January 16, 2008


Survivor Community aka Linky Love

I've got so much going on in therapy right now I can hardly keep it straight. I've got one of those parts "flowcharts" thingies and it needs to be updated big time. Lately I've worked with a tiny little part who can barely talk. An older part translated for her and we found out about very early trauma involving potty training. Very recently, I worked with an older, rebellious part who used to really scare me. She was actually very patient in showing me why she thought she could protect me through a tough, lack-of-caring persona.

That's about all I can say about T right now without my brain exploding, so I'll go on to something a bit lighter...but also important to our survivor community, me thinks, folks!
So far, I think about 40 blogging survivors have been tagged with the Survivor Needs & Wants Meme that I started. There have even been a few bloggers that got tagged more than once. Of the people I originally tagged, most survivor-bloggers thanked me for including them and seemed to find the exercise enjoyable, or at least helpful for their healing. (I'm not going to lie to you; this is a tough assignment!)

The Memory Artist at
Why Can't The Past Just Die? commented, "Thank you for including me. I'm not so good about memes, but I like this one." As promised, this blogger gave the meme some thought and played along. Karma, at Jew Exploring Buddhism, also played and said, "Thanks Marj! It was helpful to write that." She included over a dozen wants on her list. You go, girl!

Even before Patricia Singleton (of
Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker) played, the meme got her focused on her own self-care. She said, "I decided that one of the things I need tonight is to spend some loving time with my husband instead of making a cake that no one is expecting me to make. My cooking is over for this holiday. " Good job, Patricia! We can unlearn that childhood programming! When Patricia introduced her meme blog post, she went on to say, "Survivors are notorious for taking care of everybody but themselves. Didn't you know we are dispensable. At least our needs are. That is what I was taught as a child."

Enola played and tagged five. So far, Austin at The People Behind My Eyes and Beauty at Beautiful Dreamer have both played along. I think they both got tagged by more than one bloggy buddy--you popular peeps! I think Austin even had a commenter who thought the list was so good, they wanted to print it out. But, hey guys--you haven't tagged anyone yet. It's not too late to spread the linky love! I know JIP at Life Spacings said she would play while she's on holiday. I hope she joins us.

You know, it's really not about spreading the links (although, I love to do that for bloggers--as I'm doing here), it's about spreading awareness. "And they'll tell two friends, and they'll tell two friends." I think the slogan on that old shampoo commercial was something like that. The survivor community, advocacy and awareness thing really does grow exponentially. And we can do it with just a little something like this meme. Actually, if we all tag people, it will go: "And they'll tell five friends, and they'll tell five friends."

I think the survivor blogger who played this meme and really got the ball rolling like this the fastest was The Memory Artist. And she was the one who said she was late: "Better late than never I guess." Let me pause for a second to make a very strong point: I meant for this meme to be something for us to think about in the New Year. It's still January, guys; it's not too late to play. And it's never to late to raise awareness!

But, anyway, the way The Memory Artist got the ball rolling is so cool, because I'm getting to know some new bloggers! One of MA's bloggy buddies, Mother Wintermoon at
Romancing the Crone jumped on our bandwagon and said, "Wow. I very rarely do memes, but this one went straight to my heart and touched my core. This is an exceptional meme as a healing and releasing exercise for survivors, for a vitally important cause. I'm going to work on mine and link back to you. I will post it in a few days. Thank you for creating this meme."

Another one of the Memory Artist's friends, Denise, commented, "This is the best meme ever!" Wow, thanks, Denise. I notice that she mentions she needs privacy, so, while I thank her, I don't know if she played the meme herself and I'm not going to link to her.

This reminds me of another point I want to pause to make/remind everybody of: You don't have to wait to be tagged to play this meme! Just hop on this train and take a ride with us!

