April 19, 2009
Stop the Silence of Child Sexual Abuse
Today, starting at 8:00 a.m., Eastern Time, they ran. They ran in Washington D.C. as part of the Race and Rally to Stop The Silence of Child Sexual Abuse. It was the sixth annual event and they're raising more funds and more awareness every year.
Here's a video about the event:
Now, I'm no runner. And--as much as I'd love to see those cherry blossoms this time of year-- I just couldn't get out to D.C. to go to this rally in person (I hope to some day). But, I'm raising awareness here, at the Child Abuse Survivor ning network and on Twitter. And there's still more that you can do TODAY for this event as well.
First off, check out StopCSA's website to learn more about the cause: As Stop CSA says, It's everyone's problem. For instance, did you know?
Here are some more links, stats, and photos and ways to get involved at the StopCSA site:
Please Note: Rainbow from Haunted House and Child Person from the South have already put up blog posts to Stop the Silence. If you post about it, let me know and I'll link to your blog post, too!
Update: Here are a couple more brave bloggers who submitted posts to Stop the Silence: Mom Writes for a Cause and The Filipina Mom in Denmark. Thanks for your contributions!
If child sexual abuse is everyone's problem, then everyone can also be part of the solution!
Here's a video about the event:
Now, I'm no runner. And--as much as I'd love to see those cherry blossoms this time of year-- I just couldn't get out to D.C. to go to this rally in person (I hope to some day). But, I'm raising awareness here, at the Child Abuse Survivor ning network and on Twitter. And there's still more that you can do TODAY for this event as well.
First off, check out StopCSA's website to learn more about the cause: As Stop CSA says, It's everyone's problem. For instance, did you know?
- 73 percent of prostitutes were sexually abused before the age of 16;
- 83 percent of convicted killers (men and women) were physically and emotionally abused as children, and 32.2 percent were sexually abused;
- 60 percent of teenage mothers were sexually abused as children;
- 43 percent of runaways are sexually abused
Here are some more links, stats, and photos and ways to get involved at the StopCSA site:
- For stats and info on mental health-related problems, substance abuse issues and prevalence in the general population click the "The Cause: Child Sexual Abuse" page.
- If you are a survivor of CSA and you want to tell some of your story and share your photo on their web site, please check out StopCSA's "A Call to Action to Survivors" page.
- If you'd like to read an example of what one survivor had to share, go to the "A Survivor Speaks Out" page.
- If you'd like to view a beautiful slide show of survivors click here.
- Click here: to make a secure donation through Paypal.
- If you'd rather make a purchase with proceeds going to StopCSA, visit the online mall here.
Please Note: Rainbow from Haunted House and Child Person from the South have already put up blog posts to Stop the Silence. If you post about it, let me know and I'll link to your blog post, too!
Update: Here are a couple more brave bloggers who submitted posts to Stop the Silence: Mom Writes for a Cause and The Filipina Mom in Denmark. Thanks for your contributions!
If child sexual abuse is everyone's problem, then everyone can also be part of the solution!
Labels: abuse, advocacy, awareness, Bloggers Unite, breaking the cycle, childhood sexual abuse, network, rape, sexual abuse survivors, sexual violence, Twitter
December 22, 2007
I've Created a "Survivor Needs" Meme
This holiday season, many of us survivors are rushing around trying to get our gift shopping done and get all those items on our lists checked off. For some of us, the holidays are a painful time of triggers and obtrusive memories. Whether you hate Christmas, really get into the holiday spirit, or just tend to run yourself ragged this time of year, it's time to pay attention to some of your own needs.
I know! Let's make a list for ourselves and do it as a meme.
I've created a list of "Survivor Needs" and I've arranged them from 1-25, like an advent calendar counting down to the 25th day of December. I've also sprinkled in a few things that I, as a survivor and a human, just want! For your own list, maybe you need to pretend it's not the holidays. Maybe you can't tolerate touch (even cyber hugs), but you want some healing vibes sent your way. Maybe you don't feel comfortable telling your story, but you want others to know you are a survivor and not feel so alone.
