Survivors Can Thrive!

Really dealing with a jumble of conflicting sh*t lately. I wonder--does that happen more with those of us who have parts? I woke up with this poem coming out of me this morning, after not enough sleep. At least, with a quick little poem, I don't have to be at the computer for very long.

Now, What?

I hate myself so easily.
Takes only one small slip.
Why can’t I love the whole of me,
The warts as well as gifts?

I guess it comes from years and years
Of giving up on me.
Why not? Makes sense, I’m only shit.
No value they could see.

The rub, the thing that starts to sting,
When now I come to feel.
I took their place so long ago,
In killing what was real.

I’ve got to live here now, they say.
A slap still wakes me up.
If I’m to live for me today,
The question begs
Now, what?

Copyright 2008 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved

I think I'm beginning to realize and admit to myself that my impasse with my therapist had a lot more to do with me than with her. Maybe I'm using my recent challenges as an excuse for self-sabotage. I don't know. It's like that song, "Don't let me get me." Wasn't that one of Pink's? "I'm my own worst enemy." Damn. A lot more work ahead, that's for sure. Ah well. Awareness is key, right?

Maybe now, that I'm getting my head out of my butt, I'll get caught up on a lot of things at this blog. Stay tuned!

Labels: awareness, child abuse, Poetry, self-love, self-worth, therapy

Yeah, I know. I haven't been in touch much at all lately. My apologies to all. I really try to avoid being a big "woe-is-me" whiner on this blog. When things are difficult, I tend to just stay quiet here. But, then I feel like I'm neglecting things...and people.

So much has been going on lately I don't know where to begin. My son is going to therapy twice a week. We haven't started to see much progress yet. Well, none, actually so far. It's hard to be patient. I think I've talked both my husband and my son into doing some family counselling around this as well. We're all involved, right?

I had a confrontation with my therapist and we had a bit of a therapeutic impasse going for a while. I think we can get through it...around it...over it, but it will take a lot of work. Since she's the only expert in dissociative disorders around here, I'm highly motivated to make it work. We've just both got to do the work, that's all. She did get an outside consultation about our situation. I appreciated her effort and caring in doing so. I'll update about that later.

Probably the thing that is affecting my blogging the most lately is this diagnosis I recently got of Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. As some of you know, I've had this problem of my arms falling asleep for years. The doctor I consulted in Illinois years ago wanted to do surgery. I said, "No thanks, bye bye."

Now, I'm going to a D.O. who is a neuromusculoskeletal specialist. He's been helping my husband avoid a second back surgery and I thought he could help me as well. Unfortunately, I have a very difficult time using the mouse with my computer lately. I get this weird, "pins and needles" sensation and my arm and right hand go really numb and cold. I apologize for not getting around to blogs much lately. I have my second appointment with this D.O. this week. Keep your fingers crossed for me, will ya? Thanks! Thinking of you all!

Beauty has the April edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse up now at her blog, Beautiful Dreamer. It's a fabulous edition...and LARGE! I think there are 25 entries linked there. I bet Beauty didn't realize she'd be wrestling with such a big edition when she agreed to host for April. But, she's done a wonderful job. I'm going over there right now to visit some of the courageous survivor and survivor advocate bloggers joining us this month. I'll leave comments when I visit, too. Won't you join me?

Labels: advocacy, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, courage, links, survivors

Hello, all. I apologize for being a bit MIA as of late. Just really struggling here with family issues. We got the results of our son's tests back and this new doctor wants to see our little guy twice a week. So, we've started that.

I'm not feeling very hopeful right now--I guess I'm just exhausted. I can't seem to shake it. So, I'm going to post a poem that is hopeful and maybe those words will have some effect as I broadcast them out into cyberland.

I'm behind on everything, but I don't want to get behind on The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. It's just too important and I so appreciate every one's involvement and advocacy. Beauty is hosting this Friday and the submissions are due by midnight tomorrow--Wednesday, April 16. You can use this submission form here.