Mother Wintermoon changed her list of survivor needs to a list of
"I am" affirmations, which I thought was brilliant! Go to the comments section of her post and check out the lively, loving, affirming dialogue there. At the end of Mother Wintermoon's meme post, she says something I really appreciate: "PS I’ve never said this before about any post I’ve written or seen, but if you see or know an abuse survivor doing this meme (it’s not easy to do), don’t just silently go on your way, blogging about love, peace, human-kindness, world healing, and higher consciousness. Be what you blog, walk the talk, practice what you preach. Let him or her know you’re there and you care."

Hooray for May at Sitting in the South! She didn't wait to get tagged, but jumped in off of Mother Wintermoon's post. I love the awareness May shows in her needs list, recognizing the great paradox of being human. Look what she says on her list: "To be taken seriously" and "To be taken with a grain of salt!" I love it! Thanks for joining us, May!

Okay, back to MA--The Memory Artist. She also tagged Roses on the Moon who has a wonderful, insightful list that oscillates between "we need" and "I need" to accommodate her unique system. MA also tagged Against Medical Advice, who wrote an amazing list that reads quite like a poem about friendship needs. Check it out!

MA also tagged KatM at
Finding the Light in the Darkness who has a great, insightful list. I think the process had a great impact on her and she promises to write, in turn, about that. KatM tagged Natasha, who did an incredible, aware and insightful list. Great job for her first meme! Come to think of it, I think this is the first meme several people mentioned that they had ever played. How cool is that?

KatM also tagged
JigsawAnalogy who has a really wonderful and unique list that's organized under categories such as "Courage," "Time," and "Support System." KatM was one of the folks who tagged Austin and Beauty--bloggers I know. She also tagged a blogging friend of mine, Keepers. (See, I knew you guys would get tagged by others, so I left that open!)

Keepers has a really wonderful list that mentions some needs I wish I had thought of. She also has a list that includes her system as a whole. I haven't seen that anyone Keepers tagged has played the meme yet, but three said they would: Wolfbaby, Silverylizard and Rising Rainbow. RR always has well-written, insightful posts, so I sure hope she plays. I'll also look forward to seeing what Wolf and Silverylizard have to say...and getting to know them better. Silverylizard commented, "hey keepers! ive been catching up on your posts, and saw i was tagged, so im going to start working on this mweme. i like memes, even though i get stuck trying to think of stuff sometimes. still, im excited to do this one."

Okay, so back to new bloggers I'm meeting--back to
Jigsaw Analogy, who did the five tags. So far, I've just seen one blogger who's posted the meme so far off of this tag. But, this leads me back to yet another bloggy buddy, Fallen Angels at A Safe Place Dissociative Dialogue. I don't know what I think is cooler: meeting all these new, courageous and wonderful blogger survivors; or this "six degrees of separation" thing bringing me back to old friends! She's got another great list, and I really like how she "goes for it" on her wants list.

Which leads me, full circle, back to my original list of tagees. Some folks said they needed to give some thought to their personal survivor needs list, and I respect that. Did I mention that it's not too late to play (or to add your "tagged" list to your post if you haven't done that yet)? I'm very much looking forward to reading the personal, insightful interpretations of these fellow survivor bloggers who tell me they are going to play: Megan at Imaginif; Marcella at Abyss2Hope; and Annaleigh at As Waters Passing By/Blessed Fearscapes.

And they'll tell five friends, and they'll tell five friends...I love it! Thanks to all for joining us! We are strong, aware, advocating survivor-thrivers!

P.S. I almost forgot: I'm sure I'm forgetting somebody here--or there are people who have played that I have not yet discovered. If you have played this meme (or you know of a blogger who has) please comment here with a heads-up for me and I'll add them/you to my linky list! Thanks!