This is your chance to communicate your own, personal survivor needs.
You don't have to wait to get tagged with this meme. Grab it and post a list of your own! Let's focus some attention on self care this holiday season...with an emphasis on getting our needs met in the New Year.
My Survivor Needs
As a survivor trying to thrive:
I know! Let's make a list for ourselves and do it as a meme.
I've created a list of "Survivor Needs" and I've arranged them from 1-25, like an advent calendar counting down to the 25th day of December. I've also sprinkled in a few things that I, as a survivor and a human, just want! For your own list, maybe you need to pretend it's not the holidays. Maybe you can't tolerate touch (even cyber hugs), but you want some healing vibes sent your way. Maybe you don't feel comfortable telling your story, but you want others to know you are a survivor and not feel so alone.
This is your chance to communicate your own, personal survivor needs.
You don't have to wait to get tagged with this meme. Grab it and post a list of your own! Let's focus some attention on self care this holiday season...with an emphasis on getting our needs met in the New Year.
My Survivor Needs
As a survivor trying to thrive:
- I need PEACE.
- I need some sleep!
- I need to feel safe in the shower and in my bed.
- I need rapport and effective work with a good therapist who cares.
- (Although I've often tried to do without them) I need anti-depressant meds and something for anxiety and sleep when I need it.
- I need to be silly and have some fun once in a while.
- I need to do safe, healthy anger work.
- I need to get in touch with my feelings.
- I need to be in my body.
- I need safe touch with trusted others and safe cyber hugs.
- I need to tell my story and know that I'm not alone.
- I need to advocate for and connect with other survivors, and raise awareness about sexual violence and abuse.
- I need soft, warm jammies, slipper socks, blankets, hoodies and throws.
- I need non-sexual touch and affection with my husband.
- I need to exercise assertiveness, boundaries and communication with others to keep myself safe.
- I need to get out in nature and know that all can be right with the world.
- I need to hold my child and feel his soft cheek against mine.
- I need a warm, furry pet.
- I need to comfort and re-parent my inner child.
- I need to renew my commitment to breaking the cycle...every day.
- I need to stay away from most of my family of origin--they are toxic!
- I need to continue to work on a healthy relationship with my sister.
- I need healthy self-esteem.
- I need to know that I am worth good things and I deserve them!
- I need to let you know that you're not alone either--I'm here and I care.
And, I also want (but don't necessarily need and/or might not ever have):
- I want coffee!
- I want chocolate!
- I want a cigarette (but I'm not going to have one).
- I want a pill that would eliminate my nightmares.
- I want to end all forms of sexual violence and child abuse everywhere, forever.
Rules of the "Survivor Needs" Meme:
- Please link back to this post so people can see the origins of the meme, get ideas for their own self-care list, see who's already been tagged, and maybe we can track how far this meme goes.
- List 25 needs and five wants. Try to restrict your needs list to things that have to do with being a survivor of some sort of abuse, assault, etc. Your wants list can be anything...you want!
- Use this list to remind yourself to get your needs met this holiday season and in the New Year.
- Pass on the meme and tag five people to play the meme with you. (I get to tag a few extra folks because, well, I started the meme, okay?)
I tag:
- Patricia Singleton at Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker
- Enola Survivor
- Lynn at Spilling Ink in Public
- Matthew at Loving Awareness
- Mike at Child Abuse Survivor
- Megan at Imaginif
- Marcella at Abyss2Hope
- Annaleigh at As Waters Passing By/Blessed Fearscapes
- Memory Artist
- Karma at Jew Exploring Buddhism
Note: Please don't be insulted if you don't see your name on this list. I've left some bloggers off on purpose because I want to give you the chance to tag (and I know you will anyway) each other.
