January 17, 2011
The Whole Harrowing Story
I was just talking to a neighbor who was asking about my November car accident, injuries, and subsequent surgery. I think I finally feel up to doing the typing necessary to tell you all about it here.
It was the perfect birthday present: a botanical illustration retreat in Gateway Canyons, Colorado. Everything that could possibly go wrong, it seems, did when it came to this retreat I had been looking forward to for months. I won't go into the boring details of the other things that happened in the retreat debacle story. But, it culminated with me totaling my car just three miles before I would have made it to the beautiful resort.
I should never trust Mapquest. They are always wrong about at least one...or a dozen things. If it's not the map itself, it's the directions, or the time duration of the trip (those don't seem to ever be even slightly accurate). The Mapquest directions I had printed out for this drive said to go straight at a "T" intersection where my only alternatives were a right or left turn, of course. I got lost.
I had planned on making it to the resort with plenty of daylight left. Instead--by the time I finally find the correct route again--I'm driving down this twisty-turny, beautiful, two-lane canyon highway as the sun is setting behind the mountains. It was gorgeous, but I started to worry.
I saw the "deer crossing" and "bighorn sheep crossing" (yes, we have those out here in The West) signs right away. Ironically, I didn't pass any "elk crossing" signs and I didn't see any deer, or bighorn sheep. But, I did see a ton of elk. First, I saw a few scattered individuals, then I saw a herd that must have been at least 50-strong, in a valley near some water. "Oh, great," I thought to myself, "the animals are going to be coming out of the trees to my right, crossing the damn road, and then going down to get a drink of water and do their evening grazing to my left. I better drive slow and look out." I really did not want to hit an enormous elk with my car.
As much as I was annoyed and frustrated that I would have to slow down and arrive at the resort even later, I felt this was the safe thing to do. I turned off the car stereo and concentrated on looking out for deer, elk and bighorn sheep at the side of the road and/or crossing the road. I hardly saw any cars, people, or man-made structures of any kind. Sometimes, here in Colorado anyway, you can get some great photos of elk or bighorn sheep when you see other cars slowing down for them or stopping to take their own photos. You can also avoid the mule deer we have here (named for their very large ears) in this same way.
By the time I crashed my car, it was completely dark and black as pitch. There were no street lights in this remote location, and no light coming from any nearby buildings. All I had were the headlights of my car. I had just come around a corner and there he was, caught in those headlights. It was a huge mule deer buck. He was standing, right in the middle of the road, in my lane, perpendicular to the line of my car.
It's strange, the things that can go flying through your mind, in a matter of a few seconds at times like these. My first, weird thought was, "Huh. He doesn't look like the proverbial deer in the headlights at all. He looks more like a sedate cow, chewing its cud."
I noticed, however, that he did appear frozen to the spot. Once it was apparent he wasn't going anywhere, I noticed his big rack of antlers. I wondered if I should "T-bone," or broadside this huge animal. I figured the damage to the car would be worse and I had horrific pictures in my mind of this deer's antlers coming through my windshield and skewering me.
I put on the breaks a bit and turned the steering wheel to the left to see if I could just clip him instead of broadsiding him. But, it was like skidding on ice or hydroplaning on the pavement when there is a lot of water. I was aware that I could roll the car and I wanted to avoid that as I knew the damage that could be done there, from hearing about the experience when my sister rolled her car while hydroplaning years ago. But, I knew, no matter what I did, it was going to be bad. I was not making it to the resort that night, that was certain.
I remember the impact of my car hitting the buck. I felt the impact and I heard it as well. Then, I was careening off the road, watching trees whip past me. "Oh, God," I prayed, "please don't let me hit a tree!" I don't remember the airbags deploying (but they did) and I don't remember hitting the tree. (The state troopers told me later--at the ER of the Grand Junction hospital--that I had, indeed, hit a tree.) My life didn't flash before me, but I know I was praying. "I don't want to leave my husband or my child," I prayed, "please, God, don't let me die!"
The next thing I remember, everything was still and quiet. All I could hear was the car's radiator hissing. I had come to rest in a narrow, deep ditch. My first thought at that point was, "Thank you, God! I'm alive!" I was amazed that the windshield hadn't shattered. I looked down at myself and I held out my hands in front of me. There wasn't even any blood anywhere. It was a miracle! But, I was also very scared even though, I'm sure, I was still in shock. I saw a lot of smoke pouring out of the crumpled front end of the car, from under the hood. It was emitting a terrible, noxious smell. I was afraid the car might burst into flames or something; I decided I should get right out of there.
Between the smoke and the dark, I couldn't see very well, but I felt around for my purse. It had gone flying, and my cell phone had flown out somewhere to unknown regions. I unlocked the car doors, I unbuckled my seat belt without any problems and also opened the driver's side door without any trouble. Amazing! I was thinking, "I've got to get away from this smoking car and get to the road to flag somebody down." I didn't have much hope of that, however. I was, literally, in the middle of the beautiful, picturesque nowhere. Somehow--pure adrenalin I'm sure--I marched up the steep incline, out of the ditch.
Miraculously, I spotted a car coming quite soon. It seemed like only about five minutes, but I'm not sure what my perception of time was at that point. I saw the headlights and didn't worry too much about getting hit by the oncoming car. I stood in the middle of the road and waved the car down with everything I had. It was a woman driving a white van. She slowed down. I stepped out of the way. But, she passed on by. "Oh, shit!" I started praying again. "Please, God, make her turn around!" Mercifully, she did. She was the local pastor's wife and I felt that she was an angel. She wondered, at first, what was going on, who I was, and where my car could be. Then, she saw the smoke and figured my car was down in the ditch and she should turn back to help me. Bless her.
She parked the van at the side of the road and walked back to me. She asked me all the questions that I just indicated she had already figured out for herself. Then she asked, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
It's ironic that the auto safety features that saved my life were responsible for my only injuries. I had some really gruesome looking bruises that came from my seat belt's lap belt, I had a bruise across the bridge of my nose from the airbag and the shoulder harness snapped my clavicle. But, it really is a miracle I am alive, and I am grateful.
The next day after my accident, my husband drove out and got me. We went to the vehicle tow lot to get my luggage and other stuff out of the totaled Subaru Outback Legacy wagon. The front end, all the way up to the windshield, was smashed in so completely as to be unrecognizable. You could see lots of broken-off branches and sticks from the tree and the round, broken spots on the windshield where either the buck's antlers or hooves had impacted. The tow truck driver pointed out where the clumps of deer fur were still stuck to my car.
He said he had a "hellava time" getting my car towed out of that deep ditch. He, and everyone else I had met the previous night, kept asking me, "How did you get out of that ditch?" How did I get out? I don't know. That was a miracle, too, I guess. I'm lucky and I'm happy to be alive. My bruises are gone and I'm healing from my collar bone surgery. They put in a plate and some screws to hold the two broken pieces in place, with one final screw between the two portions as a bone graft.
I'm sleeping better now and I've weened myself off Percoset. I am currently weening myself off of Vicodin, which my doctor put me on because, I guess, it is less habit-forming. But, both have side effects and uncomfortable withdrawal effects. I still can't lift much, but I'm doing my assigned physical therapy exercises and I'm getting stronger on my left side again. I can type with both hands now but it is slow and a bit painful. I make a lot of typos. Thank God for spell-check!
And thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, get-well wishes and healing vibes sent. I start my botanical illustration classes up again in the middle of February and I'm looking forward to that. I hope that the winter isn't being too hard on you and that you have something nice to look forward to, too.
It was the perfect birthday present: a botanical illustration retreat in Gateway Canyons, Colorado. Everything that could possibly go wrong, it seems, did when it came to this retreat I had been looking forward to for months. I won't go into the boring details of the other things that happened in the retreat debacle story. But, it culminated with me totaling my car just three miles before I would have made it to the beautiful resort.
I should never trust Mapquest. They are always wrong about at least one...or a dozen things. If it's not the map itself, it's the directions, or the time duration of the trip (those don't seem to ever be even slightly accurate). The Mapquest directions I had printed out for this drive said to go straight at a "T" intersection where my only alternatives were a right or left turn, of course. I got lost.
I had planned on making it to the resort with plenty of daylight left. Instead--by the time I finally find the correct route again--I'm driving down this twisty-turny, beautiful, two-lane canyon highway as the sun is setting behind the mountains. It was gorgeous, but I started to worry.
