July 27, 2011
Bad Timing
Sometimes I have the worst timing. I put my blog on its "updated only once-in-a-while" status just as I was about to hit one of the most challenging times of my life. It's been a difficult few months, not having the support of my bloggy buddies and the survivor solidarity I have always felt here.
Oh well. I haven't had the energy to do all my survivor advocacy stuff I used to do in the blogosphere, either. So I guess it's just one of those trade-offs of life.
As many of you know, my son has special needs and raising him has brought me the most love I have ever experienced, yet tested and challenged me more than I think I can bear sometimes. Up until recently, my son has not had much of a social life, in real life anyway (outside of gaming online and Facebook). Now, this summer, he has started to hang around kids who have way too much freedom, are smoking, doing drugs, etc. He finally feels accepted and I have always longed for him to have that and I know how important it is. I just hope he can come to realize the value of feeling accepted by kids who show more responsibility, make better choices and have stronger values.
So, with the help of his therapist, we've had to come down pretty hard with structure and consequences around here. We now have to up this part of the parenting game even more, as he just came back with dirty results on a recent UA for pot. I wouldn't be so upset about it if he were in college or something...but he is only 14 years old!
I feel amazingly fatigued just sharing this much right now. I'll try to get back and share more later. Any positive vibes, thoughts and/or prayers that any of you can send out there right now would be greatly appreciated.
Oh well. I haven't had the energy to do all my survivor advocacy stuff I used to do in the blogosphere, either. So I guess it's just one of those trade-offs of life.
As many of you know, my son has special needs and raising him has brought me the most love I have ever experienced, yet tested and challenged me more than I think I can bear sometimes. Up until recently, my son has not had much of a social life, in real life anyway (outside of gaming online and Facebook). Now, this summer, he has started to hang around kids who have way too much freedom, are smoking, doing drugs, etc. He finally feels accepted and I have always longed for him to have that and I know how important it is. I just hope he can come to realize the value of feeling accepted by kids who show more responsibility, make better choices and have stronger values.
So, with the help of his therapist, we've had to come down pretty hard with structure and consequences around here. We now have to up this part of the parenting game even more, as he just came back with dirty results on a recent UA for pot. I wouldn't be so upset about it if he were in college or something...but he is only 14 years old!
I feel amazingly fatigued just sharing this much right now. I'll try to get back and share more later. Any positive vibes, thoughts and/or prayers that any of you can send out there right now would be greatly appreciated.
Labels: attachment, being human, breaking the cycle, community, overwhelm, support
July 21, 2010
Freedom Is A Natural High
For this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, our host, Dr. Kathleen Young, wanted to do an Independence or Freedom theme in honor of Independence Day (July 4th) here in the U.S. My recent wilderness camping trip really got me thinking about when I feel the most free. It is definitely when I am out in nature.When I am looking at a glorious sunset, taking a wildflower hike or watching birds, I feel like everything can be right with the world. At these precious moments, I believe that I totally belong. I am not a freak or an alien, but part of the intricate web of life.
Maybe the nature fix is so good for me because I've grieved over the fact that the "parenting" I received as a child was anything but natural. It is not natural for a mother to have no protective instinct for her offspring. It is not natural when predators reduce their victims to something less than human; stripping them of their inborn right to humanity, respect and dignity.
This leads me to another thing that Dr. Young said when she called for submissions for this carnival: "My first thought was how fitting, given that today we celebrate Independence Day in the U.S. I then started thinking about the meaning of independence for survivors and our culture as a whole. For me, this naturally leads to thoughts about dependence, unmet dependency needs and interdependence." I believe that all God's creatures are interdependent because we are all connected. What we choose to do in our lives has global and universal consequences. Because we are all connected, we cannot pretend that our actions do not effect the lives of beloved, divine others.
I also firmly believe that people who are damaged and afraid--not willing to look at the wounds they need to heal--allow evil to enter in because they do not feel connected. They don't feel connected to God, to nature, to other human beings.
Maybe, for me, it was something as simple as my constant habit of tree climbing during my childhood summers that kept me open to my connection with nature. Whatever it was, I have always found nature healing and comforting. I'm so glad that my love of nature helped me to stay connected to the divine and, eventually, succeed at breaking the multi-generational cycle of abuse from my "family" of origin.
I now have a new family that I've created with my husband and son. And, I will always have my universal family; a belonging with all God's creation.I belong.
I am connected.
And I am free.
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, appreciation, beauty, being human, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, breaking the cycle, comfort, freedom, grounding, human dignity
January 30, 2008
The Naked Trees Still Know To Live
I dug out another old poem of mine that I'd like to share.
Hope’s Song
I love to watch the birds
They fly and flit with constant chatter
It helps me clear these words
In my mind, fear’s negative clatter
It gives me hope to hear
Strong-held faith in nature’s song
Wipe away my painful tears
I see life it carries on
With the gently falling snow
The naked trees still know to live
It reminds me that I grow
Only when I can forgive.
Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
As you might ascertain from my previous post on shame, I'm still working on forgiving myself. That's one of my biggest healing goals.
I think we all need to forgive ourselves, at one time or another, for being human. The good news is that, as humans, there is always a place for us in this world.
Hope’s Song
I love to watch the birds
They fly and flit with constant chatter
It helps me clear these words
In my mind, fear’s negative clatter
It gives me hope to hear
Strong-held faith in nature’s song
Wipe away my painful tears
I see life it carries on
With the gently falling snow
The naked trees still know to live
It reminds me that I grow
Only when I can forgive.
Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
As you might ascertain from my previous post on shame, I'm still working on forgiving myself. That's one of my biggest healing goals.
I think we all need to forgive ourselves, at one time or another, for being human. The good news is that, as humans, there is always a place for us in this world.
Labels: being human, hope, nature's healing, poem, Poetry, self-forgiveness, shame