Here's what Beauty says about her upcoming edition:

"We all know that abuse thrives on secrecy; the purpose of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is to speak openly about the prevalence of such abuse, and its devastating aftermath. Remember that an important component to healing from such abuse is to reclaim the power which as a child was stolen from you. As survivors we do this by speaking the truth. This carnival is an excellent venue for doing so. Here you can speak from the heart of what it’s like to be an abused child, or perhaps you’d rather write about the challenges of dealing with the aftermath of abuse as you attempt to live in this world as a whole adult. For instance, do you suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a direct result of the abuse? Whatever form your writing takes, it’s sure to help someone, for we are all at different places in the recovery process! We’d also love to hear from individuals who know about childhood abuse secondhand: what is it like loving someone who bears the wounds from an abusive childhood? Perhaps it’s your mother, friend, or significant other. What challenges (and strains) does your loved one’s woundedness contribute to the relationship?"

Beauty wanted me to submit a poem for the carnival this month, so this will be the one:

Love’s Light

I understand
You’ve been hurt, you’re so afraid
It’s hard for me
But I’ll reach in, I’ll feel your shame

I’m not perfect
But I’m here
And I am light
I am love

I can see you’re not your pain
I can tell you’re not their hate
I see the beauty you can’t see
You are light, you are love

I know you are not your pain
I know you are not their hate
Look in my eyes, dear, can’t you see?
You are love, you are light

Can you feel you’re not your pain?
Can you know you’re not their hate?
Just take my hand, you can trust me
We are love, we are light

I know you’re tired
There’s no rest from all your hiding
Take one more chance
Find strength in me; I won’t betray

You deserve to dance
And to be free
Be in light
Be in love

You’re free to live without your pain
You’re free to love, no more to hate
We’re free together, you and me
We are light, we are love

We’re free we live without the pain
We’re safe we love without the hate
We’re flying, soaring, in joy and peace
We are love, we are light.

Copyright 2001 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved

Labels: advocacy, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, love, Poetry

My body knew it before my mind could accept it. Long before I retrieved repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse, my body knew all about it. My body knew I was a victim. My rapist knew it, too.

Today is Blog Against Sexual Violence Day. I'm under the weather, but I did not want to miss posting on this important, awareness-raising day. I usually spend most of my time raising awareness about child abuse, and more specifically, child sexual abuse. I'm the founder of, and continue to maintain, The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, which travels around the blogosphere and will be stopping at Beautiful Dreamer's blog this month. (Why don't you join us?)

I firmly believe that preventing child sexual abuse goes hand-in-hand in preventing all forms of sexual violence, and vice versa. I feel these forms of abuse and violence are intertwined in a most grotesque way.

I certainly am convinced that my childhood sexual abuse set me up for the acquaintance rape I experienced in college. This is part of my story. Please be careful when reading, as it may be disturbing and/or triggering.

Did any of you have a "big brother" in college? I'm not talking about The Big Brothers Big Sisters Youth Mentoring Program. This was something that was a collaboration between my college sorority and a campus fraternity. When I was a sorority pledge, I got "set up" with this fraternity guy who was supposed to be a supportive "big brother" figure.

I got to know my "big brother" fairly well. I trusted him and considered him a friend.

We attended his fraternity's spring formal one year “just as friends.” When my “friend” wanted to have sex after the dance, I broke down in tears and explained that I couldn't participate because I was still so heart-broken over a recent breakup. I did not have the assertiveness back then to say no, just because I didn't want to have sex. I felt compelled to come up with some excuse and make the guy feel sorry for me. I guess, because he knew my old boyfriend, he pretended to be understanding at the time.

Later, it was a different story. There was a party at the fraternity house of my “friend.” At one point, we went into his room. We’d been in there many times and I was not afraid or suspecting of anything.