I saw the "deer crossing" and "bighorn sheep crossing" (yes, we have those out here in The West) signs right away. Ironically, I didn't pass any "elk crossing" signs and I didn't see any deer, or bighorn sheep. But, I did see a ton of elk. First, I saw a few scattered individuals, then I saw a herd that must have been at least 50-strong, in a valley near some water. "Oh, great," I thought to myself, "the animals are going to be coming out of the trees to my right, crossing the damn road, and then going down to get a drink of water and do their evening grazing to my left. I better drive slow and look out." I really did not want to hit an enormous elk with my car.
As much as I was annoyed and frustrated that I would have to slow down and arrive at the resort even later, I felt this was the safe thing to do. I turned off the car stereo and concentrated on looking out for deer, elk and bighorn sheep at the side of the road and/or crossing the road. I hardly saw any cars, people, or man-made structures of any kind. Sometimes, here in Colorado anyway, you can get some great photos of elk or bighorn sheep when you see other cars slowing down for them or stopping to take their own photos. You can also avoid the mule deer we have here (named for their very large ears) in this same way.
By the time I crashed my car, it was completely dark and black as pitch. There were no street lights in this remote location, and no light coming from any nearby buildings. All I had were the headlights of my car. I had just come around a corner and there he was, caught in those headlights. It was a huge mule deer buck. He was standing, right in the middle of the road, in my lane, perpendicular to the line of my car.
It's strange, the things that can go flying through your mind, in a matter of a few seconds at times like these. My first, weird thought was, "Huh. He doesn't look like the proverbial deer in the headlights at all. He looks more like a sedate cow, chewing its cud."
I noticed, however, that he did appear frozen to the spot. Once it was apparent he wasn't going anywhere, I noticed his big rack of antlers. I wondered if I should "T-bone," or broadside this huge animal. I figured the damage to the car would be worse and I had horrific pictures in my mind of this deer's antlers coming through my windshield and skewering me.
I put on the breaks a bit and turned the steering wheel to the left to see if I could just clip him instead of broadsiding him. But, it was like skidding on ice or hydroplaning on the pavement when there is a lot of water. I was aware that I could roll the car and I wanted to avoid that as I knew the damage that could be done there, from hearing about the experience when my sister rolled her car while hydroplaning years ago. But, I knew, no matter what I did, it was going to be bad. I was not making it to the resort that night, that was certain.
I remember the impact of my car hitting the buck. I felt the impact and I heard it as well. Then, I was careening off the road, watching trees whip past me. "Oh, God," I prayed, "please don't let me hit a tree!" I don't remember the airbags deploying (but they did) and I don't remember hitting the tree. (The state troopers told me later--at the ER of the Grand Junction hospital--that I had, indeed, hit a tree.) My life didn't flash before me, but I know I was praying. "I don't want to leave my husband or my child," I prayed, "please, God, don't let me die!"
The next thing I remember, everything was still and quiet. All I could hear was the car's radiator hissing. I had come to rest in a narrow, deep ditch. My first thought at that point was, "Thank you, God! I'm alive!" I was amazed that the windshield hadn't shattered. I looked down at myself and I held out my hands in front of me. There wasn't even any blood anywhere. It was a miracle! But, I was also very scared even though, I'm sure, I was still in shock. I saw a lot of smoke pouring out of the crumpled front end of the car, from under the hood. It was emitting a terrible, noxious smell. I was afraid the car might burst into flames or something; I decided I should get right out of there.
Between the smoke and the dark, I couldn't see very well, but I felt around for my purse. It had gone flying, and my cell phone had flown out somewhere to unknown regions. I unlocked the car doors, I unbuckled my seat belt without any problems and also opened the driver's side door without any trouble. Amazing! I was thinking, "I've got to get away from this smoking car and get to the road to flag somebody down." I didn't have much hope of that, however. I was, literally, in the middle of the beautiful, picturesque nowhere. Somehow--pure adrenalin I'm sure--I marched up the steep incline, out of the ditch.
Miraculously, I spotted a car coming quite soon. It seemed like only about five minutes, but I'm not sure what my perception of time was at that point. I saw the headlights and didn't worry too much about getting hit by the oncoming car. I stood in the middle of the road and waved the car down with everything I had. It was a woman driving a white van. She slowed down. I stepped out of the way. But, she passed on by. "Oh, shit!" I started praying again. "Please, God, make her turn around!" Mercifully, she did. She was the local pastor's wife and I felt that she was an angel. She wondered, at first, what was going on, who I was, and where my car could be. Then, she saw the smoke and figured my car was down in the ditch and she should turn back to help me. Bless her.
She parked the van at the side of the road and walked back to me. She asked me all the questions that I just indicated she had already figured out for herself. Then she asked, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
It's ironic that the auto safety features that saved my life were responsible for my only injuries. I had some really gruesome looking bruises that came from my seat belt's lap belt, I had a bruise across the bridge of my nose from the airbag and the shoulder harness snapped my clavicle. But, it really is a miracle I am alive, and I am grateful.
The next day after my accident, my husband drove out and got me. We went to the vehicle tow lot to get my luggage and other stuff out of the totaled Subaru Outback Legacy wagon. The front end, all the way up to the windshield, was smashed in so completely as to be unrecognizable. You could see lots of broken-off branches and sticks from the tree and the round, broken spots on the windshield where either the buck's antlers or hooves had impacted. The tow truck driver pointed out where the clumps of deer fur were still stuck to my car.
He said he had a "hellava time" getting my car towed out of that deep ditch. He, and everyone else I had met the previous night, kept asking me, "How did you get out of that ditch?" How did I get out? I don't know. That was a miracle, too, I guess. I'm lucky and I'm happy to be alive. My bruises are gone and I'm healing from my collar bone surgery. They put in a plate and some screws to hold the two broken pieces in place, with one final screw between the two portions as a bone graft.
I'm sleeping better now and I've weened myself off Percoset. I am currently weening myself off of Vicodin, which my doctor put me on because, I guess, it is less habit-forming. But, both have side effects and uncomfortable withdrawal effects. I still can't lift much, but I'm doing my assigned physical therapy exercises and I'm getting stronger on my left side again. I can type with both hands now but it is slow and a bit painful. I make a lot of typos. Thank God for spell-check!
And thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, get-well wishes and healing vibes sent. I start my botanical illustration classes up again in the middle of February and I'm looking forward to that. I hope that the winter isn't being too hard on you and that you have something nice to look forward to, too.
Labels: gratitude, healing, miracles, trauma
October 28, 2010
A Big Milestone & A Big Decision
Happy Autumn, again, everyone. This Fall, I have a big milestone coming up to celebrate. On Sunday, November 14, it will be the five-year anniversary of my Survivors Can Thrive! blog. You can view the original post from November 14, 2005 here. Hey, go over and leave a comment there, will you? I notice it has "0 comments." LOL! Thanks! ;)
But, I have also made a big decision. So, on that anniversary celebration day, I will also be sad. I've decided that, on that day, I will write my last official post for this blog.
I've been thinking about it for a while now, but I didn't want to make this decision final--much less announce it--until I had someone to take over for me as the blogger who maintains The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I've asked Tracie at the FromTracie blog to let me pass the blog carnival baton to her. She thought it over for a while and has now agreed! Yay, Tracie! I know you will do an excellent job running the carnival.
Splinty, (Splinteredones over at Twitter) who runs the SPLINTEREDONE'S BLOG, has committed to hosting the November edition of our carnival. I will make sure to help Tracie and Splinty organize, promote and run this carnival edition, whether it takes place before or after my November 14 anniversary/last-official-blog-post date. As I told Tracie in a recent e-mail, I will continue--especially for the first several months of transition time--to help her with any maintenance issues, promote the carnival over at Twitter (although I'll continue to reduce my presence there) and even submit some old posts I have in my SurvivorsCanThrive coffers to monthly editions.
I will not be pulling down my blog or my Survivors Can Thrive! dot com site. I will leave them both up indefinitely. I want them to remain available on the Internet as a resource for anyone who might be able to use them. I will restrict my blog posting, however, to a once-in-a-while personal journal entry when I'd like to scratch out a therapy poem or otherwise hit the keys to do my journaling rather than put pen to paper the old-fashioned way. That is what "blog" stands for after all: web log, as in journal. I know a lot of folks who use their blog simply as an online journal, and I think I will now be okay with that for myself, rather than feeling any pressure to post weekly or on any kind of timeline at all.
The thing that I will be the most sad about--severely restricting my presence in the blogosphere--is not spending more time with my bloggy buddies and advocating for child abuse prevention and survivors. Over the last five years, the people I have met through blogging have become quite important to me, in addition to my ability to stop the silence, silence the shame, and break the cycle of child abuse.