Labels: advocacy, assault, assertiveness, awareness, chid abuse, holidays, medication, meme, needs, New Year, nightmares, self-care, sexual abuse survivors, sexual violence, therapy, thrive
November 30, 2007
I'm Grateful For Our Blog Carnival
Hey, everybody! I'm back from my vacation and it was wonderful. Thanks for all the "bon voyage" wishes.
Now that I'm back, I'm getting around to all the wonderful posts Cerebralmum put up for the November edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. The edition is up at her new website: www.cerebralmum.com. Since November is Thanksgiving month, Cerebralmum decided to do a "gratitude" theme. As I said in my last post, this survivor community and the carnival are two things that I count way at the top of things that I'm grateful for. I'm glad that you all are a part of my life!
Please visit the carnival's November edition here and show your support by reading the posts and leaving comments. I'd be grateful! :)
Now that I'm back, I'm getting around to all the wonderful posts Cerebralmum put up for the November edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. The edition is up at her new website: www.cerebralmum.com. Since November is Thanksgiving month, Cerebralmum decided to do a "gratitude" theme. As I said in my last post, this survivor community and the carnival are two things that I count way at the top of things that I'm grateful for. I'm glad that you all are a part of my life!
Please visit the carnival's November edition here and show your support by reading the posts and leaving comments. I'd be grateful! :)
Labels: blog carnivals, child abuse, gratitude, sexual abuse survivors
November 14, 2007
Birthday's Over, Back to Reality
I had a wonderful, relaxing, pampering birthday. Thanks to all who stopped by with birthday wishes, sent e-mails, e-cards and helped make my day!
I'm glad I had a restful day off, 'cause it was "back to reality" pretty quick. Saturday was a crazy, juggling day and so was yesterday.
It's funny: Back when I was just automatically (and unaware of) dissociating all the time, I could juggle so many balls in the air at once without dropping a one. Now, I just get so overwhelmed most of the time. I try not to put more than one major thing on the calendar to accomplish in a day, if I can arrange it. I feel pretty pathetic sometimes. Once upon a time, I was a "successful professional." Oh well. The way I try to look at it now is that my healing and therapy is my "profession." If I can help anybody else, even a little bit, along the way, well that's an added bonus.
I did get a chance to use some of my corporate communications professional-type skills on Saturday. I went to a memorial service and went up in front of everyone at the pulpit and spoke about the person who had passed. It was just off the top of my head, too; I didn't write anything down or prepare at all. Many people told me how touched they were about what I had said. That made me feel good and feel like I had given the person we were remembering a nice gift.
Yesterday was a packed day on the calendar as well. But, the overwhelming piece of it was going to the dentist. I'd put it off as long as I could, but pain drove me in.
I'm really pissed that I'm still so traumatized by going to a dental appointment. I had worked a lot on this fear with my former therapist. I even got a referral by the facilitator of my old incest survivor support group to a dentist who was supposed to have all this training for dealing with survivors and helping them feel safe. Ha! What a joke! I had to have a crown put on a year ago, and it was a nightmare!
With the help of my therapist, I had pinpointed two areas that were key to my terror: reclining in the dental chair and having that bright light in my face. I decided assertiveness was key to my safety. I told all the staff members at this dental office about my survivor status, extreme dental fear, and what I needed to feel safe. I made it very clear that I would expect (and keep reminding) them to raise the chair up and turn the light off whenever it wasn't currently in use during my procedure.
Everyone there respected my requests except for one &%^#@ who had no respect, compassion or kindness about her. She sighed heavily every time I reminded her with my requests, sometimes simply ignoring me as if she hadn't heard. Every time she'd leave the room--leaving me reclined and with the light still shining in my face--I'd either sit up or get out of the chair. When she came back into the room, she'd chide, "What are you doing up?" How many ways do I need to explain this to you, lady?! I was so traumatized, I was literally trembling and you could see my feet and legs shaking (the heartless wench didn't even notice this, of course).