We were sitting on his bed talking when suddenly he was on top of me. I said no, cried and tried to turn away. But, he pinned my arms down. I have always felt guilty because I did not scream out or struggle very hard. I think my CSA groomed me to stay quiet and realize that struggling was futile. Some days after the party, when I told my sister about the incident, she was the one who pointed out that my arms had been pinned down and I had, indeed, been raped.

I believe that this collegiate predator could easily see that I had "victim" stamped all over me. I also am sure that, even if my mind wasn't conscious of it, my body knew quite well that fight or flight was not possible--freezing was the only way to survive. (My incest experience included rape, also with my arms pinned.) I don't have any conscious memory of this part of the ordeal, but I'm sure--as dissociative as I now know myself to be--I moved as if in a trance when it was over. I'm certain that I silently pulled my pants back up, pulled myself back together as best I could, and simply walked out his door. I never spoke to this young man again.

I'm sure that he was sure I would never report the rape.

I now know that this period of my life was not nearly as damaging and tortuous as my childhood. Yet it was quite traumatic for me. During this time I became pregnant. I came very close to telling my old boyfriend of my condition. I had him on the phone once but couldn’t reveal my secret. I did not know who the father of the child was. I didn’t tell my ex because I still loved him (even if he didn't love me) and I didn’t want to trap him with a child who may not have been his. I decided to get an abortion instead. This added to my trauma.

Indeed, I never did report the rape. I didn’t speak of it again for another decade.

I think I then made the subconscious decision to stick like glue to any man who would finally admit to loving me. That man became my first husband. He was only physically abusive toward me once. It was when we were separated, before our divorce. In a fit of anger, he grabbed me by the arm and threw me to the floor.

During our brief marriage, my mate did many odd things that made me uncomfortable. What drove me crazy was his habit of following me around our small apartment. He often spied on me while I was in the shower. One time, I was coming out of the bathroom after a shower wearing only a towel. I was ambushed by my ex who jumped out at me and snatched my towel away. He pushed me onto the bed and snapped a Polaroid picture of me sprawled there naked with a deer-in-the-headlights expression on my face.

During my young adult years following college, my self-esteem was critically low. Yet, by the time of my divorce, something started to shift in my mind. A tiny spark of self-confidence told me I had rights and deserved better. I never used the term “abuse,” however. Although I was taking steps to that effect, I never thought or stated, “Nobody will ever abuse me again.”

One of those essential steps was quitting my first big job that I thought was leading to a successful career. I had been working at an advertising agency where one of the higher-ups sexually harassed me time and again. I did not sleep my way to the top, but worked hard and got promoted there three times. Despite the promotions and the agency paying my way toward a Master’s degree, I decided to leave.

Maybe I just got fed up; within a year, I quit my job in the sexual harassment environment and got divorced. I never did finish my Master’s, but I never allowed anyone to ever abuse me again, either.

My greatest wish is for all children to grow up with a healthy sense of self-esteem and appropriate boundaries. No one should have to wait until their 20's 30's or 40's--after rape, abortion, sexual harassment and/or an abusive spouse--to decide they don't deserve sexual abuse. No one should feel they must silently endure rape, sexual harassment, or sexual abuse of any kind from anyone--not a boss, a "friend" or a spouse--no one!

Let us never let up on our determination to spread awareness about all forms of sexual violence. Let us never give up on our goal of advocacy for survivors and abuse prevention. Let us all keep up the good fight! Onward, brave warriors all!

Labels: acquaintance rape, Blog Against Sexual Violence, child abuse prevention, childhood sexual abuse, freeze response, rape, sexual harassment, spousal sexual abuse, victims

Sorry, guys. I guess my exhaustion has morphed into a stinky cold/flu bug thing. I hate to be a whiner, but I feel really poopy. Actually, I feel like somebody stuck me in a concrete mixer with a bunch of rocks and rolled me around in there for a couple of days! I'll be around as soon as I feel able. Thanks for being you. As always, I do so appreciate all of your support. Safe cyber hugs to all!

