September 20, 2006
More Trauma Processing--Yippeeee!
One blog commenter said that, if I take care of myself, I'll be in a better position to mother my son. I've decided that I agree.
I realize the trauma areas that I still have yet to process adequately are:
- My mother's participation in my rape
- My father's sadistic torture and "mind control" tactics
- Additional assaults by additional perp(s)
I'm going to be gone for the next couple of weeks while I'm in a trauma treatment program. Since I'm not suicidal or liable to run away in a dissociative fugue this time, I'm going to do an intensive outpatient program and stay at a nearby hotel. It's not the peaceful retreat I dream of, but it's the closest I can find. It's 12 hours away. I'll try to get online at least a couple of times while I'm gone. You'll all be in my thoughts. Healing vibes sent my way and cyber hugs are greatly appreciated!
I will be thinking of you.. take care of YOU. I am here if you need anything. Please remember that. Keep your head up, and stay strong.
*hugs*
Cassandra
you will be in our prayers and thoughts even more than you are now!!!
we understand your pain, in too many ways. We send you peace, love and hugs, LOTS OF ALL so you don't run out.
peace to you
keepers
I am sorry nightmares are gettiing this bad. I understand how hard it must be, and how daily life becomes difficult, even impossible, to manage.
I also agree that taking care of yourself is very important, that it will be better for your son as well. I think will make motherhood more rewarding as well, as when you find difficult to cope with everyday life evryhting becomes a burden, even your loved ones.
I hope this two weeks go well.
You are processing some very hard, very heavy stuff.
((hugs))
in case you get a chance to read your comments know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. peace, blessings and many hugs
keepers
we'll all be here when you get back.
We're going through crap ourselves right now. therapy is rough as all get out and we have dissociated our heads off left and right. suicidal feelings have popped up more than once as has self injury type stuff. so trust me when i say we know how it is with pressing issues.
Austin
I am SO happy you have sought additional help. I really hope it is what you need to equip yourself with the coping mechanisms you need to deal with those three really horrific issues you mentioned. I am glad you are just concentrating on yourself and dealing with that and nothing else. I really think it is what you need.
I am thinking of you from the UK and wishing you well.
(((healing hug)))
Em
x
Also, I did cognitive behavioral therapy with someone who specialized in sleep issues. There is also these great tapes you can listen to while falling asleep by Bellaruth Naperstek (guided imagry) for people with PTSD.
Good luck!
So much of what you had told me in the past about your childhood seems to be coming to the forefront for you now. This must truly be the time for you to win this war! I'm so happy you are in a good program and a safe place to start this battle. I'm sending you all the love and encouragement I can!
Love,
Liz McCleary
peace, blessings and many hugs!!
keepers
Great big warm loving {{{{hugs}}}} so good to hear from you and that you are in a safe place, as we know that does makes such a difference to the healing process...hang in there
sorry, being nosey aren't we? Sounds like you are really upbeat which is good!!!! Thinking of you everyday.
peace and gentle hugs
keepers
Good luck in the treatment. The mother issues is a tough one. Mother's are suppose to love and protect and when they don't it is so hard. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I've had a major breakthrough of sorts and am feeling the exhaustion of "feeling the feelings." My therapist here and I agreed that I should stay on in the program a bit longer since I'm getting so much done (before I came here I felt exhausted with overwhelm, now I'm exhausted from doing all this damn hard work and finally getting in touch with all these emotions--I'll need a vacation from my "vacation" when I'm done! lol!). I'm staying in the outpatient program thru Wednesday and will use the drive time for transition to returning home.
Thank you all for continuing to check on me and sending your thoughts and prayers. You are all angels to me! :)
Im so sorry you are going through such awful nightmares! I just want you to know that I think you are so strong to go out there and get what you need. Its courageous , its assuring and its so strong of you to do so! I wish I had an ounce of you to have some treatment.
I hope you are doing well and that you know how wonderful you are ! Take Gentle Care!
)))))))))))))))Marj((((((((((((((
Adeline
Peace, blessings and gentle hugs
keepers
Sorry I haven't posted much here. A little hard for me to read.
I hope you are doing better. Sounds like you have had excellent care. Good.
Hope you are back soon.
WW
It sounds that the progam is going well. I am so glad.
I tried to comment last week, or the week before? but blogger didnĀ“t let me.
Hope you keep getting better.
Hugs
Much love
SD
it's Austin again
I just wanted to stop in and let you know I was thinking about you still and hoping that you will be able to quickly come to some sort of manageable ground.
We wish you well and hope to talk to you soon.
until again,
Austin
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