So, now I have a new dentist, referred to me by my current therapist. I took my son in to see him in June. I checked the place out and it felt okay. But, it took me another six months to get up my nerve to go in. The anti-anxiety medication my psychiatrist prescribed me was key. I still felt a bit scared, but the people there were nice yesterday and said that they wouldn't mind at all how many times I reminded them of my keep-safe requests. Actually, yesterday they remembered right away on their own.
So, that's the good news. The bad news is that I will need more procedures. Ya see, I clench my teeth a lot. I don't grind them, but I clench, and the damage is starting to show. My teeth are already worn down pretty good and now they're starting to crack. I could see cracks in them a long time ago, but now they're starting to cause pain, especially when eating. So, I need crack repair.
Also, this new dentist fitted me for a night guard he wants me to wear. I don't know how much I'm clenching my teeth in my sleep. I've noticed it for years when I do it during the day. It's often when I'm angry...or maybe when dissociating, I'm not sure. I asked this guy how to stop during the day. "You just notice and cut it out," he said. Oh, gee, I never would have thought of that! I have a feeling the night guard won't solve the problem. It'll be a miracle if I can feel safe and comfortable enough to wear it to bed anyway.
Even if they seem compassionate and understanding, these dentists really don't know anything about sexual abuse survivors. They really should have some kind of training; it's obviously sorely needed! Here are a couple of online links about dental fear and survivors, if you want to check them out: www.dentalfearcentral.org and www.sidran.org/dental.html. These are listed under "Resources: Survivor Issues" on my dot com site, www.survivorscanthrive.com.
I know Rising Rainbow was talking about dental and doctor fear on her blog the other day. If there are any others out there that are in the same boat as us, you have my sympathy, understanding, compassion and empathy. Take gentle care, all.
I'm glad I had a restful day off, 'cause it was "back to reality" pretty quick. Saturday was a crazy, juggling day and so was yesterday.
It's funny: Back when I was just automatically (and unaware of) dissociating all the time, I could juggle so many balls in the air at once without dropping a one. Now, I just get so overwhelmed most of the time. I try not to put more than one major thing on the calendar to accomplish in a day, if I can arrange it. I feel pretty pathetic sometimes. Once upon a time, I was a "successful professional." Oh well. The way I try to look at it now is that my healing and therapy is my "profession." If I can help anybody else, even a little bit, along the way, well that's an added bonus.
I did get a chance to use some of my corporate communications professional-type skills on Saturday. I went to a memorial service and went up in front of everyone at the pulpit and spoke about the person who had passed. It was just off the top of my head, too; I didn't write anything down or prepare at all. Many people told me how touched they were about what I had said. That made me feel good and feel like I had given the person we were remembering a nice gift.
Yesterday was a packed day on the calendar as well. But, the overwhelming piece of it was going to the dentist. I'd put it off as long as I could, but pain drove me in.
I'm really pissed that I'm still so traumatized by going to a dental appointment. I had worked a lot on this fear with my former therapist. I even got a referral by the facilitator of my old incest survivor support group to a dentist who was supposed to have all this training for dealing with survivors and helping them feel safe. Ha! What a joke! I had to have a crown put on a year ago, and it was a nightmare!
With the help of my therapist, I had pinpointed two areas that were key to my terror: reclining in the dental chair and having that bright light in my face. I decided assertiveness was key to my safety. I told all the staff members at this dental office about my survivor status, extreme dental fear, and what I needed to feel safe. I made it very clear that I would expect (and keep reminding) them to raise the chair up and turn the light off whenever it wasn't currently in use during my procedure.
Everyone there respected my requests except for one &%^#@ who had no respect, compassion or kindness about her. She sighed heavily every time I reminded her with my requests, sometimes simply ignoring me as if she hadn't heard. Every time she'd leave the room--leaving me reclined and with the light still shining in my face--I'd either sit up or get out of the chair. When she came back into the room, she'd chide, "What are you doing up?" How many ways do I need to explain this to you, lady?! I was so traumatized, I was literally trembling and you could see my feet and legs shaking (the heartless wench didn't even notice this, of course).