Whew! I made it through Easter! It is always a difficult holiday for me. I did some T work with a part who clued me in on some of why it's so hard. Maybe more on that later.

Today, we took our son in for two hours of testing with this new guy. We will get to go over the results with him in about two weeks. Jesus, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this helps my sweetie punkin.

I'm exhausted. I need to rest. Thinking of all of you out there in cyber land.

Labels: holidays, parts, special needs kids, therapy

Howdy Blog Carnival bloggers, supporters and friends. Enola has done a fine job organizing and hosting the March edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. The Spring theme for this edition is starting over, new beginnings, etc. Ooo, I like the sound of that. What survivor doesn't? Please go on over and check out the carnival and leave comments on participant's blogs, won't you? Thanks for your support!

I want to tell you a story. It's the story of how a beautiful, little child came to this earth from the divine source of light and love. Her own parents made life very dark for this child--a little girl. But, she finds her way back to her own light within and breaks the cycle of darkness by sharing her light with that of her own child.

This is my story. I'm posting it for the March edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. With Spring just around the corner, we now share our stories of new beginnings. This story emphasizes the fact that, no matter what challenges I face with my own offspring, each day I commit to start anew. Each day is another opportunity to be a light in the darkness and give the gift of unconditional love to my beloved child.

I'm also learning to give this gift to myself. And each time I do, a little more light comes forth!

The Little Marji Story

Little Marji was a beautiful, shining soul. She was not conceived in love, nor did she come into a loving home. Yet, she came from love and this gave her soul light. You could see it shining from her big, bright eyes. You could feel it with each dimpled smile.

For a while, Marji intuitively held on to the knowledge that she came from love, and this made her feel connected and warm. It fueled the light behind her eyes and her beautiful smile. But, she was very observant as well. And she couldn’t understand why, with so much love and light stored in everyone’s soul, the people who were supposed to care for her didn’t seem to want to spread their light around, or even let it show. This made Marji very confused and sad.

Fortunately, Marji’s soul did not come into this life alone. She had her twin sister, DiDi, as a constant soul mate. These two little souls, who were joined in love in the womb, loved to sing and laugh and hug and hold hands—sharing their light and their love in a warm, happy way. Sometimes they were discouraged, and even punished for doing this.

Soon discouragement was the very least of it. Terror, hate and pain ruled the household. It got very dark and Marji got very scared. She would hide her body, as well as her light, and hope to disappear from the frightening place where she was forced to live.

Still, she and DiDi would share their light with each other whenever they could. They held hands for support and comfort and even snuck in a laugh or a song when they could get away with it. When they were caught, they were shamed for being selfish. Marji soon got the message: Didn’t she know that those around her, who could no longer feel their light, were envious, hurt and angry when they saw others selfishly enjoying their own light? She should be ashamed.

And so, she was.

It got to the point where Marji felt like a trapped animal or robotic slave. The maternal side of her family shamed her for showing her light, and the paternal side tried to capture it and kill it. She came to feel in real danger of having her beautiful, shining soul murdered.

When she wasn’t hiding, she was very busy. Busy trying to figure out how to stay alive and busy trying to convince her family that they all, like Marji and DiDi, could share their light and be happy together.

It took Marji years to realize that by doing good deeds and being a “good girl,” she couldn’t give her light away or sell her soul for the peace, security and happiness she craved. Eventually, Marji figured out that a willing exchange of loving light was not possible with her family. She also came to the knowledge that she wasn’t being true to herself by seeking the approval she would never receive. She could not force her light on people who did not want it. This was the realization that Marji grieved over most: All along, her family did not want her light; they just didn’t want her to have it either.

Years went by, and Marji’s beautiful, shining soul got almost smothered completely by layers and layers of grief and shame and fear and sadness. Marji didn’t know who she was because her light got so dim and she felt she did not have the strength to reach past all the layers to touch her own beautiful soul.

