Survivors Can Thrive!

Today is March 1st and it's Self-Injury Awareness Day (SIAD).

Trigger Warning: Please be careful when reading this post. Self-injury topics can be very triggering and/or re-traumatizing for self-harmers, abuse survivors or not.

I notice that I haven't written about self-injury for a while. I used to be active in some self-injury forums, and I haven't visited them for a while either.

I have to be honest: I thought I had self-injury licked. I felt so good about the accomplishment when I wrote about my past personal experiences with self-injury on the "Strange Trip" page of the "My Story" section of my website, Survivors Can Thrive! I went for a couple of years, at least, without harming myself. This was during the period of time when I was getting a lot of trauma processing done with a therapist who's an expert in traumatic stress. Then the dissociative sh*t hit the fan, I got a new therapist, I discovered "splintering" from my dissociative disorder, and...I noticed self-injury creeping back into my life.

Since I have never cut, I think it took me a long time to be honest with myself that I was still a self-injurer. But, self-injury can take many forms. For me, it is usually scratching. I thought I knew why I did it and wrote about that on my dot com site and also on a March 1 post back in 2006 here.

But, since I've been more aware of my dissociative "episodes," I notice that there seem to be some times when I self injure as a way of self-punishment of some sort. In addition to the scratching, I sometimes bang myself in the head with the heal of my hand. This is usually accompanied by some verbally self-abusive statements such as, "I am so stupid!" or "I'm an idiot!" It makes me so angry now--thinking about it--that I identified with my abusive father and repeat the same insults that he used to rain down on me as a child. They are almost word-for-word, for crying out loud! Aaaacckkkk!

I feel very ashamed after I indulge in any self-injury behaviors. I still feel shame admitting these things now. It feels like a failing, when I've been so determined to break the cycle of abuse. I've been successful at doing this with my own precious child, but I don't consistently offer the same unconditional love to myself.

Well, as I find myself saying, again and again, awareness is the key to change. So, let's all do our part to raise awareness about self-injury, today and beyond. Here are a few links to other bloggers who are also raising awareness on this SIAD day:

• Ramblings of The Differently Sane
• Clinically Clueless
  
• A Frank Review
• BPD in OKC
  

Also, you can find some self-injury support, forums and other resources on my "Survivor Issues" page of my dot com site, which I just updated at the beginning of January. If you are dealing with self-injury, please know that you are not alone. So, please, don't try to go it alone. There is help and there is support. I'm glad that SIAD--Self-Injury Awareness Day--helped me gain awareness on a survivor issue that I need to work on some more with my therapist. And I'm grateful to be reminded again that I am not alone in this struggle.

Labels: aftermath, breaking the cycle, chid abuse, childhood sexual abuse, dissociation, links, part activity, self-injury, self-love, triggers

My computer has crashed! I am using my son's computer. But, I don't really know how to use his Mac, so I probably won't be around for a while. I'll check back as soon as I can.

Update, 2/19/09: I'm now using an old laptop of my husband's that he dug out for me. It's tiresome and slow, but it works. Not sure what's gonna happen with my PC. I'll try to get around to other bloggers and make some replies, but it will be slow. Also, note that we have a new host and a new edition date for our next BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE. (See the widget on the sidebar.) Start getting those submissions ready, folks! :)

Labels: advocacy, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, chid abuse

Welcome to the Holiday, 2008 edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I want to thank all the bloggers who took time out of their busy pre-holiday schedules to submit articles and raise awareness about child abuse. I am especially impressed and grateful that we got so many holiday-category posts. Thank you, awesome advocates!

Please use caution when reading some of these posts. Child abuse can, understandably, be a very triggering subject. Although it can be scary, we raise our voices because we know that abuse flourishes in silence. As we raise awareness through these posts, please don't forget to link on over to these courageous bloggers and leave a supportive comment. Thanks!

Holiday Harmony

Our first category deals with being a survivor around the holidays. As I said in my call for submissions, this can be an especially challenging time for survivors of child abuse. It is difficult to get over our fantasy of the perfect, Norman Rockwell, holiday family portrait that we never had. Let's use this edition to talk about taking advantage of opportunities to start your own family, initiate new traditions, find balance and practice healthy habits.

