April 16, 2009
It's Blog Reader Appreciation Day!
The day was started one year ago by Robin Reagler who writes the blog The OTHER Mother. I've just started enjoying to get to know Robin through Bloggers Unite and Twitter.On this day, I want to play a meme I got tagged with by Enola, who was so sweet to point attention to my post about Free The Slaves Day (also a Bloggers Unite event).
This meme is one of those that is actually an award--The I Love Ya Award. I love ya, too, Enola. And I hope you are healing quickly from your recent kidney stone operation. Ouch! Feel better!
“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."
So on this day--Blog Reader Appreciation Day--I not only want to thank ALL my readers, but I especially want to thank the following friends and supporters for leaving comments and hugs and just being the types of bloggy friends who always seem to be there for me:
- I don't think Marcella at Abyss2Hope has a #1 aim of finding friends. But she is definitely not interested in self-aggrandizement--she's too busy making advocacy for rape and sexual assault survivors her big priority. But I just met Marcella IRL and so enjoyed it! I now consider her a bloggy friend AND and IRL friend!
- I met Buffalopine through Twitter. She is such an inspiration! She is also very free with her kind words of support, especially through her thoughtful e-mails and Tweets. I'm glad I'm getting to know this new friend!
- Check out Catatonic Kid's blog. She is a writer extraordinaire! I can hardly believe the lyrical quality of her writing sometimes. She's also an excellent human being. I can't remember who's blog I found her on, but she's another one I'm really enjoying getting to know better through blogging AND Twitter.
- Not only is Mike, from Child Abuse Survivor, not self-aggrandizing, he is a true friend to survivors. He is hosting the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse for the second time, tomorrow. He's also started the Child Abuse Survivor ning Network (see link below). He's a true friend that can always be counted upon.
- Mile 191 at Come Into My Closet is on a little bloggy break right now. I can see why she needs the rest. She runs a "blog carnival" on her blog just about every week. I've never seen any blogger who is so tireless at their willingness to support and promote other blogs. If you like "linky love," check out her blog!
- I'm glad I've gotten to know Grace, of Grace Uncensored, through The Child Abuse Survivor ning Network. She is also taking a bit of a bloggy break, but I get lots of supportive and friendly advice from her over at Polyvore, where we are part of an Adult Survivors group doing healing collage as art therapy.
- Rainbow, over at Haunted House, is another new bloggy friend of mine. I really enjoyed getting to know her through her event: Child Abuse Awareness Day over at Bloggers Unite. She's supporting the event I'm plugging over there, too: The Run and Rally to Stop the Silence of Child Sexual Abuse.
- Just Be Real started visiting my blog recently, then I started to see her over at the Child Abuse Survivor ning site. She often leaves comments on my blog that include the words "bless you" or "blessings." You know, she's the type of person who, when she offers these kinds words, really does make me feel blessed! Thanks, Just Be Real!
- I'm only supposed to pick eight, and this blogger has already been tagged by this meme, but I just have to include Tamara at Desire to Heal. She was quite supportive and kind to me over at the CAS ning recently when I was really struggling with the Easter holiday. I love ya, Tamara!
Labels: advocacy, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, Bloggers Unite, child abuse, child abuse prevention, collage, community, gratitude, links, love, network, Twitter
April 15, 2008
Posting a Carnival Poem
I'm not feeling very hopeful right now--I guess I'm just exhausted. I can't seem to shake it. So, I'm going to post a poem that is hopeful and maybe those words will have some effect as I broadcast them out into cyberland.
I'm behind on everything, but I don't want to get behind on The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. It's just too important and I so appreciate every one's involvement and advocacy. Beauty is hosting this Friday and the submissions are due by midnight tomorrow--Wednesday, April 16. You can use this submission form here.
Here's what Beauty says about her upcoming edition:
"We all know that abuse thrives on secrecy; the purpose of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is to speak openly about the prevalence of such abuse, and its devastating aftermath. Remember that an important component to healing from such abuse is to reclaim the power which as a child was stolen from you. As survivors we do this by speaking the truth. This carnival is an excellent venue for doing so. Here you can speak from the heart of what it’s like to be an abused child, or perhaps you’d rather write about the challenges of dealing with the aftermath of abuse as you attempt to live in this world as a whole adult. For instance, do you suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a direct result of the abuse? Whatever form your writing takes, it’s sure to help someone, for we are all at different places in the recovery process! We’d also love to hear from individuals who know about childhood abuse secondhand: what is it like loving someone who bears the wounds from an abusive childhood? Perhaps it’s your mother, friend, or significant other. What challenges (and strains) does your loved one’s woundedness contribute to the relationship?"