So out of touch and dark was she that Marji began to be convinced that she was ugly and undeserving of love. She knew that there was light remaining somewhere in the universe, but Marji did not think that she was meant for it. She got out of practice sharing with her sister what little light she had left. They were both so encased in their individual, protective shells they had built up in order to survive.

Once in a while, Marji would remember the fact that she had come from love and she would fantasize about going back there or having someone come and rescue her, returning her there. But, with hope dying a little more every day, she didn’t allow herself this dream very often.

Unfortunately, Marji continued to look for approval and light from other people, after all hope was gone for ever receiving it. She took a man’s promise of love as a sign of this hope. It took her on a painful detour.

One day, the feeling of pain and betrayal got so bad, Marji wanted to end her life. If no one on this earth was going to give her some light, and if no one was ever coming to save her and return her to the place of original love, she would take matters into her own hands. Maybe she’d get lucky and death would return her. At the very least, the present pain—which had grown to feel unbearable—would finally end.

Maybe this shook her up enough to break a tiny crack in Marji’s layers of ugly, yet protective armor. For, Marji got in touch with her soul enough to hear this illuminating piece of wisdom: Obviously, her tactics had not been successful. Maybe, instead of looking to others for the warmth and light of their love, she should look inside herself.

What?

Marji did not like to look at herself. It seemed so ugly. She felt so lonely and sad and dark. Wasn’t her light gone? Wasn’t her soul dead? Well, if this new, revealing message got through, maybe that conclusion was wrong.

Marji was very unsure and afraid of this risk. But, nothing was left to lose. Maybe she should try. She searched for help from others who agreed this idea might work. Soon, she observed that little pieces of her self were occasionally allowed to slip out through the tiny crack that had formed.

She still wasn’t sure just who she was, but Marji summoned up the courage to venture out and began to meet people who seemed to like what they saw sneaking out from inside her. When she forced herself to stop trying to please others and gain their approval—and actually took care of herself for a while—Marji found that great stuff would absolutely radiate from this tiny opening to her soul.

When Marji met the man who was to become her husband, he described her as vivacious. What a pleasant surprise! Marji thought, “Me, vivacious? Incredible!” She was still scared, but she was so excited by the potential in this development that she started to search for healthy ways to break more holes in her shell.

At first, she was discouraged. For, to come up with a strategy for breaking into (and out of) her shell, she had to look at its dark ugliness. She had to examine the process that worked to form her shell in the first place. Once Marji started looking, it seemed she couldn’t stop. And what she saw there was not only ugly, it was terrifying! The process she found herself committed to was the hardest work Marji had ever had to summon the strength to do. The task seemed impossible. There were so many layers under that outside layer of ugly. Underneath, there was pain, sadness, guilt and shame, hatred, rage and lots of fear.

Fortunately, encased in these horrible layers were other layers as well. Layers of hope and courage kept resurfacing over the years, only to be covered up and then unearthed again. Wise, insightful, healing professionals showed Marji how to recognize the potential in these helpful layers. Marji was also shown how to appreciate the “good” and the “bad” inherent in the uncovering process.

The birth of Marji’s son was a telling example of how the “good” and the “bad” get mixed up together to help move the process along. Marji and her husband were absolutely elated when their son arrived. He came from love, was conceived in love and came into a loving home.

Yet, with all the progress Marji had made toward healing before her pregnancy, she was still full of trepidation about how to keep her child safe and properly cared for. The soul who was Marji’s son had a difficult time adjusting to being a baby. His discomfort led him to be very loud and demanding. Marji found many of her old buttons being pushed and was challenged with motherhood daily. At the same time, she was nearly overwhelmed with the amount of love which poured from her heart every day when she looked into her child’s own bright, shining eyes. The child showed Marji what areas she still needed to work on and motivated her to keep working toward her goal, even when it was tough.

