July 01, 2010
Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig!
So, we're back from our family trip. We had a nice visit with several friends. It was the most positive, pleasant, social interaction I have had for quite some time.
We drank good wine, ate delicious food, listened to live music and had nice conversation. I even managed to keep up some pretty good eating habits and did my morning walk four times while I was away. I might have gained a couple of pounds, but probably no more than two back from the nine I lost. Yeah!
I only had one dissociative "episode" while I was on this vacation. My son said something inappropriate and disrespectful and I got triggered. I managed to deal with him during this "learning moment" in an appropriate parental manner.
But, I heard a voice in my head responding with, "Just shut up. No one wants to hear anything you have to say." Yuck! I'm sure I heard that one--almost word-for-word--many times while growing up in my abusive household. Then, I noticed something else. I responded with my behavior as well. I did exactly that--I shut up. There's like this part inside me--a monitor--that notices when an idea starts to form in my head at these times. This monitor quickly spots the idea and squashes it down before it has a chance to become words that form on my lips. The idea is shut down before it can come out of my mouth.
I had a therapy session today and we talked about this quite a bit. It's a huge self-esteem issue. I'm sure it is closely related to my inability to finish my book and my habit of shutting down and not getting any writing done on my blog at times.
Ah, the work continues. I'm going to be coming around to your blogs in the next few days, now that I'm back in town and online, and see what YOU have to say. Because, I do care and I am interested in your thoughts, feelings and ideas. See you soon!
We drank good wine, ate delicious food, listened to live music and had nice conversation. I even managed to keep up some pretty good eating habits and did my morning walk four times while I was away. I might have gained a couple of pounds, but probably no more than two back from the nine I lost. Yeah!
I only had one dissociative "episode" while I was on this vacation. My son said something inappropriate and disrespectful and I got triggered. I managed to deal with him during this "learning moment" in an appropriate parental manner.
But, I heard a voice in my head responding with, "Just shut up. No one wants to hear anything you have to say." Yuck! I'm sure I heard that one--almost word-for-word--many times while growing up in my abusive household. Then, I noticed something else. I responded with my behavior as well. I did exactly that--I shut up. There's like this part inside me--a monitor--that notices when an idea starts to form in my head at these times. This monitor quickly spots the idea and squashes it down before it has a chance to become words that form on my lips. The idea is shut down before it can come out of my mouth.
I had a therapy session today and we talked about this quite a bit. It's a huge self-esteem issue. I'm sure it is closely related to my inability to finish my book and my habit of shutting down and not getting any writing done on my blog at times.
Ah, the work continues. I'm going to be coming around to your blogs in the next few days, now that I'm back in town and online, and see what YOU have to say. Because, I do care and I am interested in your thoughts, feelings and ideas. See you soon!
Labels: aftermath, child abuse, dissociation, self-esteem, shame, therapy, triggers
April 21, 2009
They Kept Me From the Pain
Hurting so bad right now. I guess it's progress, really. I'm finally feeling the things that my parts kept from me so that I could survive as a little, helpless girl. But, it is anguish.
When I put up all those advocacy posts, it makes me feel somewhat better. But, it doesn't mean it's "business as usual" and I'm feeling fine.
Hardly slept at all last night. It's been several days in a row not sleeping well. Today, after an "extra" T session yesterday, I'm exhausted and can't seem to stop crying. I'd better pull myself together because I've promised to babysit my little toddler neighbor and take her to the park this afternoon. Hope that helps me feel better--just pray I have the energy. Safe hugs to all other survivors out there who are hurting.
When I put up all those advocacy posts, it makes me feel somewhat better. But, it doesn't mean it's "business as usual" and I'm feeling fine.
Hardly slept at all last night. It's been several days in a row not sleeping well. Today, after an "extra" T session yesterday, I'm exhausted and can't seem to stop crying. I'd better pull myself together because I've promised to babysit my little toddler neighbor and take her to the park this afternoon. Hope that helps me feel better--just pray I have the energy. Safe hugs to all other survivors out there who are hurting.
Labels: abandonment, aftermath, betrayal, broken, child abuse, overwhelm, pain, shame, therapy
December 18, 2008
A Dissociative "Doh!"
Well, here I am trying to drag my butt out of the Dissociative Twilight Zone again. I've got the Holiday edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse to get up for tomorrow. When thinking about the holidays (and my son's birthday on New Year's Day) I've been thinking I should hold up on the therapy a little these days. I guess I don't want to get into anything too prone to wig me out, just before Christmas and my therapist's upcoming vacation when she will be unavailable.