But, in the midst of my sadness, I will also be celebrating. Not only will I be celebrating the work that I've done here at Survivors Can Thrive! and the wonderful survivors and survivor advocates I have met along the way, but I will also be celebrating my journey toward thriving and where it is now leading me. I think the journey to becoming a Thriver is somewhat similar to the goal of becoming more Christlike or being more like The Buddha. It is probably not something that many of us actually completely achieve in this lifetime, but it is something that we can make strides toward every day. This is where I am on my Survivor-to-Thriver path.
I will continue my therapy and working toward achieving Thriver status. But, now that I am finally feeling like I truly am thriving more every day, I will stop and take time to enjoy the things that make me feel like I'm thriving. Right now, a big one of those things is my work toward my certificate in botanical illustration. I am about a third of the way through the educational program at The Denver Botanic Gardens and I've got my work in a show for the first time ever. I'm hoping to continue to show my work in exhibits more down the road. And, eventually, (in addition to completing my portfolio and earning my certificate) I hope to start making some sales. *fingers crossed*
So, folks, the bottom line is that I don't know whether or not I will ever finish writing the book that I began, with the working title of "Survivors Can Thrive!" I want to see where this botanical illustration path will lead me. And, I'm feeling more comfortable right now with the decision to use my creative energy and time (that I would have put into finishing my book) for becoming a professional botanical illustrator. What this will, hopefully, mean (and I've had a lot of folks ask me what this will mean) is that I may, some day, have some of my illustrations published in a book similar to this Plant Select Guide. And/or, I may illustrate some seed packets for a company such as Botanical Interests, who uses illustrations instead of photographs for their plant seed products. Maybe some day I will even get represented by a gallery, have my own one-woman shows, and sell framed illustrations and prints made from my original works, just like one of my instructors who has this website. She is an awesome artist and so inspiring to me!
As you can probably tell, I'm very excited about this. And--even if I'm illustrating plants instead of blogging and otherwise writing--I will continue working every day toward thriving. It's the same journey, just down a different path now. Thank you all for your readership, support, bloggy and tweety friendship, and survivor solidarity, as well as your commitment, involvement and promotion of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse over these last five years. It's not even possible that I would have come this far on my Survivors Can Thrive! journey without all of you and I am truly grateful. During the next three weeks and before I write my last official blog post, I will come over to visit your blogs and thank you personally for everything you have done for and with me in bloggyland.
In the meantime, don't just survive...bloom, grow, THRIVE! ;)
But, I have also made a big decision. So, on that anniversary celebration day, I will also be sad. I've decided that, on that day, I will write my last official post for this blog.
I've been thinking about it for a while now, but I didn't want to make this decision final--much less announce it--until I had someone to take over for me as the blogger who maintains The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I've asked Tracie at the FromTracie blog to let me pass the blog carnival baton to her. She thought it over for a while and has now agreed! Yay, Tracie! I know you will do an excellent job running the carnival.
Splinty, (Splinteredones over at Twitter) who runs the SPLINTEREDONE'S BLOG, has committed to hosting the November edition of our carnival. I will make sure to help Tracie and Splinty organize, promote and run this carnival edition, whether it takes place before or after my November 14 anniversary/last-official-blog-post date. As I told Tracie in a recent e-mail, I will continue--especially for the first several months of transition time--to help her with any maintenance issues, promote the carnival over at Twitter (although I'll continue to reduce my presence there) and even submit some old posts I have in my SurvivorsCanThrive coffers to monthly editions.
I will not be pulling down my blog or my Survivors Can Thrive! dot com site. I will leave them both up indefinitely. I want them to remain available on the Internet as a resource for anyone who might be able to use them. I will restrict my blog posting, however, to a once-in-a-while personal journal entry when I'd like to scratch out a therapy poem or otherwise hit the keys to do my journaling rather than put pen to paper the old-fashioned way. That is what "blog" stands for after all: web log, as in journal. I know a lot of folks who use their blog simply as an online journal, and I think I will now be okay with that for myself, rather than feeling any pressure to post weekly or on any kind of timeline at all.
The thing that I will be the most sad about--severely restricting my presence in the blogosphere--is not spending more time with my bloggy buddies and advocating for child abuse prevention and survivors. Over the last five years, the people I have met through blogging have become quite important to me, in addition to my ability to stop the silence, silence the shame, and break the cycle of child abuse.
But, in the midst of my sadness, I will also be celebrating. Not only will I be celebrating the work that I've done here at Survivors Can Thrive! and the wonderful survivors and survivor advocates I have met along the way, but I will also be celebrating my journey toward thriving and where it is now leading me. I think the journey to becoming a Thriver is somewhat similar to the goal of becoming more Christlike or being more like The Buddha. It is probably not something that many of us actually completely achieve in this lifetime, but it is something that we can make strides toward every day. This is where I am on my Survivor-to-Thriver path.
I will continue my therapy and working toward achieving Thriver status. But, now that I am finally feeling like I truly am thriving more every day, I will stop and take time to enjoy the things that make me feel like I'm thriving. Right now, a big one of those things is my work toward my certificate in botanical illustration. I am about a third of the way through the educational program at The Denver Botanic Gardens and I've got my work in a show for the first time ever. I'm hoping to continue to show my work in exhibits more down the road. And, eventually, (in addition to completing my portfolio and earning my certificate) I hope to start making some sales. *fingers crossed*
So, folks, the bottom line is that I don't know whether or not I will ever finish writing the book that I began, with the working title of "Survivors Can Thrive!" I want to see where this botanical illustration path will lead me. And, I'm feeling more comfortable right now with the decision to use my creative energy and time (that I would have put into finishing my book) for becoming a professional botanical illustrator. What this will, hopefully, mean (and I've had a lot of folks ask me what this will mean) is that I may, some day, have some of my illustrations published in a book similar to this Plant Select Guide. And/or, I may illustrate some seed packets for a company such as Botanical Interests, who uses illustrations instead of photographs for their plant seed products. Maybe some day I will even get represented by a gallery, have my own one-woman shows, and sell framed illustrations and prints made from my original works, just like one of my instructors who has this website. She is an awesome artist and so inspiring to me!
As you can probably tell, I'm very excited about this. And--even if I'm illustrating plants instead of blogging and otherwise writing--I will continue working every day toward thriving. It's the same journey, just down a different path now. Thank you all for your readership, support, bloggy and tweety friendship, and survivor solidarity, as well as your commitment, involvement and promotion of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse over these last five years. It's not even possible that I would have come this far on my Survivors Can Thrive! journey without all of you and I am truly grateful. During the next three weeks and before I write my last official blog post, I will come over to visit your blogs and thank you personally for everything you have done for and with me in bloggyland.
In the meantime, don't just survive...bloom, grow, THRIVE! ;)
Labels: advocacy, anniversary, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, child abuse prevention, gratitude, healing, inspiration, self-help books, Survivors Can Thrive, therapy, thriver
May 02, 2010
Following Those Dreams!
Still busy away from the blogosphere working on my botanical illustration. If you look closely, you can see the work I did recently in my colored pencil I class. My piece is the one with the four objects "pointing" at each other: the brown seed pod, the orange pepper, the onion and the tamatillo.
This was featured on the April 27th post at the botanical illustration program's blog: http://www.botanicalillustration.blogspot.com/
If you go to that link, you can see the work a little bigger. I'm still a cyber klutz when it comes to embedding photos and stuff on this blog. :P But, I was so excited to see this there! Just think how excited I'll be when I enter my first show or sell something or get a commission. Something to look forward to. It is so nice to be dreaming again...and following those dreams.
Hope you are all well. I'll try to get around to all of your blogs soon.
Labels: gratitude, inspiration, thrive
March 29, 2010
Aware AND Alive: Finding Joy
Hey, folks. I'm back from Spring Break. We couldn't afford to fly anywhere this year and my husband wanted to save money by camping instead of staying in a hotel. I was afraid we were going to freeze our buns off! We had to drive all the way down to Sedona, AZ to find some sunshine and warmth, but it was worth the long road trip. We camped in Oak Creek Canyon where it was gorgeous. I've never slept so well on a camping trip. The sound of the creek was a wonderful lullaby!
Now that I'm back, I'm reading the posts in this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Mike at Child Abuse Survivor had such a wonderful idea. To help celebrate his Irish heritage and the Irish humor he so appreciates, Mike set up a theme for this edition of humor, joy and survivors finding happiness.