Soon, it was not only her son’s own beautiful light which moved Marji to feel deeply. It was more than the love that she felt for her son and her husband that made her warm and alive. Now, she started to notice little things—like the beauty of a piece of music—could move her to tears. These tears felt fresh and different to Marji. These were not the old tears of loneliness and grief, these were new tears that were light and connected and free!

Yes, finally Marji was free!

Now, when she felt most connected to the light and love of her new family, she didn’t feel at all trapped. She felt free! Her beautiful light freely poured out to join with that of her son and husband. All of them were purely enveloped in light and love. Marji’s soul rejoiced in finally realizing—remembering—that this was the love that she had come from. And, once again, Marji was home!

The deadline for the March edition of The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is midnight tonight, Wednesday, March 12 for our Friday, March 14 edition over at Enola's blog. Hurry and get those submissions in, folks!

Labels: Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, child abuse, healing, hope, love

Me again! Well, it's 9:37 in the morning, here where I live, and my son is still in bed. Another night of insomnia last night for him. I definitely had my suspicions, but now I think I'm seeing the start of a trend. Almost every day, my precious offspring begs not to go to school. Now, he's starting to get those "Sunday Night Blues," like I used to get when I was dreading going back into a job I hated on Monday.

I feel that most of his anxiety symptoms revolve around the school issue as well. An offshoot of that is that he's very nervous about where he'll be going to middle school next year--sixth grade. I started out thinking, "What a lot of pressure to put on young kids. We will simply make it a non-issue and my son will walk to the nearest middle school." Unfortunately--or maybe fortunately--our district has open enrollment and you get to choose where to send your kid. There's another school that has a special program that I think will really meet D's needs much more appropriately.

However, he doesn't know anyone going to that school, so he doesn't want to go there. *Sigh* I'm sure we're going to have a big fight on our hands about it. I hate pushing my kid toward anything he feels really scared about with the assertion that "It's for your own good." A lot of really traumatic and abusive things were done to me as a child under this guise. I've just grown to think, after a lot of research, that this other school--and its specialized program and caring teachers--could really help my son focus on his strengths, boost his self-esteem, and feel good about attending school again. God, I pray that this can happen.

The three of us--me, hubby and child--go in for a consultation on Friday with a guy who comes highly recommended to help special needs kids like our son. One of the things I like about the sounds of him is that he looks for lots of alternatives to pharmaceutical medications. *crosses fingers*

Thank you all so much for your concern, caring comments, thoughts, vibes and prayers on this matter. Please continue to send out positive vibes for our Friday appointment. Thanks in advance! You guys rock and I appreciate you so much. :)

A reminder: The March BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE is coming up and will be here before you know it--Friday, March 14. Enola is hosting and I just know she is going to be an outstanding host! Check out her announcement and call for submissions here. This month's theme is about Spring and new beginnings. Won't you join us for this awareness-raising, supportive event?

Labels: abuse, appreciation, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, gratitude, support, trauma

Hey, it's me. As some of you know, our son has "special needs." He is going through a very rough time right now and we are all really struggling--it is a struggle to get through the day...every day. I'm no doctor, but I'm really concerned that I think I'm starting to see some really bad warning signs of anxiety in him. He's also started to have dreadful insomnia, for the first time in his life. I had to keep him home from school yesterday, because, if we had gone on with the regular schedule, he would have been attempting to operate on only about two hours of sleep! And last year was such a great year, too. I don't know what the hell happened. I'm leaving no stone unturned looking for some help. I'm not afraid to admit it: HELP!!! WE NEED HELP!!!

Please forgive me if I don't get around to comment on your blogs for a few days or so. That doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you, appreciate you, and all that other good stuff. Any thoughts, prayers, healing and peace vibes you can send up are greatly appreciated.