Beauty wanted me to submit a poem for the carnival this month, so this will be the one:
Love’s Light
I understand
You’ve been hurt, you’re so afraid
It’s hard for me
But I’ll reach in, I’ll feel your shame
I’m not perfect
But I’m here
And I am light
I am love
I can see you’re not your pain
I can tell you’re not their hate
I see the beauty you can’t see
You are light, you are love
I know you are not your pain
I know you are not their hate
Look in my eyes, dear, can’t you see?
You are love, you are light
Can you feel you’re not your pain?
Can you know you’re not their hate?
Just take my hand, you can trust me
We are love, we are light
I know you’re tired
There’s no rest from all your hiding
Take one more chance
Find strength in me; I won’t betray
You deserve to dance
And to be free
Be in light
Be in love
You’re free to live without your pain
You’re free to love, no more to hate
We’re free together, you and me
We are light, we are love
We’re free we live without the pain
We’re safe we love without the hate
We’re flying, soaring, in joy and peace
We are love, we are light.
Copyright 2001 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
Labels: advocacy, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, love, Poetry
March 12, 2008
Begin Again Each Day: Be The Light!
This is my story. I'm posting it for the March edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. With Spring just around the corner, we now share our stories of new beginnings. This story emphasizes the fact that, no matter what challenges I face with my own offspring, each day I commit to start anew. Each day is another opportunity to be a light in the darkness and give the gift of unconditional love to my beloved child.
I'm also learning to give this gift to myself. And each time I do, a little more light comes forth!
The Little Marji Story
Little Marji was a beautiful, shining soul. She was not conceived in love, nor did she come into a loving home. Yet, she came from love and this gave her soul light. You could see it shining from her big, bright eyes. You could feel it with each dimpled smile.
For a while, Marji intuitively held on to the knowledge that she came from love, and this made her feel connected and warm. It fueled the light behind her eyes and her beautiful smile. But, she was very observant as well. And she couldn’t understand why, with so much love and light stored in everyone’s soul, the people who were supposed to care for her didn’t seem to want to spread their light around, or even let it show. This made Marji very confused and sad.
Fortunately, Marji’s soul did not come into this life alone. She had her twin sister, DiDi, as a constant soul mate. These two little souls, who were joined in love in the womb, loved to sing and laugh and hug and hold hands—sharing their light and their love in a warm, happy way. Sometimes they were discouraged, and even punished for doing this.
Soon discouragement was the very least of it. Terror, hate and pain ruled the household. It got very dark and Marji got very scared. She would hide her body, as well as her light, and hope to disappear from the frightening place where she was forced to live.
Still, she and DiDi would share their light with each other whenever they could. They held hands for support and comfort and even snuck in a laugh or a song when they could get away with it. When they were caught, they were shamed for being selfish. Marji soon got the message: Didn’t she know that those around her, who could no longer feel their light, were envious, hurt and angry when they saw others selfishly enjoying their own light? She should be ashamed.
And so, she was.
It got to the point where Marji felt like a trapped animal or robotic slave. The maternal side of her family shamed her for showing her light, and the paternal side tried to capture it and kill it. She came to feel in real danger of having her beautiful, shining soul murdered.
When she wasn’t hiding, she was very busy. Busy trying to figure out how to stay alive and busy trying to convince her family that they all, like Marji and DiDi, could share their light and be happy together.
It took Marji years to realize that by doing good deeds and being a “good girl,” she couldn’t give her light away or sell her soul for the peace, security and happiness she craved. Eventually, Marji figured out that a willing exchange of loving light was not possible with her family. She also came to the knowledge that she wasn’t being true to herself by seeking the approval she would never receive. She could not force her light on people who did not want it. This was the realization that Marji grieved over most: All along, her family did not want her light; they just didn’t want her to have it either.
Years went by, and Marji’s beautiful, shining soul got almost smothered completely by layers and layers of grief and shame and fear and sadness. Marji didn’t know who she was because her light got so dim and she felt she did not have the strength to reach past all the layers to touch her own beautiful soul.
So out of touch and dark was she that Marji began to be convinced that she was ugly and undeserving of love. She knew that there was light remaining somewhere in the universe, but Marji did not think that she was meant for it. She got out of practice sharing with her sister what little light she had left. They were both so encased in their individual, protective shells they had built up in order to survive.