So, now I have a new dentist, referred to me by my current therapist. I took my son in to see him in June. I checked the place out and it felt okay. But, it took me another six months to get up my nerve to go in. The anti-anxiety medication my psychiatrist prescribed me was key. I still felt a bit scared, but the people there were nice yesterday and said that they wouldn't mind at all how many times I reminded them of my keep-safe requests. Actually, yesterday they remembered right away on their own.
So, that's the good news. The bad news is that I will need more procedures. Ya see, I clench my teeth a lot. I don't grind them, but I clench, and the damage is starting to show. My teeth are already worn down pretty good and now they're starting to crack. I could see cracks in them a long time ago, but now they're starting to cause pain, especially when eating. So, I need crack repair.
Also, this new dentist fitted me for a night guard he wants me to wear. I don't know how much I'm clenching my teeth in my sleep. I've noticed it for years when I do it during the day. It's often when I'm angry...or maybe when dissociating, I'm not sure. I asked this guy how to stop during the day. "You just notice and cut it out," he said. Oh, gee, I never would have thought of that! I have a feeling the night guard won't solve the problem. It'll be a miracle if I can feel safe and comfortable enough to wear it to bed anyway.
Even if they seem compassionate and understanding, these dentists really don't know anything about sexual abuse survivors. They really should have some kind of training; it's obviously sorely needed! Here are a couple of online links about dental fear and survivors, if you want to check them out: www.dentalfearcentral.org and www.sidran.org/dental.html. These are listed under "Resources: Survivor Issues" on my dot com site, www.survivorscanthrive.com.
I know Rising Rainbow was talking about dental and doctor fear on her blog the other day. If there are any others out there that are in the same boat as us, you have my sympathy, understanding, compassion and empathy. Take gentle care, all.
Labels: assertiveness, awareness, dental fear, phobias, sexual abuse survivors
October 25, 2007
Facing Fears & Demons
Facing Demons
You're a part of me that's walled off
Still I feel your fear
You need my attention
It's painful staying here
Facing demons I thought were dead
Retraining the chaos in my head
So, you speak to me in nightmares
Try and get out of my own way
And, I attempt to hear you
You've got secrets you must say
If I look at anymore of this
Will I come completely apart?
How can you destroy your child
And crucify her heart?
Facing demons I thought were dead
Want to feel safe in my own bed
I am reaching in for
A frightened child inside
Who longs and cries for comfort
Then runs away to hide
Yet, I can't forget the children
They're teaching me to feel
Each one of them I'll rescue
As their secrets are revealed
Facing demons I thought were dead
Retraining the chaos in my head.
Copyright 2007 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
Labels: child abuse, child parts, comfort, dissociation, inner child, poem, Poetry, sexual abuse survivors, therapy
March 02, 2007
The Dissociative Twilight Zone?
I started this post over a week ago, but it got sucked into cyberspace. I'll try here again. Are you ready to enter an episode of The Dissociative Twilight Zone? Read on!
A couple of posts back, I told of a fight I had with my husband after one of my T appointments. I think a part came out who is particularly "gloom and doom." My husband has been warned that this part of me can not be reasoned with--no logic gets through. But, alas, he tried in vain and ended the fight getting in my face a bit with a strong, "You're wrong!"
At that, I got completely hysterical. He tried to hug me and I screamed, "Don't touch me!" and ran upstairs. After my husband left I seemed to switch again and proceeded to rage at his picture for hours. YIKES!
I recognized the style of the speech. This is someone who looks at me in the mirror and says the cruelest things. Since this part scares the ever-lovin' shit out of me, I decided to bite the bullet and have a journal conversation with it. I've decided that this entity is androgynous. I can't refer to this person as "he" or "she" because it seems to be both or neither. Anyway, here's the conversation, lifted out of the paper journal:
(Note: when I am talking, the font with remain the same. When this newly-conversing part is talking, I will use all caps.)