Welcome to the February 15, 2008 edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Since February is the Valentine's Day "Love Month" here in the US, we're doing a love theme for this edition. Love is a topic of huge importance to child abuse survivors. Many of us did not get healthy love modeled for us as children...but love remains. Some of us have had the opportunity to break the cycle of abuse and offer unconditional love to our own children. Many of us have struggled--and succeeded--at learning to love ourselves. I, like many others I'm sure, have found a special bond, love and support in our survivor community.

I received a very large number of post submissions for the theme--love--of this edition. Some months, we hardly get any for the theme. This month, I think we made up for that, with 10 themed entries. Thanks for breakin' loose with the love writing everyone!

So, our first category for this edition is "Love." Let's spread the love, y'all!

Disclaimer: Warning! Many of these posts may contain triggering content. If you are a survivor with PTSD or a dissociative disorder, please use caution when reading these posts (even some of the love posts may be triggering).

Love

Our first post on love comes from Keepers of Keepers Korner. It is appropriately entitled, "The Healing Power of Love."

Keepers of Keepers Korner presents "part two" of her two-part series, "The Healing Power of Love." Here, she talks about things she treasures as symbolizing love.

April Optimist of The Thriver's Toolbox presents a post simply called, "Love." I always appreciate April's insights, whether on the topic of love or anything else healing related.

Austin of Sundrip Journals has written a love poem called "I am You" at her blog, The People Behing My Eyes. Austin explains, "This poem is about loving all of me, the good, the bad and the ugly." I think Austin is beautiful and I love the way she expresses herself.

Enola, from the blog of the same name, is going to be our host next month. She has given us two posts on love for this edition. Here's her first in her Valentine's series called, "What is Love Anyway?"

In her second of the two-part Valentine's series called, What is Love Anyway? we get a description of what is love by Enola as perceived through the five senses.

Jumping in Puddles--JIP as we all lovingly call her--has a blog called Life Spacings. She has recently begun posting with a co-author, her therapist, who has written a post called, "The Strength of Love & Friendship." JIP remarked, "We wanted to share it from a therapist's perspective."

Mike, at Child Abuse Survivor, presents, "Love for February." I like how Mike emphasizes the love of the self in his post.

Again, Keepers from Keepers Korner returns by sharing with us a wonderful, love-filled event and post with a great title, "Finally Family." Keepers remarks, "Our JM officially takes all of us as family, so all keepers feel the love finally."

And, finally for our Love Theme Category for this edition, I'm including my own post from Survivors Can Thrive! It includes a poem with the message, "I love and cherish you" to my inner child parts. The post is called, "Inner Child Rescue, Care & Love."

Advocacy & Awareness

Kevin Heath presents a handy and succinct list of the types and "Signs of Abuse" at the blog, Children's Safety. He also provides the detail of how to go about reporting abuse. Thanks, Kevin!

JIP graces our carnival again, this time writing herself, for a post called, "Life With Little Alters." It's an awareness-raising post at her blog, Life Spacings. It's a very educational and enlightening read.

This is so cool, people! It's an amazing opportunity. As soon as I get my head above water after this carnival, I'm going to do this myself. It's an ingenious idea for raising awareness about us child sexual abuse survivors and it's called the Teddy Tour. The idea is all explained in a post simply called, "About Teddy Tour." With the help of her friend Leigh from "All for Women," my down-under friend and two-time past carnival host, Megan Bayliss of Imanginif Child Protection Became Serious Business, created this site just for raising awareness on this critical issue. Megan comments, "Megan from Imaginif and Leigh from All for Women love Teddies. We also love survivors of child abuse because they just have so much personal power. Marrying our two loves, we have unveiled the blogospheric TEDDY TOUR. If you are a survivor of child sexual abuse please send us your anonymous story tag to be toured throughout the blogosphere. " Awesome!

When The Cerebral Mum, with her blog of the same name, got tagged with a meme (you know, it's one of those blog games that get passed around the blogosphere) that required her to post Seven Random Things about herself, she decided maybe it wasn't really a game to her and to do "A Serious Seven Random Things." So now, her Seven Random Things are about her life as a child abuse survivor. I was so impressed about the passion with which she wrote this post, I asked her to let us use it for the carnival. Thanks, CM!

