July 19, 2007


Can I Re-parent My Wounded Children?

My T and I have been talking about how I recreate situations in my life now where I set myself up for not getting the never-to-be-obtained approval of my mother. I wrote this post after returning from the trauma program in Dallas last fall, that told about how I had asked the group there for what I needed to hear: "It wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve it. You're not a bad person." I'm forever looking for this repeal.

When another woman in the Dallas group started sobbing, the facilitator left me hanging, pulled her chair in real close to her and said--almost word-for-word--what I had asked for, to the other woman instead! I guess, as with my mother, I was asking for something from someone who I knew couldn't give me what I needed.

That's probably why I get so excited about awards that other bloggers just blow off--I'm still so desperate for approval.

I've decided I really need to up my efforts at re-parenting my wounded inner child parts. I'm sure I never bonded or had healthy attachment with my birth "mother." (My twin and I were an unwanted pregnancy that was discovered after my mother had already attempted to leave my father. We were huge twins--over eight pounds apiece. And when some gushing passer-by would enthusiastically ask, "What's it like to have twins?" my mother would always reply, "I wouldn't wish it on anybody." Thanks, dear old Mom!) I certainly never got her protection, support or approval. I need to quit chasing that fantasy and mother myself(ves).

There's lots of stuff I'm working on in my therapy, but right now I want to share a poem I wrote. I call my parts "my beautifuls." That's the name of the poem. I hope some of the sentiments in the poem might carry over to your parts, alters, or inner children in a comforting way.

My Beautifuls

Dears, I want you to know this
To know I'm glad you came around
For a while I was unsure and afraid
But, now I know that our reasons were sound

When I first got to know you
I wanted to just turn away
I saw you alone with such deep pain
Then I knew that I needed to stay

So, now we've got to feel this
All the pain that we used to shove down
We'll swim through dark waters together
No, I won't let one of us drown

I want to hold you
Rock you in my arms
And tell you that you're beautiful

I want to soothe you
Comfort and love you
The way that you so deserve

I'll always love you
The way that a parent
Should cherish their child

My beautifuls
My sweet beautifuls.

Copyright 2007 Marj McCabe~All Rights Reserved

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What beautiful words and sentiments. You can do it all, Marj. I know it.
Ah, Marj! It's such a powerful thing when we imagine holding and loving the child we were--and holding and loving who we are now. We can give ourselves what we never had. I love to imagine teaching the child I was (and inner selves) how to play. I love imagining myself knowing how to laugh and be happy. And the more I do this in my imagination, the easier it is to do in the real world as well. Great post.
Dr. Deb: thanks for your confidence in me--it means a lot.

April: I'm glad these techniques have worked well for you and I hope they workk for me, too!
Dear Marj

Truly a beautiful poem. Nurturing and accepting our littles is probably one of the harder things for a multiple to do, at least for us it was. we think JM accepted them before we did!
Thank you for sharing!!

peace and blessings

Thanks for reading, Keepers, and sharing your comments. I think this is quite challenging for me as well...but well worth the effort, I'm sure it will be.

that poem as beautiful beyond words. and Im going to second Dr. Deb.. you can do this!

thinking of you


A beautiful sentiment!
Thanks for your confidence, too, Cassie.

And, thanks for YOUR sentiment, Karma! :)
What a beautiful poem. My T wanted me to imagine what I would say to my 12 year old self. I drew a total blank. I'd like to extend to myself what I give to others someday.
This is the first thing I read this morning.....oh my goodness...
the line I like the most is where you said you wouldn't let one of us drown. I really like this poem.
Austin: I'm glad you liked the poem. Yeah, the thing is, I've got to swim through these dark waters to get to the other side ("to the safe shore of my true self," or something like that I said in an earlier post), but I've got to keep from drowning in the process. Thanks for your support!

Enola: You've got a great idea there, absolutely! ;)
Sometimes being bad means there is no huge expectations on you, for me being bd means i cna f up and people expect it becasue im just bad. Ive seen how high expectations are of the good ones in here and i think they can have it.
You poem shows how much you have started to reach out and thats a hard thing to do, accept there are others inside and the reasons they are there. Thanks for directing me over here im a blog slacker in responding ot blogs, never sure what to say.

Beautiful poem Marj.Just remember that swimming through those dark waters is not entirely about getting to the other side.It is about being immersed and yet, still able to care for your wounded selves along the way.This really is the most difficult kind of love to find, and it sounds like you are finding it. What an amazingly healing and nurturing way to speak to these parts of yourself. Sometimes poetry says things in a way that simple language cannot.
Ashanti: I don't believe you are bad. But, I do understand about expectations screwing things up. Thanks for stopping by!

Memoryartist: "It is about being immersed and yet, still able to care for your wounded selves along the way." -- good point! Thanks for visiting and leaving your insightful comment!
There is nothing in this world, but the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. He eventually delivered me from my HELL, when I got down on my knees and asked for mercy and forgiveness for my sins. I have recovered my INNER CHILD - that CHILD is GOD.
MICKY - I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD - michael-micky.blogspot.com
Thanks for visiting, Micky. And peace be with you also.
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