May 09, 2009


Let's Raise Awareness About: Domestic Violence

I promised the bloggers over at Bloggers Unite that I'd write today about Domestic Violence Awareness. I've gotten most of the information I've used to raise my awareness about domestic violence through my friend Tery (Teresa Lynne) at her blog, Teardrops on Roses.

I really respect Tery. She is a very strong and courageous woman. One of the things I find so admirable about her is that she did something my own mother was not capable of doing: she protected her children from her abusive husband. You can read an interview where Tery is telling part of her story in "Finding The Courage to Leave" here.

Tery and her girls left the alcoholic abuser with only the clothes on their backs. As for protecting her offspring, Tery is quoted as saying, "Having three daughters, I needed to get them away from a bad situation before they became victims of violence themselves.”

Hurray for you, Tery!

One of the reasons I feel so strongly about Domestic Violence is because it is not possible for it not to have an eventual effect on the children in the household. My own ex husband was only physically violent with me once. When we were separated he became enraged, grabbed me by the arm and threw me to the ground. But, all during our marriage, he did things that were very controlling, humiliating and sexually abusive. I made sure that I did not have any children with this unhealthy person and got a divorce when he would not cooperate with marital counselling. I did not want to bring any children into that situation and I'm glad I was able to avoid that.

My own mother was a different story. She did divorce my abusive father, but never did a thing to protect her three children from his abuse. I've repressed a lot of abuse memories from my childhood. One memory, however, I have never forgotten: It is the memory of being awakened in the middle of the night to the shrill sounds of my screaming mother.

My father had her arm wrenched behind her back and my mother was in pain. My older brother came out into the hallway and asked what was going on. My mother used that moment of distraction to get away and run across the street to the neighbors to call the police.

Can you believe what happened next? Well, if you've been reading my blog for very long, you probably can guess. My mother left her innocent, vulnerable, tiny children alone with the raging maniac that she had to make sure she got away from. They eventually divorced, but my mother never did anything to fight the visitation rights given to my father.

Yes, folks, we need to raise awareness about domestic violence. We need to fight it and provide protection and respite for domestic violence victims. You never know how many lives you may be saving when you help a battered woman. She may have children who need protecting as well.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Their website is here.

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Powerful message Marj! Thank you for the post and link. So very sorry for what you grew up in!
Blessings dear one on this day!

((((safe hugs))))
I wholeheartedly agree!! Your words are so true...

"You never know how many lives you may be saving when you help a battered woman."

Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment on my blog. I posted today about the "true origins of mother's day." I think you'll appreciate the history of it, as I do.
thank you for this post and for sharing your experience, marj~ it sounds like you endured some really terrifying experiences. i'm so sorry you had to go through so much pain as a child and as an adult.

i think you make many good points. for one thing, there are so many different forms of abuse. physical, verbal, emotional, sexual. and also witnessing abuse. i've heard parents say, the abuse only happened to me, he's a good father. but even if the abuser never laid a hand on the kids, it's still a horrible effect on kids to see their parent abused, as it teaches them this about adult relationships. and one day those children can grow up to enter abusive relationships, or become abusive themselves.

or of course as you experienced, the abuse doesn't always stop with the spouse, and it can extend to the children. and some parents seem so oblivious to what their kids go through, and care more about themselves. or their denial is so deep that they allow horrible abuse to go on. it doesn't matter why, the fact is that this still goes on each day.

awareness is so important for healing us all and your blog does such a good job of bringing forth that awareness. thank you again for your wonderful blog~
JBR: Thanks for those hugs and blessings.

Patty: Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. I'll come by and check out that Mother's Day post.

Mountainmama: Thanks for your kind words. You really have a way with those words, even just on a comment.
Hi Marj,
I missed to post about domestic violence but I will try to find something to post because I strongly against any kind of violence.

Home should be the haven for a the family that lives in it specially the children. But living with a partner who violates you not only physically but also psychologically is inhuman. It takes courage for the victims to say stop.
I knew women in my community who were victims you know the usual Asian marrying foreigners who do everything for the husbands but still got beaten but they will not come and tell their stories but I don't blame that's why I applaud your courage to tell your stories and helping other women.
Ana: I applaud your courage, too.
WOW! Thank you SO Much for your post. It means so much to me. I work very hard to make a difference within domestic violence! Thank you again and again.

My comment link is now working...thanks for the heads up!

Something was disabled, but now it's working.
Great posting and a great message.
Thanks for stopping by my blog for a visit.Mike G.said that!
Tery: You are so welcome. I'll come over and try to post a comment again at your blog, now that that's fixed.

Mike: Thanks, you're welcome, ... and thanks for popping back over here. Appreciate your visiting and leaving a comment.
we have the power to change things, great post
One of my aunts (my mother's sister) was abused by her wonderful husband for 25 years. She had five children with him. He molested his daughters and nieces. I do not call him my uncle. When she finally was able to get rid of him, she did eventually meet and marry a very good man, who I am glad to call my uncle.
I found out a couple of years ago that my other aunt (my father's sister) has been abused by my uncle on and off during their marriage physically, and often psychologically. He gave her an STD when she was pregnant with my youngest cousin. This is a very troubled house. The two younger boys seem to have turned out all right but my oldest cousin has had a lot of problems. However, he was also molested by the parish priest at 12.
Anyone who thinks this kind of crap doesn't have lasting effects on people has their head wedged way up their ass too far to ever be found.
JIP: Yeah, that's right. Darn tootin'!

Lily Strange: Thanks for the comment. I could not have said that better myself. Yes, these abusive ways wreak multi-generational havoc.
For Real.

I personally believe it is also high time that an agency is set up which looks after cases of child abuse and punishes the abusers appropriately.

I believe bloggers should unite like you said and flag or make famous people who we know have indulged in hurting their children.

We have a calm mind and patience, we can do it.
Vinesh: I like your warrior spirit! Thanks for commenting.
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