May 04, 2006
You know, I was feeling quite depressed thinking about how the "good people" seem to die and the evil ones (like our perps) just keep living and, often, prospering. But, you know what? This amazing young woman--this bright and shining soul--must have accomplished what she set out to do in this life. And I know she has moved on to even more amazing things.
And her spirit lives on in her writings and in the hearts of the people who loved her so. There is comfort in that. I am so grateful that my cousin is finding comfort right now. Thanks for all the well-wishes, thoughts and prayers.
I also wanted to share something else that happened at this recent funeral. I knew my estranged mother would be there. Quite frankly, I was scared to see her. My scared little inner child doesn't want to ever give her a chance to hurt me again.
I knew she would come up to me at the funeral and "act like nothing ever happened." First, she approached my twin and asked for a hug. My sister politely said, "No." My mother immediately turned to me and approached me and reached out to touch my arm. I backed away and told her firmly, "Please do not touch me without my permission."
Some may not understand, but for someone who grew up with no boundaries at all and who has had to work very hard at assertiveness and setting limits, this was a major victory for me. It was something I've needed to do. It felt like a major accomplishment for me.
It is really difficult to set and maintain boundaries.
It is a victory by all means!