Once in a while, Marji would remember the fact that she had come from love and she would fantasize about going back there or having someone come and rescue her, returning her there. But, with hope dying a little more every day, she didn’t allow herself this dream very often.
Unfortunately, Marji continued to look for approval and light from other people, after all hope was gone for ever receiving it. She took a man’s promise of love as a sign of this hope. It took her on a painful detour.
One day, the feeling of pain and betrayal got so bad, Marji wanted to end her life. If no one on this earth was going to give her some light, and if no one was ever coming to save her and return her to the place of original love, she would take matters into her own hands. Maybe she’d get lucky and death would return her. At the very least, the present pain—which had grown to feel unbearable—would finally end.
Maybe this shook her up enough to break a tiny crack in Marji’s layers of ugly, yet protective armor. For, Marji got in touch with her soul enough to hear this illuminating piece of wisdom: Obviously, her tactics had not been successful. Maybe, instead of looking to others for the warmth and light of their love, she should look inside herself.
What?
Marji did not like to look at herself. It seemed so ugly. She felt so lonely and sad and dark. Wasn’t her light gone? Wasn’t her soul dead? Well, if this new, revealing message got through, maybe that conclusion was wrong.
Marji was very unsure and afraid of this risk. But, nothing was left to lose. Maybe she should try. She searched for help from others who agreed this idea might work. Soon, she observed that little pieces of her self were occasionally allowed to slip out through the tiny crack that had formed.
She still wasn’t sure just who she was, but Marji summoned up the courage to venture out and began to meet people who seemed to like what they saw sneaking out from inside her. When she forced herself to stop trying to please others and gain their approval—and actually took care of herself for a while—Marji found that great stuff would absolutely radiate from this tiny opening to her soul.
When Marji met the man who was to become her husband, he described her as vivacious. What a pleasant surprise! Marji thought, “Me, vivacious? Incredible!” She was still scared, but she was so excited by the potential in this development that she started to search for healthy ways to break more holes in her shell.
At first, she was discouraged. For, to come up with a strategy for breaking into (and out of) her shell, she had to look at its dark ugliness. She had to examine the process that worked to form her shell in the first place. Once Marji started looking, it seemed she couldn’t stop. And what she saw there was not only ugly, it was terrifying! The process she found herself committed to was the hardest work Marji had ever had to summon the strength to do. The task seemed impossible. There were so many layers under that outside layer of ugly. Underneath, there was pain, sadness, guilt and shame, hatred, rage and lots of fear.
Fortunately, encased in these horrible layers were other layers as well. Layers of hope and courage kept resurfacing over the years, only to be covered up and then unearthed again. Wise, insightful, healing professionals showed Marji how to recognize the potential in these helpful layers. Marji was also shown how to appreciate the “good” and the “bad” inherent in the uncovering process.
The birth of Marji’s son was a telling example of how the “good” and the “bad” get mixed up together to help move the process along. Marji and her husband were absolutely elated when their son arrived. He came from love, was conceived in love and came into a loving home.
Yet, with all the progress Marji had made toward healing before her pregnancy, she was still full of trepidation about how to keep her child safe and properly cared for. The soul who was Marji’s son had a difficult time adjusting to being a baby. His discomfort led him to be very loud and demanding. Marji found many of her old buttons being pushed and was challenged with motherhood daily. At the same time, she was nearly overwhelmed with the amount of love which poured from her heart every day when she looked into her child’s own bright, shining eyes. The child showed Marji what areas she still needed to work on and motivated her to keep working toward her goal, even when it was tough.
Soon, it was not only her son’s own beautiful light which moved Marji to feel deeply. It was more than the love that she felt for her son and her husband that made her warm and alive. Now, she started to notice little things—like the beauty of a piece of music—could move her to tears. These tears felt fresh and different to Marji. These were not the old tears of loneliness and grief, these were new tears that were light and connected and free!
Yes, finally Marji was free!
Now, when she felt most connected to the light and love of her new family, she didn’t feel at all trapped. She felt free! Her beautiful light freely poured out to join with that of her son and husband. All of them were purely enveloped in light and love. Marji’s soul rejoiced in finally realizing—remembering—that this was the love that she had come from. And, once again, Marji was home!
The deadline for the March edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is midnight tonight, Wednesday, March 12 for our Friday, March 14 edition over at Enola's blog. Hurry and get those submissions in, folks!