Rising Rainbow gives us Holiday Time Thoughts from My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder, and remarks, "There's nothing like the holidays to bring out the insecurities in all of us. Making our own new traditions can be survived......and actually work out to be a good thing." So true. Thanks, RR!

Enola presents Let Us Eat --- Food Issues posted at her blog, ~Enola~, saying, "So many holidays celebrations involve food. For survivors, there are often food issues. This is my post about my own issues. I was amazed by the number of comments and people that had similar issues." Go join the discussion, folks!

K-Perfect offers her Oh Tannenbaum..... post from her blog ~Perfect~. Perfect remarks, "A post about how Christmas has evolved through my life and how living in the present, instead of in the past or future, has allowed me to finally enjoy the holiday season." What a wonderful accomplishment. Kudos to you, Perfect!

JIP--which stands for Jumping In Puddles--tells us how this Christmas is somewhat of a healing milestone for her life. Here, she presents, We Made A Choice to Find the Spark that Led to Tomorrow . Isn't that a wonderful title? It's at her blog, Lifespacings.

Mike McBride presents Thankfulness posted at Child Abuse Survivor. About this post, Mike points out, "I wrote this at Thanksgiving, but I think it speaks for all the holiday season." It's a message about gratitude and hope. Thanks, Mike!

Enola talks about Nurturing my Inner Child at her blog, ~Enola~, where she points out that, "This entry shows how I have overcome a painful Christmas memory by creating my own traditions. The way I treat myself at Christmas is how I wish I had been treated as a child." Wow, what great ideas, Enola! Talk about comfort and joy! Go read about these, everyone. These holiday traditions will warm your heart.

I, Marj aka Thriver, dug up an old post about healthy eating and boosting your immune system, called, Holiday Thrivers, Boost Your Immune System! at my blog, Survivors Can Thrive! Let's all remember to eat healthy and take our vitamins, even while we're finishing up our Christmas shopping and rushing home with our treasures!

Advocacy & Awareness

Holly Ord highlights the movie, Hounddog posted at her blog called, Healing Yourself Heals the World. I love the name of her awareness-raising blog! Holly comments, "Hounddog is a movie that exudes hope and infuses survivors with a resonating voice that says 'I understand, it isn't your fault, now take back what is yours.'" Thank you for your advocacy, Holly!

Grace presents Child predators use double language to thwart "telling". Welcome, Grace! Grace writes at several blogs, but this post is from The Dirtiest Secret Behind Child Abuse.

Emma joins us with her post, Do you make these mistakes with your baby? posted at Baby-Log. She remarks, "How to handle challenging behavior in kids - creatively." Welcome, Emma!

Aftermath

Dr. Deb raises awareness about a type of self-injury that was new to me as she offers, Self-Embedding Disorder. Thanks for coming back to this blog carnival, Dr. Deb! We missed you! Her writings can be found at Dr. Deb Psychological Perspectives.

Survivor Stories

Cornnut32 presents The Picture of my Most Life-Changing Experience, saying, "This post is how I used my religious beliefs to heal. I believe that even those who may not be religious can benefit from this post, because it proves that it is possible to heal through therapy, regardless of your belief system. It is very important to me to share my experiences with others." Welcome, Cornnut! Cornnut blogs at Picture of Experience.

In The News

Dana at Principled Discovery informs us about Nebraska’s safe haven law, which allows mothers to drop off their unwanted infants. This is an informative post which also has a lively dialogue going in comments. Thanks and welcome, Dana!

Megan lets us know about the high Cost of Child Abuse in Australia at her blog, Imaginif Child Protection Became Serious Business. The good news is that the wonderful advocates who campaign at Stop Child Abuse Now have also moved to Australia to help. Alright! Thanks for spreading the news, Megan.

Poetry

Mary is a prolific poet. Here, she gives us Dear God from her blog, NIPPERCAT'S HOME.

Mary offers another, powerful poem entitled, Our Little Game posted at NIPPERCAT'S HOME. You can tell as you read all the comments on this post, that this poem really strikes a chord with readers. Thanks for your courage in sharing, Mary.