You know, child abuse is such a serious subject and we do need to be warriors fighting against it, raising awareness and working for prevention and recovery. But, we can also celebrate survivors finding joy, humor and a sense of wholeness and happiness. That's the whole reason I decided a long time ago to name my dot com site and my blog Survivors Can Thrive! Don't we all want to emerge from surviving and start thriving in our lives? Sometimes, while I'm down in the trenches of my own recovery, working on my healing, I forget that. Thanks for the reminder, Mike!
Yes, thanks indeed, Mike, for coming up with such an inspired theme. I am smiling reading these posts. I so appreciate our survivor solidarity where we can share our sorrows and our joys. Thanks to all for participating and thank you, in advance, for going to the carnival, reading and sharing your comments on the posts. You'll be glad you stopped by. Go get a smile! :)
Now that I'm back, I'm reading the posts in this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Mike at Child Abuse Survivor had such a wonderful idea. To help celebrate his Irish heritage and the Irish humor he so appreciates, Mike set up a theme for this edition of humor, joy and survivors finding happiness.
You know, child abuse is such a serious subject and we do need to be warriors fighting against it, raising awareness and working for prevention and recovery. But, we can also celebrate survivors finding joy, humor and a sense of wholeness and happiness. That's the whole reason I decided a long time ago to name my dot com site and my blog Survivors Can Thrive! Don't we all want to emerge from surviving and start thriving in our lives? Sometimes, while I'm down in the trenches of my own recovery, working on my healing, I forget that. Thanks for the reminder, Mike!
Yes, thanks indeed, Mike, for coming up with such an inspired theme. I am smiling reading these posts. I so appreciate our survivor solidarity where we can share our sorrows and our joys. Thanks to all for participating and thank you, in advance, for going to the carnival, reading and sharing your comments on the posts. You'll be glad you stopped by. Go get a smile! :)
Labels: appreciation, beauty, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, comfort, community, gratitude, healing, hope, inner child, journey, Poetry, thrive
December 14, 2009
The Gift of Gratitude
I want to take some time out of the busy holiday schedule (which doesn't seem to be triggering me this year, thank God) to let each of my bloggy buddies know that I am grateful for your friendship. Your support and kind words always mean such a great deal to me. I want you all to know that. Each one of you is special and has a special place in my heart. Thank you!
My holiday wish for you is that the spirit of the season brings you true comfort and joy.
My holiday wish for you is that the spirit of the season brings you true comfort and joy.
Labels: beauty, collage, comfort, community, connection, gratitude, support, survivors
May 01, 2009
Poem in My Pocket; Hope in My Heart
Did you know, yesterday was Poem in Your Pocket Day? It was a way to finish off National Poetry Month.
I think I may have mentioned that I spend several hours a week babysitting an adorable toddler who is in the custody of my friends--her grandparents--after being neglected by her parents. Lately, we've been strolling to parks. The other day, we discovered dandelions together and I showed the little cutie pie how to blow the seeds off the "fluff puffs."
She's almost two and she's at that age where she's willing to try anything you ask her to try and say. I bought her grand-folks a book: Baby Signs. We've all been teaching the precious one signs and it just helped her verbal skills explode! It sure was cute to hear her say, "fluff puff!" and blow those seeds into the wind!
She and the current spring weather are really giving me joy, delight and hope lately. This little girl inspired me to write a haiku poem. I got to see the little angel an extra couple of hours yesterday, so her namesake poem was my choice for the poem in my pocket.
Here it is:
Rosy-Cheeked Cherub
rosy-cheeked cherub
reaches down to pick flower
wonder, beauty, life!
Copyright 2009, Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
I think I may have mentioned that I spend several hours a week babysitting an adorable toddler who is in the custody of my friends--her grandparents--after being neglected by her parents. Lately, we've been strolling to parks. The other day, we discovered dandelions together and I showed the little cutie pie how to blow the seeds off the "fluff puffs."
She's almost two and she's at that age where she's willing to try anything you ask her to try and say. I bought her grand-folks a book: Baby Signs. We've all been teaching the precious one signs and it just helped her verbal skills explode! It sure was cute to hear her say, "fluff puff!" and blow those seeds into the wind!
She and the current spring weather are really giving me joy, delight and hope lately. This little girl inspired me to write a haiku poem. I got to see the little angel an extra couple of hours yesterday, so her namesake poem was my choice for the poem in my pocket.
Here it is:
Rosy-Cheeked Cherub
rosy-cheeked cherub
reaches down to pick flower
wonder, beauty, life!
Copyright 2009, Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
Labels: beauty, breaking the cycle, connection, gratitude, haiku, hope, inspiration, nature's healing, poem, Poetry
April 16, 2009
It's Blog Reader Appreciation Day!
Did you know? Today is Blog Reader Appreciation Day! Hurray! I am finding out about all sorts of blogging "days" to celebrate, now that I'm involved with Bloggers Unite. I encourage you to join; it is uplifting.
The day was started one year ago by Robin Reagler who writes the blog The OTHER Mother. I've just started enjoying to get to know Robin through Bloggers Unite and Twitter.
On this day, I want to play a meme I got tagged with by Enola, who was so sweet to point attention to my post about Free The Slaves Day (also a Bloggers Unite event).
This meme is one of those that is actually an award--The I Love Ya Award. I love ya, too, Enola. And I hope you are healing quickly from your recent kidney stone operation. Ouch! Feel better!
“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."
So on this day--Blog Reader Appreciation Day--I not only want to thank ALL my readers, but I especially want to thank the following friends and supporters for leaving comments and hugs and just being the types of bloggy friends who always seem to be there for me:
The day was started one year ago by Robin Reagler who writes the blog The OTHER Mother. I've just started enjoying to get to know Robin through Bloggers Unite and Twitter.On this day, I want to play a meme I got tagged with by Enola, who was so sweet to point attention to my post about Free The Slaves Day (also a Bloggers Unite event).
This meme is one of those that is actually an award--The I Love Ya Award. I love ya, too, Enola. And I hope you are healing quickly from your recent kidney stone operation. Ouch! Feel better!
“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."
So on this day--Blog Reader Appreciation Day--I not only want to thank ALL my readers, but I especially want to thank the following friends and supporters for leaving comments and hugs and just being the types of bloggy friends who always seem to be there for me:
- I don't think Marcella at Abyss2Hope has a #1 aim of finding friends. But she is definitely not interested in self-aggrandizement--she's too busy making advocacy for rape and sexual assault survivors her big priority. But I just met Marcella IRL and so enjoyed it! I now consider her a bloggy friend AND and IRL friend!
- I met Buffalopine through Twitter. She is such an inspiration! She is also very free with her kind words of support, especially through her thoughtful e-mails and Tweets. I'm glad I'm getting to know this new friend!
- Check out Catatonic Kid's blog. She is a writer extraordinaire! I can hardly believe the lyrical quality of her writing sometimes. She's also an excellent human being. I can't remember who's blog I found her on, but she's another one I'm really enjoying getting to know better through blogging AND Twitter.
- Not only is Mike, from Child Abuse Survivor, not self-aggrandizing, he is a true friend to survivors. He is hosting the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse for the second time, tomorrow. He's also started the Child Abuse Survivor ning Network (see link below). He's a true friend that can always be counted upon.
- Mile 191 at Come Into My Closet is on a little bloggy break right now. I can see why she needs the rest. She runs a "blog carnival" on her blog just about every week. I've never seen any blogger who is so tireless at their willingness to support and promote other blogs. If you like "linky love," check out her blog!
- I'm glad I've gotten to know Grace, of Grace Uncensored, through The Child Abuse Survivor ning Network. She is also taking a bit of a bloggy break, but I get lots of supportive and friendly advice from her over at Polyvore, where we are part of an Adult Survivors group doing healing collage as art therapy.
- Rainbow, over at Haunted House, is another new bloggy friend of mine. I really enjoyed getting to know her through her event: Child Abuse Awareness Day over at Bloggers Unite. She's supporting the event I'm plugging over there, too: The Run and Rally to Stop the Silence of Child Sexual Abuse.
- Just Be Real started visiting my blog recently, then I started to see her over at the Child Abuse Survivor ning site. She often leaves comments on my blog that include the words "bless you" or "blessings." You know, she's the type of person who, when she offers these kinds words, really does make me feel blessed! Thanks, Just Be Real!