But, then something happened that really freaked me out and reminded me that I need to stick with the therapy, or dissociative "incidents" tend to sneak up and bite me in the butt. So, I was working on the Blog Carnival and I had three or four entries that did not come through the standard submission form at Blog Carnival dot com. One of them I really wanted to include but it was given to me as a "read-only" file.
Now, if you know me at all you know that I refer to myself as a "Cyber Klutz." But, I thought I was being really slick by putting said "read-only" file into Microsoft Word and attaching it to an e-mail from my home account (Hotmail), which I then sent on to my Survivors Can Thrive! e-mail account.
Almost immediately after pressing the "send" button, I got a reply. It was from my Survivors Can Thrive! account. Some sort of automatically-generated response thingy. Here's what it said:
Oh yeah, at the time I "felt so good" and I actually wrote this in that "Hi and Hiatus" July post: "To be honest, I've got a lot going on and am not focusing on the "Surviving-to-Thriving" or therapy issues much right now. I think I'm going to take a bloggy/therapy/"Survivors Can Thrive" break for three or four weeks. I'm doing well and accomplishing other things...and that feels good, really."
Uh huh. That's right before the dissociative sh*t hit the fan big time. Or was it way before that? No wonder I always used to run away in a dissociatve fugue when I'd be this out of it in the past. This is sooo embarrassing.
So, anyway, I'm hoping and praying that nobody else has seen this crazy reply, and then--literally, moments later--I get this e-mail from JIP:
wouldnt have a clue what the hell that means but ok LOL
> Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2008 19:42:02 -0800
> From: thriver@survivorscanthrive.com
> To: xxx@hotmail.com
> Subject: Re: from JIP
>
> I'm on Hiatus for the SCT Blog. Be back soon! ;)
Doh! At least JIP had a good sense of humor about it. I e-mailed her right back and apologized, telling her that there wasn't anything personal meant by the auto-reply e-mail. I hope that all of you out there who also may have received such an auto-reply can just laugh at me and also not take it personally.
Well, long story somewhat shorter: I finally searched around my e-mail homepage and found something called "Edit your Options" which I hadn't remembered ever visiting before, and I deselected the "Away Message Enabled" and the away message that I don't remember ever typing.
Aaacccckkkk! My therapist said, after all the very intense work we've been doing since August--sometimes as much as five hours per week--that we were doing some integration. This doesn't feel very integrated. Please send up a quick prayer or hope into the universe for me that no major nonintegrated, dissociative stuff happens during the holidays of the next few weeks. I hate to be walking on eggshells with myself, wondering what other social faux pas I have or will have committed and "Doh!" dissociative little treats I'll find.
*Sigh* I guess it's a good thing I'm off to another therapy appointment at 11 o'clock. Better get ready to go.
But, then something happened that really freaked me out and reminded me that I need to stick with the therapy, or dissociative "incidents" tend to sneak up and bite me in the butt. So, I was working on the Blog Carnival and I had three or four entries that did not come through the standard submission form at Blog Carnival dot com. One of them I really wanted to include but it was given to me as a "read-only" file.
Now, if you know me at all you know that I refer to myself as a "Cyber Klutz." But, I thought I was being really slick by putting said "read-only" file into Microsoft Word and attaching it to an e-mail from my home account (Hotmail), which I then sent on to my Survivors Can Thrive! e-mail account.
Almost immediately after pressing the "send" button, I got a reply. It was from my Survivors Can Thrive! account. Some sort of automatically-generated response thingy. Here's what it said:
Re: Blog Carnival Submission
| From: | Marj McCabe (thriver@survivorscanthrive.com) |
| Sent: | Tue 12/16/08 7:17 PM |
| To: | xxxx@hotmail.com |
I'm on Hiatus for the SCT Blog. Be back soon! ;)As I'm trying to figure this out, in my horror, freaked-outness and confusion, I'm hoping and praying that every e-mail that ever attempts to come into my inbox hasn't been getting this reply ever since my blog was on hiatus back in the summer. That was back in July for crying out loud!
What the hell?
I showed it to my husband. He's a cyber klutz too, so I don't know why I bothered. He had no clue.
I had an idea that this was some sort of auto-reply thing, but that was it.