That concludes this holiday edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Thank you all, so much, for helping me revive this carnival after it's spent some time limping along a bit. You can submit your blog article to our next edition our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page. Uh, and we do need some "future hosts," folks. I like this to be a true carnival, travelling around to various host blogs in the blogosphere. So think about being an upcoming host in 2009! Thanks! And Happy Holidays to all.

Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, chid abuse, healing, Poetry, survivors

Welcome to the February 15, 2008 edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Since February is the Valentine's Day "Love Month" here in the US, we're doing a love theme for this edition. Love is a topic of huge importance to child abuse survivors. Many of us did not get healthy love modeled for us as children...but love remains. Some of us have had the opportunity to break the cycle of abuse and offer unconditional love to our own children. Many of us have struggled--and succeeded--at learning to love ourselves. I, like many others I'm sure, have found a special bond, love and support in our survivor community.

I received a very large number of post submissions for the theme--love--of this edition. Some months, we hardly get any for the theme. This month, I think we made up for that, with 10 themed entries. Thanks for breakin' loose with the love writing everyone!

So, our first category for this edition is "Love." Let's spread the love, y'all!

Disclaimer: Warning! Many of these posts may contain triggering content. If you are a survivor with PTSD or a dissociative disorder, please use caution when reading these posts (even some of the love posts may be triggering).

Love

Our first post on love comes from Keepers of Keepers Korner. It is appropriately entitled, "The Healing Power of Love."

Keepers of Keepers Korner presents "part two" of her two-part series, "The Healing Power of Love." Here, she talks about things she treasures as symbolizing love.

April Optimist of The Thriver's Toolbox presents a post simply called, "Love." I always appreciate April's insights, whether on the topic of love or anything else healing related.

Austin of Sundrip Journals has written a love poem called "I am You" at her blog, The People Behing My Eyes. Austin explains, "This poem is about loving all of me, the good, the bad and the ugly." I think Austin is beautiful and I love the way she expresses herself.

Enola, from the blog of the same name, is going to be our host next month. She has given us two posts on love for this edition. Here's her first in her Valentine's series called, "What is Love Anyway?"

In her second of the two-part Valentine's series called, What is Love Anyway? we get a description of what is love by Enola as perceived through the five senses.

Jumping in Puddles--JIP as we all lovingly call her--has a blog called Life Spacings. She has recently begun posting with a co-author, her therapist, who has written a post called, "The Strength of Love & Friendship." JIP remarked, "We wanted to share it from a therapist's perspective."

Mike, at Child Abuse Survivor, presents, "Love for February." I like how Mike emphasizes the love of the self in his post.

Again, Keepers from Keepers Korner returns by sharing with us a wonderful, love-filled event and post with a great title, "Finally Family." Keepers remarks, "Our JM officially takes all of us as family, so all keepers feel the love finally."

And, finally for our Love Theme Category for this edition, I'm including my own post from Survivors Can Thrive! It includes a poem with the message, "I love and cherish you" to my inner child parts. The post is called, "Inner Child Rescue, Care & Love."

Advocacy & Awareness

Kevin Heath presents a handy and succinct list of the types and "Signs of Abuse" at the blog, Children's Safety. He also provides the detail of how to go about reporting abuse. Thanks, Kevin!

JIP graces our carnival again, this time writing herself, for a post called, "Life With Little Alters." It's an awareness-raising post at her blog, Life Spacings. It's a very educational and enlightening read.

This is so cool, people! It's an amazing opportunity. As soon as I get my head above water after this carnival, I'm going to do this myself. It's an ingenious idea for raising awareness about us child sexual abuse survivors and it's called the Teddy Tour. The idea is all explained in a post simply called, "About Teddy Tour." With the help of her friend Leigh from "All for Women," my down-under friend and two-time past carnival host, Megan Bayliss of Imanginif Child Protection Became Serious Business, created this site just for raising awareness on this critical issue. Megan comments, "Megan from Imaginif and Leigh from All for Women love Teddies. We also love survivors of child abuse because they just have so much personal power. Marrying our two loves, we have unveiled the blogospheric TEDDY TOUR. If you are a survivor of child sexual abuse please send us your anonymous story tag to be toured throughout the blogosphere. " Awesome!