Me: As suggested and advised by Karen, our therapist, I am speaking to the one who raged at my husband's picture on Monday afternoon and called him a "Dumb Ass." This is not to blame or condemn--only to differentiate.
I thought about calling you "The Intimidator," but I'm sure that's selling you short. It appears to me that one of your major roles is to help us avoid humiliation....THANK YOU!
I know this was a BIG factor in our childhood abuse, so this has been an important role. Yet, I am sure you serve other functions as well. Would you like to tell me about them and/or give me a name you would prefer I use when speaking with you?
I WANT SOME RESPECT. I DESERVE AT LEAST THAT MUCH FOR ALL I'VE DONE!
Yes. That's true.
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN STUCK BEING A GOOBER ALL YOUR LIFE IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME!
I agree that you deserve respect and appreciation. I thank you for all the times you saved me from public humiliation and more social mortification. I'm sorry that my fear has kept me from seeing your positive role and appreciating you.
I AM TO BE FEARED AND RESPECTED.
I'd like us to agree, though, that we will all show more respect to each other. When we attack each other it is very counter-productive.
If we all agree not to tell you, "shut up!" or call you a "raging maniac," could you agree not to call me "ugly" or "stupid" or call my husband a "Dumb Ass?"
WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? I DON'T CARE. I'M NO CHUMP. I'M NOT STUPID ENOUGH TO CARE ABOUT THAT SHIT!
I think you do care. That's why you've taken your role so seriously and been quite diligent about it. I respect your hard work and courage.
BUT WHEN THE PEOPLE I PROTECT TURN ON ME, I HAVE TO PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE!
I would prefer that everyone inside decide their own place and then communicate that with me. But, you could be in invaluable asset to everyone if you helped me by sharing your vast intelligence and information. You could be a light for those still in the dark. Would you be open to that?
WHAT DO I HAVE TO GIVE UP IN RETURN?
You, and everyone else--including me--need to commit to following the rule of no name calling. There is no one here now, February of 2007, in this house, in this community, in this state, who calls us names any more. We no longer need to avoid intimidation by intimidating back.
A couple of posts back, I told of a fight I had with my husband after one of my T appointments. I think a part came out who is particularly "gloom and doom." My husband has been warned that this part of me can not be reasoned with--no logic gets through. But, alas, he tried in vain and ended the fight getting in my face a bit with a strong, "You're wrong!"
At that, I got completely hysterical. He tried to hug me and I screamed, "Don't touch me!" and ran upstairs. After my husband left I seemed to switch again and proceeded to rage at his picture for hours. YIKES!
I recognized the style of the speech. This is someone who looks at me in the mirror and says the cruelest things. Since this part scares the ever-lovin' shit out of me, I decided to bite the bullet and have a journal conversation with it. I've decided that this entity is androgynous. I can't refer to this person as "he" or "she" because it seems to be both or neither. Anyway, here's the conversation, lifted out of the paper journal:
***
(Note: when I am talking, the font with remain the same. When this newly-conversing part is talking, I will use all caps.)
Me: As suggested and advised by Karen, our therapist, I am speaking to the one who raged at my husband's picture on Monday afternoon and called him a "Dumb Ass." This is not to blame or condemn--only to differentiate.
I thought about calling you "The Intimidator," but I'm sure that's selling you short. It appears to me that one of your major roles is to help us avoid humiliation....THANK YOU!
I know this was a BIG factor in our childhood abuse, so this has been an important role. Yet, I am sure you serve other functions as well. Would you like to tell me about them and/or give me a name you would prefer I use when speaking with you?
I WANT SOME RESPECT. I DESERVE AT LEAST THAT MUCH FOR ALL I'VE DONE!
Yes. That's true.
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN STUCK BEING A GOOBER ALL YOUR LIFE IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME!