Labels: Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, child abuse, healing, hope, love
February 15, 2008
After Child Abuse--Love Remains: The February, 2008 Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse
I received a very large number of post submissions for the theme--love--of this edition. Some months, we hardly get any for the theme. This month, I think we made up for that, with 10 themed entries. Thanks for breakin' loose with the love writing everyone!
So, our first category for this edition is "Love." Let's spread the love, y'all!
Disclaimer: Warning! Many of these posts may contain triggering content. If you are a survivor with PTSD or a dissociative disorder, please use caution when reading these posts (even some of the love posts may be triggering).
Love
Our first post on love comes from Keepers of Keepers Korner. It is appropriately entitled, "The Healing Power of Love."
Keepers of Keepers Korner presents "part two" of her two-part series, "The Healing Power of Love." Here, she talks about things she treasures as symbolizing love.
April Optimist of The Thriver's Toolbox presents a post simply called, "Love." I always appreciate April's insights, whether on the topic of love or anything else healing related.
Austin of Sundrip Journals has written a love poem called "I am You" at her blog, The People Behing My Eyes. Austin explains, "This poem is about loving all of me, the good, the bad and the ugly." I think Austin is beautiful and I love the way she expresses herself.
Enola, from the blog of the same name, is going to be our host next month. She has given us two posts on love for this edition. Here's her first in her Valentine's series called, "What is Love Anyway?"
In her second of the two-part Valentine's series called, What is Love Anyway? we get a description of what is love by Enola as perceived through the five senses.
Jumping in Puddles--JIP as we all lovingly call her--has a blog called Life Spacings. She has recently begun posting with a co-author, her therapist, who has written a post called, "The Strength of Love & Friendship." JIP remarked, "We wanted to share it from a therapist's perspective."
Mike, at Child Abuse Survivor, presents, "Love for February." I like how Mike emphasizes the love of the self in his post.
Again, Keepers from Keepers Korner returns by sharing with us a wonderful, love-filled event and post with a great title, "Finally Family." Keepers remarks, "Our JM officially takes all of us as family, so all keepers feel the love finally."
And, finally for our Love Theme Category for this edition, I'm including my own post from Survivors Can Thrive! It includes a poem with the message, "I love and cherish you" to my inner child parts. The post is called, "Inner Child Rescue, Care & Love."
Advocacy & Awareness
Kevin Heath presents a handy and succinct list of the types and "Signs of Abuse" at the blog, Children's Safety. He also provides the detail of how to go about reporting abuse. Thanks, Kevin!
JIP graces our carnival again, this time writing herself, for a post called, "Life With Little Alters." It's an awareness-raising post at her blog, Life Spacings. It's a very educational and enlightening read.
This is so cool, people! It's an amazing opportunity. As soon as I get my head above water after this carnival, I'm going to do this myself. It's an ingenious idea for raising awareness about us child sexual abuse survivors and it's called the Teddy Tour. The idea is all explained in a post simply called, "About Teddy Tour." With the help of her friend Leigh from "All for Women," my down-under friend and two-time past carnival host, Megan Bayliss of Imanginif Child Protection Became Serious Business, created this site just for raising awareness on this critical issue. Megan comments, "Megan from Imaginif and Leigh from All for Women love Teddies. We also love survivors of child abuse because they just have so much personal power. Marrying our two loves, we have unveiled the blogospheric TEDDY TOUR. If you are a survivor of child sexual abuse please send us your anonymous story tag to be toured throughout the blogosphere. " Awesome!
When The Cerebral Mum, with her blog of the same name, got tagged with a meme (you know, it's one of those blog games that get passed around the blogosphere) that required her to post Seven Random Things about herself, she decided maybe it wasn't really a game to her and to do "A Serious Seven Random Things." So now, her Seven Random Things are about her life as a child abuse survivor. I was so impressed about the passion with which she wrote this post, I asked her to let us use it for the carnival. Thanks, CM!
For the last post in this category, I just have to put up this video. It's really cool and raises much-need awareness on YouTube. How cool is that? This video collage was masterfully created by my friend, Ani, from My Dissonance. The creation is called, "The Secret." It's not a secret anymore! Thanks for letting us broadcast this, Ani!
Aftermath
This next post, from Nancy at Heal and Forgive, could have been put under our umbrella love theme category, or Healing & Therapy. I think the reason Nancy submitted it under the Aftermath category, however, is because it takes an honest look at family estrangement after coming out about abuse. It also talks about that critical inner voice and how to deal with it. Good info to have! The post is entitled, "Loving Voices." Nancy remarks, "Since the theme is love - I thought I would submit my recent post "Loving Voices." Thanks for providing a great community of support!"