I didn't think I knew how to set something like that up.
And I have never recalled referring to Survivors Can Thrive! as "SCT."
Oh yeah, at the time I "felt so good" and I actually wrote this in that "Hi and Hiatus" July post: "To be honest, I've got a lot going on and am not focusing on the "Surviving-to-Thriving" or therapy issues much right now. I think I'm going to take a bloggy/therapy/"Survivors Can Thrive" break for three or four weeks. I'm doing well and accomplishing other things...and that feels good, really."
Uh huh. That's right before the dissociative sh*t hit the fan big time. Or was it way before that? No wonder I always used to run away in a dissociatve fugue when I'd be this out of it in the past. This is sooo embarrassing.
So, anyway, I'm hoping and praying that nobody else has seen this crazy reply, and then--literally, moments later--I get this e-mail from JIP:
wouldnt have a clue what the hell that means but ok LOL
> Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2008 19:42:02 -0800
> From: thriver@survivorscanthrive.com
> To: xxx@hotmail.com
> Subject: Re: from JIP
>
> I'm on Hiatus for the SCT Blog. Be back soon! ;)
Doh! At least JIP had a good sense of humor about it. I e-mailed her right back and apologized, telling her that there wasn't anything personal meant by the auto-reply e-mail. I hope that all of you out there who also may have received such an auto-reply can just laugh at me and also not take it personally.
Well, long story somewhat shorter: I finally searched around my e-mail homepage and found something called "Edit your Options" which I hadn't remembered ever visiting before, and I deselected the "Away Message Enabled" and the away message that I don't remember ever typing.
Aaacccckkkk! My therapist said, after all the very intense work we've been doing since August--sometimes as much as five hours per week--that we were doing some integration. This doesn't feel very integrated. Please send up a quick prayer or hope into the universe for me that no major nonintegrated, dissociative stuff happens during the holidays of the next few weeks. I hate to be walking on eggshells with myself, wondering what other social faux pas I have or will have committed and "Doh!" dissociative little treats I'll find.
*Sigh* I guess it's a good thing I'm off to another therapy appointment at 11 o'clock. Better get ready to go.
Labels: aftermath, alters, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, DID, dissociation, embarrassment, hiatus, holidays, part activity, parts, shame
January 30, 2008
The Naked Trees Still Know To Live
I dug out another old poem of mine that I'd like to share.
Hope’s Song
I love to watch the birds
They fly and flit with constant chatter
It helps me clear these words
In my mind, fear’s negative clatter
It gives me hope to hear
Strong-held faith in nature’s song
Wipe away my painful tears
I see life it carries on
With the gently falling snow
The naked trees still know to live
It reminds me that I grow
Only when I can forgive.
Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
As you might ascertain from my previous post on shame, I'm still working on forgiving myself. That's one of my biggest healing goals.
I think we all need to forgive ourselves, at one time or another, for being human. The good news is that, as humans, there is always a place for us in this world.
Hope’s Song
I love to watch the birds
They fly and flit with constant chatter
It helps me clear these words
In my mind, fear’s negative clatter
It gives me hope to hear
Strong-held faith in nature’s song
Wipe away my painful tears
I see life it carries on
With the gently falling snow
The naked trees still know to live
It reminds me that I grow
Only when I can forgive.
Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
As you might ascertain from my previous post on shame, I'm still working on forgiving myself. That's one of my biggest healing goals.
I think we all need to forgive ourselves, at one time or another, for being human. The good news is that, as humans, there is always a place for us in this world.
Labels: being human, hope, nature's healing, poem, Poetry, self-forgiveness, shame
January 28, 2008
My Legacy of Shame--Thanks, Mom!
I've just finished reading The Trauma Spectrum by Robert Scaer. This book is pretty clinical--not easy to read--as it talks about how trauma changes the brain. I was especially interested in the chapter on preverbal trauma, as I am just working with a part who is almost entirely preverbal herself.
I've really been struggling with my mother's involvement in my childhood abuse. This struggle has been major for me during the last couple of years. Even though my father sexually abused me and my twin in just about every way one could imagine--even though he almost killed me, because he was a psycho, raging maniac--I'm almost tempted to say that his behavior damaged me less than my mother's did.