When The Cerebral Mum, with her blog of the same name, got tagged with a meme (you know, it's one of those blog games that get passed around the blogosphere) that required her to post Seven Random Things about herself, she decided maybe it wasn't really a game to her and to do "A Serious Seven Random Things." So now, her Seven Random Things are about her life as a child abuse survivor. I was so impressed about the passion with which she wrote this post, I asked her to let us use it for the carnival. Thanks, CM!

For the last post in this category, I just have to put up this video. It's really cool and raises much-need awareness on YouTube. How cool is that? This video collage was masterfully created by my friend, Ani, from My Dissonance. The creation is called, "The Secret." It's not a secret anymore! Thanks for letting us broadcast this, Ani!

Aftermath

This next post, from Nancy at Heal and Forgive, could have been put under our umbrella love theme category, or Healing & Therapy. I think the reason Nancy submitted it under the Aftermath category, however, is because it takes an honest look at family estrangement after coming out about abuse. It also talks about that critical inner voice and how to deal with it. Good info to have! The post is entitled, "Loving Voices." Nancy remarks, "Since the theme is love - I thought I would submit my recent post "Loving Voices." Thanks for providing a great community of support!"

Healing & Therapy

I thought this was a very intriguing post, that talks about something many of us have experienced, or at least wondered about, but we've not talked about at our blog carnival. It's the topic of admission to an inpatient psychiatric ward. We may argue about whether or not this is an option that really aids our healing, but it's good information to have. Austin from The People Behind My Eyes returns to present it in her post, "A Psych Ward." Austin comments, "If you've never been to a psychiatric hospital you may have no idea about what goes on there. You may have television based ideas but here is a description of the average inpatient psych ward on the higher functioning wing. "

Warren Wong presents, "The Value Of Our Parents" on his blog, Personal Development. This post follows an interesting exploration of the difficulties in communication as adults with parents and coming to terms with that relationship. Warren remarks, "Describes how the our parents give us a sense of meaning and purpose in life."

Here's JIP, from Life Spacings again, sharing "What We Have Learnt" over the last year of therapy. I think it describes some marvelous, healing, positive re-programming. You go, girl!

In The News

Anything Goes And General News alerts us about a story entitled, "Body of 1 of 4 Kids Found in Alabama Water."

Did you know that Ani is AKA Joanna? She's a busy lady, making YouTube videos, co-founder of The Survivor Archives Project and also blogspot blogger of Eyes Open. In this post, Ani AKA Joanna gives us some good news about sentencing for a child abuser in her post, "Man Gets 365 Years for Raping Children". We need some good news/justice like this once in a while!

Jane's Mental Health Source Page presents "Child Abuse and Neglect: Another Casualty of War." This is an informative post about research findings published by The American Medical Association.

Poetry

My amazingly aware friend, Mother Wintermoon, has written a moving poem called, "Between Living and Dying." It is a reaching in and reaching out type of poem that describes the struggle...and the hope. Thanks for this gift, MW. I encourage you to check out Mother Wintermoon's compassionate, aware and insightful posts at this blog, Mystical Moonshowers, as well as her blog, Romancing The Crone.

Survivor Stories

Another amazingly insightful and aware survivor who has become my blogging friend is Patricia Singleton. She has written a very thought-provoking series of posts about family secrets and incest at her blog, Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker. Her fifth post in this series is called, "Family Secrets--Incest May Be a Part of My Life Series--Part 5." Patricia remarks, "The family secret was so insiduous and undermining of conversation that I didn't even talk about it with my sister until we were in our 20's." I can relate to that, Patricia! That was about the time my sister and I actually started talking about our abuse as well. And my identical twin and I shared the same tiny room for 15 years! Let's stop the secrets, shatter the silence and break the cycle survivors!

This concludes this wonderful edition of our blog carnival. Thanks to all who participated. Please link to these courageous survivors and advocates and leave comments where you are able on their blogs. If you'd like to submit to our next carnival, just use the blog carnival widget on my sidebar. Until next month...continue to spread the awareness and the love!

Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, chid abuse, child abuse prevention, community, healing, love, Poetry, self-love, support, survivors, therapy

This holiday season, many of us survivors are rushing around trying to get our gift shopping done and get all those items on our lists checked off. For some of us, the holidays are a painful time of triggers and obtrusive memories. Whether you hate Christmas, really get into the holiday spirit, or just tend to run yourself ragged this time of year, it's time to pay attention to some of your own needs.

I know! Let's make a list for ourselves and do it as a meme.

I've created a list of "Survivor Needs" and I've arranged them from 1-25, like an advent calendar counting down to the 25th day of December. I've also sprinkled in a few things that I, as a survivor and a human, just want! For your own list, maybe you need to pretend it's not the holidays. Maybe you can't tolerate touch (even cyber hugs), but you want some healing vibes sent your way. Maybe you don't feel comfortable telling your story, but you want others to know you are a survivor and not feel so alone.

This is your chance to communicate your own, personal survivor needs.

You don't have to wait to get tagged with this meme. Grab it and post a list of your own! Let's focus some attention on self care this holiday season...with an emphasis on getting our needs met in the New Year.

My Survivor Needs

As a survivor trying to thrive:

1. I need PEACE.
2. I need some sleep!
3. I need to feel safe in the shower and in my bed.
4. I need rapport and effective work with a good therapist who cares.
5. (Although I've often tried to do without them) I need anti-depressant meds and something for anxiety and sleep when I need it.
6. I need to be silly and have some fun once in a while.
7. I need to do safe, healthy anger work.
8. I need to get in touch with my feelings.
9. I need to be in my body.
10. I need safe touch with trusted others and safe cyber hugs.
11. I need to tell my story and know that I'm not alone.
12. I need to advocate for and connect with other survivors, and raise awareness about sexual violence and abuse.
13. I need soft, warm jammies, slipper socks, blankets, hoodies and throws.
14. I need non-sexual touch and affection with my husband.
15. I need to exercise assertiveness, boundaries and communication with others to keep myself safe.
16. I need to get out in nature and know that all can be right with the world.
17. I need to hold my child and feel his soft cheek against mine.
18. I need a warm, furry pet.
19. I need to comfort and re-parent my inner child.
20. I need to renew my commitment to breaking the cycle...every day.
21. I need to stay away from most of my family of origin--they are toxic!
22. I need to continue to work on a healthy relationship with my sister.
23. I need healthy self-esteem.
24. I need to know that I am worth good things and I deserve them!
25. I need to let you know that you're not alone either--I'm here and I care.

And, I also want (but don't necessarily need and/or might not ever have):

1. I want coffee!
2. I want chocolate!
3. I want a cigarette (but I'm not going to have one).
4. I want a pill that would eliminate my nightmares.
5. I want to end all forms of sexual violence and child abuse everywhere, forever.

Rules of the "Survivor Needs" Meme:

• Please link back to this post so people can see the origins of the meme, get ideas for their own self-care list, see who's already been tagged, and maybe we can track how far this meme goes.
• List 25 needs and five wants. Try to restrict your needs list to things that have to do with being a survivor of some sort of abuse, assault, etc. Your wants list can be anything...you want!
• Use this list to remind yourself to get your needs met this holiday season and in the New Year.
• Pass on the meme and tag five people to play the meme with you. (I get to tag a few extra folks because, well, I started the meme, okay?)

I tag:

1. Patricia Singleton at Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker
2. Enola Survivor
3. Lynn at Spilling Ink in Public
4. Matthew at Loving Awareness
5. Mike at Child Abuse Survivor
6. Megan at Imaginif
7. Marcella at Abyss2Hope
8. Annaleigh at As Waters Passing By/Blessed Fearscapes
9. Memory Artist
10. Karma at Jew Exploring Buddhism

Note: Please don't be insulted if you don't see your name on this list. I've left some bloggers off on purpose because I want to give you the chance to tag (and I know you will anyway) each other.

Labels: advocacy, assault, assertiveness, awareness, chid abuse, holidays, medication, meme, needs, New Year, nightmares, self-care, sexual abuse survivors, sexual violence, therapy, thrive