Update 1/17/08:

Yay! I got an e-mail from Annaleigh and a comment on my original meme post from Marcella. They have both given a lot of thought to their lists and have now posted them at their blogs. Go check out: Marcella's Needs & Wants list at Abyss2Hope and Annaleigh's list at As Waters Passing By/Blessed Fearscapes. Thanks, courageous bloggers! I admire and respect you so much...and appreciate you as well. :)

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Geez, I thought I was going to get off the hook for this!! Now you're going to embarass me into participating! LOL

My biggest problem is knowing who to tag with this thing. It' has travelled to all of the blog I know. Don't think the people who read my horse blog will understand if I tag them, do you? Although some of them could probably use it!!
I am looking forward to following all these links.

Another "meme" that has been making it's way around is similar to the wants/needs. It's on Perfect's blog here - http://k-perfect.blogspot.com/2008/01/nurturing-self-care.html
Enola: I ALWAYS appreciate how supportive you are of these types of things. You really get around with your survivor support. :)

RR: Thanks for responding. I didn't mean to embarrass you. But, no, you can't get off the hook. hee hee! ;)
Oops, sorry, brain fart. I do that a lot ;P

Enola: Thanks for the link to Perfect's post. That sounds excellent! I'll check it out.
sorry we knew we were supposed to but we havent got there yet, but we ahve written a blog you might be interested in called "we were never anyones dughter i thought you might want to pass it to anyone who might be interested its on life spacings
Oh yeah. I did say I was going to write about my experiences. Ummmmmmmmm... I've been busy at work? Ummmmmmmmm... body memories have been kicking my butt? Gah. Not great excuses. OK. OK. OK. *opens emacs and starts to write*
Katm: Yay! I'll go over and check it out--I'm sure it will be great!

JIP: Don't worry. I totally understand. It sounds like your holiday was pretty involved--so I don't imagine you had much time. I'll go over and read your recommendation. I can certainly relate to never being anyone's daughter! (((JIP))) safe hugs
Marj, I added a link to your blog on mine today...I did your meme at home and it was extremely helpful. Thanks for all the wonderful tips! ~ manicmusings.wordpress.com
Manic Musings: I'm glad you found the exercise helpful and thanks for the link. I will add you to my sidebar as well.

I love your poetry and was a bit sad that I couldn't tell you so on your blog's comments. But, I understand and respect your decision to have them off. Blessings to you.
Thanks Marj!
you're quite welcome! :)
I have done my list now Marj!
Wow, Megan! I didn't know that people didn't know. Power to us all is right! You are amazing! Thanks for joining us on this.

Yay, Kahless! I'm so glad you played. You rock!

I'll go over and look at both of your lists right now. THANKS! xoxoxox :) (((((safe hugs))))))
Ooooops! Here I go again! Megan's comment was on the original "I've created a meme" post.

how are you?!? hope all is well.

I started mine, but its still a draft. definitely an awesome meme though!!!

as soon as mine is up ill let you know!


Thank you Marj, for the mentions and your wonderful words of support and encouragement!

The meme was cathartic and took on a life of its own.

Lots of linky-loVe to you and everyone in our awesome surthriver community ♥ Blessings galore, MW
Jasmine has played, as has Katy (tagged by RR)
linked on my sidebar.
Hey, Cassie! I hope all is well with you, too. I'm so glad you're going to play the meme with us. Do let me know when your draft is final and up! :)

MW: I'm so glad the meme was freeing for you. Blessings galore to you as well!

Thanks for the heads-up Kahless! I will go check out those bloggers' lists! Yay!
Got tagged and finally got a chance to do mine!
April: Oh, I was hoping you'd get tagged. I'm sure your post is excellent and I'll get over and take a look-see. Thanks for playing with us!
Thanks Marj for putting the MEME together. I think its an important exercise.
Thanks for saying that, Karma...and you're welcome!
After reading everyone else's lists, I finally made my own list and posted it on my new blog - dailyexplorations.wordpress.com
Daily Explorations: Yay! I'm glad you played. I'm going to come over and check out your blog and your list.

You also remind me that I need to put up an update on the linky love from the meme. Thanks!
thanks for adding me to your blogroll Marj! ~ Daily Explorations
Daily Explorations: You are so welcome!
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