I've had this prickly, gnawing, suspicious feeling about this for these two years now. Sometimes I can't get my brain around it at all, other times it just seems downright crazy. Then, I started reading about maternal bonding, attachment and attunement. I believe that none of these states were ever achieved between my mother and my infant self. I am absolutely convinced of this. Then, Scaer talks in his book about "the influence of maternal behavior and bonding on the ability of the developing infant to achieve optimal states of self-regulation in the face of arousal in later life."
I was set up! Almost from the moment of my birth, I was groomed to be traumatized and dissociate in the face of my abuse.
One particular book passage really hit me hard. Have you ever heard of the concept of "conservation-withdrawal?" In a healthy family, this is a normal developmental process in which a baby can safely explore, then find a safe place where it can regroup and then go out and explore and gain new experiences again.
Scaer says, "If bonding has been successful, this limit-setting behavior and the infant's withdrawal response will continue to foster the development of the reflex regulatory skills that control the infant's ability to handle arousal and stress in an appropriate, healthy fashion."
Then, there's the classic line, "on the other hand..." There it was on page 121. I had to read it a couple of times. *blink*
When speaking of this concept of conservation-withdrawal, Scaer describes, "During this state, the infant averts its face, hangs its head, and becomes relatively immobile."
Whoa. As I read this, I'm thinking, "I do this now! I always do this!"
Am I an infant? Why do I still do this?
I highlighted this next part, and put a big asterisk next to it. "If maternal/infant misattunement is present, especially in the case of the mother's excessive use of shame-inducing limitations, the infant will begin to retreat more frequently into the state of conservation-withdrawal and may develop lifelong behavioral patterns that mimic this state when stressed."
Oh, I see.
Scaer goes so far as to say, "Conservation-withdrawal is the earliest manifestation of dissociation, which if perpetuated becomes a lifelong tendency in the face of threat or stress." (The emphasis here is mine.) He continues, "In the day-to-day life of the child, repeated retreat into states of shame presents as repetitive dissociative symptoms..."
Yeah. And I would add, in the day-to-day life of the adult abuse survivor, too!
I noticed this happening just the other day. It was over some slight--some slightly disrespectful remark that left me feeling rejected. I immediately looked away, hung my head and slumped away. I don't often allow myself to do this in front of others, but I always, eventually become immobile. I'll go into my bedroom and sit or lie down and then just stare off in a stupor.
I was explaining all this to my T. I remembered a line from a poem I wrote. There was something in there about "my empty, blank stare." I found the poem. Here it is:
Safe in My Pillow
I’m diving into my pillow
It’s the only safe harbor I know
Hidden away in my pillow
The terror and anguish don’t show
I’m becoming a part of my pillow
Like a turtle pulling into its shell
Scratching and clawing for my pillow
You can’t drag me into your hell
And if you take me away from my pillow
You won’t know that I’m really not there
I just send my mind to my pillow
It’s behind my empty, blank stare
I know I can trust in my pillow
How my pillow’s safe comfort warms
Like a soft, warm body, my pillow
I pretend it’s a mother’s loving arms
You’ll never really reach me in my pillow
Though my body you’ll batter and harm
This little girl’s all nestled in her pillow
While outside rages the storm
I’ll just stay here, thank you, in my pillow
You can all just call me insane
It’s my own little world, my pillow
While out in your world a nightmare reigns
Years fly by while I fly in my pillow
It starts to feel lonely and cold
I peek out from under my pillow
How did I get to be so old?
You say I must venture from my pillow
I’ve got to come out and face a new world
How can I let go of my pillow?
Can’t you see I’m still a scared little girl?
Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
The funny thing is, my stare isn't blank or empty at all. It's full of shame.
I have a legacy of shame. It seems, no matter how much therapy I do, it is always with me. It's the shame of believing to my core that I am not worth existing, not worth being alive. Logic tells me this is not right. But, I don't believe it.
One of the first self-help books I ever read--back before I even knew I was an incest survivor--was John Bradshaw's Healing The Shame That Binds You. Wow. That book was published back in 1988. Maybe I need to go back and read it again.
I've really been struggling with my mother's involvement in my childhood abuse. This struggle has been major for me during the last couple of years. Even though my father sexually abused me and my twin in just about every way one could imagine--even though he almost killed me, because he was a psycho, raging maniac--I'm almost tempted to say that his behavior damaged me less than my mother's did.
