.
Healing & Therapy
Al Johnson writes about child abuse and recovery poetry in his blog, "Wrong Words." He posts about a therapy exercise where he writes the un-mailed letter to his abuser. In the letter he speaks of his fear of his father. Al remarked, "My therapist suggested I write a letter to my father, telling him how I felt about his abuse of me. The letter is to help me better get in touch with appropriate feelings about the abuse and the abuser. The letter will not be sent to my father. The exercise is for my sake." Here is Al's "My Letter To My Father."
Survivor, of "Survivor of Rape and Incest," also wrote a therapeutic letter to her father. Her letter is about getting the anger out and realizing that the abuse was not her fault. Here is Survivor's "Letter to My Father."
I thought is was telling that, of our seven posts in the Healing & Therapy category, three bloggers decided to include letters to their abusers. The Conflicted Redhead, of the blog with the same name, was raped at the age of 13. After writing a letter to her rapists, she says, "I have no more secrets that can hurt me." Here is her post entitled, "Write a Letter to Your Rapist."
Austin of Sundrip Journals, who writes the blog, "The People Behind My Eyes," submitted a post that highlights survivor rights and says in the remarks, "I have the right to survive. I have the right to thrive." I couldn't agree more, Austin! Here is the post on "Survivor Rights."
April Optimist writes a blog called "The Thriver's Toolbox" (I love that name!). Her post talks about healing through being aware of our strengths and moments in our lives that are filled with smiles and laughter. Her remarks state, "I'm submitting this blog because I believe that laughter and moments when we smile and being aware of our strengths are all an important part of the healing process." Her post is called, "We Can Choose."
Charlie Callahan's blog, "Used Kitty Litter," will make you laugh and it will make you cry. He writes about the healing effects of a child abuse survivor realizing, "I am good." He says, "The pain doesn't stop until we start to un-believe the lie." It's all in his post, "Childhood Regained."
Hope Forus, of the blog Hope4Survivors, posts the first of a seven-part series on "Identifying Triggers and Phobias."
Aftermath
This category is about what happens to a child (or an adult) after the abuse that occurs during childhood. One common "aftermath" effect is eating disorders. Peggikaye, "Dreaming Again" of the "Pearls And Dreams" blog, has dealt with an eating disorder. When getting help for this, Peggikaye was told that she fit the "profile" for childhood molestation, but it was something that she had discounted. In her remarks she notes that this is, "My first public telling as me." Her post is, "Giving Words To Healing."
Carolyn Lehman, speaker and author of Strong At The Heart: How It Feels To Heal From Sexual Abuse, notes the "aftermath" of disclosure. Survivors can think that people (even other survivors) will think less of them when they disclose about their abuse. It's a cycle of shame and self-blame. Carolyn remarks, "You can never anticipate the aftermath of speaking out. I selected this blog entry because in the comment section there is a moving letter from a mother, describing her daughter's disclosure of childhood rape on the way home from a book event. The discussion with the therapist continues in comments on another post "what came of black oak" which you can find under "events" or "black oak" in the categories bar on the right of the blog. " Make sure you read the comments on Carolyn's blog, because that's where all the "Aftermath" dialogue is taking place on her post, "Black Oak Books."
Mike, of Child Abuse Survivor (dot net) tells us, "Your childhood was decided for you, adulthood doesn't have to be." He makes this statement in his post, "Who Are You?"
WW of "PTSD Today" has given us an article that discusses the research done on childhood abuse and the child's brain. She remarks, "This is an excellent article on the physical changes in the brain that can happen as a result of abuse." The post title is, "Childhood Abuse Changes The Brain."
I have Marcella Chester to thank for turning me on to blog carnivals. I encourage you all to visit the carnival she is hosting: Carnival Against Sexual Violence. On her blog, Abyss2Hope, she's posted about child offenders in, "What's To Blame When Children Sexually Offend?"
Advocacy & Awareness
The website owner for "As Waters Passing By" has a blog of the same name. Her post talks about her experiences while participating in the survivor audio documentary, Voices of Strength.
Dr. Deborah Serani is a psychologist who specialized in trauma and depression. She is also a wonderful child advocate and raises much-needed awareness on the effects of child abuse. This particular blog post from January lists child abuse statistics and safety tips. In her remarks she said, "This post talks about what every parent needs to know about child sexual abuse."
On a similar note, Athena, of "Athena's Mind," urges us to realize that informed kids are less likely to become child sexual abuse victims. It's in her post, "Talk To Your Children About Sex."
Sonnie_Dee of the blog, "Sonnie's Daze," talks about "Disclosing Abuse."
Last but certainly not least, is Moof of "Moof's Tale." She firmly believes that awareness brings healing. This is from her remarks: "Sexual abuse from several different perspectives: 1) Coming forward and speaking out in order to begin the healing 2) Surviving beyond the healing - living down the label of 'victim' 3) The importance of forgiveness in moving forward with healing ." Her insights are here at her post, "The Many Faces of Sexual Abuse."
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, child protection, childhood sexual abuse, healing, links, Poetry, PTSD, survivors, therapy
June 15, 2006
Blog Carnival Child Sexual Abuse Survivor Story--Mine
I got the finalization instructions for posting our blog Carnival Against Child Abuse from Blog Carnival today. I'm going to be able to put in a new permalink for all the carnival links, so now I feel free to put up some other, newer posts. We're going to have at least 20 posts up for the first edition of our Carnival Against Child Abuse on Monday. I noticed as I was going through the submissions, however, that we only had a couple of survivor stories, while we have seven or eight each for "Healing & Therapy" and "Advocacy and Awareness." Yay for us; we're healing and raising awareness! Very important achievements.