Healing & Therapy
I thought this was a very intriguing post, that talks about something many of us have experienced, or at least wondered about, but we've not talked about at our blog carnival. It's the topic of admission to an inpatient psychiatric ward. We may argue about whether or not this is an option that really aids our healing, but it's good information to have. Austin from The People Behind My Eyes returns to present it in her post, "A Psych Ward." Austin comments, "If you've never been to a psychiatric hospital you may have no idea about what goes on there. You may have television based ideas but here is a description of the average inpatient psych ward on the higher functioning wing. "
Warren Wong presents, "The Value Of Our Parents" on his blog, Personal Development. This post follows an interesting exploration of the difficulties in communication as adults with parents and coming to terms with that relationship. Warren remarks, "Describes how the our parents give us a sense of meaning and purpose in life."
Here's JIP, from Life Spacings again, sharing "What We Have Learnt" over the last year of therapy. I think it describes some marvelous, healing, positive re-programming. You go, girl!
In The News
Anything Goes And General News alerts us about a story entitled, "Body of 1 of 4 Kids Found in Alabama Water."
Did you know that Ani is AKA Joanna? She's a busy lady, making YouTube videos, co-founder of The Survivor Archives Project and also blogspot blogger of Eyes Open. In this post, Ani AKA Joanna gives us some good news about sentencing for a child abuser in her post, "Man Gets 365 Years for Raping Children". We need some good news/justice like this once in a while!
Jane's Mental Health Source Page presents "Child Abuse and Neglect: Another Casualty of War." This is an informative post about research findings published by The American Medical Association.
Poetry
My amazingly aware friend, Mother Wintermoon, has written a moving poem called, "Between Living and Dying." It is a reaching in and reaching out type of poem that describes the struggle...and the hope. Thanks for this gift, MW. I encourage you to check out Mother Wintermoon's compassionate, aware and insightful posts at this blog, Mystical Moonshowers, as well as her blog, Romancing The Crone.
Survivor Stories
Another amazingly insightful and aware survivor who has become my blogging friend is Patricia Singleton. She has written a very thought-provoking series of posts about family secrets and incest at her blog, Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker. Her fifth post in this series is called, "Family Secrets--Incest May Be a Part of My Life Series--Part 5." Patricia remarks, "The family secret was so insiduous and undermining of conversation that I didn't even talk about it with my sister until we were in our 20's." I can relate to that, Patricia! That was about the time my sister and I actually started talking about our abuse as well. And my identical twin and I shared the same tiny room for 15 years! Let's stop the secrets, shatter the silence and break the cycle survivors!
This concludes this wonderful edition of our blog carnival. Thanks to all who participated. Please link to these courageous survivors and advocates and leave comments where you are able on their blogs. If you'd like to submit to our next carnival, just use the blog carnival widget on my sidebar. Until next month...continue to spread the awareness and the love!
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, chid abuse, child abuse prevention, community, healing, love, Poetry, self-love, support, survivors, therapy
February 12, 2008
Heart-Felt Reminder
Labels: Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, inner child, love, survivors
February 05, 2008
Spread the Love at the February Blog Carnival
Right now, however, I've got to let you all know what's going on with the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I've decided just to take February myself. Since February is Valentine's Day month here in the US, let's do a "love theme" for this edition. Submit posts about learning to love and trust again after abuse, loving and forgiving yourself, loving your inner child or alter parts, etc. Let's spread the love, y'all!
I've set the submission deadline as Wednesday, Feb 13 for a Friday, Feb 15 edition post. You can submit here.
Now, as for future hosts, I'm a little mixed up. Me, mixed up? Never, right? I know I had several would-be first-time hosts who told me they wanted to wait until spring to be in charge of an edition. One blogger, unfortunately, had to pull her blog down. I'm pretty sure Enola and S'onnie told me they were looking at the possibility of hosting in March. Mike, at Child Abuse Survivor said he'd be willing to host again anytime. Then, I think April at Thriver's Toolbox told me she may be able to host in the not-too-distant future, but I can't remember when.
I know I'm forgetting at least a couple of people who showed interest. I'd like to give the first-time carnival hosts a chance before we go back again to repeat hosties. If you're interested, would you please comment here and let me know a possible month you may be able to host? I'd like to get a host list compiled to get us through to at least June. Thanks. I'd sure appreciate it.
Labels: Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, inner child, links, love, meme, parts, survivor, survivor needs, trust