I've had this prickly, gnawing, suspicious feeling about this for these two years now. Sometimes I can't get my brain around it at all, other times it just seems downright crazy. Then, I started reading about maternal bonding, attachment and attunement. I believe that none of these states were ever achieved between my mother and my infant self. I am absolutely convinced of this. Then, Scaer talks in his book about "the influence of maternal behavior and bonding on the ability of the developing infant to achieve optimal states of self-regulation in the face of arousal in later life."
I was set up! Almost from the moment of my birth, I was groomed to be traumatized and dissociate in the face of my abuse.
One particular book passage really hit me hard. Have you ever heard of the concept of "conservation-withdrawal?" In a healthy family, this is a normal developmental process in which a baby can safely explore, then find a safe place where it can regroup and then go out and explore and gain new experiences again.
Scaer says, "If bonding has been successful, this limit-setting behavior and the infant's withdrawal response will continue to foster the development of the reflex regulatory skills that control the infant's ability to handle arousal and stress in an appropriate, healthy fashion."
Then, there's the classic line, "on the other hand..." There it was on page 121. I had to read it a couple of times. *blink*
When speaking of this concept of conservation-withdrawal, Scaer describes, "During this state, the infant averts its face, hangs its head, and becomes relatively immobile."
Whoa. As I read this, I'm thinking, "I do this now! I always do this!"
Am I an infant? Why do I still do this?
I highlighted this next part, and put a big asterisk next to it. "If maternal/infant misattunement is present, especially in the case of the mother's excessive use of shame-inducing limitations, the infant will begin to retreat more frequently into the state of conservation-withdrawal and may develop lifelong behavioral patterns that mimic this state when stressed."
Oh, I see.
Scaer goes so far as to say, "Conservation-withdrawal is the earliest manifestation of dissociation, which if perpetuated becomes a lifelong tendency in the face of threat or stress." (The emphasis here is mine.) He continues, "In the day-to-day life of the child, repeated retreat into states of shame presents as repetitive dissociative symptoms..."
Yeah. And I would add, in the day-to-day life of the adult abuse survivor, too!
I noticed this happening just the other day. It was over some slight--some slightly disrespectful remark that left me feeling rejected. I immediately looked away, hung my head and slumped away. I don't often allow myself to do this in front of others, but I always, eventually become immobile. I'll go into my bedroom and sit or lie down and then just stare off in a stupor.
I was explaining all this to my T. I remembered a line from a poem I wrote. There was something in there about "my empty, blank stare." I found the poem. Here it is:
Safe in My Pillow
I’m diving into my pillow
It’s the only safe harbor I know
Hidden away in my pillow
The terror and anguish don’t show
I’m becoming a part of my pillow
Like a turtle pulling into its shell
Scratching and clawing for my pillow
You can’t drag me into your hell
And if you take me away from my pillow
You won’t know that I’m really not there
I just send my mind to my pillow
It’s behind my empty, blank stare
I know I can trust in my pillow
How my pillow’s safe comfort warms
Like a soft, warm body, my pillow
I pretend it’s a mother’s loving arms
You’ll never really reach me in my pillow
Though my body you’ll batter and harm
This little girl’s all nestled in her pillow
While outside rages the storm
I’ll just stay here, thank you, in my pillow
You can all just call me insane
It’s my own little world, my pillow
While out in your world a nightmare reigns
Years fly by while I fly in my pillow
It starts to feel lonely and cold
I peek out from under my pillow
How did I get to be so old?
You say I must venture from my pillow
I’ve got to come out and face a new world
How can I let go of my pillow?
Can’t you see I’m still a scared little girl?
Copyright 2003 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
The funny thing is, my stare isn't blank or empty at all. It's full of shame.
I have a legacy of shame. It seems, no matter how much therapy I do, it is always with me. It's the shame of believing to my core that I am not worth existing, not worth being alive. Logic tells me this is not right. But, I don't believe it.
One of the first self-help books I ever read--back before I even knew I was an incest survivor--was John Bradshaw's Healing The Shame That Binds You. Wow. That book was published back in 1988. Maybe I need to go back and read it again.
Labels: attachment, bonding, dissociation, John Bradshaw, poem, Poetry, Robert Scaer, self-help books, self-worth, shame, therapy, trauma
January 22, 2008
Life Happens!
I had another post stared yesterday that involved shame--something I'm working on in T lately. It was hard to get much done, as my son was home with the MLK birthday holiday yesterday.
I've gotten tagged with a couple more memes (that's what I get, huh?) and I also wanted to continue to update the "linky love" on bloggers who are playing the Survivor Needs Meme.