- I'm only supposed to pick eight, and this blogger has already been tagged by this meme, but I just have to include Tamara at Desire to Heal. She was quite supportive and kind to me over at the CAS ning recently when I was really struggling with the Easter holiday. I love ya, Tamara!
Labels: advocacy, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, Bloggers Unite, child abuse, child abuse prevention, collage, community, gratitude, links, love, network, Twitter
January 27, 2009
Linky Lunacy!
Hey, guys! Thanks for putting up with me (and supplying some kind words, cyber hugs and support) while I was down in the pit of "woe-is-me." I realized--even before my therapy session (yay, me!)--that I needed to do some more inner child comfort. When I switched my focus on that for a while, I started to feel much more productive.
Speaking of productive: Get ready, because this is post is going to be "linky lunacy!" Links ahead! As you may notice, I switched back to my old Blogger template format. I got all my widgets, awards and avatars back. It's funny, really. Just when I was feeling down and winter-weary, I got two awards that look to be quite similar. I didn't have any luck getting either of these awards graphics to post (here or on my sidebar/template), so go to the post where the bloggers who awarded them talk about the awards, okay?
This first one is from Teresa Lynne who writes Teardrops on Roses, which you can link to on my sidebar. She also writes a blog called The Write Way, which is where I received the award. It's called a "Triple Award." Wow! Cool! Thanks, Tery! The other one comes from Mile 191 at Come Into My Closet. This award is called the "Lemonade Award." Both of these awards are supposed to go to awardees who show great attitude and/or gratitude. I'm glad Tery and Mile 191 don't think I'm a whiney wiener all the time! Thanks!
I'll have to get up my nominees for this award later, otherwise this will be a really long post.
The second linky-related thing I want to mention is a couple of network "ning" groups I've joined recently. Ever heard of those? They are pretty cool. The first one was started by my friend, Mike McBride, over at Child Abuse Survivor. The group is The Child Abuse Survivors ning. Won't you come over and join us? There's room for survivors, supporters, blogging, forums, chats, photo posting, etc. It is so cool and it's a very supportive group. Check it out. You can go over and join up by clicking the widget I've got (back up, thank you very much) on my sidebar there.
Another network ning group I'm starting to get to know and enjoy is called Coach Creative Space. My friend, Denise, turned me on to it. So far, I've been doing some down-and-dirty poetry and posting it over there. They give lots of feedback and support--and I don't even consider myself a real poet!
Yesterday, we got a "prompt" to write a 15-word poem. I'd been thinking about all the "good, bad, and the ugly" of life lately and so I went to my dot com site, where I have a page called "Healing Moments" under the "My Story" area. I went back and read over a place where I was talking about life being the light and the dark, and all the gray in between. I decided to pull a 15-word poem out of it.
A Both/And Life
Head down closed
Sinking black pit
Light dark, here now
Life is all of it.
Thanks, Coach Creative Space peeps! You helped motivate me to do something productive and helped me work on seeing the "both/and" of life a little bit better!
You know what else helps me feel better again and again? All you bloggy buddies stopping by with words of encouragement and support. I have finally gotten started in updating my blog and my dot com site and I have a lot of new links on my sidebar. They're marked with a "*New*." Go check 'em out!
Last but certainly not least--actually the most important to me right now--is The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. We have another new host for our next edition! Yay! It's Nancy over at Heal and Forgive. Thanks so much for stepping up to the plate, Nancy! She's got her first call for submissions over at this post of hers, here. Please go check out her blog and consider joining us for the next edition of the carnival. It will run on Friday, February 6, with the deadline for submissions set at Wednesday, February 4. Let's all get our submissions together and send them in!
Speaking of productive: Get ready, because this is post is going to be "linky lunacy!" Links ahead! As you may notice, I switched back to my old Blogger template format. I got all my widgets, awards and avatars back. It's funny, really. Just when I was feeling down and winter-weary, I got two awards that look to be quite similar. I didn't have any luck getting either of these awards graphics to post (here or on my sidebar/template), so go to the post where the bloggers who awarded them talk about the awards, okay?
This first one is from Teresa Lynne who writes Teardrops on Roses, which you can link to on my sidebar. She also writes a blog called The Write Way, which is where I received the award. It's called a "Triple Award." Wow! Cool! Thanks, Tery! The other one comes from Mile 191 at Come Into My Closet. This award is called the "Lemonade Award." Both of these awards are supposed to go to awardees who show great attitude and/or gratitude. I'm glad Tery and Mile 191 don't think I'm a whiney wiener all the time! Thanks!
I'll have to get up my nominees for this award later, otherwise this will be a really long post.
The second linky-related thing I want to mention is a couple of network "ning" groups I've joined recently. Ever heard of those? They are pretty cool. The first one was started by my friend, Mike McBride, over at Child Abuse Survivor. The group is The Child Abuse Survivors ning. Won't you come over and join us? There's room for survivors, supporters, blogging, forums, chats, photo posting, etc. It is so cool and it's a very supportive group. Check it out. You can go over and join up by clicking the widget I've got (back up, thank you very much) on my sidebar there.
Another network ning group I'm starting to get to know and enjoy is called Coach Creative Space. My friend, Denise, turned me on to it. So far, I've been doing some down-and-dirty poetry and posting it over there. They give lots of feedback and support--and I don't even consider myself a real poet!
Yesterday, we got a "prompt" to write a 15-word poem. I'd been thinking about all the "good, bad, and the ugly" of life lately and so I went to my dot com site, where I have a page called "Healing Moments" under the "My Story" area. I went back and read over a place where I was talking about life being the light and the dark, and all the gray in between. I decided to pull a 15-word poem out of it.
A Both/And Life
Head down closed
Sinking black pit
Light dark, here now
Life is all of it.
Thanks, Coach Creative Space peeps! You helped motivate me to do something productive and helped me work on seeing the "both/and" of life a little bit better!
You know what else helps me feel better again and again? All you bloggy buddies stopping by with words of encouragement and support. I have finally gotten started in updating my blog and my dot com site and I have a lot of new links on my sidebar. They're marked with a "*New*." Go check 'em out!
Last but certainly not least--actually the most important to me right now--is The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. We have another new host for our next edition! Yay! It's Nancy over at Heal and Forgive. Thanks so much for stepping up to the plate, Nancy! She's got her first call for submissions over at this post of hers, here. Please go check out her blog and consider joining us for the next edition of the carnival. It will run on Friday, February 6, with the deadline for submissions set at Wednesday, February 4. Let's all get our submissions together and send them in!
Labels: award, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, comfort, don't give up, don't quit, gratitude, hope, network, ning, poem, Poetry
June 24, 2008
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!
Well, I'm about to leave for a trip on my own. I'm doing a little girls-only retreat in hopes of revitalizing my weary old self. I'm going to be gone for a week.
At my last therapy appointment, I talked to my therapist about the positive changes I've been seeing lately. I think this is a good time for me to take some time off and focus on self-care.
Self-care is one of the things I've seen positive change in lately. I'm much more committed to this topic now. I don't know if it's getting in touch with my parts--and having such a strong desire to soothe and comfort them--or what it is exactly, but I'm much better at taking care of myself than I used to be.
I read a post of JIP's--Jumping In Puddles--that talked about how excruciating it can be to get in touch with those feelings that we dissociatives have been cut off from for so long. I also used to be entirely cut off from my body. I never listened to any of my body's messages. About five or six years ago, my therapist at the time used to ask me during a session, "And how does that feel in your body?" I'd just stare at him blankly. "Body? What body?"
Now, I actually enjoy some of the self-care, comfort and nurturing I afford myself. I still don't do well in the shower on a consistent basis, because of the extreme abuse that happened in that space, but I do enjoy pedicures, heated neck pillows, scented lotion, candles and girlie things like that. I've gotten into the habit of looking at myself(ves) in the mirror when I'm in the bathroom indulging in a sensory treat like this and saying, "We're worth it and we deserve it!"
This is a huge accomplishment and far cry from the mirror beating I used to take at my own hands. I wish I could erase all those times I looked at my reflection in the glass and said to myself(ves) with disdain, "You are so ugly. I hate you."
***
Huh. Well, then. I can't remember what I wrote after the above paragraph that I lost into the black hole of cyber space! My electricity went out for about an hour. Hhmmmm....gave me a chance to use some of those scented candles.
When I get back from my trip I will continue this post, which goes along with me starting up my gratitude journal again. Maybe I'll supply a handy, bulleted list for your reading enjoyment. See you all when I'm refreshed, restored, renewed...and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! Hugs!