I agree that you deserve respect and appreciation. I thank you for all the times you saved me from public humiliation and more social mortification. I'm sorry that my fear has kept me from seeing your positive role and appreciating you.
I AM TO BE FEARED AND RESPECTED.
I'd like us to agree, though, that we will all show more respect to each other. When we attack each other it is very counter-productive.
If we all agree not to tell you, "shut up!" or call you a "raging maniac," could you agree not to call me "ugly" or "stupid" or call my husband a "Dumb Ass?"
WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? I DON'T CARE. I'M NO CHUMP. I'M NOT STUPID ENOUGH TO CARE ABOUT THAT SHIT!
I think you do care. That's why you've taken your role so seriously and been quite diligent about it. I respect your hard work and courage.
BUT WHEN THE PEOPLE I PROTECT TURN ON ME, I HAVE TO PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE!
I would prefer that everyone inside decide their own place and then communicate that with me. But, you could be in invaluable asset to everyone if you helped me by sharing your vast intelligence and information. You could be a light for those still in the dark. Would you be open to that?
WHAT DO I HAVE TO GIVE UP IN RETURN?
You, and everyone else--including me--need to commit to following the rule of no name calling. There is no one here now, February of 2007, in this house, in this community, in this state, who calls us names any more. We no longer need to avoid intimidation by intimidating back.
BUT YOUR HUSBAND GOT IN YOUR FACE AND THAT WASN'T RIGHT!
Yes, and he felt bad about it and apologized and we talked calmly about how he could respond differently next time. We're all learning and he is willing to learn, too. He was just scared.
I'M NOT SCARED!
Well, maybe you're not, but there are a lot of people here who are. And your name-calling and yelling scares the little ones and me, too, sometimes. I appreciate you talking to me calmly now and helping me not be so scared because I can think better this way.
WELL, IT'S HARD NOT TO THINK OF THAT KIND OF STUFF AS JUST WEAK. THE WEAK TURN INTO VICTIMS YOU KNOW.
So, is that your role, too, to help us from ever being a victim again?
YOU GOT IT!
You were there when that creep was following us on the street in Chicago years ago weren't you?
YEP. I SCARED THE LITTLE CREEP AWAY!
That was amazing! I'm grateful and very impressed.
JUST MY JOB.
Well, how about we agree that if we're ever in any real danger like that again--danger of being mugged, etc.--you can use whatever swear words you want and be as intimidating as you like (unless they have a gun on us or something and mouthing off would get us shot)? We need to differentiate between whether there's real danger or not.
What do you think about hanging out in a light house? You re so observant and have such keen instincts. You could spot danger right away and shine a light on it and alert us all so we can stay safe. (This was an idea I came up with after my T suggested that I urge this part to go into the "safe place" visualized sun porch that most of us use as safe sanctuary. I didn't feel that this part would feel comfortable or desire to go there.)
YEAH. I GUESS THAT COULD WORK.
Will you think about a respectful name we could call you?
YEAH. IT'S GOT TO COMMAND RESPECT. I'LL THINK OF GOOD ONE.
Thanks. And thanks for talking to me and being open to some new ideas. It's very helpful and I feel better.
IT'S ALRIGHT. I WANT US TO BE ON GOOD TERMS.
I appreciate that and I'll talk to you later.
***
Later, we agreed on the name, "Sentry." Now, Sentry hangs out in a lighthouse and oversees the safety of little ones playing on a beach. So, now we have another "safe place" visualization environment that works for several parts. It's a win-win situation. I felt an amazing sense of relief after doing this exercise and opening up this line of communication. Marlene Steinberg, M.D., who wrote The Stranger In The Mirror, calls this part of "The Four C's" of working with one's parts. I agree that comfort, communication, cooperation, and connection--these "four C's"--are going to be very important in my healing. I'm working hard right now to get some of these established.
Labels: child abuse, connection, DID, dissociation, mapping, sexual abuse survivors, support, system, therapy, triggers