For the last post in this category, I just have to put up this video. It's really cool and raises much-need awareness on YouTube. How cool is that? This video collage was masterfully created by my friend, Ani, from My Dissonance. The creation is called, "The Secret." It's not a secret anymore! Thanks for letting us broadcast this, Ani!

Aftermath

This next post, from Nancy at Heal and Forgive, could have been put under our umbrella love theme category, or Healing & Therapy. I think the reason Nancy submitted it under the Aftermath category, however, is because it takes an honest look at family estrangement after coming out about abuse. It also talks about that critical inner voice and how to deal with it. Good info to have! The post is entitled, "Loving Voices." Nancy remarks, "Since the theme is love - I thought I would submit my recent post "Loving Voices." Thanks for providing a great community of support!"

Healing & Therapy

I thought this was a very intriguing post, that talks about something many of us have experienced, or at least wondered about, but we've not talked about at our blog carnival. It's the topic of admission to an inpatient psychiatric ward. We may argue about whether or not this is an option that really aids our healing, but it's good information to have. Austin from The People Behind My Eyes returns to present it in her post, "A Psych Ward." Austin comments, "If you've never been to a psychiatric hospital you may have no idea about what goes on there. You may have television based ideas but here is a description of the average inpatient psych ward on the higher functioning wing. "

Warren Wong presents, "The Value Of Our Parents" on his blog, Personal Development. This post follows an interesting exploration of the difficulties in communication as adults with parents and coming to terms with that relationship. Warren remarks, "Describes how the our parents give us a sense of meaning and purpose in life."

Here's JIP, from Life Spacings again, sharing "What We Have Learnt" over the last year of therapy. I think it describes some marvelous, healing, positive re-programming. You go, girl!

In The News

Anything Goes And General News alerts us about a story entitled, "Body of 1 of 4 Kids Found in Alabama Water."

Did you know that Ani is AKA Joanna? She's a busy lady, making YouTube videos, co-founder of The Survivor Archives Project and also blogspot blogger of Eyes Open. In this post, Ani AKA Joanna gives us some good news about sentencing for a child abuser in her post, "Man Gets 365 Years for Raping Children". We need some good news/justice like this once in a while!

Jane's Mental Health Source Page presents "Child Abuse and Neglect: Another Casualty of War." This is an informative post about research findings published by The American Medical Association.

Poetry

My amazingly aware friend, Mother Wintermoon, has written a moving poem called, "Between Living and Dying." It is a reaching in and reaching out type of poem that describes the struggle...and the hope. Thanks for this gift, MW. I encourage you to check out Mother Wintermoon's compassionate, aware and insightful posts at this blog, Mystical Moonshowers, as well as her blog, Romancing The Crone.

Survivor Stories

Another amazingly insightful and aware survivor who has become my blogging friend is Patricia Singleton. She has written a very thought-provoking series of posts about family secrets and incest at her blog, Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker. Her fifth post in this series is called, "Family Secrets--Incest May Be a Part of My Life Series--Part 5." Patricia remarks, "The family secret was so insiduous and undermining of conversation that I didn't even talk about it with my sister until we were in our 20's." I can relate to that, Patricia! That was about the time my sister and I actually started talking about our abuse as well. And my identical twin and I shared the same tiny room for 15 years! Let's stop the secrets, shatter the silence and break the cycle survivors!

This concludes this wonderful edition of our blog carnival. Thanks to all who participated. Please link to these courageous survivors and advocates and leave comments where you are able on their blogs. If you'd like to submit to our next carnival, just use the blog carnival widget on my sidebar. Until next month...continue to spread the awareness and the love!

Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, chid abuse, child abuse prevention, community, healing, love, Poetry, self-love, support, survivors, therapy