But, guess what? My husband's car got broken into last night and I've been dealing with that all morning. The police aren't even sending anyone out because there aren't any suspects. This type of thing doesn't help much in the constant struggle to convince my little parts that they are now safe. Grrrrrrrr!
I've gotten tagged with a couple more memes (that's what I get, huh?) and I also wanted to continue to update the "linky love" on bloggers who are playing the Survivor Needs Meme.
But, guess what? My husband's car got broken into last night and I've been dealing with that all morning. The police aren't even sending anyone out because there aren't any suspects. This type of thing doesn't help much in the constant struggle to convince my little parts that they are now safe. Grrrrrrrr!
Labels: crime, meme, safety, shame, survivor needs
February 13, 2006
Do You Know That You Are Beautiful?
Hey, I admit it. I'm no poet. I'm a fair non-fiction writer, but not a talented poet. I'm not sure I even understand poetry. I certainly don't know much about its punctuation or structure. Yet, over the past few years, I've been drawn to poetry and to writing poetry...of sorts.
It just started pouring out of me when I was working on some abuse recovery issues. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with these weird word strings in my head. I was compelled to write them down. As it turns out, I have found my "poems" to be quite meditative and helpful in my healing. So, I continue to write, whether what I write is true poetry or not. (You can view some of my stuff at my survivor website: www.survivorscanthrive.com.)
I've got a poem here I want to share with you. It is not sophisticated at all. Heck, it even rhymes. That's totally lame in the real world of poetry these days, isn't it?
But I want to share this poem, and I'll tell you why. Lately, I've been reaching out over the Internet. I've been posting messages on boards and participating in forums. I'm also in the process of checking out a lot of other blogs and I'm going to include links here soon. What I've discovered during this process is this: A lot of folks out there feel like shit! And they feel like shit about themselves. Many seem to feel bad about themselves as a result of what other people have done to them--very abusive stuff.
I have felt this way myself. I have felt shitty about myself--for various reasons--many times. People! We've all got to stop this! I don't care what you've done; we've all made mistakes and have regrets. I don't care what's been done to you. I don't care where you're from or what color your skin is. It doesn't matter whether you're male or female, young or old. I'm telling you, you're beautiful. You have an inherent beauty that shines from within. No matter what happens, where you've been or where you're going, your beauty remains. No matter what. Here's my poem for you:
Your Beauty
I see the beauty you can't see
You're unaware of what it does for me
It's the light shining in your eyes
Lifting me up to brighter skies
Still you walk around
And you hang your head
Sometimes wishing
You were dead
But if you could see
What I see in you
There'd be nothing, love,
That you could not do.
Copyright 2005 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
It just started pouring out of me when I was working on some abuse recovery issues. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with these weird word strings in my head. I was compelled to write them down. As it turns out, I have found my "poems" to be quite meditative and helpful in my healing. So, I continue to write, whether what I write is true poetry or not. (You can view some of my stuff at my survivor website: www.survivorscanthrive.com.)
I've got a poem here I want to share with you. It is not sophisticated at all. Heck, it even rhymes. That's totally lame in the real world of poetry these days, isn't it?
But I want to share this poem, and I'll tell you why. Lately, I've been reaching out over the Internet. I've been posting messages on boards and participating in forums. I'm also in the process of checking out a lot of other blogs and I'm going to include links here soon. What I've discovered during this process is this: A lot of folks out there feel like shit! And they feel like shit about themselves. Many seem to feel bad about themselves as a result of what other people have done to them--very abusive stuff.
I have felt this way myself. I have felt shitty about myself--for various reasons--many times. People! We've all got to stop this! I don't care what you've done; we've all made mistakes and have regrets. I don't care what's been done to you. I don't care where you're from or what color your skin is. It doesn't matter whether you're male or female, young or old. I'm telling you, you're beautiful. You have an inherent beauty that shines from within. No matter what happens, where you've been or where you're going, your beauty remains. No matter what. Here's my poem for you:
Your Beauty
I see the beauty you can't see
You're unaware of what it does for me
It's the light shining in your eyes
Lifting me up to brighter skies
Still you walk around
And you hang your head
Sometimes wishing
You were dead
But if you could see
What I see in you
There'd be nothing, love,
That you could not do.
Copyright 2005 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved
Labels: poem, Poetry, self-esteem, self-love, self-worth, shame
