December 03, 2009


A Multiple of Lonely

I had a few things I wanted to express today, but then realized it would just be a rant. So, all I have to say today is this: It can be so utterly lonely sometimes having a dissociative disorder. You'd think, maybe, it would be just the opposite--because I'm never really alone--but it is lonely.

yep its often thoguht multiples will enver get lonely because they alwasy have company. What people dont get is we are alwasy in our own companuy and its not the same.
Thanks for responding, JIP. It helps to know you understand.
I have spent years disassociated from me so I understand a bit. And I have ached with intense lonliness that many times I thought would kill me. He filled the void. I don't even know how. Praying for you tonight. Take gentle care of yourself ok. Sarah
Honey, I am so sorry. I never have walked in your shoes, however what loneliness means I know too well. IT hurts deeply, By now I often enjoy my company. Trying to become my best friend. NOt an easy relation. Wish you feel better soon. Love from Munich
I'm so sorry you are feeling down and lonely. Hugs my friend.
Sunshine this is your blog and you say whatever you want to say. So what if its a rant. Though I like to think of it as allowing yourself to detoxify verbally... Then there's no judgement ;-) We all need to let go at times. So if you need to "rant" rant darlin!

I am however sorry that you're feeling alone. I have never experienced your type of alone, but I do have my own aloneness and it is not a pleasant feeling..

Remember that we care about you girl. We come, and read about your life, both good and bad. Because we care. And you're not alone. People all around the world care for you and everything that encompases you.

Safe hugs to you my friend.
You can rant if you want. We are here to "listen." Hugs.
I know exactly what you mean. I remember reading in in the book Trauma and Recovery something about this and it made a lot of sense to me, but not sure if I can explain it good. The author writes that being multiple is lonely because you are literally divided from a part of you that you are meant to have full contact with all of your life, your original personality in it's fully created form and because of that you are lonely, much more than some other people might experience, because you are literally lonely for yourself. I don't know if that makes sense, but for me it allowed me to understand that I had a good reason.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Just wanted to remind you that even though the journies that we are on may feel lonely at times...we are never truly alone.

You are thought about more than you realize my friend. :-) Especially here in California. Hope this saturday night is treating you kindly.
sorry you are feeling lonely. hope you feel better soon
Thank you all so much for thinking of me and reminding me that you are here. I appreciate you thoughtful and kind comments. I have been doing some grieving this weekend and it is the grief work that is important for that is good.

Kate: thanks for forwarding that information along. It makes sense to me. Actually, I have no idea WHO my original personality is. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Oh the road we are all on feels so lonely. We often dissociate so much that we don't even feel that we, ourself, are there. But rest assured, we are all here for you!
yeah, I agree, is.
Sending you acceptance and safe hugs
~ Grace
Thanks for caring, Lisa Marie and Grace. It does help to know that others understand.
So true! I agree... But, feel free to rant at will...
Paul: I guess none of us is really alone in this, are we? Nice to know, although it's hard for each of us. And it's nice to know it's okay to rant. Thanks!
i'm so sorry you've been feeling lonely. i've been struggling with that emotion lately myself. at times i think it's the earliest emotion i remember, which makes me think it's a pretty core issue for me. i can imagine that having a dissociative disorder could be very lonely. that not everyone understands what that entails and so you might feel alone or closed off from sharing your life and thoughts with others. but i think that we are the ones with the most power to cure this old ache in our hearts. and one way is by reaching out and saying how we feel. and you do that. and you are so brave to do that. i hope that you have found some solace and connection and ease to that loneliness in your life. with your family, in this blogworld and in your community.

safe hugs to you~~~
Mama: Bless you! I hope that you have found some solace in this area, too. You're right: We are the ones with the most power to cure this old ache. Hugggs to you, dear person!
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