September 01, 2010

 

So, What's Happening?

Thank you all for your kind support on my last post. Even those of you who do not experience dissociation yourself--although we all do it, to a certain extent, like "highway hypnosis"--were very thoughtful in your comments. I so appreciate knowing that I am not alone.

So, my son did not want to go camping with us this past weekend and that brought up some rejection issues. At first, I started in with a lot of self-loathing and internal name calling like, "goober, loser," etc. Then, I just allowed myself to be sad. That feeling-the-feelings stuff really does help with my dissociation.

With some journaling and therapy "homework," I've come to the conclusion that rejection is a big issue for this "Fall Freak-out" period. Unfortunately, it also involves the actual fear of death if I get out of line. So, my therapy session tomorrow should be a whopper. Send up some prayers, thoughts or vibes, will you? Thanks in advance!

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Comments:
Sending you all the good thoughts I have in my broken selves. I understand the negative self talk. My t is on vaca for 2 weeks!! and abandonment is screaming even though she did everything in her power to ensure my "safety" in her absence.
Safe hugs, G.
 
Grace: Thank you so much for those good thoughts, sweetie! And I'm sending them back to you. Those abandonment issues are so deeply seeded from the past, it's so hard, no matter what anyone does now in the present. I so understand.
 
Look at you! Your "tool box" is filling up and you're using them! I'm glad you were able to slow down and feel. I personally know that going straight to self loathing is easier than slowing down and feeling and assessing. But you're doing it! That is so great to see!! :-)

I know its not always comfortable, but the discomfort of feeling the emotions when they come is a lot shorter lasting than the self loathing and guilt and shame that unnecessarily goes hand and hand with that.
Safe hugs to you my friend and I'm sending out those positive vibes and prayers.
 
hugs to you Marjaka...stay strong.
 
Praying!
 
Jade: I guess that is a pretty good tool to use, isn't it? :) I'll have to remember to use it consistently. Thank you so much for all your love and encouragement while I'm outfitting and learning to use my toolbox! *hugs*

Sarah: Hugs backatcha, deary! I DO feel strong with all this support. Thanks!

Colleen: Thank you so much for those prayers. I still need them a lot this time of year and so appreciate them.
 
you have my thoughts and prayers
 
dear marj, i hope your therapy has gone well and you're feeling better. i had some bad rejection experiences with peers in my school years. i know school can be so rough for some kids. the worst is when kids have no where that's safe, not home nor school. sounds like that may have been your experience. i'm so sorry.

as for being a parent, i was just thinking the other day that one of the challenges for me is learning not to take rejection personally. i think having kiddos can bring up our own inner child issues. maybe whatever age your son is, and him being rejecting, has something to do with something that happened to you when you were his age.

not that i'm an expert :) these are just my thoughts.

i will be thinking of you and sending you peaceful thoughts and vibes and hoping things smooth out for you soon~~~
 
Why thank you, Shen! I could really use those at the moment. *hugs*

Katie: Thank you for your thoughtful, kind and compassionate comment, as usual. You rock! And I agree about having kids bringing up our own inner child issues. Totally!
 
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