November 20, 2007

 

Gratitude & Beauty

Thanksgiving. Hhmmmmm...the word and the idea of this treasured American holiday bring up mixed emotions for me. I am one of those abuse survivors who tends to freak out around the holidays. Holidays during my childhood were a ridiculous farce, brimming with hypocrisy.

It was only a year ago, last Thanksgiving, that I ran away...again. Although I saw my husband and my son everyday while I was gone, I was away for over a month and I still feel guilty about it. Soon after that, I started intense, twice-a-week therapy for my severe dissociative disorder.

This turkey day, my husband decided our little family needed to get far away. We're going on a Disney cruise to the Bahamas! Whoo hooooo! We really need a vacation, and mom and dad need some alone time as well. I'm told a Disney cruise is the best of both worlds. We leave on Thanksgiving Day (that's Thursday here in the US) and we'll be gone for a week. I'll probably only get to a computer once while I'm away.

While flying to Florida, Thursday probably won't even feel like Thanksgiving to me. This could be a very good thing.

On the flip side of my Thanksgiving emotions, I do have a great sense of gratitude. I'm grateful that we can afford this trip in the first place (even though my hubby has been working nights and weekends for it). I'm grateful for my supportive husband and my son. I'm grateful that God, somehow, gave me the strength to break the cycle of abuse in my family. I'm thankful for The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse (see reminder below, folks!)

And last, but certainly not least, I'm grateful for this blogging community of survivors. Hearing your stories and getting to know you online has strengthened my sense of compassion and empathy, for myself, other survivors and children around the world. Seeing that every child abuse survivor was a precious, innocent, adorable child--a beautiful shining soul, connected to the source of love and light--reminds me that I was a beautiful child and I am a divine soul myself.

I am grateful for the beauty. The beauty inherent in each survivor. We are all beautiful, divine souls. I wrote the poem below for a fellow survivor of childhood abuse and neglect. I offer it out to all survivors, and also say these words to my own inner children and my adult self. The poem is called, Your Beauty.

Some of my long-time readers may have seen this poem before. I think we need reminders of our beauty. We are beautiful. Let's remember that. Let's celebrate that. Let's be thankful for that. Let's stop letting anyone (from our present or past) convince us that we're anything but beautiful. This is for you:

Your Beauty

I see the beauty you can't see
You're unaware of what it does for me
It's the light shining in your eyes
Lifting me up to brighter skies

Still you walk around
And you hang your head
Sometimes wishing
You were dead

But if you could see
What I see in you
There'd be nothing, love,
That you could not do.

Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved

REMINDER: The November edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse will debut at
CerebralMum the day I get back from my trip: Friday, November 30, 2007. Please get your submissions in. You can use the Blog Carnival Submission Form here. Hurry! The deadline for submissions is Wednesday, November 28.

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Comments:
Dear Marj

Holidays were the worst of times when we were kids, between dad and uncles, etc and enabling moms and grandmas a good old family get together was not a good thing. Your cruise sounds absolutely wonderful!!! We hope it is fantastic in every way!! We did submit an article, hope it is okay.

peace and blessings

keepers
 
Thanks, Keepers! Good luck with the "T-Day."
 
Marj, Here's hoping you're able to have a good and happy Thanksgiving feast this year.
 
Thanks, April. As a matter of fact we already had a mini-feast for the three of us, since Thursday we'll be winging our way to Florida. (God willing ;)
 
Have a wonderful trip and... I'm grateful for that poem.
 
Marj, I just posted an article called A Day Of Gratitude and included a love link to this article of yours. I know you are enjoying your cruise and time with your family. My article is at
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/11/day-of-gratitude.html
 
wow sounds lovely and we are glad you havent had to run away again and cna this time spend it somewhere nice
 
The poem is very moving. You are a great writer.
 
I hope you have a great holiday. It's pretty cool you're getting the opportunity to rewrite some of that old programming by doing something really wonderful that has nothing to do with all that bad stuff from before. New Holiday memories for you to build on! Way to go! If this was your husband's idea, tell him for me I think he's a genius! And even if it wasn't his idea, him working his tush off to make sure you could go is pretty darn special.
 
That poem is beauty in itself. I hope you have a wonderful cruise experience.
 
I'm glad you guys liked the poem. And thanks so much for the bon voyage wishes! :)
 
You have a lovely blog. Missed the deadline for submission to that carnival, but I'll be in the next one. Best of luck!

Loving Awareness
 
Matthew: Thanks for stopping by. Yes, I hope you join us in December for the carnival.
 
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