At my last therapy appointment, I talked to my therapist about the positive changes I've been seeing lately. I think this is a good time for me to take some time off and focus on self-care.
Self-care is one of the things I've seen positive change in lately. I'm much more committed to this topic now. I don't know if it's getting in touch with my parts--and having such a strong desire to soothe and comfort them--or what it is exactly, but I'm much better at taking care of myself than I used to be.
I read a post of JIP's--Jumping In Puddles--that talked about how excruciating it can be to get in touch with those feelings that we dissociatives have been cut off from for so long. I also used to be entirely cut off from my body. I never listened to any of my body's messages. About five or six years ago, my therapist at the time used to ask me during a session, "And how does that feel in your body?" I'd just stare at him blankly. "Body? What body?"
Now, I actually enjoy some of the self-care, comfort and nurturing I afford myself. I still don't do well in the shower on a consistent basis, because of the extreme abuse that happened in that space, but I do enjoy pedicures, heated neck pillows, scented lotion, candles and girlie things like that. I've gotten into the habit of looking at myself(ves) in the mirror when I'm in the bathroom indulging in a sensory treat like this and saying, "We're worth it and we deserve it!"
This is a huge accomplishment and far cry from the mirror beating I used to take at my own hands. I wish I could erase all those times I looked at my reflection in the glass and said to myself(ves) with disdain, "You are so ugly. I hate you."
***
Huh. Well, then. I can't remember what I wrote after the above paragraph that I lost into the black hole of cyber space! My electricity went out for about an hour. Hhmmmm....gave me a chance to use some of those scented candles.
When I get back from my trip I will continue this post, which goes along with me starting up my gratitude journal again. Maybe I'll supply a handy, bulleted list for your reading enjoyment. See you all when I'm refreshed, restored, renewed...and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! Hugs!
Labels: body connection, comfort, dissociation, feelings, gratitude, self-care, therapy
May 27, 2008
Mohs Update
You may be wondering, "What the heck is a Mohs update?" Well, if you go to the previous post below, you can click on a link about the Mohs procedure I'm having done tomorrow. It's to remove a "skin cancer" spot on my face.
I feel okay about going in tomorrow. Intellectually and logically, I feel fine about it. I talked to a neighbor who is married to a doctor and she commented, "I don't even know why they call those basal cells 'cancer;' that just scares everybody." Uh, yeah. They sure scared me at first. People in the health care field should be more careful when they call somebody up to say, "Well, we got the biopsy report back from the lab and you have cancer." The "C" word is very scary and should be handled with utmost care.
With the type of "skin cancer" I have and the type of procedure they're doing on me tomorrow, it should not come back and I should be free of it very soon. Thanks so much, everybody, for all your comforting words, prayers and support on this matter. As usual, you cyber angels come through for me again!
Now, for the non-intellectual, non-logical side of me who is scared to death about this procedure tomorrow. I talked to my T about it and we both agreed that there is some part activity surrounding this. There is definitely some anxiety about being laid out on a reclining chair with a big light in my face and somebody using a sharp instrument right next to my eye! I guess I shouldn't be at all surprised by this reaction. Going to the dentist usually elicits the same reaction. It's a pretty similar scenario.
Well, to help this fearful situation, I insisted on going into the dermatologist/plastic surgeon's office to look the place over and meet some of the people who will be working with (on) me tomorrow. That helped assuage the fears a bit. Luckily, everyone at this facility seems very compassionate and kind. I knew the secretary was helpful and nice from our phone conversations. Then, I went in and got to meet the nurses and the doctor himself. I also saw the room where I'll be worked on. They told me I can get up out of that chair and move around and ground myself all I want tomorrow.
I will also take my Lorazepam, just to be sure. I've been doing a lot of little-part comforting around this. The meditation, visualization and self-care has been helpful for the last few days. I got really triggered, began sobbing and came really close to hysterically running out of the examining room when I had the initial biopsy done. I'd prefer that it doesn't happen again tomorrow.
Well, keep me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, won't you please? I continue to appreciate your continued support. And please continue, okay? Thanks!
I'm off now to try and finish up some work in my garden and my yard. The nurse at the clinic said I should get as much of my yard work done as I can before the procedure tomorrow; I'm supposed to rest afterward.
Oh, one last thing: As I said before, the basal cell spot is right next to my eye. I'd like to request prayers that the surgery does NOT involve my tear duct, as the doctor I met said is a possibility. If it does, it will require additional surgery, and I'd sure like to avoid that!
Thanks again, everybody! You truly are the best! xoxoxxo ((((((((safe hugs to all))))))))
I feel okay about going in tomorrow. Intellectually and logically, I feel fine about it. I talked to a neighbor who is married to a doctor and she commented, "I don't even know why they call those basal cells 'cancer;' that just scares everybody." Uh, yeah. They sure scared me at first. People in the health care field should be more careful when they call somebody up to say, "Well, we got the biopsy report back from the lab and you have cancer." The "C" word is very scary and should be handled with utmost care.
With the type of "skin cancer" I have and the type of procedure they're doing on me tomorrow, it should not come back and I should be free of it very soon. Thanks so much, everybody, for all your comforting words, prayers and support on this matter. As usual, you cyber angels come through for me again!
Now, for the non-intellectual, non-logical side of me who is scared to death about this procedure tomorrow. I talked to my T about it and we both agreed that there is some part activity surrounding this. There is definitely some anxiety about being laid out on a reclining chair with a big light in my face and somebody using a sharp instrument right next to my eye! I guess I shouldn't be at all surprised by this reaction. Going to the dentist usually elicits the same reaction. It's a pretty similar scenario.
Well, to help this fearful situation, I insisted on going into the dermatologist/plastic surgeon's office to look the place over and meet some of the people who will be working with (on) me tomorrow. That helped assuage the fears a bit. Luckily, everyone at this facility seems very compassionate and kind. I knew the secretary was helpful and nice from our phone conversations. Then, I went in and got to meet the nurses and the doctor himself. I also saw the room where I'll be worked on. They told me I can get up out of that chair and move around and ground myself all I want tomorrow.
I will also take my Lorazepam, just to be sure. I've been doing a lot of little-part comforting around this. The meditation, visualization and self-care has been helpful for the last few days. I got really triggered, began sobbing and came really close to hysterically running out of the examining room when I had the initial biopsy done. I'd prefer that it doesn't happen again tomorrow.
Well, keep me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, won't you please? I continue to appreciate your continued support. And please continue, okay? Thanks!
I'm off now to try and finish up some work in my garden and my yard. The nurse at the clinic said I should get as much of my yard work done as I can before the procedure tomorrow; I'm supposed to rest afterward.
Oh, one last thing: As I said before, the basal cell spot is right next to my eye. I'd like to request prayers that the surgery does NOT involve my tear duct, as the doctor I met said is a possibility. If it does, it will require additional surgery, and I'd sure like to avoid that!
Thanks again, everybody! You truly are the best! xoxoxxo ((((((((safe hugs to all))))))))
Labels: basal cell, comfort, community, gratitude, grounding, mohs procudure, skin cancer, support
March 03, 2008
Updates & Reminders
Me again! Well, it's 9:37 in the morning, here where I live, and my son is still in bed. Another night of insomnia last night for him. I definitely had my suspicions, but now I think I'm seeing the start of a trend. Almost every day, my precious offspring begs not to go to school. Now, he's starting to get those "Sunday Night Blues," like I used to get when I was dreading going back into a job I hated on Monday.
I feel that most of his anxiety symptoms revolve around the school issue as well. An offshoot of that is that he's very nervous about where he'll be going to middle school next year--sixth grade. I started out thinking, "What a lot of pressure to put on young kids. We will simply make it a non-issue and my son will walk to the nearest middle school." Unfortunately--or maybe fortunately--our district has open enrollment and you get to choose where to send your kid. There's another school that has a special program that I think will really meet D's needs much more appropriately.
However, he doesn't know anyone going to that school, so he doesn't want to go there. *Sigh* I'm sure we're going to have a big fight on our hands about it. I hate pushing my kid toward anything he feels really scared about with the assertion that "It's for your own good." A lot of really traumatic and abusive things were done to me as a child under this guise. I've just grown to think, after a lot of research, that this other school--and its specialized program and caring teachers--could really help my son focus on his strengths, boost his self-esteem, and feel good about attending school again. God, I pray that this can happen.