I know it's hard to share the details of your personal survivor story. I'm finding it difficult myself, so I believe I will just share a couple of abuse accounts that I already have up on my dot com website, www.survivorscanthrive.com.
Please be careful! **TRIGGER WARNING for the FOLLOWING**
If you have DID, or some other type of dissociative disorder as I do (or PTSD), I recommend you read these accounts only while under the guidance of a trained mental health professional.
The Pink Towel
I know it's hard to share the details of your personal survivor story. I'm finding it difficult myself, so I believe I will just share a couple of abuse accounts that I already have up on my dot com website, www.survivorscanthrive.com.
Please be careful! **TRIGGER WARNING for the FOLLOWING**
If you have DID, or some other type of dissociative disorder as I do (or PTSD), I recommend you read these accounts only while under the guidance of a trained mental health professional.
The Pink Towel
My twin sister and I had just finished taking our bedtime baths. I'm sitting on my bed, carefully smoothing down the pink towel that will protect my pillow from my wet hair during the night. But, there is no one to protect me from the night's inevitable sexual abuse.
I turn to see who has just entered the room. It's my father and he's already unzipped his trousers. He grabs me by the shoulders, turning me toward him and guiding my mouth over his penis. As my father begins to thrust, I close my eyes and my body vanishes. Only my ears remain; they are calmly listening to my sister and mother continuing the bedtime routine in the bathroom just across the hall. Mommy turns on the water in the bathroom sink. Sister brushes her teeth.
By the time my twin spits out the toothpaste, our father is finished. It has been quiet and "uneventful," this routine act of bedtime oral abuse. Tonight I have complied quietly and Daddy is happy. Only a small drop of semen has escaped from my mouth. My father smiles and wipes the little trickle from my cheek. He offers me his finger and I automatically, dutifully, lick it clean. It takes just a moment more for Daddy to slip the towel from my pillow, wipe himself off, zip up his pants and exit the room.
A split second later, my mother glides into the room like June Cleaver. Her cheerful, sing-song voice jolts me out of my dissociated stupor. "What did you do with your towel?" Mommy chides. She doesn't wait for an answer. "C'mon, hurry up and brush your teeth for bed." Unfortunately, my mother follows me into the bathroom. I brush my teeth with a sharp eye on the white porcelain of the sink. I hope I that I can be quick if I spit out a dark, curly hair, so I can flush it down the sink before Mommy sees.
"Please," I pray inside my head. "Don't let Mommy find out what I did with Daddy tonight. Please, God, don't let Mommy tell me what a bad, dirty, evil girl I am."
Copyright 2005 by Marj McCabe. All Rights Reserved.
A Fear of Plastic Shower Curtains
"I'm cold, Daddy," I whine. I'm standing, naked, on the little throw rug in the middle of the bathroom floor. "Come on in, then," says the voice behind the shower curtain. "The water's warm," my father informs.
I hate being cold. Cold equals fear. Showers mean fear, too. What should I do? I dread having to join my father in the shower, but I know I must delay no longer. If I don't hurry, Daddy will get mad, or at least jump out of the shower and twist my cold, hard little nipples.
I move forward and gingerly pull back the shower curtain as if it's made out of rotting flesh. As I step into the tub, my eyes dart around. Everything in here scares me: the smell of the plastic shower curtain liner; the feel of the cold, hard porcelain bathtub and metal plumbing fixtures; and most of all, the sight of my naked father, with his dripping wet penis and icky, matted pubic hair. I know he wants oral sex; I especially hate it in the shower. Daddy always stays right under the shower head. Between the water in my nose and his penis in my mouth, I'm always afraid I'm going to smother.
As soon as Daddy directs my head under the coursing water and toward his privates, I start to flail. My hair gets wet immediately, streaming into my eyes. Daddy pulls too hard and my nose plunges into the wet, sticky mass of hair around his penis. I start to panic and blindly grab for support to ensure my footing and help me get away. Even in my terror, I can remember how painful it can be to hit my head, arm or knee on the faucet, so I stay clear of that obstacle. But, the tub is slick and I'm going down. I remember this pain as well--red, stinging knees battered against the tub. I grope for the shower curtain to pull myself back up to standing. I hear a couple of the curtain's fasteners snap and fly off.
Up to this point, I've no idea what my father's reaction is to my panic. He has probably been simply regarding me with mild amusement. He is often amused by my terror. This time--I guess it is because I've damaged the shower curtain--Daddy is enraged. He grabs me by the throat and pulls me up to his face. His eyes are hot and bulging. "You think that's going to save you?" he demands. "You think this is safe, do you?" He drops me back down to the porcelain and snatches a handful of plastic curtain.
Daddy yanks me up by the throat again and thrusts my little body between the waterproof curtain liner and the outside fabric of the shower curtain. He takes a hand and pushes the plastic against my face. The water provides a seal and the waterproof fabric stays in place. I don't dare attempt to remove it. "There. How do you like that?" my father goads. He gathers the air-tight material close around my neck for further effect.
I do not respond or react in any way to his question; I don't even hear him anymore. Through the translucent fabric, my eyes fix on the bathroom window. A voice in my mind tells me, "Go to the light." And I am gone.
Copyright 2005 by Marj McCabe. All Rights Reserved.
Labels: abuse, advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, childhood sexual abuse, memory work, survivors, Survivors Can Thrive, triggers
