September 09, 2006
Meds and Moving Onward
First of all, I want to thank everyone who came by and gave me cyber hugs and hand holds. The support I've received during this dark time has definitely been the bright spot! :) It's so nice to know I don't have to be alone anymore, isolating and thinking I've got "FREAK" stamped on my forehead. I really lived like that for way too long.
So, what's happening is this: First, we put our son on Concerta. I resisted getting him on medication for such a long time. I'm hoping, however, that if he can stay focused and on task better, maybe he'll have some success and his self-esteem will improve...and we'll see a lovely, positive ripple effect.
As for me, I had a feeling I wasn't just experiencing one of my garden-variety depressions. I felt sure what I was going through was trauma related. My therapist agrees, so I'm going into another round of therapy and trauma processing. He says I'm experiencing "secondary trauma residual." He also says this is all part of the process and I'm NOT backsliding. That's a relief.
I'm still feeling pretty overwhelmed and exhausted, however. I hate that feeling that I've really only taken the therapy axe to the very tip top of the huge torture/trauma iceberg. Oh well. I guess all I can do is keep on hacking away at the blasted thing. Having you guys to lift me up really helps me stay motivated and strong for the task. I can't thank you all enough!
I am glad that you are talking it all out with your therapist.
Your post gave me a "funny" visual. You and your axe chipping away at your trauma iceberg and we, all your friends, running around with glasses of drinks catching the ice shavings to quench our thirst. :)
Perhaps a beach chair or two to round out the party.
Brian: Or maybe we can make snowcones for our inner children?! Kinda like making lemonade out of life's lemons, no?
I'm glad things are looking a little brighter now. We have all had similar reactions. Yes you are very normal!
I'm sending a bundle of healing energy your way! You are not a "freak," this re-traumatization, secondary trauma stuff bites us all in the you know what just when we are settling into a comfortable groove.
You will get through this with your visualization axe or better yet your visualization hot air blast to melt the iceberg into water, which will then evaporate into wispy vapors and disappear! Picture it.
I ran clean out of inclination to write (post) about abuse, so I reformatted as a survivor resource/networking site, but I will be stopping by to visit you.
I'm here with you in heart and spirit. Just watch that iceberg melting!
Love and Hugs, S
Thanks for stopping by my blog and checking up on me...I did write something today if You want to take a look:-)
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