The three of us--me, hubby and child--go in for a consultation on Friday with a guy who comes highly recommended to help special needs kids like our son. One of the things I like about the sounds of him is that he looks for lots of alternatives to pharmaceutical medications. *crosses fingers*
Thank you all so much for your concern, caring comments, thoughts, vibes and prayers on this matter. Please continue to send out positive vibes for our Friday appointment. Thanks in advance! You guys rock and I appreciate you so much. :)
A reminder: The March BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE is coming up and will be here before you know it--Friday, March 14. Enola is hosting and I just know she is going to be an outstanding host! Check out her announcement and call for submissions here. This month's theme is about Spring and new beginnings. Won't you join us for this awareness-raising, supportive event?
I feel that most of his anxiety symptoms revolve around the school issue as well. An offshoot of that is that he's very nervous about where he'll be going to middle school next year--sixth grade. I started out thinking, "What a lot of pressure to put on young kids. We will simply make it a non-issue and my son will walk to the nearest middle school." Unfortunately--or maybe fortunately--our district has open enrollment and you get to choose where to send your kid. There's another school that has a special program that I think will really meet D's needs much more appropriately.
However, he doesn't know anyone going to that school, so he doesn't want to go there. *Sigh* I'm sure we're going to have a big fight on our hands about it. I hate pushing my kid toward anything he feels really scared about with the assertion that "It's for your own good." A lot of really traumatic and abusive things were done to me as a child under this guise. I've just grown to think, after a lot of research, that this other school--and its specialized program and caring teachers--could really help my son focus on his strengths, boost his self-esteem, and feel good about attending school again. God, I pray that this can happen.
The three of us--me, hubby and child--go in for a consultation on Friday with a guy who comes highly recommended to help special needs kids like our son. One of the things I like about the sounds of him is that he looks for lots of alternatives to pharmaceutical medications. *crosses fingers*
Thank you all so much for your concern, caring comments, thoughts, vibes and prayers on this matter. Please continue to send out positive vibes for our Friday appointment. Thanks in advance! You guys rock and I appreciate you so much. :)
A reminder: The March BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE is coming up and will be here before you know it--Friday, March 14. Enola is hosting and I just know she is going to be an outstanding host! Check out her announcement and call for submissions here. This month's theme is about Spring and new beginnings. Won't you join us for this awareness-raising, supportive event?
Labels: abuse, appreciation, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, gratitude, support, trauma
December 11, 2007
Thanks and Reminders
The other day, when I was dealing with some really tough therapy issues, I asked for cyber solace from several of you. I didn't even get half way down my blog roll with my request. So many came with insights, empathy and cyber safe hugs. I am so grateful to you guys! Thank you so much. If you look at the comment section down there, you'll see that there were several insightful comments that I've been thinking over. I printed them off and even brought them to therapy with me yesterday.
I am also grieving, mourning, very sad. I sobbed for quite a long time yesterday and it was hard, but it felt good to honor that grief.
I have another post ready to go that's a more detailed update of what's going on with me. But, I wanted to put up this post first. There are two important reminders below that I want you to take a few moments to read and act upon. Thanks in advance!
First, tomorrow is the deadline for the December BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE. Megan, a wonderful past host at Imaginif is hosting again for us. The deadline for submissions is midnight tomorrow, Wednesday, December 12 for the Friday edition. You can submit posts here.
Second, I received an e-mail today about the 1-800-SUICIDE hotline needing help again. The feds are still trying to muck it up and this could lead to disastrous results in the area of caller rights and confidentiality. I've copied and pasted the e-mail below. Please use the links to educate yourself and support this important suicide-prevention cause.
Dear Friends of the Hopeline,
We thank you for your support of our organization and 1-800-SUICIDE over the last few years.We need your help ... again. This time in addition to financial support what we really need today is a letter of support.The feds (SAMHSA) are moving to try to take permanent control of 3 of our hotlines using the timing of the holiday season hoping no one will be around to file a response. They filed the day before Thanksgiving and gave our attorneys no notice of the filing. Not very cricket of them.
We are asking our supporters to file comments with the FCC before they grant permanent assignment of 1-800-SUICIDE to the SAMHSA. If you could file a comment in support of us and ask any of your friends and colleagues to stand up for us it would make a difference. We need your public support more than ever. If we shine a bright enough light on them they will not be able to hide from the truth.It is important to note that our organization operates 13 national suicide hotlines and while 1-800-SUICIDE is our largest program we will continue to prevent suicide among our veterans with our 1-877-VET2VET, new moms suffering post partum depression with 1-800-PPD-MOMS, teens with our 877-YOUTHLINE as well as many other targeted populations with 10 other specialty hotlines. We are not in danger of being shut down but we are about to lose our primary outreach of help and hope. Either way we will continue our life saving work. (see www.hopeline.com/programs for a complete list) I hope you and your family have a great holiday. All we want for the Holidays is the return of the control of our numbers.
Suggested minimal language...We urge the FCC to grant the Kristin Brooks Hope Center Application for Review and return the toll free hotline numbers to KBHC promptly. If necessary to accomplish that, we support a temporary extension of the 12 month temporary re-assignment.But please feel free to add or write your own comments about why it is important that 1-800-SUICIDE remain non government owned and controlled.
To file comments CLICK HERE Type in 07-271 for the proceeding (docket) number.
To read what others have written CLICK HERE The postings just began today and the window closes on the 12th of December. It is a very brief window for public comment. This is so unfair. Last year when they did this we ran a campaign that generated over 800 letters written and filed. They do not want a repeat of that and are counting on us having no show of strength in support from people who care. So please help us today. It will make a difference. Your financial support in the past has helped us survive to this point. We hope you will continue to support us in the future.http://www.hopeline.com/donate
Best always,
Reese Butler - reese@hopeline.com
President and Founder Kristin Brooks Hope CenterNational Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)Administrative Office:615 7th Street NE
Washington, DC 20002
202-536-3200
I am also grieving, mourning, very sad. I sobbed for quite a long time yesterday and it was hard, but it felt good to honor that grief.
I have another post ready to go that's a more detailed update of what's going on with me. But, I wanted to put up this post first. There are two important reminders below that I want you to take a few moments to read and act upon. Thanks in advance!
First, tomorrow is the deadline for the December BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE. Megan, a wonderful past host at Imaginif is hosting again for us. The deadline for submissions is midnight tomorrow, Wednesday, December 12 for the Friday edition. You can submit posts here.
Second, I received an e-mail today about the 1-800-SUICIDE hotline needing help again. The feds are still trying to muck it up and this could lead to disastrous results in the area of caller rights and confidentiality. I've copied and pasted the e-mail below. Please use the links to educate yourself and support this important suicide-prevention cause.
Dear Friends of the Hopeline,
We thank you for your support of our organization and 1-800-SUICIDE over the last few years.We need your help ... again. This time in addition to financial support what we really need today is a letter of support.The feds (SAMHSA) are moving to try to take permanent control of 3 of our hotlines using the timing of the holiday season hoping no one will be around to file a response. They filed the day before Thanksgiving and gave our attorneys no notice of the filing. Not very cricket of them.
We are asking our supporters to file comments with the FCC before they grant permanent assignment of 1-800-SUICIDE to the SAMHSA. If you could file a comment in support of us and ask any of your friends and colleagues to stand up for us it would make a difference. We need your public support more than ever. If we shine a bright enough light on them they will not be able to hide from the truth.It is important to note that our organization operates 13 national suicide hotlines and while 1-800-SUICIDE is our largest program we will continue to prevent suicide among our veterans with our 1-877-VET2VET, new moms suffering post partum depression with 1-800-PPD-MOMS, teens with our 877-YOUTHLINE as well as many other targeted populations with 10 other specialty hotlines. We are not in danger of being shut down but we are about to lose our primary outreach of help and hope. Either way we will continue our life saving work. (see www.hopeline.com/programs for a complete list) I hope you and your family have a great holiday. All we want for the Holidays is the return of the control of our numbers.
Suggested minimal language...We urge the FCC to grant the Kristin Brooks Hope Center Application for Review and return the toll free hotline numbers to KBHC promptly. If necessary to accomplish that, we support a temporary extension of the 12 month temporary re-assignment.But please feel free to add or write your own comments about why it is important that 1-800-SUICIDE remain non government owned and controlled.
To file comments CLICK HERE Type in 07-271 for the proceeding (docket) number.
