July 25, 2007


I Choose To Be, Now I Am Free!

I wrote this poem over a year ago. It was during a productive time, before I retrieved new childhood abuse memories, that led to the depression, that sent me down to the Colin Ross trauma program in Dallas, Texas. The poem is called I Am Whole. The last line says, "Now I am free!" I have to admit, I don't always believe these lines. But then, The Memory Artist came on my blog and commented with the following:

"Beautiful poem Marj.Just remember that swimming through those dark waters is not entirely about getting to the other side.It is about being immersed and yet, still able to care for your wounded selves along the way.This really is the most difficult kind of love to find, and it sounds like you are finding it. What an amazingly healing and nurturing way to speak to these parts of yourself. Sometimes poetry says things in a way that simple language cannot. " (emphasis mine)

Yes, it may sound cliche, but it is about the journey. Every day I choose to heal to be whole. Each day I choose to recover my freedom. I am reclaiming my soul from those people who so desperately tried to murder it. They did not succeed. I am free and whole!

So, here's something from my Meditations page of my website, www.survivorscanthrive.com:

Somewhere along the journey from victim, to survivor to thriver, you realize: you are not broken; you are whole.

"It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive
to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts."
~ Robert H. Schuller


I Am Whole

I am whole
Nothing can shake me
No one can break me

I am whole
It's what I know
Let go control

I am whole
Can't be defined
One heart, one mind

I am whole
Thought I was broken
Cruel words were spoken

But, I am whole
I choose to be
Now I am free!

Copyright 2006 by Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved

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Beautiful poem! Thanks for sharing.
And thanks for reading, April!
THAT is a wonderful poem. I love it, love it, love it!
Great poem. I love it. My T is always saying it is not about the final destination - it is about the journey, the process. All I have to say is that I hate the journey/process right now. looking for a rest stop at the moment.
Wow! Thanks, Dr. Deb!

Hey, Enola: I like your idea. That would be a great blog post--something like "how we can create our own rest stops along the path to healing." I'm not sure how that's done at the moment, but I'm going to explore this idea, maybe with my T.
Wonderful affirmation! Great poem!
Thanks for Sharing!

Peace Giggles
Giggles: thanks so much for visiting and for the kind words. Peace also be with you.
I am glad that I discovered your site. Will be back to read more. Wonderful poem. My journey through incest did give me a few years of respite. But it looks like I am back to work now but from a better place than I have ever been before.
Yes, healing is a process. I doubt that it is ever over. As long as we are here on this earth we are going down that path.
Patricia: thanks for visiting. I'm glad you had a rest for the hard work that is recovery. Take gentle care.
Rising Rainbow: thanks for the visit and thanks for your insights. Blessings to you on your journey.
This is beautiful. I almost have to include the entire post in the carnival, although I want to see that people come to you to read about it as well. This summarizes so much of what I was thinking with the Theme. Thank you for submitting.

I hope you are feeling okay ♥
Thanks, Mile 191. I finally got into see someone on an emergency basis for treatment late yesterday afternoon. I'm still not free of pain, but a lot better than I was.
Very poignant Marj,

I can relate to feeling very "whole and free" one day and then finding myself "back to work" and feeling "broken" the next.

The good news is, once we've achieved that first "moment in time" where we feel "whole and free," each period of wholeness and freedom becomes longer and longer!

BTW, as I slowly work through this month's submissions, I'm enjoying all the uplifting and hopeful posts!

Kudos to mile191 for a great theme!
Nancy: I get what you're saying, too. Unfortunately, I'm back into the "broken" stage right now. But, at least I'm feeling the feelings. Just a lot of grieving at the moment.
Marj, it has been one week short of a year since I first read this and left my first comment. For me, it has been a year of ups and downs in dealing with my own incest issues.

So much of our lives as abuse survivors seems to be consumed by grief. As bad as it feels, know that grieving is a sign of growth toward the Light. We will eventually come out of the Darkness. I see myself as whole and well mended. Mended is stronger than before.

Hold onto the outstretched hands that each of us is offering you until you can stand by yourself. YOu are loved and valued by each of us who reads your blog and knows your pain.
I love and value you, too, Patricia. Thank you for your insightful words. "Mended is stronger than before." I will remember that, for sure!
I love this so much and am so very grateful that you shared it in the carnival.
I don't know if you ever have this experience but often I will have an insight, discover a truth, accept a truth, or express one, only to turn around and have it challenged almost immediately. I have to hold on, not cast away my confidence and remember that insight/truth while I fight through the struggle.
I find it so interesting that you decided to post this for all of us to benefit from in the July carnival, only to be hit with such a tidal wave of struggle.
You are so loved Marj, don't ever forget that, we can't help but love you.
Thank you for complimenting my blog post the other day, I was on a high I could not describe reading what YOU had written. I even had my husband read it.
Take Care!
Love, Vicki
Vicki: What a wonderfully aware insight you've shared. You've really made me smile today with your sweet comment. Thanks!
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