To read what others have written CLICK HERE The postings just began today and the window closes on the 12th of December. It is a very brief window for public comment. This is so unfair. Last year when they did this we ran a campaign that generated over 800 letters written and filed. They do not want a repeat of that and are counting on us having no show of strength in support from people who care. So please help us today. It will make a difference. Your financial support in the past has helped us survive to this point. We hope you will continue to support us in the future.http://www.hopeline.com/donate
Best always,
Reese Butler - reese@hopeline.com
President and Founder Kristin Brooks Hope CenterNational Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)Administrative Office:615 7th Street NE
Washington, DC 20002
202-536-3200
Labels: 1-800-SUICIDE, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, gratitude, grieving, Hopeline, Thanks
November 30, 2007
I'm Grateful For Our Blog Carnival
Hey, everybody! I'm back from my vacation and it was wonderful. Thanks for all the "bon voyage" wishes.
Now that I'm back, I'm getting around to all the wonderful posts Cerebralmum put up for the November edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. The edition is up at her new website: www.cerebralmum.com. Since November is Thanksgiving month, Cerebralmum decided to do a "gratitude" theme. As I said in my last post, this survivor community and the carnival are two things that I count way at the top of things that I'm grateful for. I'm glad that you all are a part of my life!
Please visit the carnival's November edition here and show your support by reading the posts and leaving comments. I'd be grateful! :)
Now that I'm back, I'm getting around to all the wonderful posts Cerebralmum put up for the November edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. The edition is up at her new website: www.cerebralmum.com. Since November is Thanksgiving month, Cerebralmum decided to do a "gratitude" theme. As I said in my last post, this survivor community and the carnival are two things that I count way at the top of things that I'm grateful for. I'm glad that you all are a part of my life!
Please visit the carnival's November edition here and show your support by reading the posts and leaving comments. I'd be grateful! :)
Labels: blog carnivals, child abuse, gratitude, sexual abuse survivors
November 20, 2007
Gratitude & Beauty
Thanksgiving. Hhmmmmm...the word and the idea of this treasured American holiday bring up mixed emotions for me. I am one of those abuse survivors who tends to freak out around the holidays. Holidays during my childhood were a ridiculous farce, brimming with hypocrisy.
It was only a year ago, last Thanksgiving, that I ran away...again. Although I saw my husband and my son everyday while I was gone, I was away for over a month and I still feel guilty about it. Soon after that, I started intense, twice-a-week therapy for my severe dissociative disorder.
This turkey day, my husband decided our little family needed to get far away. We're going on a Disney cruise to the Bahamas! Whoo hooooo! We really need a vacation, and mom and dad need some alone time as well. I'm told a Disney cruise is the best of both worlds. We leave on Thanksgiving Day (that's Thursday here in the US) and we'll be gone for a week. I'll probably only get to a computer once while I'm away.
While flying to Florida, Thursday probably won't even feel like Thanksgiving to me. This could be a very good thing.
On the flip side of my Thanksgiving emotions, I do have a great sense of gratitude. I'm grateful that we can afford this trip in the first place (even though my hubby has been working nights and weekends for it). I'm grateful for my supportive husband and my son. I'm grateful that God, somehow, gave me the strength to break the cycle of abuse in my family. I'm thankful for The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse (see reminder below, folks!)
And last, but certainly not least, I'm grateful for this blogging community of survivors. Hearing your stories and getting to know you online has strengthened my sense of compassion and empathy, for myself, other survivors and children around the world. Seeing that every child abuse survivor was a precious, innocent, adorable child--a beautiful shining soul, connected to the source of love and light--reminds me that I was a beautiful child and I am a divine soul myself.
I am grateful for the beauty. The beauty inherent in each survivor. We are all beautiful, divine souls. I wrote the poem below for a fellow survivor of childhood abuse and neglect. I offer it out to all survivors, and also say these words to my own inner children and my adult self. The poem is called, Your Beauty.
Some of my long-time readers may have seen this poem before. I think we need reminders of our beauty. We are beautiful. Let's remember that. Let's celebrate that. Let's be thankful for that. Let's stop letting anyone (from our present or past) convince us that we're anything but beautiful. This is for you:
Your Beauty
I see the beauty you can't see
You're unaware of what it does for me
It's the light shining in your eyes
Lifting me up to brighter skies
Still you walk around
And you hang your head
Sometimes wishing
You were dead
But if you could see
What I see in you
There'd be nothing, love,
That you could not do.
Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
REMINDER: The November edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse will debut at CerebralMum the day I get back from my trip: Friday, November 30, 2007. Please get your submissions in. You can use the Blog Carnival Submission Form here. Hurry! The deadline for submissions is Wednesday, November 28.
It was only a year ago, last Thanksgiving, that I ran away...again. Although I saw my husband and my son everyday while I was gone, I was away for over a month and I still feel guilty about it. Soon after that, I started intense, twice-a-week therapy for my severe dissociative disorder.
This turkey day, my husband decided our little family needed to get far away. We're going on a Disney cruise to the Bahamas! Whoo hooooo! We really need a vacation, and mom and dad need some alone time as well. I'm told a Disney cruise is the best of both worlds. We leave on Thanksgiving Day (that's Thursday here in the US) and we'll be gone for a week. I'll probably only get to a computer once while I'm away.
While flying to Florida, Thursday probably won't even feel like Thanksgiving to me. This could be a very good thing.
On the flip side of my Thanksgiving emotions, I do have a great sense of gratitude. I'm grateful that we can afford this trip in the first place (even though my hubby has been working nights and weekends for it). I'm grateful for my supportive husband and my son. I'm grateful that God, somehow, gave me the strength to break the cycle of abuse in my family. I'm thankful for The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse (see reminder below, folks!)
And last, but certainly not least, I'm grateful for this blogging community of survivors. Hearing your stories and getting to know you online has strengthened my sense of compassion and empathy, for myself, other survivors and children around the world. Seeing that every child abuse survivor was a precious, innocent, adorable child--a beautiful shining soul, connected to the source of love and light--reminds me that I was a beautiful child and I am a divine soul myself.
I am grateful for the beauty. The beauty inherent in each survivor. We are all beautiful, divine souls. I wrote the poem below for a fellow survivor of childhood abuse and neglect. I offer it out to all survivors, and also say these words to my own inner children and my adult self. The poem is called, Your Beauty.
Some of my long-time readers may have seen this poem before. I think we need reminders of our beauty. We are beautiful. Let's remember that. Let's celebrate that. Let's be thankful for that. Let's stop letting anyone (from our present or past) convince us that we're anything but beautiful. This is for you:
Your Beauty
I see the beauty you can't see
You're unaware of what it does for me
It's the light shining in your eyes
Lifting me up to brighter skies
Still you walk around
And you hang your head
Sometimes wishing
You were dead
But if you could see
What I see in you
There'd be nothing, love,
That you could not do.
Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
REMINDER: The November edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse will debut at CerebralMum the day I get back from my trip: Friday, November 30, 2007. Please get your submissions in. You can use the Blog Carnival Submission Form here. Hurry! The deadline for submissions is Wednesday, November 28.
Labels: beauty, blog carnivals, child abuse, gratitude, holidays, inner child, poem, Poetry, Thanksgiving
October 03, 2007
Healing the Body; A Break for the Mind
Well, my concussion symptoms have subsided greatly. My memory's better and no more headaches. Hooray! I was having something akin to whiplash symptoms, and those are better now, too. All the scabs from my "road rash" are falling off. (That paints a pretty picture, now doesn't it?) The only thing left is the cracked rib, which will take about six weeks to heal, my doctor tells me. I'm still feeling some pain and discomfort with that, but I'm so much better and I am grateful.
Thanks to all you kind folks who stopped by with well wishes! You are, as always, greatly appreciated!
A little added bonus during my body healing is the fact that my parts have been quite calm most of the two plus weeks. I guess no parts really want to be in this banged-up body now. An interesting theory anyway. I have to admit, I've appreciated the break. It's also been a time for my husband and I to get all snuggly close and more affectionate with each other. That's a respite, for sure.
Now I'm off to visit some of you, my bloggy friends. Thanks for being so patient with my erratic visiting these past six weeks or so.
Thanks to all you kind folks who stopped by with well wishes! You are, as always, greatly appreciated!
A little added bonus during my body healing is the fact that my parts have been quite calm most of the two plus weeks. I guess no parts really want to be in this banged-up body now. An interesting theory anyway. I have to admit, I've appreciated the break. It's also been a time for my husband and I to get all snuggly close and more affectionate with each other. That's a respite, for sure.
Now I'm off to visit some of you, my bloggy friends. Thanks for being so patient with my erratic visiting these past six weeks or so.
Labels: concussion, gratitude, healing, parts
